Category Archives: Joe The Plumber

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 84

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Independence Day weekend!

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some unregulated free-market endorsing conservative tells you that the mortgage crisis was caused by unqualified (i.e. poor) homeowners, ask them why Bank of America (and its predecessor in interest, Countrywide Home loans) agreed this week to pay a whopping $8.5 billion to settle the mortgage fraud charges leveled against it.

THIS JUST IN:  It is reported by www.otherwords.org that every person in a county in Montana has a single-payer health plan in the form of Medicare for all. After the residents of Libby were victimized by a health disaster caused by a mining company which killed hundreds and sickened thousands, a special provision was written into the new health care law to ease the pain. “Residents of Libby don’t have to be 65 years old or more. They don’t have to wait until 2014 for the state exchanges. There’s no 10-year roll out for them — it’s immediate. They don’t have to purchase a plan — this isn’t a buy-in to Medicare. It’s free. They don’t have to be disabled for two years before they apply. They don’t have to go without care for three years until Medicaid expands. They don’t have to meet income tests. They don’t have to apply for a subsidy or pay a fine for failure to buy insurance. They don’t have to hope that the market will make a plan affordable or hide their pre-existing conditions. They don’t have to find a job that provides coverage. Now, if only the rest of the nation realizes how beneficial such a plan is, maybe that is the next step in health care reform.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features moonbat-crazy GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. While the wacky Teapublican has forcefully denounced the Medicaid program for swelling the “welfare rolls,” the mental health clinic run by her husband has been collecting annual Medicaid payments totaling over $137,000 for the treatment of patients since 2005, according to new figures obtained by NBC News. How is that for Tea Party hypocrisy?

THIS JUST IN:  Maria Shriver cited “irreconcilable differences” in a petition filed Friday to dissolve her 25-year marriage to former philandering Republican California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. She won’t be back!

BREAKING NEWS:  The Washington Post reports that employees of presidential candidate Newt Gingrich grew increasingly concerned in recent years about their boss’s purchases from luxury jeweler Tiffany & Co., worrying that if he followed through on plans to run for president, it could become a political liability. Gingrich’s Tiffany spending has also been questioned by his Republican opponents. He has offered few details about his relationship with the jeweler or the purchases made. He is now known as Newt Blingrich!

THIS JUST IN:  Just wondering, but whatever happened to Joe the Plumber?

BREAKING NEWS:  This was an interesting report from NewsHounds: “Sean Hannity’s Great American Panel unanimously and emphatically broke ranks with Hannity last night (6/29/11) as each panelist agreed that Donald Trump’s birtherism was offensive and racist. Predictably, white-rights enthusiast Hannity argued otherwise. But as the panel continued to denounce birtherism, he said, “It never was my issue.” Hannity didn’t care to enlighten us as to the definition of “his issue,” but if repeatedly giving airtime and legitimacy to suggestions that there was something fishy about President Obama’s birth certificate – even after he had produced it – counts, then it certainly was Hannity’s issue. Of course, it’s also quite possible Hannity knew all along it was a bogus controversy but he was willing to cast aside truth, accuracy and evidence in order to hit at Obama. The fact that there was a racial angle to the whole thing probably made it all the more tantalizing.

THIS JUST IN: Fox News comment of the week. Headline: “Guard chief: Iran Can Build Longer-Rangemissiles.” Fox News comment: “An intelligent President would have already blew Iran off the map and not wait until they can pose more of a threat to other people. Nuke them.” “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS:  Lynnrockets’ idea of the week. Kill two birds with one stone and give Glenn Beck‘s former time-slot to Joe the Plumber.

THIS JUST IN:  What is the real story behind Sarah Palin and her alleged jury duty?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s pseudo-rap inspired song parody.

Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut5A_r5iiOg

SHE”S A PINHEAD, BABY

(sung to the Beck song “Loser”)

From the town of Wasilla, she’s like Godzilla
She’s lame in the brain and she endorsed Joseph Miller
With her winking eyeballs, Sarah loves those catcalls
Barbie doll shouts out to those G.I. Joes
On the far right they think she’s beautiful
Sarah Palin is a loser with no self-control
Sarah’s the Queen-O of the Tea Party
Just a bunch of dumb slouches marching to her beat
Pundits keep sayin’ she’s insane with no brain
Her daughter’s shotgun wedding was blasted into dirt
She writes crib-notes just below her sleeve
She was a Governor for awhile but she said she had to leave
She shoves her face in each race with her bark
Hates people with food stamps that live in those big trailer parks

Yo, cut it

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly

Palin is evil, thank John for this nightmare
Blasts country music in her book-signing chamber
Just a scheming weasel and she comes wrapped in a flag
Hails from the North Pole, this oil-pimping Tea-Hag
Loves her “Sixpack Joes” cuz First Dude has no job
Nothing more than Sarah’s house-husband slob
Sarah-baby pulls all of the strings
Snapped a turkey’s neck while she’s talking on that TV thing
She can’t write and she can’t debate
Stealing cash like a thief from her fans that think she’s great
Never bothers with any facts, … she’s wrong more than she’s right
While preachin’ to her minions

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She’s in the stardumb bizznizz)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(“Thanks but no thanks”)

Yo, bring her down

Soooooooooooo…
(She’s a liar, she’s a sinner, brings no hope or change, can’t you feel it?)

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She says, “also too”)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Is that her baby?)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Know what I’m sayin’?)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 73

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The Washington Post reports John Ensign (R-NV) will retire rather than seek reelection in 2012, he announced Monday afternoon. The decision brings to an end a tumultuous several years that saw him go from one of the party’s rising stars to persona non grata. The retirement decision comes in the wake of an ongoing Senate ethics committee investigation into whether Ensign acted improperly in an extramarital affair with Cynthia Hampton, who worked for Ensign’s political committees and whose husband, Doug, was a top legislative staffer for Ensign. “There are consequences to sin,” Ensign declared at a news conference in Las Vegas. He said he did not want to put his family though an “exceptionally ugly” campaign. Democrats can only hope that whack-job Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle elects to run for this seat.

THIS JUST IN: For those of you that are not current on Vermont news, take note that by the next week, the House Health Care Committee will vote on a bill that authorizes the building blocks for a future single-payer health care system. You read that correctly. Vermont is actually working toward a health care system that progressives nation-wide would love for themselves. Keep up the good fight Vermont.

BREAKING NEWS: Last week we reported about the move afoot to recall Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and several newly elected GOP state senators. This week we have learned that there is now a “Committee to Recall Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer” which has begun collecting signatures to begin the recall process. The moral of these stories? If you govern like a radical Tea-Bagger, you will not govern very long.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Family Values Republicans Acting Badly” features California State Senator Roy Ashburn (now known as “Assburn”). The radically anti-gay politician was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub. There was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car. (Insert appropriate hypocrite analogy here).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Who’s Wants To Be An Indicted Republican ?” stars Indiana Secretary of State Charlie White who was indicted this week on seven (7) felony counts including voter fraud, perjury and theft. White now joins other such noteworthy contestants as Tom Delay, Scooter Libby, Duke Cunningham and Roy Blunt.

THIS JUST IN: A Pro-Governor Scott Walker rally was held in Wisconsin this week. One of the featured speakers was the long-lost Joe the Plumber from McCain/Palin days. Joe apparently did not receive the memo about toning down violent rhetoric because he was ranting about “taking bullets for your children”. More interesting however, was the fact that only 600 people attended the rally. To put that paltry number in perspective. compare it to the more than 70,000 public union supporters attended the February 26th rally for that group. Who is more popular in Wisconsin?

BREAKING NEWS: President Barack Obama visited the city of Boston on Tuesday. He visited an innovative inner-city technical school known as TechBoston, mingled with the Boston Celtics and spoke at the Museum of Fine Arts. Most importantly however, he raised over $1 million for congressional Democrats.

