Category Archives: John Ensign

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 78

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Former U.S. Sen. George Mitchell (a Bowdoin College alum I might add) is resigning as the Obama administration’s Mideast envoy. Mitchell played a key role in Clinton-era negotiations regarding the status of Northern Ireland that resulted in the Good Friday Peace Agreement. This is not good news.

THIS JUST IN:  In the latest AP poll, 60% of respondents said they approved of Barack Obama‘s job performance, compared to 39% who disapproved. That’s the best rating Obama has received since May 2009 when, riding high after his inauguration, 64% of Americans approved of his job performance. This is good news.

BREAKING NEWS:  In other polling news, Public Policy Polling, found Donald Trump garnering only 8 percent of potential Republican primary voters, down from 26 percent who said they would support him if he ran in PPP’s previous survey. That plunge in support was enough to drop him from a solid first place to a tie for fifth place. So much for The Donald and his birther obsession!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Fighting The Good Fight” features Bernie Sanders and Jim McDermott. Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) announced this week that he introduced legislation to provide health care for every American through a Medicare-for-all type single-payer system. Rep. Jim McDermott (D-Wash.) filed a companion bill in the House to provide better care for more patients at less cost by eliminating the middle-man role played by private insurance companies that rake off billions of dollars in profits. The twin measures, both called the American Health Security Act of 2011, would provide federal guidelines and strong minimum standards for states to administer single-payer health care programs.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Really Distorted And Creepy Remakes Of School-House Rock” features failed 2008 GOP candidate for President, Mike Huckabee and his “Learn Our History” cartoon series. Have a look:

Sure makes you pine for “Conjunction Junction” doesn’t it?

THIS JUST IN: The Tea Party Patriots are advocating an initiative to pressure public schools into teaching the US Constitution based on the writings of W. Cleon Skousen who has suggested such outlandish things as slaves being a happy bunch of folks. MotherJones.com however, informs us that Doug Kendall, President of the Constitutional Accountability Center (a think tank and public interest law firm) is none to happy about this development. He says,

“I defy the Tea Party Patriots to find one credible historian willing to support their view of the Constitution’s history. Before the Tea Party gets to go into school and teach our children about the Constitution, they need to find a tenured professor on the history faculty on one of any of the 50 highest-rated universities in the United States who will vouch for the accuracy of their teachings. To qualify to teach America’s children about the Constitution you need to do more than dress up like James Madison.

The Tea Party Patriots are peddling constitutional gobbledygook masquerading as history. Yet whether it is Tea Party organizations misrepresenting American history, or Tea Party politicians like Rep. Michele Bachmann not knowing what state the battles of Lexington and Concord were fought in, the Tea Party has utterly disqualified itself from serious discussion of our Constitution’s text and history. America’s school boards must flatly reject the Tea Party Patriots’ attempts to muscle their bad history into our children’s classrooms.”

Bravo, Mr. Kendall!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly” features the recently resigned GOP Sen. John Ensign. NPR.org reports, “Former Sen. John Ensign of Nevada broke federal law, made false statements to the Federal Election Commission and obstructed a Senate Ethics Committee’s investigation into his conduct, the panel said Thursday in a scathing report that sent the matter to the Justice Department for possible prosecution.” Ouch, that is gonna leave a mark!

THIS JUST IN:  Former failed GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee(Hound) announced last night that he will not run again in 2012. He joins other Republican scaredy-cats Haley Barbour, Marco Rubio, Chris Christy, Jeb Bush, Jim Demint, Bobby Jindal and Sarah Palin.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “I Double Dare You” features New jersey high school student Amy Myers who is is challenging Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) to a debate on civics and the U.S. Constitution. In an open letter to to Bachmann, Myers of Cherry Hill, N.J., said, “I have found quite a few of your statements regarding The Constitution of the United States, the quality of public school education and general U.S. civics matters to be factually incorrect, inaccurately applied or grossly distorted.” “I, Amy Myers, do hereby challenge Representative Michele Bachmann to a Public Forum Debate and/or Fact Test on The Constitution of the United States, United States History and United States Civics.” I’ll take Myers in this one!

