Category Archives: Joe Sixpack

Sarah Palin: A Holiday History

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

It is interesting to note how Sarah Palin supporters and detractors seem to exist in two distinct parallel universes. Each group witnesses Palin’s actions and words, is advised of her education and credentials, and views the same media coverage of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. Yet, the detractors (who live in the universe of factual reality) see a minimally educated, honesty deprived, science denying, religiously intolerant, backstabbing, anti-feminist, incoherent, hate speaking, chickenhawk, job quitting, unemployed social networker. The supporters (who live in the universe of unicorns and myth) see something completely different. They see Sarah Palin as a country loving, tell it like it is, mavericky, God fearing, troop honoring, motherly, Joe Sixpack, one of us, forever victimized, de-facto President of the United States.

A fine example of this difference of opinion regarding Caribou Barbie was aired last week on NPR (National Public Radio) in a segment wherein mothers discussed their impressions of Sarah Palin’s ghostwritten fiction titled, Going Rogue. Thereafter on December 9, 2009, U.S. News and World Reports Letters and Comments section featured a number of entries from a cross-section of listeners of the NPR program. It is astounding to read how completely differently the Palin supporters and detractors view the book. As usual however, the detractors corroborate their negative assessments with facts and logical argument while the supporters refrain from factual argument and instead concentrate on their perceived feelings about Palin’s character, patriotism and victim status. Here are the published letters:

The book is a pretty quick read—interesting when it comes to Sarah’s personal life, but snotty the way she comments about the journalists and the campaign people [“Mothers Discuss Sarah Palin‘s ‘Going Rogue’ on NPR,” usnews.com]. I kept waiting for some kind of “a-ha” moment, where she learned something about herself or why she really decided to follow a certain path, but the book was mostly about how she’s just better than the people she doesn’t like and how they’re just plain jealous or mean or both. She’s vain, petty, and rationalizes a lot. I didn’t care much for her as a politician before the book—too inexperienced, in my opinion, and too reliant on her charm instead of her intelligence. I like her even less now after having read the book. She reminds me of the popular cheerleader in high school who suddenly finds herself a small fish in a big pond when she goes to college and can’t believe she’s not as important or as talented as she always thought she was.

Comment by Katie Van Winkle of ME

I am reading Sarah’s book, and I can’t figure out why so many people hate her. Let’s see, she loves Alaska and America with all her heart. She worked to pay her college tuition and she has always been very hard-working. She has always been frugal. She became a real Christian when she was a young teen. She loves her kids and she chose to have her Down’s syndrome child. She had Democrats, Republicans, and independents on her staff as governor, and she is not rigid and intolerant like Obama’s side claims. She can have civil discussions with people who hold opposing views. The more I read, the more I admire her. I work with people who hate her and can’t talk about her without using abusive language. It makes me sick. The media has spread so many lies about her. I think she’s awesome.

Comment by Susan H. of MN

I listened to the discussion on NPR. I didn’t understand why none of the participants pointed out that Palin presents herself as a bold, no-nonsense, tell-it-like-she-see’s-it regular gal, but she spends a good portion of the book blaming others for her inability to stand up for what she knew to be right during the campaign, from her unsuccessful interviews to the expensive designer clothes. You can’t claim to be feisty and submissively follow orders at the same time. One of the participants said she really thought Palin was a feminist at heart, but how does her unwillingness to take responsibility for her choices or her decision to quit her job as governor help other women to be taken seriously? Finally, I was frustrated to hear one participant say that she really admired and identified with Palin’s view of motherhood. I am a mother and I would never make many of the choices she has made regarding her children: from announcing her young daughter’s pregnancy to the world to parading her special needs toddler around with her on her book signing tour. Perhaps these topics were discussed, but not aired. Ultimately, I came away baffled again, by how Sarah Palin can contradict herself over and over again and still be seen as appealing and honest.