THIS JUST IN: Magnitude 8.9 earthquake and tsunami hit Japan killing thousands. No further details.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “The Twilight Zone” features former Republican Massachusetts Governor, failed Republican 2008 Presidential candidate and likely 2012 Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Boston area Republican political analyst Todd Domke wrote an editorial which appeared in yesterday’s Boston Globe. This was the most entertaining passage:

Rod Serling sets the stage:“Massachusetts is not just a state; it’s a state of mind. This is where pilgrims landed, taxpayers revolted, and witches burned. But what burns in one politician is ambition — ambition to leave his state and move into a big white house in Washington, D.C. For Mr. Mitt Romney, this state has become a nightmare. He wants to pack his political baggage and exit stage right, but he can’t leave because this state is his . . . Twilight Zone.’’

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now


Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ‘em any of ‘em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

Sarah Palin And The Paperback Writer

"Say it ain't so, Joe."

We just cannot let this Sarah Palin/Joe McGinniss feud fade away without another post on the subject. In fact, this potential Hatfield/McCoy standoff is likely to provide enough juicy material for many more posts (not to mention a Saturday Night Live skit or two). What could be better than an investigative journalist actually living right next door to the subject of his next book?

By the way, what’s up with Sarah Palin’s sick obsession with the sexual violation of her daughters? First we learned on the campaign trail that unwed teen daughter Bristol was pregnant despite all that “abstinence only” training she received from her formerly unwed pregnant mother. Next, Palin accused David Letterman of soliciting the statutory rape of daughter, Willow. Then we learned from reading her ghostwritten memoir, that both daughters Willow and Bristol were threatened with gang rape from schoolmates,

In that first year, I was alerted to threats against Willow by students at her Juneau school, one particularly disturbing. Someone posted a note on an Internet site threatening to gang-rape her at school. I never felt safe for her after that. Later, the same thing happened to Bristol.

Of course “Mama Bear” never reported the alleged threats to school officials or law enforcement at the time. Now we have Palin alleging that writer Joe McGinniss is some sort of perverted peeping tom. In a recent Facebook entry, Palin wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

It is clear that Sarah Palin has some weird sexual hangups involving minors.

Greater Wasilla (Alaska) better get ready for a long hot summer with plenty of fireworks on display in and around the Palin/McGinniss compound. We can imagine screaming tantrums from Palin, mocking waves from McGinniss and the Wasilla police setting up a temporary station on their street. Will the Palins’ spite fence grow taller and taller? The new neighbors’ backyards will be filled with cold stares, hot glares and sneak peeks. All in all though, what did Palin expect? She cozied up to Joe Sixpack and Joe The Plumber, so how could Joe The Writer be expected to know that he would be unwelcome in Palinland?

Palin's spite fence.

Let’s all hope for a summer full of comedic altercations. In the meantime please enjoy this re-working of a previous re-working of the Beatles’ song “Paperback Writer”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

PAPERBACK WRITER II

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Todd and Sarah, will you read my book?
It took me months to write while I had a look
All of those things that I could see and hear
I put them in my book and I’m gonna be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Its a dirty story of a dirty clan
Led by Sarah Palin and her “First Dude” man
I learned so much by reading through their mail
They’re a seedy mob but its fun to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s a thousand pages give or take a few,
It has some photos I took from my scenic view.
I must admit the Palins never do smile
They just sulked around in plain site of this paperback writer,
Paperback writer

I loved all the fighting I could hear at night
It wafted through the fence despite its massive height.
You’ll learn all about them so please have no fear,
They will quiver and quake but I’m gonna be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

Bachmann/Taitz: Tea-Party For Two and Two For Tea-Party

Michele Bachmann (R) MN and Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq.,Real Estate Agent - Two Koo-Koo Birds of a feather.

How do the crazies always seem to find each other? And why in the world do they always commemorate the occasion with a photo when they do? These are some of the unanswered questions that have plagued the political world for some time.

