Category Archives: David Letterman

Face It: Mitt(wit) Romney Is A Boring Flip-Flopper

Before even announcing his intention to seek the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination, Mitt(wit) Romney looks to be the front-runner once again. Most polls as well as the recent New Hampshire straw poll show him points ahead of any G.O.P. challenger. The reason for this is that he could potentially capture the substantial moderate vote. He has the business acumen and executive experience to convince G.O.P. voters that he is the man to lead the nation out of its economic woes. He also does not align himself with the ultra-wacky Tea Party element of the Republican Party. For instance, he does not tout such draconian measures as abolishing Social Security, the Federal Reserve or the Dept. of Education. Indeed, during his tenure as Governor of Massachusetts, he was considered socially liberal. The fiscally conservative/socially liberal voter is a force to be reckoned with.

Romney does have a strong negative however. He is seen by many as a flip-flopper. A person who changes his position on issues depending on which way the popular wind is blowing. remember, he was pro-choice before he was ant-choice; he was pro-immigrant before he was anti-immigrant; he was pro-gay before he was anti-gay and he was pro-gun control before he was anti-gun control. Most potentially damaging of all to Romney however, is that he was pro health care reform before he  was anti health care reform. Romney after all, was the first Governor to sign into law a health care reform bill with a personal mandate requiring all citizens to purchase health insurance or pay a fee to the tax man. Our national health reform law was modeled after the law that Romney (and Tea Party Senator Scott “Nudey” Brown) endorsed while Governor of Massachusetts.

Let’s watch Romney’s ever changing positions, shall we?

That was amusing, but wouldn’t it be even more fun hearing some of this stuff right from the horse’s mouth? Well, simply ask and you shall receive…

Romney will have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do during primary debates regarding his many flip=flops, but especially “the biggee” with regard to health care reform. Another obstacle for Romney and most all Republicans however, is that he does not have a sense of humor. Let’s face it, Republicans are not funny. They lack the comedy gene. Do any of you remember the disaster of a conservative television comedy show which was “The 1/2 Hour News Hour” which aired on Fox News (where else)? Suffice to say, the show was canceled after only 14 episodes. Shall we have a look see?

Boy, that was especially funny in light of the Tucson shootings!

But we digress. We were talking about Mitt Romney’s “unfunniness”. Many people do not realize that despite the Mittster’s milquetoast Mormon inspired image, he has re-made himself into a laugh riot since 2008. Don’t believe me, then try to watch his appearance last night on “The Late Show With David Letterman” without bursting into tears of laughter.

On second thought, keep your day job, Mitt. That was not funny in the least. By the way, what the heck is Mitt Romney’s day job anyway?

Oh well, Lynnrockets is off to shovel more snow now so please enjoy today’s topical song parody.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Please enjoy!

The Great Pretender song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1oJuwkXr0E

MITT IS THE GREAT PRETENDER

(sung to The Platters song “The Great Pretender”)

Oh yes, Mitt’s the great pretender
Pretending that he is so swell
His needs are such; he pretends too much
The truth he simply cannot tell

Oh yes, Mitt’s the great pretender
Romney’s true beliefs are unknown
Mitt plays the game; flip-flops without shame
With no firm beliefs of his own

He was pro-choice he had us all believe
But when he faced strife, he switched up to pro-life

Oh yes, Mitt’s the great pretender
His opinion changes by town
Mitt claims to be what he’s not; you see
He wears his deceit like a crown
Romney is a flip-flopping clown

In Mass., health reform was what he achieved
He now says he feels health reform needs repeal

Yes, Mitt’s the great pretender
Just switching positions around
Ol’ Mitt Romney is not what you see
He wears his deceit like a crown
Romney is a flip-flopping clown

Sarah Palin’s Californication

 

Don't cross me, Fiorina and Whitman.

 

The mean-spirited and spiteful Sarah Palin was up to her old tricks again on Saturday. The former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska spoke at a Republican National Committee (RNC) fundraiser in Anaheim but failed to mention by name either Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman. That would normally be considered surprising in that Fiorina is California’s Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and Whitman is the Republican candidate for Governor and the event was held in their state. It was not surprising however, when one considers who was speaking.