Comment by Pat of MD

Several people have noted that there is a lot of hatred for Palin. They’re right, of course. I don’t know why people feel so strongly about her, and I don’t particularly care. The bottom line is that she has yet to posit a coherent—much less worthwhile—set of policy objectives. Until she does (and I’m not holding my breath), her admirers will continue to admire her for her personal traits and the slogans she throws around so loosely, and her detractors will continue to seize on her more boneheaded statements and construct straw man (straw woman?) arguments accordingly. It doesn’t say much for the state of our political discourse.

Comment by Todd of PA

Lynnrockets’ favorite portion of the above letters appears in the second letter where Susan H. of MN complements Palin because, she “worked to pay her college tuition” and “She has always been frugal.” Since when does working to pay tuition (as most everyone does) somehow qualify a person to be Vice president or God forbid, President of the United States? As for being “frugal”, has Susan not read about the $ 4,000.00 per hour luxury jet or seen the photos of the Palin’s newly constructed Wasilla compound aptly named, “Shangralaska”? There truly are two distinct parallel universes.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

We Three Kings Of The Orient song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOsnNr1-smA

DING-A-LINGS

(Sung to the Christmas song “We Three Kings of the Orient”)

This is a Sarah Palin song
Which explores how things went so wrong
From blood relations through nomination
Her fall  was worse than King Kong’s

Oh, Todd “The First Dude’s”  G. E. D.
Sarah’s unwed pregnancy
Todd’s drunk driving, Sarah’s conniving
Sarah’s safety-school college degree

She was mayor of Wasilla
Todd a part-time oil field driller
Increased teen meth-amphet-amine
Not a community pillar

Oh, the governor she did become
A “Bridge to Nowhere” plans begun
Then, “Thanks But No Thanks” ; budget dough pranks
Double talk from “Hockey Mom”

John McCain needed a V.P.
Someone that was darn ”mavericky”
Up to Alaska, he went to ask her
Now the world knew Sarah P.

Oh, she dazzled all with blinks and winks
Dropping pucks at hockey rinks
Substance was nil; “Drill Ba-by Drill”
These were her campaign hi-jinks

She had sev’ral bad interviews
Charles and Katie had her confused
Mumbling, sighing, nearly crying
This was not fawning Fox News

Oh, Sarah needed her Mo-Jo back
She was killing Johnny Mack
To stop this cancer, she found the answer
“Joe the Plumber” and “Joe Sixpack”

Alas, her plan did not save the day
She was upstaged by Tina Fey
Voter rejection, lost the election
Obama won going away

Oh, Sarah became a door-mat
Returned to her habitat
Someone new in 2-0-1-2
Now she shills for “Arctic Cat”

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Sarah Palin Is A Schmidt-Head

sarah-palin-solemnly-swear-vp

The Arkansas News reports that at a speech at the University of Arkansas Clinton School of Public Service, former McCain adviser and Sarah Palin critic, Steve Schmidt had some kind words for Alaska’s quitting ex-governor. Schmidt said,

I believe to this day that had she not been picked as the vice presidential candidate, we would never have been ahead — not for one second, not for one minute, not for one hour, not for one day.

Then again, when Schmidt was reminded that just a few weeks ago he said that a Palin presidential candidacy would be, “catastrophic” for Republicans in 2012, he stated that he stood by those remarks also. “I said what I said on the 2012 (race). … I said what I said today,” was his retort.

So, apparently Schmidt believes that although Palin was helpful to the McCain campaign while she was an unknown character, her light has been dimmed as the public learned more about her to the extent that her future candidacy would destroy the Republican Party. That does not sound like a vote of confidence for Caribou Barbie.

This seems like an appropriate time to re-visit those lazy-hazy days of the Palin candidacy.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Gilligan’s Island theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Gilligans_Island.html

SARAH’S ISLAND

(Sung to the theme of “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Senile
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

Hong Kong Phooey

Palin explains at CLSA Forum how she likes her Asian men.