THIS JUST IN:  After President Obama announced that he would not release photos of the slain Osama bin Laden because the terrorist “is not a trophy” and “we (i.e the US) do not need to spike the football” and because it would inflame the Muslim world and endanger our troops, conservative windbag Ann Coulter felt the need to speak up. While appearing on Sean Hannity’s Fox News (where else?) program, Coulter chastised the President and said, “We paid for it, we ought to be able to see it.” He then went on to insult the president by saying, “he seems to know less about Arabs than, you know, my dog. Certainly, this Irishman from Long Island knows more.” Who in the wide, wide world of Fox News is “the the Irishman from Long island”? He then wondered off into the ridiculous by saying, ” he’s spiking the football from now until Election Day on this. So, don’t talk down to us about your moral superiority, we don’t need a victory lap. That’s beyond us. And Americans can’t handle this? I think Americans just handled what you showed on your program. And if Americans can handle Hillary Clinton’s ankles, they can handle this photo.” Hilary Clinton’s ankles? Really, can this guy ever have a conversation without delving into the inane? Ann Coulter just might be the shallowest man in America.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJiHp-2CmVY

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

It might be the world’s most unfunny joke
But if he’s a lady then my glasses are broke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why he walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well he sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on his eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox he was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women, not some missing link-like Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
he says that her wisdom sells his books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t his good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
And I do not possess giant, hairy man-hands
Like that Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

(fade)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 73

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The Washington Post reports John Ensign (R-NV) will retire rather than seek reelection in 2012, he announced Monday afternoon. The decision brings to an end a tumultuous several years that saw him go from one of the party’s rising stars to persona non grata. The retirement decision comes in the wake of an ongoing Senate ethics committee investigation into whether Ensign acted improperly in an extramarital affair with Cynthia Hampton, who worked for Ensign’s political committees and whose husband, Doug, was a top legislative staffer for Ensign. “There are consequences to sin,” Ensign declared at a news conference in Las Vegas. He said he did not want to put his family though an “exceptionally ugly” campaign. Democrats can only hope that whack-job Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle elects to run for this seat.

THIS JUST IN: For those of you that are not current on Vermont news, take note that by the next week, the House Health Care Committee will vote on a bill that authorizes the building blocks for a future single-payer health care system. You read that correctly. Vermont is actually working toward a health care system that progressives nation-wide would love for themselves. Keep up the good fight Vermont.

BREAKING NEWS: Last week we reported about the move afoot to recall Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and several newly elected GOP state senators. This week we have learned that there is now a “Committee to Recall Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer” which has begun collecting signatures to begin the recall process. The moral of these stories? If you govern like a radical Tea-Bagger, you will not govern very long.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Family Values Republicans Acting Badly” features California State Senator Roy Ashburn (now known as “Assburn”). The radically anti-gay politician was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub. There was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car. (Insert appropriate hypocrite analogy here).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Who’s Wants To Be An Indicted Republican ?” stars Indiana Secretary of State Charlie White who was indicted this week on seven (7) felony counts including voter fraud, perjury and theft. White now joins other such noteworthy contestants as Tom Delay, Scooter Libby, Duke Cunningham and Roy Blunt.

THIS JUST IN: A Pro-Governor Scott Walker rally was held in Wisconsin this week. One of the featured speakers was the long-lost Joe the Plumber from McCain/Palin days. Joe apparently did not receive the memo about toning down violent rhetoric because he was ranting about “taking bullets for your children”. More interesting however, was the fact that only 600 people attended the rally. To put that paltry number in perspective. compare it to the more than 70,000 public union supporters attended the February 26th rally for that group. Who is more popular in Wisconsin?

BREAKING NEWS: President Barack Obama visited the city of Boston on Tuesday. He visited an innovative inner-city technical school known as TechBoston, mingled with the Boston Celtics and spoke at the Museum of Fine Arts. Most importantly however, he raised over $1 million for congressional Democrats.

THIS JUST IN: Magnitude 8.9 earthquake and tsunami hit Japan killing thousands. No further details.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “The Twilight Zone” features former Republican Massachusetts Governor, failed Republican 2008 Presidential candidate and likely 2012 Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Boston area Republican political analyst Todd Domke wrote an editorial which appeared in yesterday’s Boston Globe. This was the most entertaining passage:

Rod Serling sets the stage:“Massachusetts is not just a state; it’s a state of mind. This is where pilgrims landed, taxpayers revolted, and witches burned. But what burns in one politician is ambition — ambition to leave his state and move into a big white house in Washington, D.C. For Mr. Mitt Romney, this state has become a nightmare. He wants to pack his political baggage and exit stage right, but he can’t leave because this state is his . . . Twilight Zone.’’

