Category Archives: Greta Van Susteren

Palin (Like Trump) Is A Presidential Poser

And then there was one. Inasmuch as candidate-imposters and Fox News employees Donald “Birther” Trump and Mike Huckabee(Hound) have finally made it official and dropped out of the quest for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination, that leaves only one more pretender in the mix. Sarah Palin (also a Fox News employee), continues to hint that she might seek the Republican nomination. She is a guest for hire on nearly every Fox program whereon she will not answer the question directly, but continues to insist that she has what it takes to be Commander in Chief.

Do not believe her. Like Huckabee and Trump, Sarah Palin is much more interested in simply using the presidential ploy as a means to promote the Palin product. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska is well aware of the fact that she will become irrelevant the moment the American people (and tabloid magazines) know that she will not be a candidate. Consequently, she continues the charade for as long as possible with the singular goal of selling more books and landing more television gigs in her quest for celebrity status and the almighty dollar. Sarah Palin does not care about the nation, she cares only about herself. She is a prime example of a narcissist.

It is obvious to the casual observer that Sarah Palin is not qualified to be the President of the United States. Not only did she up and quit her last executive position when things got tough after serving only two years (see, ethics complaints), but since then she has demonstrated that she has a dangerous hair-trigger demeanor. Whenever she is critiqued in a newspaper or magazine, Palin instinctively counter-attacks before the ink has dried by means of the sophomoric mediums of Facebook or Twitter. Whenever an international conflict makes the news, Palin calls for an immediate knee-jerk US military response. Whenever a member of the Obama administration advocates anything (including such things as the promotion of healthy eating), Palin opposes it regardless of merit. Simply stated, Sarah Palin lacks the ability to engage in the process of well thought-out and sober decision-making.

Nonetheless, Palin continues to promote herself as a viable candidate. She appeared with BFF Greta Van Susteren (where else but on Fox News) the other night and was asked if she will run. Palin’s response?

“I think my problem is that I do have the fire in my belly. I am so adamantly supportive of the good, traditional things about America and our free enterprise system and I want to make sure that America is put back on the right track and we only do that by defeating Obama in 2012. I have that fire in my belly.”

She went on to say that what’s holding her back are “practical, pragmatic decisions” including “sacrifices that have to be made on my children’s part… but yeah, the fire in the belly, it’s there. That’s kind of my problem is that it’s such a roaring fire in my belly to preserve and restore all that’s good about America that I struggle with that every single day.”

You see, she keeps the dream alive while simultaneously providing an excuse for her inevitable announcement that she will not throw her hat in the ring. it is interesting that Sarah Palin says that she is concerned about the sacrifices that would have to be made on her children’s part if she chooses to enter the race. She did not appear to be too concerned about that back in 2008 when she elected to be on the Republican ticket before discussing the issue with her children.

Sarah Palin has about 30 seconds left of those famous 15 minutes.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link:


(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still “go with the flow”?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has-been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Sarah Palin: Spudnuts, Hookers, Masturbation And A Whole Lotta Stupid

See No Future, Hear No Future, Speak No Future

I think that we can feel confident in saying that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “jump the shark” is generally defined as the point in time when a once popular person or thing begins to lose popularity and, in an attempt to regain its former status, veers off course and into the absurd never to recover again. The term originated during a 1977 episode of the once famously popular television sitcom, Happy Days. In that episode, the oh, so cool Fonzie, while water skiing (clad in leather motorcycle jacket and swim trunks) in California, performed a daredevil jump over a confined shark. Critics now refer to that moment as the single point in time when Happy Days hit rock bottom and never recovered. In other words, that was the moment in time when the show “jumped the shark.” Get it?

For those of you that still do not “get it”, let’s go to the tape shall we?

Ok, are we all on board now? Good. Let’s carry on.

Sarah Palin, the once popular Tea Party icon jumped the shark on January 8, 2011 when Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and 19 others were gunned down by a lunatic who was resorting to his “2nd Amendment remedies”. The previous March, Palin unveiled a very ill-conceived political ad which identified Ms. Giffords by name and placed a sniper-sight symbol over her congressional district. Palin’s ad proved to be eerily predictive of the Tucson massacre.

As the result of her ad and the ultimate shooting, Palin would now be linked to this brutally violent and senseless act forever. Her popularity began to sink. Her attempts at rehabilitating her image via a self-produced video statement (now known as the “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech) and multiple softball interviews on Fox News (where else?) proved unsuccessful. Immediately after the failed rehab effort, all things Palin veered off course and into the absurd.