Palin explains at CLSA Forum how she likes her Asian men.

There have been no updates thus far over the Labor Day weekend as to the details surrounding Sarah Palin’s guest speaking appearance at the CLSA forum in Hong Kong on September 23rd. We still do not know if the event organizers believe that the quitting ex-governor of Alaska actually has something meaningful to offer this group of investors or if her invitation is actually some sort of practical joke. The safe money however, is on the latter. Stay tuned.

Nonetheless, we have learned that the verbally challenged Republican is offering to have dinner with the highest bidder at a charity auction. The opening bid for this gastrointestinal disaster is $ 25,000.00 and the unlucky winner will have to foot the bill for travel to Alaska. This sure seems like a hefty price for a helping of Palin’s famous word salad. Perhaps there will also be a side dish of chop suey in honor of her friends in the neighboring country of Hong Kong.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to the parody.

Downtown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUSYb3igXzI

HONG KONG

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

When she’s not home cuz life is making her lonely
Know where Palin goes? – Hong Kong
She’ll have to hurry just to avoid snow flurries
And she hates the snow – Hong Kong
We all knew she would lose it staying in Wasilla City
Standing on a sidewalk like a hooker that we pity
Sarah’s a flooze

The lights are much brighter there
She can take a bath with bubbles, and do up her hair
She’ll go Hong Kong, things’ll be great there in
Hong Kong – she’ll do some face paintin’
Hong Kong – she’ll even buy some new shoes

Up above ground she’ll order champagne around two
And “go with the flow” – Hong Kong
Then Sixpack Joe will know some places to go
And she’ll buy new clothes – Hong Kong
She thinks she’ll be a shining star just like a super nova
But does she know that she’ll explode; stardom will be over
‘fore it begins?

The heights are much higher there
All the intensity doubles as will all her fears
Down in Hong Kong – she’ll be uptight alright
Hong Kong – without a clue that night
Hong Kong – Palin is no sacred cow

(musical interlude)

She’ll never find somebody kind that understands her world view
Someone who has got a clue not someone like the First Dude
Tagging along

She’ll see that life is not fair
She will leave town on the double, she’ll get out of there
No more Hong Kong, she will escape those shores
Hong Kong – She’ll head right out the door
Hong Kong – she’ll head straight back to Mat-Su

Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Unlike George W. Bush, Sarah Palin Is Not “The Decider”

Sarah Palin decides on "blue" as the color of her cell at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Palin decides "blue" as her cell color at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Remember when George W. Bush said, “I’m the decider” at a presser shortly before he forced Donald Rumsfeld out as Secretary of Defense? In doing so, he coined a new phrase. Sarah Palin, the quitting ex-governor of Alaska might consider doing the same. Perhaps she could say, “I’m the non-decider.”

Seems that “Bewildered Barbie” has once again backed out of a speaking arrangement that she previously agreed to. The Alaskans For Parental Rights organization scheduled a public event for August 27, 2009 at the ChangePoint Church in Anchorage, Alaska. The printed announcement indicates that Palin will not only be present, but she will be the first person to sign the group’s petition regarding parental notification of teen abortions (see the announce ment, here). The announcement was widely distributed both electronically and in print form for weeks.

Sarah Palin’s spokesperson, Meg Stapleton said on August 26th however, that Palin will not appear at the event because she had never heard anything about it? Hmmm, does something smell a little fishy in Denmark? It should because Palin pulls these type of “I will be there” wait “No, I will not be there” stunts all of the time.

First there was the Republican Winter Meeting in D.C. when she backed out allegedly because she had official business to attend to in Alaska, but in actuality she instead attended the Alfalfa Club dinner in D.C. Next, there was the infamous CPAC Conference in which she cancelled her appearance at the last second because she claimed that she had never agreed to attend. This was followed by her “on again” “off again” keynote speaker engagement at the Republican Senate/House Fundraiser in which on two separate occasions, she agreed and then declined to be said speaker before finally being replaced by Newt Gingrich. Finally, there was her non-appearance at the Simi Valley (California) Republican Women’s Fundraiser in which she once again stated that she never agreed to attend.