Remember the photos of Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber? How about those of Palin and Michele Bachmann? Palin and Glenn Beck? Bachmann and various Tea-Baggers? Palin and assorted Tea-Baggers? Bachmann and Michelle Malkin? And most recently, Palin and Arizona governor Jan Brewer? Well, just look above and see the newest crackpot photo to hit the blogosphere. Yup, once again it is Minnesota’s moonbat crazy Republican Senator and member of the “Birther” movement, Michele Bachmann and the wackiest “Birther” of them all, Orly Taitz, the dentist/lawyer/real estate agent. Taitz, you might recall is the person who has filed multiple lawsuits seeking to have President Barack Obama removed from office because she alleges he was not born in the United States. Of course all of her lawsuits have been dismissed involuntarily and Taitz has been reprimanded on at least one occasion by the Court.

It appears that the above photo was taken on May 14, 2010 at a luncheon in Irvine, California which was attended by both of the fools. It was almost immediately posted on Taitz’s personal website.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hByFDVwiQq8

BACHMANN

(sung to the theme song for television’s “The Flintstones“)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

Sump Pumps And Sarah Palin Both Suck

First she appeared before the Bowling League Convention. Next it was the Liquor Wholesalers’ Convention and Wednesday Sarah Palin spoke at an event sponsored by a firm that specializes in the manufacture of battery backup sump pump systems. Really, can it get any better than this? What is next, the Toilet Scrubber Convention?

We will not even get into the content of her speech. Suffice to say it included the words, “rogue”, “hope-y change-y”, “clinging to guns and religion”, “socialism”, “Obama Care” and a completely inane diatribe having something to do with a girls’ high school basketball team and the new Arizona racist immigrant law. You know, the usual Palin word salad.

This is a beautiful Saturday here in Boston, so let’s just pull out one of our old Sarah Palin television theme parodies.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song.

Gilligan’s Island theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Gilligans_Island.html

SARAH’S ISLAND

(Sung to the theme of tv’s “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Senile
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

I Got Nothin’

Ever have one of those days when you find that you are simply unprepared for the day’s events? You know, forgot your homework; didn’t study enough for the big test; ill prepared for the work presentation (or in my case, court hearing); forgot clean underwear and had that car accident your parents warned you about? Well, I’m having one of those days today. Consequently, there will be none of the usual incisive, comprehensively researched, yet fun Republican bashing this morning.

Over the weekend we had a number of family events to attend. Additionally, although trivial in comparison to the Gulf oil spill or the deadly storms in the South-East, we had a massive water main break in Boston this weekend which has left numerous cities and towns either boiling water or getting sick. I’m OK, the dog got sick. Oops, my bad! Finally, as the result of Noah-like flooding in Boston in March, both the IRS and the state Dept. of Revenue were kind enough to grant Bostonians an extension for tax filing until May 11th. Unfortunately, I took advantage of the extension and now I must attend to those taxes. Hey Tea-Baggers, please keep in mind that I am not complaining about the amount of taxes that I will pay, but only the process of preparing the returns.

So, here I sit this morning at my desk gathering paperwork and drinking a nice cold refreshing glass of water… Oh, No. Well, I’m off to the bathroom. I hope to have a more on topic post later. In the meantime, please enjoy a simple upbeat television theme song parody about Sarah Palin.

Almost forgot. Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for their game one overtime victory over the Philadelphia Flyers on Saturday afternoon. Game two is tonight at 7:00 p.m. EST.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Laverne and Shirley theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZmimJGmrUQ

PITBULL AND FIRST DUDE

(sung to the TV theme song “Laverne and Shirley”)

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight
She heels, she grovels, Exxon Oil Incorporated
She went and blew it

Any foolish chance, she’ll take it
Give her any rule, she’ll break it
If you’re not on her team, screw you
Her way or no way

She’s a political hack now
Just like her pal, Johnny Mac now
And Russia’s always within view
“Drill Baby Drill”  Yay!

When she’s talking it’s a lie
Won’t admit that oil’s exhaustible
Palin once rode the short bus
And we all knew it

Dresses like a curbside ho’ now
Daughter Bristol can’t say “no” now
She’s Joe the Plumber’s dream come true
And she wants it her way, not our way
Take it or just screw you
And she wants it her way, not our way

Makin’ her dreams come true

Screw me and you

Sarah Palin: Likely To Quit Again

The former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin may be quitting again. Palin quit her job as Governor after only half a term and she has been a no-show at many speaking engagements both before and after, including the CPAC Conference in DC.  She also recently quit the Republican National Committee after it sponsored a soiree at a lesbian/bondage strip club. Now, New York Magazine reports that the Queen of Quit may be abandoning her quest for the Presidency.

