Category Archives: Levi Johnston

Sarah Palin Exposed As Classless, Unpatriotic And Ignorant

Jan Brewer's Cajones Are This Big

Remember the days immediately following 9/11, right on through the run-ups to both the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, when Republicans labeled any criticism of President George W. Bush as “unpatriotic”? They argued that during wartime, the President must be fully supported by both parties and that any negativism about his policies bordered upon treason. You might also recall that the most vocal solicitor of that mindset was none other than the wholly owned G.O.P. subsidiary known as Fox News. For years Fox hosts such as Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck broadcast on a nightly basis their newest addition to their list of Democratic traitors who dared to question the President’s tactics regarding national security. The G.O.P. and Fox blindly worshiped Bush and Co. and hailed the virtues of such civil rights restrictions as The Patriot Act, the warrantless wiretapping program and even the illegal torture of detainees. In short, the Republicans and Fox News unequivocally proclaimed that “You are either with us or against us and, if you are against us, you are a traitor”.

Well, something funny happened on the way to 2010. The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq continue, but a Republican is no longer the Commander in Chief. Suddenly, both the G.O.P. and Fox News have come full circle and believe that it is quite appropriate and, dare we say “patriotic”, to criticize the President on matters of national security. And damn the facts, their criticisms of Barack Obama are usually based upon fabricated falsehoods and unadulterated fear mongering.

One of the most despicable purveyors of non-fact based Presidential criticism is none other than Sarah Palin. The former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, failed Republican Vice Presidential candidate and current Fox News contributor cannot go a single day without tweeting, posting an indecipherable Facebook message or taking to the Fox airwaves to spew her uniquely incomprehensible form of anti-Obama rhetoric. Remember her lies about the fictitious “death panels” included in the health care reform law? How about her lie that President Obama would “ban guns if he could” despite the fact that his stated policy on gun ownership is “there’s nothing that I will do as President of the United States that will in any way encroach on the ability of sportsmen to continue that tradition (of owning guns)”. Another example is Palin’s Fox broadcast lie that the Obama administration was hampering the clean-up of the Gulf oil spill by failing to accept help from “the Dutch and the Norwegian (sic)”. Her fictitious accusations go on and on, but we digress.

Palin sank to a new low last Sunday while appearing as a guest on “Fox News Sunday”. While discussing the Obama administration’s partial judicial victory last week in the litigation over Arizona’s controversial immigration law, Palin said  that Arizona’s female Republican governor has “the cojones that our President does not” when it comes to securing America’s borders. You read that correctly, the verbally challenged Palin claimed, in essence, that Jan Brewer has more “balls” than Barack Obama. How is that for showing respect for the office of the President of the United States of America during a time of war? Here is her full quote:

And, Jan Brewer, bless her heart, she’s going to do all that she can to continue down the litigation path to allow secure borders because she’s – Jan Brewer has the cojones that our president does not have to look out for all Americans – not just Arizonans – but all Americans in this desire of ours to secure our borders and allow legal immigration to help build this country. . . . if our own president will not enforce a federal law, more power to Jan Brewer . . . to do what our president won’t do.

Sarah Palin has shown once again that she is a classless hillbilly. To publicly criticize the Commander in Chief by making reference to his genitalia is beyond contempt. What is it with Palin’s obsession with all things sexually related? Remember when in her ghost-written memoir she claimed that two of her daughters were threatened with gang rape at school (although “mama bear” never reported such to either the police or school officials)? There was also the time that she accused her grandson’s father Levi Johnston of being involved in the porn industry for modeling nude in Playgirl while ignoring the fact that she endorsed the  Republican Senate candidate and nude centerfold model Scott Brown.  How about when she accused author Joe McGinniss of peering into daughter Piper’s bedroom? Sarah Palin has sex on the brain and lacks the dignity to keep her thoughts to herself and not on the national airwaves. She is like that friend or relative that you are always afraid to invite to public gatherings for fear that she will embarrass you with some sort of inappropriate sexual remark better suited for the bedroom.