Either Sarah Palin does not know how to read a calendar, or there is some truth to The Globe Magazine‘s allegation that she has suffered a nervous breakdown as the result of marital problems. Is she indecisive or is she locked away in the proverbial “nervous hospital”? Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody is a take-off on The Clash‘s 1984 hit, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It just seems so fitting.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune, but to also have more fun singing along.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO

(sung to The Clash song, Should I Stay Or Should I Go)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, we agree to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Will you agree to pay us back?
You’ll be there with “Plumber Joe”
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she comes, we’ll pay her double
But she might stay inside her bubble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Why won’t the asylum set her free?
Is she confined under lock and key?
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
Or then her nerve pills might be doubled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all the “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Palin Praises Pageant Pal, Prejean

Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin - Pageant Pals

Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin - Pageant Pals

There is that alliteration again. Gotta love it. Let’s take a little stroll down memory lane.

Remember when the gracious ex-Governor of Alaska came to the defense of Miss California, Carrie Prejean, who stirred up a world of controversy after publicly stating that she opposed gay marriage. Sarah Palin telephoned the beauty queen so as to personally deliver her support, and then said,

“The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable. Our Constitution protects us all – not just those that agree with the far left.”

That was just one of many examples of Palin needing a refresher course in Constitutional Law. Had she attended any one single institution of higher education for more than a month or two, she may have learned that the Constitution of “this great nation of ours” protects a person’s right to free speech from impingement by the government. In the present case, Ms. Prejean’s rights remained fully intact. At no time were her statements in any way barred or censored.

What Ms. Palin failed to understand, however, was that Prejean’s comments are not protected from criticism. The Constitution provides the same protections afforded Ms. Prejean to her critics should they decide to speak publicly about her. And indeed, those critics came well armed.

It was a fact that California Pageant officials paid for Ms. Prejean’s breast enhancement surgery in an attempt to, might we say “enhance” her chances of victory. Such an act was not an outright defiance of pageant rules, but many critics believed such surgery to be a violation of the “spirit” of the competition. They contended that if professional sports leagues banned the use of performance enhancing drugs and steroids in the spirit of maintaining a fair competition amongst athletes, the same standards should apply to a fair competition which judges physical beauty.

It is also a fact that Ms. Prejean was knowingly photographed in a semi-nude state prior to the Miss America Pageant and failed to disclose same to the officials. This transgression on the part of the contestant was in direct breach of the rules of the pageant. Once again, her critics were justified in criticizing her. Finally, remember how soap opera-like it was when her Ms. California crown was taken away by pageant officials only to have it restored by pageant director, Donald Trump, only to then have him strip her of the crown for failing to attend required events? Ahhh, those were the days.

In short, Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean have a lot in common. They both are beauty pageant runner-ups and they both fail to understand the protections granted by the Constitution of the United States of America. Ms. Prejean, however is only 19 years old and has the opportunity now to pursue a meaningful college education after which she can apply her refined knowledge in whatever vocation she chooses. Sarah Palin, on the other hand is a 47 year old grown woman who long ago chose politics and government as her vocation. It is embarrassing that she came to said vocation so ill prepared.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Copacabana song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHp9a5FwrI

COPACAVILLA

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”)

Her name was Sarah, She was a schoolgirl
With lots of style gel in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She used to play flute, no not the skin type
And yes she was a sportscaster, a job that she could not master
Although she was a pup, with Todd she got knocked-up
They were young and they had each other
Just a mere hiccup

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Those rimless glasses made them look like asses
At the Copa…they fell in love

(Copa Copacavilla)

His name was Toddie, she liked his body
They got married one fine day, He insisted he’s not gay
They said a prayer, then she was mayor
But to add some attitude, she changed his name to the “First Dude”
Sarah then hired some crooks, and then she banned some books
There was trouble with city contracts
So they cooked the books