First she was snubbed by her very own Tea Party when moonbat-crazy Teapublican Michele Bachmann was selected to provide the official Tea Bagger response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address. Not to be out-shined by the emerging Bachmann star, Palin ran to good friend Greta Van Susteren over at Fox News (where else?) to provide her own SOTU retort. Needless to say, it was a doozy. She reinforced the emerging public opinion that, as Karl Rove said, “she lacks the gravitas” to be President when she resorted to the tasteless street lingo of “WTF” when referring to Obama’s oft repeated “Winning the Future” phrase. She then showed that she completely missed the President’s point that Americans should seize the opportunity to expand into the new fields of “green” industry so as to beat foreign nations to the punch when he called this a “sputnik moment”. She also proved (once again) that she has no grasp of history when she claimed that the Soviet sputnik mission drove the country into bankruptcy and subsequent collapse. That was a true “WTF” moment for Alsaka’s “space case”.

More absurdity came when Palin then segwayed into saying that what America needs is a “spudnut” moment. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska was referring to a wildly successful donut shop in Washington state known as The Spudnut Shop. It goes without saying (but we will say it anyway) that the owners are friends of the Palin family. She implied that America must concentrate on small business development through less government taxation and regulation. Her analogy was well off base however, because despite what Palin considers to be an environment of far too much taxation and regulation, The Spudnut Shop is prospering. Apparently those taxes and regulation are not impeding the success of The Spudnut shop in the least. Another “WTF” moment for the Queen of Quit.

Next up, we had the National Enquirer breaking the story that Todd Palin was cheating on Sarah with an Alaskan masseuse/prostitute. Of course Sarah took to the Fox airwaves yet again to say that the Anchorage (AK) police have confirmed that no evidence exists which would implicate Todd in the involvement with a prostitution ring. But that is not the point. Nobody reported that her husband was involved in a prostitution ring. It was reported that Todd cheated on Sarah with a woman who happens to be a prostitute. This is a subtle yet very important difference.

Finally, there is the Tracy Morgan episode. The “30 Rock Star” stunned viewers when he appeared on the TNT Network‘s “Inside The NBA” broadcast on Thursday and made lewd remarks about Sarah Palin. Host Charles Barkley asked the funnyman, “Sarah Palin’s good looking, isn’t she?” prompting Morgan to reply, “Now let me tell you something about Sarah Palin man, she’s good masturbation material. The glasses and all that? Great masturbation material.” Morgan’s words are indefensible but they highlight the perception that Sarah Palin is no longer scene as a serious player in the political world. At least in one person’s opinion she has been reduced to a mere object of ridicule.

Lynnrockets’ proclaims that Sarah Palin has jumped the shark!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Happy Days TV theme song link:

Palin Days

(sung to the TV theme of “Happy Days”)

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
The weekend’s here, that “Bridge to Nowhere”,
“Thanks But Not Thanks” to you.

She prays for hours. To be Big P.
She prays for hours. With the A.I.P.

Hello, “Joe Sixpack” she loves you, “Joe the Plumber” is her type too.
She did it with Todd, she did it with John. she feels like a “pig with lipstick” on!

Sunday, Monday, Palin days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Palin days.
Thursday, Friday, Palin days.
Saturday, Oh, Tina Fey,
I’ve been dreamin’ all week of you.

She prays for hours. “Caribou Barbie”.
She prays for hours. Who’ll tea-bag me?.

These Palin days, she did resign
These Palin days, she’s a punch-line, Palin days.

Does Sarah Palin Read Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off?

Boy, what a coincidence. Or was it? Remember, Sarah Palin says that she does not believe in coincidences. Nevertheless, it is peculiar that on the very evening after we posted a blog entry which postulated that potential G.O.P. presidential nominee rivals Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann may be in a cat-fight of iced-tea proportions, Palin appears on Fox News (where else?) and purrs complementary sweet nothings in the direction of Bachmann. You have to wonder, does palin ever find herself humming along to any of those song parodies? Probably not, but it would be humorous!

We wrote yesterday that the throne of the Tea Party is in dispute. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska held the title of Queen of the Tea Baggers from the movement’s inception right on up to her disastrous “I Was The Actual Victim Of The Tucson Massacre” speech. Palin’s reign of terror was publicly broadcast to America on a near daily basis by means of her Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, Fox News appearances and her un-reality television series. Her hogging of the national “lamestream” media spotlight ensured that she was perceived as the undisputed champion of the radical, educationally challenged, colonial attire-wearing, gun-toting, hateful rhetoric-spewing, right-wing gang of zealots known as the Tea Party.

During that time however, Teapublican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was planning her coup. Bachmann shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin and the Tea Baggers, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. Moreover, Bachmann was different from Palin because she is one of those “inside the beltway” Washington insiders inasmuch as she is in her third term as a Representative from Minnesota. Indeed, it was Bachmann who attempted to round up all the other like-minded Washington insiders when she formed the congressional Tea Party caucus. Bachmann seemed to be waiting for the moment when Palin slipped, at which point she would seize control of the Tea Baggers.