Furthermore, does Palin not realize that we are still at war and by her own standards it is unpatriotic to criticize the President? Additionally, she is ignorant of the fact that the Obama administration has done more to secure our borders and has captured more illegal aliens than the Bush regime. Yet, where was her criticism then? She doesn’t want you to know that there are more National Guard troops at the southern border than at any time in the past and more are on the way. She also doesn’t want you to know that this administration has deported more illegal aliens than did the Bush regime. She wants you to forget that her own running mate, John McCain advocated not only a forgiveness to illegal immigrants, but a path to citizenship. Can you recall her demeaning his cajones? By the way, let’s take a look at Sarah Palin unsuccessfully attempting to explain her policy on illegal immigrants. It is a real laugh to witness her complete lack of understanding how to address the issue.

So there you have it. Sarah Palin is classless because of her complete lack of respect for the office of the President which is exemplified by her vulgar genitalia language. She is unpatriotic (by her own terms) because she undermines a war time President by saying that his policies weaken our national security. She is ignorant because she has no coherent policy of her own. Hey Sarah, let’s put this in terminology you can understand. When you fall on your face during your next political campaign, let’s hope your tetas don’t deflate!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Girl song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akiBVlrRvEQ

UN-AMERICAN GIRL

(sung to the Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers song “American Girl”)

Well, she’s an un-American girl
Breakin’ promises
Not much of a thinkin’ girl bear
We wish Palin would live life – somewhere else

After all it is a great big world
And she could take her gun too
And she could go on a –  lyin’ spree
Start one little foreign based new G.O.P.

Oh yeah, far right
She’s a sleazy lady
Makes us laugh all night
She’s an un-American girl

The truth may just unfold alright
Joe Mac stands alone on his balcony
Yeah, even though her fence is high, Sarah Palin can’t run
And she can’t stop Joe’s free speech

Palin’s one ornery mama bear
Yet she has many enemies
God, we’re so thankful she’ll never get those votes
Election’s far out of reach

Not wrapped, too tight
She’s a sleazy lady
Makes us laugh all night (makes us laugh all night)
She’s an un-American girl


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Palin and Johnston Have The Wedding Bell Blues

Wedding Bell Blues

Let us return now to those halcyon days of 21st century Wasilla, Alaska where Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are happily planning their wedding. Oh wait a second. What was that, things are not so copacetic in Wasilla these days? There’s poutin’ in Palinville? There’s sobbing in Sarahtown? There’s weeping in Weddingburgh? Please, tell us more.

OK then, here’s the skinny. Last week we learned through The National Enquirer that Levi Johnston (unwed father of Bristol Palin’s baby) may be the father of another child. It is alleged that the mother is one of his ex-girlfriends named Lanesia Garcia. To add insult to injury, it appears that Lanesia was formerly one of Bristol’s BFF’s. That would be enough to break-up most other on-again off-again wedding engagements but wait, this is the Palin Clan we’re talking about. There’s more.

A source has told E! News that the break up is, instead, over Levi’s ex-girlfriend, Briana Plum. “There was an interview with her and Bristol wasn’t happy about some of the things said,” the source tells E! News. “There was also some picture on Facebook of him and Briana, and Bristol allegedly just said, “Let’s hold off on the engagement”. The Boston Herald (Enquirer) reports that as a result of the alleged philandering, Bristol and Levi are only communicating via text messages at the moment. How very Paninesque. Perhaps this is a new strain of text-ticular cancer.