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Handouts and kickbacks and lots of “Joe Sixpacks”
At the Copa…next it was Guv

(Copa..Copacavilla)
(Copa Copacavilla) (Copacavilla, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacavilla)
(Wasilla,  rhymes with vanilla)
(Dumbness and fashion… were always her passion)

Her name is Sarah, she is the Guv’nor
She even tried to be V.P.,  cuz she was so damn “Mavericky”
That was a pipedream for our gal, Sarah
The job was above her pay-grade. More substance in lemonade
Her inlaw getting high. Now she just hates Levi
She lost the race and she lost her mojo
Now she’s lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla (Copacavilla)
The hottest spot north of Wasilla (Here)
At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla
No education. Unwed procreation
At the Copa…That’s our ex- Guv

(Copa) That’s our ex- Guv
Copacavilla
Copacavilla
(Fade to end)

Palin Gets Slapped Down On Stimulus Veto

Palin 2012 Insane

Congratulations to the Alaska State Legislature for over-riding former Governor Sarah Palin’s veto of federal stimulus funds. This is another clear indication that the quitter was not as popular in her home state as her supporters claim. Indeed, she must be very unpopular inasmuch as Alaska is a very Red State with Republican majorities in its legislature. Is it just me, or can you also begin to hear that proverbial “Fat Lady” beginning to sing?

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

I’ve Got A Feeling song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtKT6QDYOQ8

I’M SARAH PALIN

(sung to The Beatles song “I’ve Got A Feeling”)

I’m Sarah Palin, a Palin deep inside
Oh yeah, Oh yeah (that’s right)
I’m Sarah Palin, a fact that I can’t hide
Oh no, no, Oh no! Oh no
Ya betcha! I’m Sarah Palin. Yeah!

Oh God believe me, I think I’ve gone insane
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah
And if you see me, I’m on the Crazy Train
Oh no, oh no, oh no
Ya betcha! I’m Sarah Palin. Yeah!
I’m Sarah Palin

All these years I’ve been living in Alaska,
Wondering why folks thought it was so great,
When all I ever really wanted was to live in the
Lower Forty-Eight

I’m Sarah Palin, Naughty Monkeys on my toes
Oh yeah, Oh yeah
I’m Sarah Palin, sporting “Arctic Cat” clothes
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh yeah
Ya betcha! I’m Sarah Palin. Yeah!

Every Palin had a hard year
Every Palin had a good whine
Every Palin has a snowmachine
Every Palin hates Ol’ Levi
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh yeah
Every Palin had a brain cramp
Every Palin loves both the “Joes”
Every Palin  had a junket

Every Palin sportin’ new clothes
Oh yeah, Yeah! WOOOOHOO!

(repeat with both parts sung simultaneously)
[Oh my soul…it’s so hard]

Palin Is Once Again In A New York State Of Mind

Sarah Palin clutches "doggie bag" from swanky Michael's restaurant in NYC

Sarah Palin clutches "doggie bag" from swanky Michael's restaurant in NYC

Doesn’t it seem that Sarah Palin is in New York City more frequently than the Yankees? This week she was in the Big Apple ostensibly to meet with her publisher concerning her memoir to be released this spring. As part of the junket, she dined at Manhatten’s trendy (dare we say, “elitist”) Michaels restaurant. Her dining partners were husband (?) Todd, agent Michael Barnett and Meg Stapleton. Why was Meg Stapleton there? What is her role in the book deal?

The other curiosity is that Palin always seems to spend her East Coast time in those trendy, elitist places that she so often attributes to be out of touch with mainstream America’s values. What is the story here? Is Palin really covetous of the East Coast liberal elite lifestyle? Is she a spy for mainstream America that is attempting to infiltrate the domain of the liberal elite? Please Sarah, do tell.