That moment arose on January 8, 2011 when Representative Gabrielle Giffords and others were shot in Tucson. The shooting immediately focused criticism on Palin for her eerily predictive sniper-sight laden map which identified Ms. Giffords as a target. Inasmuch as Palin was so intrinsically tied to the Tea Party, that movement also came under fire from many Americans. Palin went into hiding after her appearance on “Hannity” in which she unsuccessfully tried to rehabilitate her image. The Tea Party in turn, realized that if it was to maintain any type of credibility it should distance itself from Palin for awhile until things cooled off. Bachmann then seized the opportunity to grab the Tea Party spotlight. Her coup was completed when she (not Palin) gave the official Tea Party response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address on Tuesday evening. As we said yesterday  morning, we may have just witnessed the dawning of the age of Bachmann.

Sarah Palin must have witnessed the same thing also, too. She suddenly appeared on Greta Van Susteren’s program on Fox News (where else) last night and attempted to mend fences with Bachmann in an obvious effort to regain some relevance within the Tea Bagger movement. She defended Bachmann’s ill-advised decision to give a Tea Party response which was separate and apart from the official G.O.P. response to the President’s SOTUA. Many pundits and mainstream Republican congressional leaders believed that the bifurcated responses may have signaled a rift within the party. Indeed, when asked whether he watched Bachmann’s response, House Speaker John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) bluntly replied, “No I did not. I had other obligations”. Palin on the other hand, said, “I love it when anybody goes rogue for the right reasons” and “We believe in competition, even within our own party…and we don’t have just the fighting instincts of a bunch of sheep, like I think a lot of Democrats do.”

Sarah Palin’s efforts may have at least won over one unlikely person. Although she has been one of Palin’s most outspoken critics, Meghan McCain (daughter of John McCain) apparently likes Michele Bachmann even less. In a very backhanded complement to Caribou Barbie, she called Bachmann “a poor man’s Sarah Palin” on MSNBC last evening (see below).

Whether Sarah Palin’s overture of support to Michele Bachmann has won over any Tea Baggers remains to be seen. For all intents and purposes, Bachmann remains the new reigning monarch of the Tea Party. For now.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Foxy Lady song link:


(sung to the Jimi Hendrix song “Foxy Lady”)


These two, they’re a couple of smart-fakers
But they’re just a couple of hate-mongers

Fox makes them feel at home
Do they have any charm? No!
But they’re on all the time, prime-time
Ooh, Foxy ladies


Palin, she’s just so spiteful and mean
Ooh, Foxy
She makes us wanna get up and scream
And Michele Bachmann now
Has just lost her mind
They’re both just wasting all our precious time
But Fox thinks they’re fine, so fine
Foxy Ladies
They’re so dumb


Yeah, just listen to them drone
As they sound they’re alarms, Whoa
Fox says they are so fine, prime-time
Foxy ladies

They’re just dumb ladies
We’d love to forget ya
Foxy ladies
You’re both no good
Yeah, Foxy
You’re both so dumb
Sour lemonade
You’re spreadin’ fear. Yikes
Night and day on Foxy
Foxy ladies
Foxy ladies

Palin’s Positively Putrid Political Pals


I Want You...To Join My Lunatic Fringe!


One always has to wonder about the wisdom (if any) of Sarah Palin. You will remember that the laughingly under-educated former half-term ex-quitting of Governor of Alaska was incapable of naming any newspapers or magazines that she currently reads; did not know what the “Bush Doctrine” was; did not know that South Africa was a country and thought that the bank bailout was “to help those that are concerned about health care reform”. She could not name a single Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade. She also invented “death panels” which were deemed the “biggest lie of 2009” and believed that Vladimir Putin spent all his free time “rearing his head” in the “airspace of Alaska”. In simple terms, Sarah Palin has proven to be a moron.

Perhaps in an effort to redeem her public image, Sarah Palin has shied away from any substantive discussion of domestic or foreign  policy during the last year or so. Instead of potentially embarrassing herself yet again by revealing a true lack of knowledge, she has elected to spend her time endorsing Teapublican candidates for office. Her plan has failed. The radically nutty right-wing conservatives upon whom Palin has bestowed her blessing are as crazy or crazier than “Mama Grizzly”. Consider these examples.

Clint Didier: Teapublican candidate for a Washington U.S. Senate seat. Didier ran on a platform of opposing what he called “government handouts”. Apparently however he did not oppose government handouts to himself, as he received farm subsidies, for wheat and corn, [that] amounted to $103,888. Didier was defeated in the Republican primary election.

Nikki Haley: Haley is the Teapublican nominee in the South Carolina gubernatorial election. The State newspaper has raised questions about unethical behavior that led Haley to obtain an unwarranted $100,000 fundraising job and a further $42,000 from a state contractor while she was a state legislator. Before obtaining this income under questionable circumstances Haley’s personal financial situation was collapsing, with half of her family’s income paying off interest on her mortgage. After these revelations her poll numbers have decreased dramatically in recent polling. Much like the most recent Republican Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, it has been alleged that Haley has had at least two extramarital affairs.