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now


Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 46

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “No New Taxes” features Florida Republican Congressional candidate, Bruce O’Donaghue. The candidate who plans to run against incumbent Democrat Alan Grayson for his District 8 seat owes the IRS more than $300,000 after he failed to pay his payroll taxes for last year. That is a new and novel way for G.O.P. members to avoid tax hikes.

THIS JUST IN: There is a new progressive boycott this week. Moveon.org and scores of other progressive groups are sponsoring a boycott of retailer Target stores as the result of the chains $ 150,000.00 donation to a group that has endorsed a Republican Minnesota gubernatorial candidate that is a fierce opponent of gay marriage rights. now allowed to freely contribute directly to political efforts following the Supreme Court’s landmark Citizen’s United v. Federal Election Commission decision that was handed down earlier this year. Activists have gone online, also urging a boycott of the retailer, claiming that a company that prides itself on welcoming all people should not contribute to a group that endorses an anti same-sex marriage candidate. Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off urges readers to do the right thing and join this boycott.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Don’t Know Much About History” features Massachusetts’ newest and nudist Republican Senator, Scott Brown. Despite the fact that she hails from his home state, Brown voted against Elena Kagan’s confirmation as Justice of the Supreme Court. Brown said, “I believe nominees to the Supreme Court should have previously served on the bench”. Perhaps Mr. Brown is not aware that none of the following Supreme Court justices ever served on the bench either: Hugo Black, Robert Jackson, William O. Douglas, William H. Rehnquist and Lewis F. Powell Jr. Brown’s vote was inconsequential however, as Kagan easily secured the confirmation with 5 other Republicans voting in her favor.

THIS JUST IN:  Sharron Angle, the Republican/Tea Party candidate that is running against incumbent Nevada Senator Harry Reid, is crazier than we thought. It has recently been discovered that back in April, the Sarah Palin endorsed moonbat had this to say during a radio interview,

…what’s happening in this country is a violation of the First Commandment. We have become a country entrenched in idolatry, and that idolatry is the dependency upon our government. We’re supposed to depend upon God for our protection and our provision and for our daily bread, not  our government.

Can anybody else hear those crickets chirping?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of ” Taxes? We Don’t Need No Stinking Taxes!” features South Carolina’s Republican/Tea Party gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley who has consistently missed the April 15 tax-filing deadline, according to additional records released last Wednesday, filing her income taxes more than a year late in 2005 and 2006. Haley, a Lexington County state representative, has paid more than $4,000 in late-payment penalties since 2004. In two years the Haley family paid only $83 in state income taxes. The Sarah Palin endorsed candidate has emphasized her accounting experience on the campaign trail.

THIS JUST IN: Republican Senator John Ensign of Nevada, who is under a legal and ethics cloud as a result of an extra-marital affair he had with an aide’s wife, started a legal defense fund (ala Sarah Palin) last May to cover hundreds of thousands in legal fees. The Week reports however, that so far, the fund has received only $ 10.00, and that contribution came from Ensign himself. So much for conservative support for a “family values” member of the G.O.P.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which was inspired by Fox News.

Let ‘Em In song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe990JYsbNo&feature=related

LET FOX IN

(sung to the Paul McCartney and Wings song “Let ‘Em In”)

Someone’s sniveling on the tube
Somebody’s startin’ to yell
Someone’s sportin’ new boobs
Somebody reeks of hair gel

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah

Someone’s not “fair and balanced”
Somebody’s missing brain cells
Someone’s psyche is imbalanced
Somebody’s wearing pastels

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Yeah ,yeah, yeah, let Fox in

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Yeah

(musical interlude)

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Oh,yeah

Someone’s talking to Newt Gingrich
Somebody’s starting to shout
Someone called Hillary a bitch
Somebody’s starting to pout

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah ,yeah, let Fox in, let ‘em in now

Doo doo doo doo da doo doo
Doo doo doo da doo da

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Oh,yeah

Someone’s sniveling on the tube
Somebody’s startin’ to yell
Someone’s sportin’ new boobs
Somebody reeks of hair gel

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah , yeah , yeah ,yeah ,yeah