Today’s song parody is derived from Billy Joel’s Scenes From An Italian Restaurant. Palin’s swanky dinner seems the perfect setting for a dittie concerning the rumors of her marital problems and husband Todd’s aggressive behavior towards Levi Johnston. Please enjoy.

Scenes From An Italian Restaurant song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_27TGdbLdj8

SCENES FROM A NEW YORK RESTAURANT

(sung to the Billy Joel song “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant”)

A bottle of white, and Palin’s still wed
But if looks could kill Todd would be stone dead
They’re at a table near the street
In that fancy New York place
Stifled cries – face to face hm, hm
A bottle of red, a mouthful of spite
They’re at Michaels in Manhattan tonight
SarahPAC money she will flaunt

In that elitist restaurant.

(musical interlude)

It’s not okay with she these days
She don’t have a job, no elective office
Might be an ex-wife, needs a new life
Can she use a life line?

Oh, she lost touch long ago
Shoveling hate, just like snow
But she paid a hefty price while on the state dime.

Does she remember those days of Arctic Cat and snow-machines?
Red leather boots, leather jackets and tight blue jeans
Oh, and all those lines that she tossed about unwed pregnant teens
Big tears, loud fights, Bristol’s romantic teenage nights ooh, ooh

(musical interlude)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…
Sarah and First Dude forced down all of that good food
Like the great dad and the hockey mom
Smiles all around, winking eyes so brown, putting a good show on
Good looking state forty-niners
Far more accustomed to Wasilla diners
They never knew we could sense all their trouble and strife
But it was evident Palins don’t know a spoon from a knife.

Oh, oh, oh, oh…

Sarah and First Dude are tricky and so shrewd that’s how they learned to survive
But where was her husband when she quit on the third of July?
Everyone knows Sarah’s crazy
Todd hasn’t a job because he’s lazy
And Sarah is now enchanted by big city life
Oh, we remember wavin’ ole Sarah Palin goodbye
Oh, oh, oh

Well she’ll get an apartment with wolf-hide carpet
So long as her neighbors aren’t queer
She might dye red, that beehive on her head
Or buy a new wig down at Sears
The Big Apple she’ll bite with her friends that are white
But she’ll never escape all the jeers
Oh, oh yeah lock and load
Oh, oh, oh

(musical interlude)

Well, she’ll live for a while the elitist lifestyle
But soon it will come to an end
Just like her divorce it will happen, of course
Then she’ll call on her SarahPAC friends
You see, the Wasilla queen will be lacking in green
So she will rob her supporters again
Oh, oh

Sarah’s unsteady, we knew it already when she sported that slutty beehive
From her highs to her lows and her fake Sixpack Joes
She could never survive
She likes to shout cheers from the bleachers
When she’s not being blessed by witchcraft preachers
And Todd’s still tryin’ to put a bullet in Levi
Oh, and that’s all we know about Sarah and First Dude

It went from big cheers to getting themselves booed
And here we are wavin’ Sarah and First Dude goodbye
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

Yeah

A bottle of red, a mouthful of spite
She will choke on her food here tonight
She’ll order anything she wants
At Michael’s New York restaurant.

It’s A Laugh A Minute With Sarah Palin

palin_motivator1

As the summer season winds down, we thought that it might be fun to re-visit some of those lazy, hazy, crazy days of Sarah Palin. The ex-governor of Alaska has no real substance, but like one of those moronic films that attracts teens to the cineplex all summer long, she provides a lot of cheap laughs. Let’s list a few.

“Absolutely not. I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we’ve taken, that … that would … bring this whole … I’m not doing this for naught.” –Sarah Palin, asked about her plans for 2012 and whether she would disappear from the national political scene if she loses, ABC News interview, Oct. 29, 2008

“I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.'” –Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval of the city council

“We need to come to the defense of Southeast Alaska when proposals are on the table like the bridge and not allow the spinmeisters to turn this project or any other into something that’s so negative.” –Sarah Palin, on the Bridge to Nowhere, interview with the Ketchikan Daily News, Oct. 2006

I said, “thanks but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere”;

“What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick!”;

“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.”