Carly Fiorina: Fiorina is the Republican nominee for a California U.S. Senate seat. She was formerly the disgraced CEO of Hewlett-Packard Company. She was forced to resign from the company after nearly driving it into the ground in 2005. In April 2009, the business magazine web site Condé Nast Portfolio listed Fiorina as one of “The 20 Worst American CEOs of All Time”. Fiorina is hoping to garner a lot of votes this November but The Los Angeles Times research of public records indicated Fiorina had failed to vote in most every election that she has been eligible to cast a vote. This week Fiorina publicly stated that she believes that Sarah Palin is qualified to be President of the United States. ‘Nuff said.

Sharron Angle: Angle is the 2010 Teapublican nominee for the U.S. Senate seat in Nevada currently held by Democrat Harry Reid. She wants to ban all abortions even in the case of rape, wants to privatize the Veterans’ Administration, wants to abolish the Social Security and Medicare programs, wants to outlaw the sale and consumption of alcohol and remove the fluoride from our water supply. Angle also says that if candidates like her are not elected this fall, the masses should resort to their “2nd Amendment remedies” (she advocates assassinations of public officials?). Last week Angle declared that Dearborn, Michigan and the non-existent town of Frankford, Texas are governed by Sharia law. Crazy enough for you? Oh, and she has another thing in common with Sarah Palin, pulling “n0 shows” at events in which she is scheduled to speak. The most recent example of this was just yesterday when Angle failed to appear at a health care conference in Las Vegas. Angle’s no-show status is noteworthy because the candidate keeps such a low profile on the trail. Press shy Angle has unabashedly rejected the tradition of submitting to a public vetting by the press corps – or rather, the non-partisan press. She regularly grants interviews to Fox News and conservative radio. When she spoke at a reception with conservative radio host Heidi Harris last weekend, it was supposed to be open to the press, but when local television stations showed up they were told they couldn’t cover it. Sharron Angle truly is a psycho-chicken.

Joe Miller: Miller is the Teapublican candidate for one of Alaska’s U.S. Senate seats. He believes that unemployment benefits are unconstitutional. He has not however, stated whether his wife is unconstitutional inasmuch as it was revealed last week that she actually accepted unemployment benefits after having worked as her husband’s clerk in 2002 when he was a federal magistrate. Miller is an another example of  “do as I say, not as I do”.

Rand Paul: Rand Paul is the Teapublican nominee for a Kentucky U.S. Senate seat. Paul believes that private business should once again be allowed to racially  discriminate in places of public accomodation such as lunch counters and hotels, and he wants so called “anchor babies” (children born in the US with parents not legally in the country) to be stripped of their US citizenship and deported. Paul has also said that Medicaid is a form of “intergenerational warfare”. What he has not admitted to however is that 50% of his medical practice’s income is in the form of Medicare and Medicaid payments.

Christine O’Donnell: We have saved the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) for last. Oh, where to begin? O’Donnell of course, is the Teapublican candidate for Vice President Joe Biden’s former Delaware U.S. Senate seat. Well, first we learned of her call for a masturbation ban. Next, we learned that her campaign alleged that her Republican primary opponent, Mike Castle was gay. Then we learned that she had a college degree before she did not have a college degree before she finally received her college degree three weeks ago. That was followed by the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and paid her personal expenses with campaign funds while she failed to pay wages to her campaign employees. All of that was followed by Bill Maher’s delicious video clips which show O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witch-craft”, stating that she had a “date on a satanic alter”, proclaiming that “evolution is a myth” and most recently stating that she would have been a Hare Krishna but for the fact that she is “Italian and I love meatballs.” O’Donnell then claimed to have been privy to classified information that the Chinese plan to take-over America. Then, just yesterday while appearing as a guest with Greta Van Susteren on the Fox network, O’Donnell said, “Well, I hate to say it… I’ve stopped watching the news. I’ve stopped reading the news clips.” If that isn’t mimicking Sarah Palin to the tenth degree, then what is?

When one considers the craziness of these endorsements, it can only be assumed that Sarah Palin’s master plan is to make herself appear to be relatively mainstream by means of propelling these absolutely radical nutjobs into the public arena. Or, maybe Sarah Palin really believes in these candidates, and if that is the case, she is a confirmed lunatic.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Strangers In The Night song link:


(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Strangers In The Night”)

Strange ones on the right,
What are their chances?
Not so very bright,
With our finances
This Tea Party love
Should be viewed as taboo

Palin shouting lies
And fear inciting
Rand Paul is hostile
And so damn frightening
Angle has no heart
O’Donnell has no clue

Strange ones on the right,
Abnormal people
They are strange ones on the right
Not one sane moment
They should be in a freak-show
Little do they know
It would just enhance our day
If like Bristol they’d dance away and –

On Fox every night,
They’re all together
Lovers on the right
In love forever
It’s an ugly sight
Those strange ones on the right

(witchcraft break)

Don’t look now just glance away
Here comes their idol Tom Delay

You can join their fight
And hang together
Only if you’re white
Birds of a feather
Taking their last flight
Those strange ones on the right

Sump Pumps And Sarah Palin Both Suck

First she appeared before the Bowling League Convention. Next it was the Liquor Wholesalers’ Convention and Wednesday Sarah Palin spoke at an event sponsored by a firm that specializes in the manufacture of battery backup sump pump systems. Really, can it get any better than this? What is next, the Toilet Scrubber Convention?