Sarah Palin, The Alleged Philanderer Endorses Nikki Haley, The Alleged Philanderer

My goodness, things just keep getting crazier and crazier regarding Alaska’s former ex-quitting Governor. In the last month alone, Sarah Palin has split with her own Republican Party by means of endorsing two G.O.P. disfavored Tea-Bagger candidates, one of whom has been exposed as a raving racist. She embarressed herself on Fox News’ Hannity program by showing that she had no idea who the candidates were in last week’s Pennsylvania elections. Ms. “Drill Baby, Drill” then made a fool of herself by alleging that it is the Democrats and not the Republicans that are in bed with Big Oil. And now she has endorsed a candidate that has allegedly been involved (like herself) in an adulterous affair. Sarah Palin is now officially as mainstream as a three dollar bill.

The educationally challenged Palin has endorsed Republican Nikki Haley in the South Carolina gubernatorial race. Problem is, Haley has been accused by a certain Will Folks of having had “an inappropriate physical relationship” with him. This is particularly humorous when one remembers that South Carolina’s present disgraced Governor, Republican Mark Sanford also had an illicit extra-marital affair. It also begs the question as to whether any Republican, either male or female, can keep their pants on long enough to serve a full term in office.

Of the endorsement, Palin posted this on her Facebook page:

When Nikki and I held her endorsement rally on the steps of the beautiful and historic South Carolina state house last month, I warned her and her family that she would be targeted because she’s a threat to a corrupt political machine, and she would be put through some hell. [D]on’t let some blogger make any accusation against your Nikki if the guy doesn’t even have the guts or the integrity to speak further on such a significant claim.

Hot on the heel of this week’s other revelation that Indiana Congressman Mark Souder has had to resign his seat as the result of an adulterous affair, let’s have a look at all those other philandering Republicans of late. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall, Mark Souder… and now Nikki Haley.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel the need to take a shower after shaking the hand of a Republican?

Please be sure to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU

SARAH (YOU’RE A FINE GIRL)

(sung to the Looking Glass song “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)”)

(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

There’s a town not far from Bristol Bay
With strip malls, both near and far away
Lonely oil guys go the Wasilla way
And live in motor homes

And there’s a girl in this forlorn town
One time, she wore a pageant crown
They say “Sarah, please put that gun down”
She knows she’s just a punch-line

The oil guys say “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“Not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Sarah, sports a beehive mane
And some rimless glasses but she has no brain
A locket that bears the name
Of the man that Sarah loves

He came on a winter’s day
On board his gas-powered sleigh
What he saw in her, Todd couldn’t say
Cuz he was drunk since he left home

The First Dude said “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good wife you would be” (such a fine girl)
But it’s booze, snow-machining and pornos for me
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

But Sarah looked into his eyes
And she took an inventory
She could feel something on him rise
Then she saw his morning glory
She said “To hell with abstinence!”, Lord, she jumped on that sad-sack
And before she could say “Stop!”, she had Track.
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Todd, had a loaded pistol
Sarah gave birth to a daughter,  Bristol
She too had an ac-ci-den-tal
And now you hear her say…

You hear her say “Mama, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“Two peas in a pod aren’t we” (such a fine girl)
“But Ya Betcha we have a screwed-up family”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

“Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
[FADE]

“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“No not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”

Monday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 38

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Did Somebody Actually Vote For This Guy?” features Tea-Bagger favorite Rand Paul who won the Kentucky Republican Senate primary election last Tuesday. After his victory, not only did we learn that he is a racist that would like it to be legal for private businesses to discriminate, but then he defended BP and called President Obama “un-American” for his tough stance against the oil spill culprit. Let’s get this straight, it is un-American to hold a British foreign corporation liable for causing potentially the most devastating environmental disaster in US history and then trying to shift the blame elsewhere? Heck, then it must have been really, really, really un-American for the founding fathers to declare war on those same British merely for taxing our tea bags!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t let The Facts Get In The Way of A Good Story” features the “Turd Blossom” himself. Karl Rove, former President George Bush’s top adviser, while hawking his new book this week, declared that Bush “never allowed” staffers to call their opposition “disparaging labels,” or “question their motives“. His words…

President Bush, for example, never allowed a White House staffer or administration spokesman to go out and do what this administration and our predecessor routinely did — that is to engage in calling the leaders of the opposition party disparaging labels and question their motives.