“All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”

“[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.” –Sarah Palin, getting the vice president’s constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with and automatically throw them out.” –Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn’t be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

“It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.” –Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

“That was fun!” –Sarah Palin, conducting an interview after pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving while other turkeys were slaughtered in the background, Nov. 20, 2008

“I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is.” –Sarah Palin, on running for national office in the future, FOX News interview, Nov. 10, 2008

“Ohh, good, thank you, yes.” –Sarah Palin, after the Canadian prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler’s “Nailin Paylin,” Nov. 1, 2008

“We realize that more and more Americans are starting to see the light there and understand the contrast. And we talk a lot about, OK, we’re confident that we’re going to win on Tuesday, so from there, the first 100 days, how are we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?” –Sarah Palin, suggesting we are at war with Iran, FOX News interview, Nov. 1, 2008

“If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I don’t know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media.” –Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008

“And Alaska — we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs. … It’s to maximize benefits for Alaskans, not an individual company, not some multinational somewhere, but for Alaskans.” –Sarah Palin, explaining the windfall profits tax that she imposed on the oil industry in Alaska as a mechanism for ensuring that Alaskans “share in the wealth” generated by oil companies, New Yorker interview, Sept. 2008

“I’m very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that.” –Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state’s ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008

“I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also.” –Sarah Palin, on not answering the questions in the vice presidential debate, St. Louis, Missouri, Oct. 2, 2008

“I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.” –Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008 (Watch video clip)

Katie Couric: “What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?”
Sarah Palin: “Well, let’s see. There’s –of course –in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are — those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know — going through the history of America, there would be others but–”
Couric: “Can you think of any?”
Palin: “Well, I could think of — of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I’m so privileged to serve, wouldn’t be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today.” –unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy.” –Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008

“The fact is that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” –Sarah Palin, on the two companies which are in fact private entities, Colorado Springs, CO, Sept. 13, 2008

“Perhaps so.” –Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

“I have not, and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you.” –Sarah Palin, after being asked if she had never met a foreign head of state, despite the fact that every vice president in the last 32 years had met a foreign head of state prior to taking office, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

“Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that’s with the energy independence that I’ve been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy.” –Sarah Palin, misstating the actual amount of energy produced by Alaska, which is only 3.5 percent, Sept. 11, 2008 (Watch the raw, unedited video)

“You’ll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans.” –Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008

“As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?” –Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC’s “Kudlow & Co”, July 2008 (Watch video clip)

“When I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think, ‘Man, that doesn’t do us any good, women in politics, or women in general, trying to progress this country.” –Sarah Palin, on complaints from Hillary Clinton’s campaign about sexist coverage, Spring 2008

“Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.” –Sarah Palin, declaring her support for abstinence-only education in a questionnaire during her 2006 gubernatorial race

“What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?” –Sarah Palin, inquiring with Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons about banning books right after taking office in 1996.

We, here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would love to be reminded of any other great Palinisms or blunders that we may have overlooked. Please leave examples in the Comment section.

Today’s song parody continues with the Summer Fun theme. We’re off to see Paul McCartney at venerable old Fenway Park tonight, so we thought a Beatles song would be appropriate.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Here Comes The Sun song link:

HERE COMES THE FUN

(Sung to The Beatles song “Here Comes the Sun”)

Here comes the fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Here comes the fun,
Sarah says, “hold on tight”.