The reason? Simple. Sarah Palin cares most about money. The article suggests that she quit the governorship because “she was going broke”. She needed money and worried about it constantly. “You have to keep in mind,” Bill McAllister, her then–press secretary, told the magazine, “she and Todd were middle class. They’re rich now, but not then.” Indeed, even a John McCain adviser said, “Deep down, she wanted to make money.”

In fact, the magazine says that the single greatest influence on her quitting the governorship was that Alaska’s ethics rules might have prohibited her from profiting from a book tour or a political action committee or legal defense fund.

In March, she petitioned the Alaska attorney general’s office, which responded with a lengthy list of conditions. “There was no way she could go on a book tour while being governor” is how one member of her Alaska staff put it.

Hence, she quickly quit the governorship and quit on the people of Alaska that elected her.

Sarah Palin elected to pursue money and fame at the expense of her supporters and her stated ideals. She claims to represent the “everyman”, the “Sixpack Joes” and the “hockey moms”. Simultaneously however, she charges those very supporters exorbitant fees to see her or have a photo taken with her. Unlike the working class, she travels in Lear Jets at a cost of some $ 1,500.00 per hour and is building a new 6000 square foot manse. It is estimated that she has made some 12 million dollars since quitting last July. Indeed, Sarah Palin better resembles Richie Rich than Joe The Plumber.

The magazine article states that in 1996, a few weeks into her run for Wasilla mayor, Palin revealed to Laura Chase, her campaign manager at the time, the scope of her ambition. “We were sitting at my table one night and I said, ‘Sarah, one day you could be governor.’ She just looked at me and said, ‘I don’t want to be governor, I want to be president.’ ” Strangely, it is Sarah Palin’s quest for fame and fortune that will most likely dissuade her from seeking the presidency. Palin plans on selling another book and she continues to charge $ 100,000.00 per speaking engagement. At some point, the Tea-Baggers that idolize her will realize by witnessing her lavish lifestyle, that she is not one of them. They will recognize her as being a member of the celebrity class that they so despise. Consequently, their support for her will wane. Additionally, she has already alienated the more mainstream members of the Republican Party. New York Magazine writes,

While careful not to say anything that might make her rear her head, some in the GOP Establishment whisper that they hope Palin stays in Wasilla. She may be useful in raising funds and drawing crowds, but Palin’s unseriousness and carnival antics damage the brand. “There’s a big piece of the Republican Party that doesn’t want her to run,” said one national Republican strategist.

So, as Sarah Palin begins to amass tremendous wealth, she is losing support from her base. Palin however, loves the money and fame too much to abandon it for such a pedestrian and low paying position as the President of the United States. Sarah Palin is too selfish to ever accept the paycut. She will not run for President in 2012. In short, it’s all over now.

EXTRA

As mentioned yesterday, we had the opportunity to attend the Salem State College (Salem, MA) Speaker Series last evening featuring Ted Kennedy, Jr. as well as a private reception thereafter. Mr. Kennedy did not disappoint. As we all witnessed at his father’s funeral, young Kennedy has inherited his family’s style of oration. He spoke mostly about his work as an attorney for the disabled but he also dabbled on the subjects of health care reform and on things he learned about his family upon reading his father’s memoir, True Compass.

One such revelation from the book was his grandmother, Rose Kennedy’s involvement in the Cuban Missile Crisis. Kennedy explained that she had a fondness for obtaining books authored and personally autographed by world leaders which she would dole out at as Christmas presents each year. At the height of the missile crisis in which nuclear war threatened to wipe out civilization as we know it, the KGB intercepted a handwritten letter from a Mrs. Rose Kennedy of Hyannisport, MA in which she requested a few autographed copies of Premier Nikita Khrushchev’s most recent book. The KGB apparently could not figure out what plan the CIA was up to or what they wanted and so they inquired. When Jack Kennedy got the news, he asked his mother what she was up to. Rose simply explained that Jack should know that she gifts out autographed books from world leaders each Christmas, and this year it was Khrushchev’s turn!