There is however, one person that must be thrilled with the break-up of the tabloid teens. It has been widely reported that Sarah Palin, the half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, is contemplating a 2012 run for the Presidency. If such is the case, she could do without the continuing saga which would be certain to follow the unification of the Palin Hillbillies and the Johnston Bunch. On the other hand, if Levi is on the outs again, there is nothing to stop him from publishing his revenge inspired tell-all tome about the Palins. Oh, the suspense is delicious.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Honky Cat song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW7H6iohAb8&feature=fvst

HOCKEY DAD

(sung to the Elton John song “Honky Cat”)

When I look back, boy I just wanna scream
Why’d we run that story in US Magazine
Levi’s a romancer, he was never all mine
Although we had some shitty fights, money made us blind

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Better get back to the woods”
“There is no pay-day with your redneck ways”
“And, Umm, umm, umm, umm”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Well we’re in mom’s books and we’re in some magazines
The world knows we were nothin’ but two pregnant teens
And all my folks back home well, know I am a fool
They said, “Oh please tell us dear Lord, why did she quit school?”

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re really no good”
“With your drunkin’ days and your cheatin’ ways”
“And, Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

(instrumental break)

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re just sportin’ wood”
“You must think I’m crazed, livin’ in a haze”
“And, Oh, oh, oh, oh”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

You gave me the bone, boy and tried to win my heart
You are just a pretty boy, that’s poking every tart
But mom thinks your gay, yes she told me so
Why when you were on top, I should have said, “NO”

“You better get back, hockey dad”
“Better start wearin’ a hood”
“Cuz it’s not a phase, all your cheatin’ ways”
“And  ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Oh yeah…

Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh
Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh

Levi Johnston Says, “I Want MY MTV”

As we’ve said so many times in the past, sometimes these blog entries and song parodies simply write themselves. Today is one of those instances.

The reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had allegedly shopped around for a reality television series chronicling their upcoming wedding and early day-to-day marriage life. Their efforts failed however, after the networks decided that they were not entertaining and hence were unmarketable. Their joint dreams of fame were at least temporarily squashed, but Levi had another plan. Only this time, Bristol was not in the mix.

Plan B? Well, it has now been revealed that Johnston, the former nude model, will appear in an R&B music video in which he will play a young man driven away from his love interest by the young woman’s mother. Gee, that sounds rather autobiographical doesn’t it? The actual R&B artist is someone known as Brittani Senser.

This should absolutely send Sarah Palin over the edge. It is clear that the half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska is not pleased that her formerly unmarried pregnant teen daughter will now tie the knot with the child’s uneducated and unemployed father. Sarah Palin is a revenge seeker of the highest order (see, Mike Wooten, David Letterman, Joe McGinniss and Lisa Murkowski) and she will be enraged at the fact that the narrative of the song reflects her own previous treatment of Johnston. Remember when she castigated Johnston on Oprah for pursuing a career in porn? It remains to be seen how Sarah “Plain and Stupid” will exact her revenge at this thinly veiled slight by Johnston.

Will she for instance, boycott the wedding? Will she attend the wedding but forget to bring a gift? Will she plan and pay for the newlyweds’ honeymoon trip maybe to North Korea or Iran? Will she hire a ghostwriter to pen a tell-all tome of Johnston? Better yet, perhaps Sarah will utilize a tete-for-tete strategy by means of appearing in her own music video in which she tells the tale of an impregnating stalker of innocent teens. Johnston must be warned that revenge is a dish best served cold.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI (PART II)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said that, “soon I will be on MTV”

Christ you know he loves TV,
His part should earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Tricking Bristol into marrying,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“My mom is to blame,”
“She always has her henchmen on call”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Bristol and Levi Say, “Let’s Get Real”

Bristol Palin shooting the pilot episode of "Tripp Knows Best"

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off hopes that all of you regular readers had a happy and healthy weekend. Now, let’s get back back to the fun and juicy stuff, shall we?

A number of media outlets including the Toronto Star, E Online and Scify.com are confirming the rumor that the reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have been trying to shop a reality television series about themselves just like media hog Sarah Palin did. TMZ.com reports that the couple plans to use baby Tripp as an integral part of the show. Gee, using your minor children as publicity props, where did Bristol and Levi ever come up with that novel idea?

Finding a network to air the show might be a problem for the on-again, off-again, on-again lovers, however. The New York post quoted one network executive as saying, “Don’t think we should do it. Neither of them have personalities.” Joy Behar of The View said, “It’s like Romeo and Juliet in Wasilla.”