Oh really Karl? How about in your 2007 speech when you directly challenged the “motives” of your political opponents when you implied that Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) intentionally used rhetoric that would endanger American soldiers? You said,

Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.

Or how about when you questioned the patriotism of candidate Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin when neither were you? Rove, you are a putz!

BREAKING NEWS: The good news of the week is that the Gulf Oil spill may be only 19 times greater than what BP originally told us.

THIS JUST IN: When moonbat crazy Republican Senator Michele Bachmann of Minnesota says, “No New Taxes” she means it. It was revealed this week that Bachmann “The Birther” has neglected to pay the property taxes owed on her million dollar home.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Your MySpace Page Said What?” features former Rand Paul campaign spokesperson Chris Hightower who’s MySpace page in 2008 said “Happy Nig_ _ r Day!!!” and featured a photo of a hanging man. Don’t believe me?

‘Nuff said about Rand Paul and friends.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Meet The Press” features Tea-Party darling and Republican nominee for Kentucky’s US Senate seat, Rand Paul. Oops, wait a second…what’s that? Rand Paul has just canceled his scheduled appearance on Meet The Press this morning? Why would he do that? Isn’t this the honeymoon period after his election victory on Tuesday?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Oops, I Did It Again” features Indiana’s conservative Congressman Mark Souder who resigned this week after it was revealed that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair with a staff member. We thought that type of behavior was mandatory to be a member of the Republican Party. Let’s look at our ever growing list of philandering Republicans:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall and now…Mark Souder.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.


Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 32

Just a few newsworthy events that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something We Didn’t Already Know” features the mother of the right-wing radical that threatened Nancy Pelosi. She blames Fox News for inciting her mentally imbalanced son to violently take action against Democrats. Watch this video clip of Countdown With Keith Olbermann:

THIS JUST IN:  More Nevada Republicans are calling for disgraced G.O.P. Senator John Ensign to resign. Ensign, you may recall, is the “family values” Republican that had an affair with a married staffer and then arranged to have his parents pay “shut-up” money when her husband caught on. It was later revealed that Ensign may have also arranged employment at a lobbying firm for his mistress’ husband and then approved legislation in favor of the firm’s clients. The Las Vegas Sun reports that “Nevada Republicans were upset “that Ensign seems oblivious to the collateral damage caused by his actions, and unwilling to make the matter disappear by resigning.” Johnny, we hardly knew ye.

BREAKING NEWS:  Democratic Congressman Bart Stupack of Michigan has announced that he will not seek re-election. Good. He was a thorn in the side of the newly enacted health care reform law because of his persistent anti-pro-choice stance. Let’s hope that the citizens of Michigan replace him with a true progressive Democrat.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “It’s About Time” features Tom Fetzer.  The North Carolina Republican Party Chariman  has called for Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele to step down from his post, becoming the first committee member to publicly seek Steele’s resignation. This is the point where you add your favorite comment about lesbian/bondage strip clubs.

BREAKING NEWS:  Alaska natives are accusing the Catholic Church of using their remote villages as a “dumping ground” for child molesting priests. This problem seems to worsen by the day.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Right Back At Ya” features president Barack Obama and the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. In response to Palin’s misguided criticism of the President’s recent nuclear weapons pact, Obama said, “I really have no response, because last I checked, Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues.” Way to go, Barry!

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “Look Who Stepped In It This Time” features former Republican candidate for President, Mike Huckabee. The creepy evangelist and current Fox News host attacked gays once again this week in an interview printed in the College of New Jersey’s magazine. He said with regard to civil unions,

You don’t go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the ideal,” he said of same-sex marriage. “That would be like saying, well, there are a lot of people who like to use drugs, so let’s go ahead and accommodate those who want who use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, so we should accommodate them.

Huckabee also insisted that same-sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt or become foster parents because they’re somehow unfit to take care of children:

Children are not puppies,” he continued. “This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?

Looks like Mike may have angered a lot of people. Good luck with that next Presidential run, Mike.

Huckleberry Hound theme link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXzxuZ_0uG8

HUCKABEE HOUND

(sung to the “Huckleberry Hound” theme)

The biggest clown in town is the Huckabee Hound
And his G.O.P. pals.
He has a big bald dome and he penned a bad poem
For those guys and gals.