Inasmuch as his speech was being delivered in Salem, MA, Kennedy felt that he should mention that on his mother’s side, he was a descendant of one Mary Eastey who in 1692 was hanged in the city (along with many others) for the crime of being a witch. He thanked the present residents for being much more kind to him.

Most importantly however, when asked about newly elected nudist Republican US Senator Scott Brown, Kennedy kindly stated that he wished him luck but that he will be judged by constituents according to how he votes. He hinted that thus far the votes were not in conformity with the views of most Massachusetts citizens but inasmuch as Brown is up for re-election in 2012, there is time for somebody to announce their candidacy in the not too distant future. When a few members of the audience shouted out, “What about you, Ted”, he politely smiled and moved on to the next subject. Kennedy clearly left the door open for a run for his father’s old seat without providing any negative comment about Brown which could prematurely be used as ammunition against him. He showed the skill of a true politician. We certainly hope he runs for that seat.

Kennedy Jr. concluded by taking a number of unscreened questions from members of the audience. He handled them deftly without resort to palm written crib notes.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Sarah Palin, Please Come To Boston

Of all the things “Banned in Boston” during its long history such as James Joyce’s Ulysses, H.L. Mencken’s The American Mercury, Lillian Smith’s Strange Fruit and William S. Burrough’s Naked Lunch, how is it that Sarah Palin and the Tea-Baggers will be allowed to hold an event here this April? It is true. The Boston Globe reports that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will be attending a Tea Party rally in the Democratic stronghold on April 14th. The group sponsoring the event, Tea Party Express has indicated that it hopes that newly elected Republican nudist Senator Scott Brown will also attend. No venue has been announced but rumor has it that the event will take place in a phone booth located on the corner of Park and Tremont Streets.

Of the event, Sarah Palin only had this to say,

In April, I’ll be in Boston for a Tea Party gathering there. Across the country, tea-partiers will be sharing our vision for America’s future, a vision that promotes common sense solutions to out-of-control spending and an out-of-touch political establishment.

Mark Williams, a spokesman for the Tea Party Express group, said the group had no qualms about staging an event in one of the nation’s most liberal states. He said,

It’s a working stiff state that’s neither blue nor red

Apparently, Mr. Williams is as uneducated as Sarah Palin. Otherwise he would have known that far from being a “working stiff” state, Massachusetts ranks number one in the nation with 37.9 percent of its population having at least a bachelor’s degree. It also ranks third in the nation in personal per capita income and only forty-first in the number of people living below the poverty line. Additionally, it ranks first in the nation in the category of number of doctors per 100,000 people. Furthermore, Moody’sEconomy.com reports that the Massachusetts economy emerged from recession last January, well ahead of the rest of the nation. Williams also seems to minimize the fact that of its fourteen elected federal representatives (including the two senators), only Brown is a Republican. The percentage of Massachusetts’ Democratic state representatives and senators exceeds ninety percent. Consequently, would somebody please inform Mr. Williams that Massachusetts is a professional class state that is as deep blue as it could get.

The local media is sure to have a blast when it televises all those Tea-Baggers’ misspelled signs and when it reports upon how Sarah Palin butchered the English language during her xenophobic speech. The event is likely to be remembered as “The Boston Massacre Two”. Finally, somebody should remind Palin and the Tea-Baggers that Bostonians don’t take kindly to people misusing the term “Tea Party” in the home of the original Boston Tea Party.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Please Come To Boston song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBpTedlEFsY

PLEASE COME TO BOSTON

(sung to the Dave Loggins song “Please Come To Boston”)

Please come to Boston late this spring time
Bring all your Tea-Bagger friends
To spread your doom and gloom
Holding misspelled banners on the sidewalk
Sarah Palin will fly in on her witch’s broom
Please come to Boston
For the show
It’s a Tea Party