We will not even get into the content of her speech. Suffice to say it included the words, “rogue”, “hope-y change-y”, “clinging to guns and religion”, “socialism”, “Obama Care” and a completely inane diatribe having something to do with a girls’ high school basketball team and the new Arizona racist immigrant law. You know, the usual Palin word salad.

This is a beautiful Saturday here in Boston, so let’s just pull out one of our old Sarah Palin television theme parodies.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song.

Gilligan’s Island theme link:


(Sung to the theme of tv’s “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

Mother’s Day Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 36

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you that may be mothers. For the rest of you, please do something nice for your own mothers on her special day. You have no way of knowing how many more of these days you will have the opportunity to share together. Make the most of all of them.

OK, no more proselytizing. Let’s have some fun. Rather than the usual recap of newsworthy events from the last week, today’s post will provide a list of appropriate Mother’s Day gifts for a bunch of well known conservative women. Please feel free to add to the list in the comment section. Let’s roll…

Barbara Bush:  A “do over” regarding son George W.

Ann Coulter: A definitive male or female sexual status.

Carrie Jean Prejean:  A map of the United States.

Condoleezza Rice: A “Where’s Condi?” placemat.

Michelle Malkin:  Non-“Anchor-Baby” status.

Ohio Rep. Jean Schmidt:  An official “Birther” T-shirt.

Laura Bush: A Stepford Sister.

Conservative radio pundit Laura Ingraham: A more feminine voice.

Congressional candidate Carly Fiorina: An endorsement from Hewlett Packard directors and shareholders.

Greta Van Susteren:  A contestant’s spot on tv’s Extreme Makeover.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer:  An all expenses paid trip to Mexico.

Liz Cheney:  A chance to show her courage via a stint in the U.S. Army.

Michele Bachmann:  An unlimited prescription of Thorazine.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck:  Employment with Fox News.

Bristol Palin:  A time machine.

Sarah Palin: An English/Palin – Palin/ English dictionary.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link:


(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized
Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women
I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 33

Just a few noteworthy news satelites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Rush To Judgment” features conservative radio comedian Rush Limbaugh. He blamed the labor union for failing to fight for protections for the 29 miners that were killed when Massey Energy’s mine in Montcoal, WV exploded under unsafe conditions. That mine’s owners had been sited for some 50 safety violations during the month prior to the tragedy. Limbaugh said,

Was there no union responsibility for improving mine safety? Where was the union here? Where was the union? The union is generally holding these companies up demanding all kinds of safety. Why were these miners continuing to work in what apparently was an unsafe atmosphere?

Umm, Rush, this was a non-union mine. When the employees tried to unionize, they were threatened with losing their jobs! But don’t let the facts get in the way. Limbaugh also announced that more than 30,000 people attended the Tea-Party rally on Boston Common when no other estimates exceeded 5000.

THIS JUST IN:  The Commonwealth of Massachusetts announced this week that it will penalize large national banks that do not lower credit card interest rates for consumers. The Washington Post reports, “State Treasurer Timothy Cahill said the state has removed Bank of America, Citi and Wells Fargo from a list of institutions approved for new state investments. Massachusetts, which is the only state to make such a move, is also beginning to divest $243 million in funds held at those banks, though the process could take up to six months.” Massachusetts’ action, “has reignited advocacy groups that support creating a national usury law after a 1978 Supreme Court decision found that interest rate caps could apply only to state-chartered lenders. As a result, many banks moved their headquarters to states with looser usury laws, such as Delaware, allowing them to bypass limits set in other states.” Massachusetts law caps interest rates at 18 percent. “Last week, state officials met with officials from Bank of America, where Massachusetts has $231 million in investments, to request that it meet that cap for state residents. When the bank declined, Cahill said, his office decided it would shift the funds into other accounts. Massachusetts also has $9 million invested with Citi and $3 million with Wells Fargo.” Good for you, Massachusetts.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “They’re So Crazy They’re Dangerous” features the Oklahoma Tea Party leaders who are petitioning state legislators to create, “a new volunteer militia to help defend against what they believe are improper federal infringements on state sovereignty.” You read that correctly, the Tea-Baggers want to legally arm themselves to fight a war against the United States’ Military. I thought the Tea-Baggers honored the troops. Guess not. Who knew?