Mike Huckabee fun is not for everyone,
In fact he inspires frowns.
If you are pro-choice,
He’ll offer you no voice
He’s Mike Huckabee Hound.

That oh, so sucky, rubber ducky,
Mike Huckabee Hound

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 29

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites  that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: Befuddled bloviator Rush Limbaugh announced on his radio program last week that if the Health Care Reform bill is enacted into law, he will flee the United States and move to Costa Rica in 5 years (when all of the provisions of the bill will kick in). Problem is, Costa Rica has a socialized medical system which covers approximately 95% of its citizens. Would someone please inform Limbaugh of this?

THIS JUST IN: Moonbat crazy Sarah Palin has announced that she will be hosting a fundraiser for moonbat crazy Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Those two alone will provide enough insanity to fill an asylum.

BREAKING NEWS: Things just got a little worse for Republican Senator John Ensign of Nevada. You might recall that Ensign is the “family values” politician that cheated on his wife with a married staffer and when he was caught, he tried buying off her husband by finding him a job. He also arranged to have his parents pay hush up money to his mistress and her husband. Now some previously undisclosed email messages have emerged which may indicate that Ensign violated federal laws by attempting to steer lobbying work to the embittered husband of his mistress. The FBI and Senate ethics investigators are reviewing the emails to determine whether criminal charges will result therefrom. Maybe the Republican leadership should stop hurling stones at resigning Democratic representative Eric Massa lest they shatter their own glass house. At least Massa had the decency to resign while Ensign refuses to do so.

THIS JUST IN: Another Republican lie regarding health care reform has been debunked this week. The most recent AP/GfK poll reveals that 50% of Americans believe the health care system should be changed “a great deal” and only 4% believe that the system should not be changed. So, the Republicans are lying when they claim that Americans do not want massive change to the health care system. No surprise there.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Despicable Human Beings” features Karl Rove who  told a BBC interviewer that he is “proud” of waterboarding and that it is not torture. Perhaps then Rove might be willing to undergo the procedure by means of standing in for the chicken-hearted Sean Hannity who remains unwilling to take the offer from Keith Olbermann who has agreed to donate $ 10,000.00 to charity for every second that Hannity can withstand the procedure.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly” features Utah House Majority leader Kevin Garn. He resigned from the Legislature, two days after his confession about sitting nude in a hot tub with a teenage girl 25 years ago stunned the conservative state. The 55-year-old Garn acknowledged the indiscretion late Thursday immediately after the Legislature adjourned for the session. He says he paid the woman, Cheryl Maher, $150,000 to keep quiet about the episode when he unsuccessfully ran for Congress in 2002. Maher was 15 and a legal minor when the hot tub incident occurred. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Garn was 30.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Conservative Pundits Telling The Truth” features David Brooks of the New York Times. In his March 11th column he said that President Barack Obama  “is still the most realistic and reasonable major player in Washington”. See David, that wasn’t so hard now, was it? Just imagine what the likes of Limbaugh and Beck will say about Brooks.

THIS JUST IN: Those crazy, secession happy Texans are at it again. The state that claims to have given us George W. Bush except for the fact that he was born in Connecticut, raised in Maine and secondary schooled in Massachusetts before attending college back in Connecticut has gotten itself all mixed up once again.  The far right leaning evangelical Christian dominated Texas Board of Education voted this week to revise its social studies curriculum by means of refusing to require that “students learn that the Constitution prevents the U.S. government from promoting one religion over all others.” It also voted to remove Thomas Jefferson from the Texas curriculum, “replacing him with religious right icon John Calvin.” So much for the high status of those “founding fathers” that the conservatives so often make reference to. The new Texas state motto: “Texas Education, Don’t Let Facts Influence Our Children”.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Republican Party Games

banana_repubs_010306

Did you ever wonder what it must feel like to admit that you are a Republican these days? How it must feel to say that you are not only in the same party but also subscribe to the same political policies as some of the craziest wingnuts ever to group together under one banner? Can you imagine trying to say with a straight face that you voted for any of the criminal Banana Republicans shown above or the philandering perverted Republicans such as:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believe that it would make you want to cry. That my friends, leads us right into today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRbsz1Ha7Zo

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
Cheney will soon be on trial

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Sarah Palin and the (G)rand (O)ld (P)erverts

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

We all believed after the last two election cycle defeats for Republicans that the party would disappear as the result of voter defections. We did not anticipate that the party would implode from within as the result of numerous party member resignations triggered by so many tawdry sex scandals. OK, to be honest, maybe we did think that could happen also, too. Nonetheless, we did not think it would happen so rapidly.