And we’ll say, “Hey, Tea-Baggers,
Why don’t you settle down?
Boston ain’t your kind of town.
You’re being told that
We all despise Sarah P.
She won’t find many fans
Where we held the first Tea Party

Please come to Boston for a big brawl
Your heads shoved up in your asses so far
That they can’t be found.
Sarah Palin will bring the flames for fannin’
But Beantowners will bury her and not in hallowed ground.
Please come to Boston
Face your foes
In the city by the sea

And we’ll say, “Tea-Bagging boys,
Put your tea kettles down
Boston ain’t your kind of town.
You’re being told that
We all despise Sarah P.
She won’t find many fans
Where we held the real Tea Party

Now, Palin’s voice is a piercing sound
And no doubt, it’s never gonna stop
But ol’ Boston is a college town
With brains that she ain’t got
That goes for Van Flein too,
Her lawyer that she clings to.

Please come to Boston but not forever
Palin will provide a nice comedic fill
When her speech is finished we’ll throw her in the ocean
She’ll “go with the flow” like last July
She’ll look like an oil spill
Please come to Boston
Bring Plumber Joe
You can stay with Mitt Romney

And she said, Hey, Romney boy,
Why don’t you settle down?
Boston sure ain’t my kind of town
They don’t like fools so
They won’t like no-one like me.
No, no I am sure to be banned
In that city by the sea.
I am sure to be banned
In that city by the sea.”

Rush “To Judgment” Limbaugh and the Idiot Brigade

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has not commented too frequently of late on the antics of the obese and drug addled Rush Limbaugh. This however, seems to be the perfect occasion to reacquaint ourselves with Limbaugh and his “Excrement In Broadcasting” program.

Limbaugh, as you may know, is the radio personality that flunked out of Southeast Missouri State University after only two semesters and one summer session. To date, he has no college degree. As we all know, however, a lack of education has never been an impediment to advancement within right wing conservative circles. Limbaugh’s educational pedigree measures up well with those of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Joe the Plumber (we have not yet been able to determine the educational background of Joe Sixpack).

He also likes to ruminate on morality and family values. And if anyone knows a lot about families through sheer personal experience, it’s Limbaugh. He has been married three times. As for morality, he used to enjoy spouting off about the necessity of drug offenders receiving stiff jail sentences. That all changed, however, in 2006 when he surrendered to Palm Beach County (Florida) officials on charges of doctor shopping as the result of his own drug addiction to oxycodone and hydrocodone. He did everything within his power to avoid just such a sentence. Speaking of stiff sentences, let’s not forget that in June of 2006 he was detained by drug enforcement officials at Palm Beach International Airport when he attempted to bring a bottle of Viagra (the prescription was in somebody else’s name, by the way) into the country.

Limbaugh’s latest misguided, non-sensicle on-air tirade was directed at guess who? You got it, President Barack Obama. Remember last month when the druggie criticized Obama for taking too long (mind you, it was only 3 days) to make a statement regarding the Underwear Bomber? Well, this week he has taken the opposite tact. He is now criticizing the President for speaking out too soon on the Haiti disaster. He said,

I want you to remember it took him three days, three days to respond to the Christmas day fruit of kaboom bomber. Three days and when he came out after those three days he was clearly irritated that he had to do it. He didn’t want to do it. He comes out here in less than twenty-four hours to speak about Haiti. (cut to sound clip pf president). This is what he lives for. He lives for serving those in misery… I don’t have the whole press conference but I wonder did he apologize for America before acknowledging we are the only people on earth that can possibly help them out down there. In any significant way.

Limbaugh is in dire need of psychological help. Does he have no sense of perspective? Does he not realize that although it was a dangerous and significant event, the attempted Christmas day bombing was luckily thwarted with no loss of life, while the Haiti earthquake killed thousands and has left millions clinging to life? Furthermore, where did he get the egocentric idea that the United States is the only country on earth that can possibly help them out?