Even the late night talk show hosts have taken notice of the born again virgin’s reconciliation with the high school drop-out. Jay Leno said,

This week Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston reveal exclusively to Us Weekly – my bible – that they are getting married. Sarah Palin, allegedly, is not happy about this because she feels they barely know each other and they are making a big committment – kind of like when John McCain picked her for vice president. I understand it’s not going to be a traditional wedding. Rumor is that Bristol has asked Levi to wear his camouflage hunting vest – which would be the closest he’s ever come to wearing protection of any kind.

David Letterman quipped,

You guys remember Levi Johnston? He’ll be arriving in at the church tied to Sarah Palin’s pickup.

We can’t wait to hear what Craig Ferguson has to say on the subject.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Reunited song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZOhm7qS-AI

REUNITED

(sung to the Peaches and Herb song “Reunited”)

(Levi’s verse)
Let’s pool our dough and buy a double-wide
When I get home I’ll give you quite a ride
I want you so bad cuz it makes Sarah so mad
I realize I like you when you’re on your back, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I have my very own Plumber-Joe
Let’s do it with Rush on the radio
If I start to gush we can get help from the Dutch
I know now that I love you though you don’t know much, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, right here on the hood
Reunited, Levi’s sporting wood
First Dude don’t like it and Sarah’s pitching a fit
We’ll both be extradited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

(Levi’s verse)
I got so tired of my blow-up doll
And all the fellas in the men’s room stall
They said I’d go blind if I pulled on what was mine
I did whatever I could just to earn a dime, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I took a beatin’ honey, every day
Cuz that’s the Sarah Palin lovin’ way
Her voice is a hiss, she has a venomous kiss
Her skin looks like old leather from some deep abyss, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, off to Hollywood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
We hope she gets indicted, we would be excited, hey-hey

(Levi and Bristol’s verse)
Oh,
Holy Mother, we’re so much in love
And Sarah Palin blames the Lord above
We are not gay and we are both white
So we don’t understand why she says its not right, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, we’re misunderstood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
The world is so excited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 43

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wondeful day.

BREAKING NEWS: Newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts has pissed-off Tea-Baggers and Republicans nationwide once again by breaking with the G.O.P.  and siding with Democrats by voting in favor of the Financial Reform Bill. The Obama administration can now claim another important legislative victory and this time it can boast of bi-partisan support. Maine’s Republican Senators, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins joined Brown in supporting the bill. Brown, Snowe and Collins defy their party and side with the Democrats so often on controversial legislation that it is only a matter of time before all three pull an Arlen Specter and switch parties.

THIS JUST IN: Senator David “Diapers” Vitter (R-LA) has stepped in it yet again. during an appearance on Rush Radio 99.5 in New Orleans Friday morning, During which the radio hosts joked about a high school photo of MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, Vitter said that she only looked like a woman “a long time ago.” This childish remark follows almost immediately on the heels of Vitter’s statement last week which revealed him as a “Birther”. It was also revealed just a few weeks ago that after one of his staffers had pled guilty to attacking a woman with a knife, Vitter failed to terminate the staffer’s employment, and failed to even re-assign the man from his position as legislative assistant for women’s issues. Of course all of these blunders pale in comparison to the revelation a few years ago that Vitter solicited prostitutes while wearing baby diapers. In short, David Vitter is a train wreck.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Let’s call A Spade A Spade” features Tea Party Express spokesman, Mark Williams. Williams was so upset at the NAACP’s call for the Tea Party to denounce racism amongst its members, that he penned a letter allegedly from NAACP president Benjamin Jealous to the late President Abraham Lincoln and posted it in his blog (it has now been removed). “Dear Mr. Lincoln,” the blog post read, “We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People and we demand that it stop!” Williams made several modifications to his blog post after its initial posting, including removing references to bailouts as “big money welfare” that should handed “directly to us coloreds” and Tea Party demands for lower taxes preventing black Americans from getting “a wide-screen TV in every room.” So much for the Tea Party’s claim that it does not condone racism.