Little Sarah, it’s been a really funny tenure
Little Sarah, you’ve been a buffoon without peer
Here comes the fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Here comes the fun,
Sarah gives, great sound bytes

Little Sarah, you said, “Thanks But No Thanks” so often
Barracuda, “Drill Baby Drill” just sounds so queer
Let’s have more fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Let’s have more fun,
Barbie gives “Pitbull” bites

Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…

Caribou girl, your tiff with Levi so becoming
Hockey Mom, we laughed so hard that it brought tears
Let’s have more fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Let’s have more fun,
Yes we say it’s alright

Let’s have more fun,
Let’s have more fun,
It’s alright
It’s alright

Palin And The Press

Palin-and-the-press

Just when you think that you are finally free of her, Sarah Palin reaches out, grabs you and drags you right back on to her planet. She gave her resignation (er, quitting) address yesterday and could not restrain herself from taking another shot at the press. She said:

And first, some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence.  You represent what could and should be a respected honest profession that could and should be the cornerstone of our democracy.  Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that’s why our troops are willing to die for you.  So, how ’bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up.

Huh? She failed of course, to give even one concrete example of the press “makin’ things up” about her or her family, so we must only speculate as to what she could have meant.

Let’s see, could it be that she couldn’t name a Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade? No, that was true. She could not.

Could it have been when they stated that she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads? No, that was also true.

Could it be that the press exposed the fact that her teenaged unwed daughter was pregnant? No, in fact she volunteered that spicy tidbit herself before a national audience.

It must have been when the press falsely reported that it took her six years and five colleges before she earned her college degree. Nope, that was true also. To her credit though, even though she quit four colleges, she only quit one elected office.

If it is none of the above, then just what did the press make up about her and her family. When asked that precise question, Sarah Palin’s response was…

I’ll have to get back to ya on that

Oh, Sarah? We are still waiting.

Click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

You’re So Vain song link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3dzr8_youre-so-vain-carly-simon_music

YOU’RE  SO LAME

(sung to the Carly Simon song, “You’re So Vain

You’re in the G.O.P. party
You think of yourself as a big shot
Your rimless glasses in front of your two eyes
Your shoes are a polka dot
You’re a fashion disaster, like
A whore in the parking lot
And John McCain dreamed that he’d be your partner
He’d be your partner, but

You’re so lame
You probably thought you’d win the election
You’re to blame
For causing massive voter rejection
Yes you. Yes you.

You hurried back to Alaska
Where you were still known as the Guv
You showed your disdain for the Legislature
You thought you could push and shove
But they taught you a thing or two
When they shot down Wayne Ross
Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection

Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

Well, I hear you flew down to NYC
And took little Bristol along
You need to mend some fences with the G.O.P.
While Bristol sings her abstinence song
With the Fox News folks you’ll wine and dine
And take a photo or two
Then you’ll return to Alaska as a disaster
As a disaster, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

The Sarah Palin Song You’ve Been Waiting For!!!

Sarah Palin gives history lesson to SarahPAC members.

Sarah Palin gives history lesson to SarahPAC members.

The Anti-Palin Funny Song Blog Marathon continues all weekend long here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off. That’s right, we will post anti-Palin songs and articles at a breathtaking pace for the next 48 hours in an attempt to keep you amused and informed during the final days of the Reign of Sarah Palin.

It is hard to believe that the short-lived but greatly divisive governorship of Sarah Palin is over. Thankfully, we will retain our memories of her hapless hijinks. The next several blog entries and song parodies will commemorate many of the Palin era lowlights. Please check back frequently as new entries will be posted rapidly in an attempt to keep you fully entertained prior to Caribou Barbie’s resignation speech. Also too, please leave a comment or three as they are always appreciated.

The following song parody is one that we have wanted to pen for a long time because of the original’s lengthy lyrics and popularity. We did not want to waste it on a pithy subject, but the end of Palin’s Reign of Terror seems worthy. Please enjoy a parody of Don McLean‘s 1971 hit single, American Pie. You might even want to print the words and distribute it to your friends and family so that you can have a sing-along at your Palin Farewell Parties. Better yet, if you are Alaskan, you could have that sing-along at one of Barbie’s Official Picnics this weekend.

Click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHvDTUSd1Ws

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July