Perhaps Roger Ebert said it best in his open letter to Limbaugh which was published on his website Rogerebert.com. Here it is:

To: Rush Limbaugh
From: Roger Ebert

You should be horse-whipped for the insult you have paid to the highest office of our nation.

Having followed President Obama’s suggestion and donated money to the Red Cross for relief in Haiti, I was offended to hear you suggest the President might be a thief capable of stealing money intended for the earthquake victims.

Here is a transcript from your program on Thursday:

Justin of Raleigh, North Carolina: “Why does Obama say if you want to donate some money, you could go to whitehouse.gov to direct you how to do so? If I wanted to donate to the Red Cross, why do I have to go to the White House page to donate?”

Limbaugh: “Exactly. Would you trust the money’s gonna go to Haiti?”

Justin: “No.”

Rush: “But would you trust that your name’s gonna end up on a mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?”

Justin: “Absolutely!”

Limbaugh: “Absolutely!”

That’s what was said.

Unlike you and Justin of Raleigh, I went to Obama’s web site, and discovered the link there leads directly to the Red Cross. I can think of a reason why anyone might want to go via the White House. That way they can be absolutely sure they’re clicking on the Red Cross and not a fake site set up to exploit the tragedy.

But let me be sure I have this right. You and Justin agree that Obama might steal money intended for the Red Cross to help the wretched of Haiti.

This conversation came 48 hours after many of us had seen pitiful sights from Port au Prince. Tens of thousands are believed still alive beneath the rubble. You twisted their suffering into an opportunity to demean the character of the President of the United States.

This cannot have been an accident. A day earlier, in a sound bite from your show, you said “this will play right into Obama’s hands. He’s humanitarian, compassionate. They’ll use this to burnish their, shall we say, ‘credibility’ with the black community — in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country. It’s made-to-order for them.”

Setting aside your riff on Harry Reid, consider what you imply. Obama will aid Haiti to please African-Americans. Haiti has lost untold thousands of lives. One third of the population has lost its homes. Countless people are still buried in the rubble. Every American president would act quickly to help our neighbor. You are so cynical and heartless as to explain Obama’s action in a way that unpleasantly suggests how your mind works.

You have a sizable listening audience. You apparently know how to please them. Anybody given a $400 million contract must know what he is doing.

That’s what offends me. You know exactly what you’re doing.

This is a perfect example of how Limbaugh and the rest of the right-wing idiot brigade will say anything to discredit Barack Obama no matter how commendable his actions may be. And they sound stupid while doing it.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets

Finally, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish everyone a Happy Martin Luther King Day! Please do something nice for someone today.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Puff The Magic Dragon song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU&feature=related

RUSH THE TRAGIC MAGGOT

(sung to the Peter, Paul and Mary song “Puff The Magic Dragon”)

Rush the tragic maggot lives by the sea
Was born in 1951 in a state called Missouri
Limbaugh’s education went down in a flush
He made it two semesters and his family kept it hush, oh

Rush the tragic maggot had an injury
It was a pilonidal cyst in a place he could not see
Rush the magic maggot petitioned his country
Then they deemed him too unfit for the military

Therefore he did not travel off to the Ho Chi Minh Trail
Limbaugh the rabid chickenhawk was deemed to be too frail
So he became a disc jockey and pursued his fame
Alas he was a failure as his music taste was lame, oh

Rush the tragic maggot found ABC
And began his talk radio stint shilling for the G.O.P.
Rush the tragic maggot tried football on Monday
But when he showed his racist trait they canned his ass hastily

The maggot talks forever and his voice sure annoys
Calls his listeners “ditto heads” while he’s making noise
Rush thinks that he matters and is gen’rally adored
Poor Rush does not realize he’s like a mouse that roars

The mike that he speaks into bigger, than his brain
His brain-dead thoughtless audience is his gravy train
“Operation Chaos” failed in a big way
Despite all Rush’s efforts the Dems won running away, oh

Rush the tragic maggot lives happily
He doctor shops his days away and frequents pharmacies
Rush the tragic maggot loves his Oxy-C
And when he’s feeling a bit down, there’s the blue pill known as “V”

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