THIS JUST IN: I just received my invitation to the Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston wedding. The theme of the wedding is “Shotgun”. The ceremony will be performed at Our Lady of the Blessed Travesty Church in Wasilla, Alaska with the reception to follow at Mama Bear’s Buffet (BYOB).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “What the Beck Is He Talking About?” features none other than Fox News joke Glenn Beck. In a stunning revelation of the fact that the Bible thumping alcoholic knows absolutely nothing about Christianity, Beck said this on his show last week,

This is kind of complex, because Jesus did identify with the victims. But Jesus was not a victim. He was a conqueror…Jesus conquered death. He wasn’t victimized. He chose to give his life….If he was a victim, and this theology was true, then Jesus would’ve come back from the dead and made the Jews pay for what they did. That’s an abomination.

Would someone please remind the chancellor of Glenn Beck University that the Romans crucified Jesus and not the Jews.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

Nita Dunn took him down
And Glenn’s face grew bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(musical interlude)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …

Love And Marriage: The Bristol And Levi Story

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of their lives. You know who’s lives we are speaking of, don’t you? Why of course, it is the soap opera lifestyle of the Palins of Wasiila. Honestly, have you ever witnessed an alleged serious political figure that has a more screwed up family than Sarah Palin?

Let’s see, we had the “family values” preaching Sarah and Todd’s out of wedlock pregnancy. Sarah’s inability to obtain a college degree without taking five years and six sub-par colleges to do so. Sarah and husband Todd’s involvement with the secession seeking Alaska Independence Party. Troopergate, wherein Governor Palin attempted to use her official capacity to have her estranged brother-in-law, Mike Wooten, fired from his job as an Alaska state policeman. Todd Palin’s sister’s conviction for breaking and entering. Teen daughter Bristol’s unwed pregnancy. Son Track’s alleged drug and criminal activity. Sarah’s abrupt and unexplained resignation as governor. And the recent construction of the Fort Palin fortified fence to discourage peeping toms. Well, that is a lot more drama than most royal families go through in a dynasty.

Now we have this blockbuster. Bristol and Levi Johnston have not only reunited, but they are engaged and plan to marry in the near future. That’s right folks, US Magazine has just broken the story. This is the best quote:

“We got engaged two weeks ago,” the magazine quotes 19-year-old Bristol Palin as saying. “It felt right, even though we don’t have the approval of our parents”.

This all raises a few interesting questions. For instance, were Bristol and Levi telling the truth in court when they made all those nasty accusations against each other, or were they lying while under oath? Also, has Bristol kept her word as proselytized through her spokesperson’s position with the Candies Foundation, that she would remain abstinent until she was married? Just wondering, because Levi’s truck has been seen parked at her condo over night many times during the last two months and it has been alleged that she is presently pregnant (again). Finally, what was Sarah’s facial expression when she heard the news? Can’t you just picture one of those old television cartoons where Sarah’s face turns a blistering red before steam begins to geyser from her ears and the “Har-OOO- Ga” sound blasts from her mouth?

Tune in again tomorrow for the continuing saga that is the Palin Family.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Love And Marriage song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwoRMAC461A

LEVI’S MARRIAGE

(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Love And Marriage”)

Bristol’s marriage, Bristol’s marriage
Bristol, Levi and the baby carriage
Did she tell her mother
Levi’s once again her lover

Levi’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
The two of them have a lot of baggage
Both their heads are empty
They only went to elementary

Try, try, try to educate them
Lost in confusion
My, oh my, they are so very dumb
That’s my conclusion

Bristol’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
Before they wed they’ll have a lot of shaggage
Bristol and her mother
Are all but done, there’s no more fun
The two are done with one another

(instrumental break)

Why, why were they copulatin’?
Was it collusion?
Did they try to make Bristol a mom,
Through sexy fusion?