THIS JUST IN: reports, “A New York Times poll has revealed that a majority of ‘Tea Party supporters’ named Fox News as the television network they ‘watch most for information about politics and current events.’ It should come as little surprise then that the tea party supporters polled also held positions that reflect misinformation pushed by Fox News on a variety of topics including socialism and the federal budget deficit.”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “It Is Great To Be Patriotic” features Republican Senator, moonbat crazy Michele Bachmann (Turner Overdrive), who said on a radio talk show this week, “We’re, we’re, we’re hoping that President Obama’s policies don’t succeed.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “He Must Have Forgotten To Take His Medication” features Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch who surprisingly demanded that television host Sean Hannity return immediately from a planned appearance on behalf of the Tea-Party because Fox News should not be supporting the movement. Murdoch said, “I don’t think we should be supporting the Tea Party or any other party.” Well then, what will they have left to talk about? Our guess is that Fox may finally have realized that the Tea-Party support may reflect badly on the network’s ratings.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “I Simply Cannot Stop Lying” features Fox News host Bill O”Reilly. He denied Republican Senator Tom Coburn’s charge that Fox News hosts have suggested that citizens could be thrown in jail if they do not buy health insurance after passage of the new health reform law. Let’s check the video…

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

The Who’s Baba O’Reilly (Teenage Wasteland) song link:


(sung to The Who song “Baba O’Reilly [Teenage Wasteand])

Out here on the air
Unbalanced, not fair
I earn my pay with all my fibbing
My show really bites
Just watch tonight
I’ll be on your television

Don’t cry
Don’t hide your eyes
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland

Coulter, take my hand
We’re in Fox News Land
We all are liars
“Pinheads” on our shoulders
The Exorcist is here
He’ll drive out all the queers
Dressed all in leather
They could not get much bolder

Bill-O’s Wasteland
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland
Bill-O’s Wasteland
It’s only Bill-O’s Wasteland
They’re all wasted

(classic Who musical harmonica fade-out)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 27

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: It was refreshing to see President Barack Obama venture into the enemy territory of the House Republicans’ Retreat in Baltimore where he delivered a cogent and fact based dissertation of the state of the economy; his administrations policies to address the economy; the Republicans’ lack of support for any of those policies and the Republicans’ lack of any policy proposals of their own (other than to extend the Bush tax cuts to the wealthiest 1% of Americans). Obama then proceeded to allow questions from the Republican attendees which he also answered in a thoroughly fact based manner. He swatted boilerplate Republican talking points like flies and then challenged Republican and non-partisan fact checking organizations to prove him wrong. Republicans, oh Republicans, is there anyone out there? We are still waiting….

THIS JUST IN: Did we mention that the Obama smackdown of Republicans was televised? What, we didn’t? Well, please take a look at Luke Russert describing to the nation how the televised event was an embarrassment to Republicans and how some Republicans admitted as such. By the way, when are the brass at Meet The Press going to wake up and replace the ineffectual Dick Gregory with Tim Russert’s more than capable son?

BREAKING NEWS: Remember all the doom and gloom about the passage of a health care reform bill after the Massachusetts Senate election of the nudist Republican, Scott Brown? The loss of the 60 vote Democratic party super majority was alleged to be the death knell to the passage of any such legislation. Of course, that was not the truth. After all, the bill could either be passed by means of the reconciliation process that requires only 51 votes or the House could adopt the Senate bill, as is, and it could be passed with only 51 votes. Well, leave it to the good folks over at the Huffington Post to inform us that there is even a more simple way to pass health care reform with only 51 votes, and that is to simply change the Senate rule regarding filibusters. According to the Constitution, as affirmed by the U. S. Supreme Court, the Senate can change its rules at any time by a simple majority vote. Here is the finding from U.S. v. Ballin, 144 U.S. 1 (1892):

… The constitution empowers each house to determine its rules of proceedings … It is no objection to the validity of a rule that a different one has been prescribed and in force for a length of time. The power to make rules is not one which once exercised is exhausted. It is a continuous power, always subject to be exercised by the house, and, within the limitations suggested, absolute and beyond the challenge of any other body or tribunal.
The constitution provides that ‘a majority of each [house] shall constitute a quorum to do business.’ In other words, when a majority are present the house is in a position to do business. Its capacity to transact business is then established, created by the mere presence of a majority, and does not depend upon the disposition or assent or action of any single [144 U.S. 1, 6] member or fraction of the majority present. All that the constitution requires is the presence of a majority, and when that majority are present the power of the house arises.

Now get out there and inform your senators of this mechanism and let’s get health care reform passed!

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of Republican Senator Scott Brown, let’s keep reminding him and all the other members of the G.O.P. of this:

BREAKING NEWS: Glenn Beck, the uneducated and memory challenged Fox News host was spewing falsehoods once again on January 28th. Media Matters informs us that:

Beck again falsely claimed he opposed bank bailouts. Beck also asserted of the “greedy bankers” who got bailout money: “I didn’t want them to get the money in the first place.” In fact, in September 2008, Beck called for a bailout bigger than $700 billion, but subsequently claimed he “hated” former President Bush for starting the bailouts. Beck previously acknowledged supporting the bailout on the December 2, 2009, edition of his show.