Let’s take a look at our list of Republican philanderers and perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and Paul Stanley.

Oh wait, now we have another one. Let’s have a warm welcome and a stream of hearty applause for California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. This guy’s accomplishments in the field of sexual depravity rank right up there with Senator David Vitter and his diaper wearing trysts with hookers. Duvall abruptly resigned from office last week after it was revealed that he inadvertently broadcast descriptions of his sexual conquests over a live microphone feed which recorded his boasting. If that weren’t embarrassing enough, it was discovered that these sexual liaisons took place with women other than his wife. You see where this is going don’t you? That is correct, Duvall is a strict “family values” Republican and strong supporter of the sanctity of marriage. But then again, aren’t they all?

In the recording, Duvall describes in graphic detail about the women he said he slept with including one of whom that was a lobbyist with an energy firm with business before the utilities committee on which Duvall sat as vice chairman. Here is Mike Duvall telling us all about it in his own words:

“I’ve been getting into spanking her,” he said on the recording. “I like it!”

And as for his girl’s panties’

“She wears little eye patch underwear.”

The frequency of his trysts?

“The other day she came here with her underwear. And so we made love on Wednesday a lot.”

And as for his other mistress,

“Shar—oh, she is hot. I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I said no. And I go, ‘You know about the other one, but the other one doesn’t know about you.’”

Trust us, these tapes go a lot further but we would like to keep this blog at least somewhat decent.

Now it is time to update our list of Republican philandering perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

Today’s song parody deals with how it must feel to be a member of the Republican Party these days. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Oh, almost forgot. We realize that there is nothing new in today’s post about Sarah Palin but we still like to mention her in the title of blog posts because it gets everyone’s spirits up. Also, too, did anybody watch that thrilling 4th quarter come from behind victory of my beloved Green Bay Packers last night. I love when they beat the Bears. Go Pack, Go!

Bad Boy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwiY11xeus

BAD BOY

(sung to the Beatles song “Bad Boy”)

A bad little perv resigned his office for good
He’s loyal to the right when he’s not busy sporting wood
He sounded just like a fool on that live open mike
I really hope his spouse doesn’t know he’s spanking young girls all night
Well, he likes it when their bottom’s bare
And all those stories he does share
Hey, Duvall, behave yourself.

Buys every S & M book on the magazine stand
Every dime that he gets is spent on softener for his hand
There is no telling how low Mike Duvall is willing to stoop
From slut and mistress trolling to joining a support group
He used a spatula as a prop
To spank those rear-ends nonstop
Now, Duvall, behave yourself

Now your lovin’ momma’s gonna throw you out of bed
She was watching television when she learned what you said
It’s pretty scary that your kids know that you are a rat
You lost everything you had as a result of that one chat
You may still get the “Bobbitt chop”
Cuz your head is hard as rock
Mike Duvall, behave yourself

Republicans: Adultery And Other Assorted Values

Sanford-Super-GOP-AHole

Republicans, the gift that keeps on giving. Now batting, Tennessee state senator Paul Stanley (no, not the make-up adorned rock star from Kiss). Where do we begin? Stanley is a 47 year old married (to a woman, of course) father of two who campaigns on an “abstinence only” platform. Last April, he told a Planned Parenthood representative that he could not support the organization because he, “didn’t believe young people should have sex before marriage.”

Really, Senator Stanley? Now, isn’t that special? Fact is however, that Stanley, like so many other Bible thumping, “family values” Republicans, is a hypocritical philanderer. His sexual tryst with his 22 year old legislative intern was revealed this week when he admitted that he was blackmailed into purchasing explicit photographs and video evidence of the affair by the girl’s boyfriend. Only surprise here is that further details did not reveal a trip to South America or a sit-in at an airport Men’s room stall. But stay tuned. These Republican adultery stories always seem to veer off into the absurd.

We can now update our list of Republican “Family Values” adulterers.

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and now, Paul Stanley.

Batting next for the Republicans…?

Please click on the song link below so as to have more fun singing along.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.