Bristol’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
Before they wed they’ll have a lot of shaggage
Bristol and her mother
Are all but done, (are all but done)
The two are done with one another

Bristol And Levi: Dumb Clucks Redux

The Palin family soap opera continues. We’ve already had “Thanks, But No Thanks”, “lipstick on a pig”, “Ya betcha”,  an unwed pregnant teen daughter, “I Quit”, “Death Panels” and “Drill Baby, Drill”. Now we have the twenty year old unwed mother hooking up once again with the former unwed teen father.

That is correct. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are an item once again. Many blogs have recently reported that Levi’s red pick-up truck has been a frequent tenant of the driveway at Bristol’s new condo. Now Bristol herself indicates that there may be some truth to the renewed romance.

In a statement to ABC’s Good Morning America, Palin defines the relationship as “co-parenting.” She also said, “Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past because doing so is in Tripp’s best interest”.

An article in Us Weekly claimed that Palin is back together with Johnston, quoting an unnamed source close to Palin who said the two are “very close” and “spend more time together than people think.”

Sarah Palin’s eyes must be stinging.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I Got You, Babe song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzYBuKaQ83s

THEY ARE TWO BABES

(sung to the Sonny and Cher song “I Got You, Babe”)

We know they’re dumb and very slow
They even eat the yellow snow
Levi quit school without a clue
Bristol speaks on behalf of Candies shoes

Babes
They are two babes
They are two babes

A lipsticked pig that pays their rent
If brains are castles they are thinking with tents
Bristol has a condo she just bought
Now they have a place to smoke Levi’s mom’s pot

Babes
They are two babes
They are two babes

This brand new romantic fling
Must make Sarah’s eyeballs sting
She thought she had shot him down
Now Levi Johnston is always around

She hopes their tryst won’t last too long
Cuz Sarah and Levi don’t get along
Tripp and Bristol were just fine
Now Levi will be living off their dime

Babes
They are two babes
They are two babes

If she puts ring on her hand
Hell breaks loose in Palin-Land
Bristol drinks her mother’s tea
Levi’s in pornography

The two of them once did fight
Now they love to kiss goodnight
They will spend all Sarah’s dough
Bristol behaves like a ‘ho

They are two babes
They are two babes
They are two babes
They are two babes
They are two babes

Sump Pumps And Sarah Palin Both Suck

First she appeared before the Bowling League Convention. Next it was the Liquor Wholesalers’ Convention and Wednesday Sarah Palin spoke at an event sponsored by a firm that specializes in the manufacture of battery backup sump pump systems. Really, can it get any better than this? What is next, the Toilet Scrubber Convention?

We will not even get into the content of her speech. Suffice to say it included the words, “rogue”, “hope-y change-y”, “clinging to guns and religion”, “socialism”, “Obama Care” and a completely inane diatribe having something to do with a girls’ high school basketball team and the new Arizona racist immigrant law. You know, the usual Palin word salad.

This is a beautiful Saturday here in Boston, so let’s just pull out one of our old Sarah Palin television theme parodies.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song.

Gilligan’s Island theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Gilligans_Island.html

SARAH’S ISLAND

(Sung to the theme of tv’s “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Senile
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

Will Somebody Please Blow The Whistle On Bristol?

Enough is enough already. Bristol Palin was strutting her stuff in New York last night at an event sponsored by the “dress like a teen ho” company known as Candies. You know, the company that brought us these understated advertisements for teens:

The famously pregnant unwed teen daughter of Sarah Palin now has some sort of an unspecified spokesperson’s position with the Candies Foundation who’s stated mission is “to educate America’s youth about the devastating consequences of teenage pregnancy”. Candies also relies upon Britney Spears to push its products. Is that some sort of mixed message or what?

Bristol Palin used her Big Apple appearance to take the opportunity to speak to People magazine about unwed motherhood. The young Palin said,

[My parents] are there for support when I need it emotionally, but I’m on my own financially. I work an 8-to-5 job, five days a week. I’m doing it by myself. I live by myself, I’m working to provide for [my son]. It is difficult. Financially, it’s very difficult. I’d say the majority of any paycheck I ever receive is going to Tripp. Child care is very expensive, formula is expensive, diapers are expensive – and you don’t think about that as a kid, at all.