THIS JUST IN: What is with Sarah Palin and her obsession with sports? She let us all know about her high school basketball nickname of “Barracuda”. She then had a very short and unremarkable career as an Alaskan TV sportscaster. While running with McCain, she began referring to herself  repeatedly as a hockey mom even though none of her children were playing hockey at the time. She then started appearing at N.H.L. games to drop the puck for  opening faceoffs (appropriately enough, the home team went on to lose all of those games). Next, there was her feud with David Letterman over remarks he made about one of her daughters while they were at a New York Yankees game. Did we mention the “Arctic Cat” sponsorship controversy at Alaska’s Iron Dog snow-mobile race? That was followed by her incoherent speech about why she quit her job as Governor of Alaska which was couched in terms of something to do with a point guard looking for the open shot. She announced her decision to be the keynote speaker at the Bowling Convention in Las Vegas and we just learned that she will be appearing in some unspecified capacity at this year’s Daytona 500.

Sarah Palin has certainly covered all the bases (if we may be allowed to coin a baseball phrase). Wait, what’s that? We forgot something? Oh, yes, Sarah Palin has now injected herself into the N.F.L.’s Super Bowl by means of telling the world (on FaceBook, Twitter and with pal Greta Van Susteren) that she defends a proposed pro-life Super Bowl TV commercial paid for by Focus On The Family. The ad in question features the mother of Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow saying that she is glad that she did not abort him. Just wondering, but would Palin’s mother say the same?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Big Shot song link:


(sung to the Billy Joel song “Big Shot”)

Well, you went off campaigning with ol’ John McCain
With your new G.O.P. purchased clothes
You had that beehive hairstyle on your head
And high heels for your toes
Ooh,, and when you woke up in the mornin’
With your bub-ble burst
And tears pouring out of your eyes
We know “Thanks But No Thanks” was just
Another one of your lies

Because you had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
Now your smile’s become a pout
You talked a lot of Reverend Wright
But all you did was scream and shout
You showed us that you’re way too uptight
You tried to be a big shot that night (Ooh oh)

And no one was impressed with your wolf hide dress
Just because you shot the wolves from a plane
And nobody could have really cared less
That you can see the Ukraine
But now you just don’t remember
The dumb things you said
And I’m damn sure you don’t want to know
I’ll give you one hint, Barbie
I think you got plumbed by Joe!

Yes, yes, you had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had the SarahPac girls wowed
Your nose was running pig-snot, oh ya
Hockey mom without a doubt
Your interviews were such a sad sight
You’re so much fun to be around
You had to have the front page, bold type
Upstaging McCain most every night, (Ooh oh)

Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa who-oo-oo-oo-ah,
Oh Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa.

Well, it’s no big sin to stick your two cents in
If you’re talking to someone that’s grown
But you’re attacking Levi
Because he was on the Tyra Banks Show
No, no, no, no, no, no

You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had to badmouth that young boy
You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
Just because you were annoyed
You had to have the last word, that’s right
You know what everything’s about
But still we know that Levi spent nights
Sleeping at your house within your sight, Oh oh

Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa
Big shot…Big shot… Big shot…Mmmm…Big shot…Whoa whoa
Big shot…

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 20

Just a few noteworthy news stories that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  You have to love MSNBC‘s Andrea Mitchell. On her television program, Andrea Mitchell Reports last week she had Republican National Committee Chairman, Michael Steele as a guest. The topic was Sarah Palin and whether she has the political acumen to run for national office. When Steele answered in the affirmative and stated that she was a “successful governor”, Mitchell stopped him in his tracks and reminded him that she quit that position halfway through her first term. Good for you, Ms. Mitchell.

THIS JUST IN:  From the “Only In Massachusetts” category we have Charlie Baker, one of two Republican candidates for governor announcing this week that he has selected an openly gay Republican running mate. You see, in the Bay State even the conservatives are liberal.

BREAKING NEWS:  The former ex-quitting CNN talk host Lou Dobbs announced on former senator Fred Thompson’s radio show last Monday that he is strongly considering running for President. Our question to Mr. Dobbs is, “President of what? Maybe the He-Man Immigrant Hating Club?” Seriously though, we really hope that he does run as a third party candidate for no other reason than to further splinter the ever dwindling Republican Party.

THIS JUST IN: Liz Cheney took a big slapdown this week. The daughter of the former Vice President and Face Shooter in Chief, Dick Cheney runs a group known as “Keep America Safe.” She released a short documentary film in which she profiles a few residents of Standish, Michigan that claim that they are against any Guantanamo Bay prisoners being held in the maximum security prison in their town. Problem is, Standish city manager Michael Moran says that the community is strongly in favor of housing the detainees so as to repopulate the prison and bring jobs back to the city. He dismissed Cheney’s efforts as, “fearmongering.” Gee, anyone surprised that a Cheney might be involved in fearmongering?

BREAKING NEWS:  Fox News was once again caught using a little fuzzy math this week. The Fox Chicago television station displayed a graph which shows that 193% of persons polled believe that Huckabee, Romney and Palin should be president. You read that correctly, 193%.