Just wondering, but what is Ms. Palin’s “8 to 5 job, five days a week”? Does she work at some retail establishment like most school aged young women? If so, was she able to make it back from New York early enough last night to be in at 8:00 a.m. this morning? What about that consulting business she opened a few months ago, does she work at that each day from 8 to 5? If so, who are these clients that have hired a high school drop-out as a consultant? Does the Candies Foundation pay her? Didn’t Bristol also receive a $ 21,000.00 lump sum from father Levi Johnston for past due child support and doesn’t she receive an additional $ 1,750.00 per month from him?

For some reason I think that Bristol Palin has it a lot easier than most young unwed mothers.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I Want Candy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMICD3aMZpw

SHE WEARS CANDIES

(sung to the Bow Wow Wow song “I Want Candy”)

I know a girl who’ll take some heat
Candies pays this gal to speak
She’s got a mother that is a liar
Sarah sucks like a vampire

She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Bristol’s preachin’ all over town
She should shut-up and sit down
She don’t know squat about abstinence
She’s got a big case of arrogance

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
Yeah

(musical interlude)

Bristol is a gal that should know better
She should be sporting a scarlet letter
She left school cuz she was failin’
Just like almost every Palin

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey

Levi Plans To Bare His Johnston In Tell-All Tome Of Palin

Levi Johnston

We have been wondering for months when an update on Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome would emerge. Well, thanks to New York Magazine and its eight page article on all things Palin last weekend, we have been rewarded with some news not only about the book, but also about Johnston’s new lifestyle. It appears that much like that of his once and future mother-in-law, Johnston’s finances and celebrity have been greatly enhanced by the nation’s thirst for information about Sarah Palin.

Levi Johnston is well aware that, but for impregnating the former Republican vice presidential nominee’s unmarried teen-aged daughter, he would simply be one of many unknown and probably penniless teen fathers. As a consequence of Palin’s celebrity however, he may soon have his own reality television series to compete with that of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska’s. He has also been able to capitalize on some of the finer things in life such as an agent, a bodyguard and jet setting trips to Los Angeles for magazine nude photo layouts (ala Scott Brown).

The New York Magazine article quotes Levi Johnston’s description of his proposed reality show as follows:

“It’s everything I do, man. Kinda like the Kardashian show,” Johnston says, describing his proposed show. “It’s everything. Like one day I’ll be hunting, next day I’ll be, ‘Hey, I gotta fly to California tonight,’ so I’ll hop on a flight. Go to a party, maybe meet a chick, bring her back to Alaska and take her fishing and see if she can hang. If not, kick her out. Then go hang out with my son, or go to the track and race my dirt bike. Next week, up in the mountains sheep hunting. Or jumping out of airplanes. I don’t know. It’s not looking at glaciers and going to Bristol Bay.”

As for his proposed book, Johnston says,

he’s working on a memoir that would air the true story of the Palin household. “They’re never around each other,” Johnston says of Sarah and Todd. “It’s like they hate each other but they don’t want anyone to know it. I think they were gonna get a divorce, but then they were like, ‘Let’s not prove them right.’ I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room, he’s always on this little recliner. For years, they never really talked.”

He also told the magazine that he’s not surprised Palin is cashing in. “When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit. I know everything there is to know about her,” Johnston adds. “She’s so fake. But she’s so good at it, too. She’s amazing at it. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know the difference.”

Way to go Levi. Don’t spill all the beans just yet. We can wait for all the lurid details in your book. Do us a favor though? Don’t make us wait too long. OK?

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Manhattan Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said, “I think Sarah just wants a quick peek”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy,
She won’t speak without a fee
The next show she’s doing
Will be with Sean Hannity

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Is someone inbred?
Her chance to win election, pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
McCain’s folks still claim,
“Palin was to blame”
But Sarah says that they dropped the ball

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.