THIS JUST IN: Sherry Johnston, the mother of Levi Johnston (the once and future son-in-law of Sarah Palin) was sentenced to three years in prison as the result of her conviction for dealing Oxy-Contin. The sentence seems a little harsh. Couldn’t they just have arranged for Alaskan state trooper Mike Wooten (estranged brother-in-law of Sarah Palin) to tazer her?

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News‘ Greta Van Sasquatch had Karl Rove as a guest on her show this week. The topic of discussion was Sarah Palin’s book and both of them were gushing over the wonderful writing contained therein. Van Sasquatch then asked Rove how Palin should deal with crazy rumors like the ones surrounding the birth of baby Trigg. They both agreed that Palin handles such rumors in the best way possible which is to ignore them. That statement should lead everyone to doubt that either of them has even read the book that they were praising. Did neither Rove nor Van Sasquatch realize that Palin did not ignore the Trigg story but rather dedicated lengthy passages in her book to just that subject. Van Sasquatch then said that Barack Obama was lucky that he did not have to face such unwarranted rumors. Does Greta live on another planet? Does she not remember the Birthers and those others that claimed the President is a secret Muslim? Fox News and its commentators simply have no credibility.

THIS JUST IN:  It was revealed this week that Republican John Boehner’s (pronounced, “boner”) PAC spent 83 thousand dollars for his golf outings last year. I wonder how the fiscally conservative Republicans’ unemployed constituents feel about that lavish lifestyle of the rich and famous?

BREAKING NEWS:  This week the Anti Defamation League named Fox News‘ Glenn Beck as the nation’s ‘Fearmongerer In Chief.” Were there any other candidates?

Yes indeed, the reich-wing Republican world is a scary place. So scary in fact, that it inspired today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Welcome To My Nightmare song link:


(sung to the Alice Cooper song “Welcome To My Nightmare”)

Welcome to my nightmare
You ain’t seen nothin’ like it
I think you’re gonna feel
Something’s wrong

A cerebral vacation
Republicans need sedation
Their mouths will be filled with foam
Before too long

Welcome to my nightmare, ohh

Welcome to my breakdown
Does Sarah Palin scare you?
That’s just the way they are
In Red State towns

They sweat and laugh and scream there
Mann Coulter’s their wet dream there
He really makes them feel
Right at home, there

Welcome to my breakdown, ohh
You’re welcome to my nightmare, yeah

(musical interlude)

Welcome to my nightmare
You know I just don’t like it
G.O.P. makes me feel
I don’t belong

They lie and shout and scream there
And Palin is their queen there
They all giggle and squeal
At her throne, there

Welcome to my nightmare, ohh
Welcome to my breakdown

(great instrumental fade out)

Sarah Palin Book Tour = “Signing and Whining”


The Going Rogue book tour should be titled Going Rural. Sarah Palin the criticism-challenged former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is taking no chances while hawking her ghostwritten tome this month. In an attempt to avoid any negative comment she has chosen to avoid  book signings in most every large city or part of the nation that might be considered Democratic, liberal or progressive. This action should not indicate that she is a coward however, because she has elected to subject herself to hard-hitting televised interviews with almost every single Fox Network host that she could find including Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Greta Van Susteren. As always, Palin is once again proving herself to be a real “mavericky” risk taker.

This leads us to today’s song parody which describes Palin’s “Signing and Whining Tour” along with the tune to Jimmy Buffett’s upbeat Volcano. In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below so as to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody. Please be patient with the song link as it takes a little bit of time to load and start playing.

Volcano song link:


(sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Volcano”)

Now I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

Let me say now,

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she goes on book tour

She might visit Tennessee
They sure love the G.O.P.
Maybe next South Caroline
Sanford loves a nice behind

Let me hear ya now

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

Now Sarah she did say to me
She will not visit Philly
Politics there, much too hot
I said, “How about Boston”, she answered back, “Not”

Let me say now, I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

Mr. Wooten!
(musical interlude)

She wants to see what she’s worth
And face no questions of Trig’s birth
She must go where folks are dumb
She knows right where they are from

Now I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

One more now, I don’t know
(she don’t know)
I don’t know (she don’t know mon)
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

She cannot mingle
In New York City
Baltimore and/or
Buffalo (no no no)
Don’t want to land in no
Blue Rhode Island
They will tell her just where to go (ho ho ho)

Don’t want to land in
No San Francisco
Or up in Detroit City (no no no)
Don’t want to land in
That’s Kennedy territory (no no no)

She will be panned
While in Chicago
She is no fan
Of Ms. Winfrey (no no no)
She’s better off in Mississippi
Folks down there can barely read

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know where Sarah P. will go
When she hawks Going Rogue

Just one more, I don’t know
(she don’t know)
I don’t know
(she don’t know, man)
I don’t know where Sarah gonna go
When when she hawks Going Rogue!