You see, Sarah Palin is a very thin-skinned individual. Recognizing that Palin is not very popular in California, both Fiorina and Whitman avoided the event so as not to turn-off any potential voters that might otherwise support them. Palin is a polarizing figure among Californians with 53 percent having an unfavorable view of her while only 33 percent report a favorable opinion. Consequently, both candidates announced sometime ago that they would be unable to attend as the result of prior scheduled commitments.

Sarah Palin did not take this slight (or any slight for that matter) lightly. Rather than try to help the party as a whole by requesting support for those two Republican candidates in their home state, Palin chose to appease her own fragile ego instead, by ignoring their names entirely. It was the typical type of petty tit-for-tat revenge that Palin all too often engages. Remember her multiple feuds with McCain staff members after her disastrous run for Vice President? The Letterman incident? Her harsh words for former sweetheart and newly elected Republican Senator, Scott Brown after he chose not to attend her Boston Tea Party rally? All standard fare for the Queen of Quit.

The RNC event was also notable for another reason. Palin’s attendance served to prove her a liar once again. You may recall a number of months ago after it was revealed that the RNC paid for some ribald revelry at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club, Palin reasoned that it would not be good for her fabricated brand as a “family values – hockey mom” to be associated any longer with that group of neanderthals. Consequently, she demanded that her name be removed from a list of invited speakers at an RNC event in New Orleans. She also publicly announced that she would no longer donate or help to raise funds for the group.

Well, something funny happened on the way to Palin’s boycott of the RNC. The feeble-minded failed politician either forgot about it, or she simply went back on her word as she has done so many times in the past. Just another example of the fact that Sarah Palin’s word cannot be trusted.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Mean Mr. Mustard song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FpMBu4Duy4

MEAN SARAH PALIN

(sung to the Beatles song “Mean Mr. Mustard”)

Mean Sarah Palin lives in the dark
Pit-Bull that barks trying to plan capers
Looks like she’s gonna explode
Loves to sport her RNC clothes
Has a ten-foot fenced-in abode
Such a mean wo-man
Such a mean wo-man

Her husband Todd shoots off the top
He never stops, he’s an e-mailer
He’s the king while she is the queen
Craziest couple we’ve ever seen
Proud of their unwed pregnant teen
Such a dirty old man
Dirty wo-man

Levi Johnston Says, “I Want MY MTV”

As we’ve said so many times in the past, sometimes these blog entries and song parodies simply write themselves. Today is one of those instances.

The reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had allegedly shopped around for a reality television series chronicling their upcoming wedding and early day-to-day marriage life. Their efforts failed however, after the networks decided that they were not entertaining and hence were unmarketable. Their joint dreams of fame were at least temporarily squashed, but Levi had another plan. Only this time, Bristol was not in the mix.

Plan B? Well, it has now been revealed that Johnston, the former nude model, will appear in an R&B music video in which he will play a young man driven away from his love interest by the young woman’s mother. Gee, that sounds rather autobiographical doesn’t it? The actual R&B artist is someone known as Brittani Senser.

This should absolutely send Sarah Palin over the edge. It is clear that the half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska is not pleased that her formerly unmarried pregnant teen daughter will now tie the knot with the child’s uneducated and unemployed father. Sarah Palin is a revenge seeker of the highest order (see, Mike Wooten, David Letterman, Joe McGinniss and Lisa Murkowski) and she will be enraged at the fact that the narrative of the song reflects her own previous treatment of Johnston. Remember when she castigated Johnston on Oprah for pursuing a career in porn? It remains to be seen how Sarah “Plain and Stupid” will exact her revenge at this thinly veiled slight by Johnston.

Will she for instance, boycott the wedding? Will she attend the wedding but forget to bring a gift? Will she plan and pay for the newlyweds’ honeymoon trip maybe to North Korea or Iran? Will she hire a ghostwriter to pen a tell-all tome of Johnston? Better yet, perhaps Sarah will utilize a tete-for-tete strategy by means of appearing in her own music video in which she tells the tale of an impregnating stalker of innocent teens. Johnston must be warned that revenge is a dish best served cold.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI (PART II)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said that, “soon I will be on MTV”

Christ you know he loves TV,
His part should earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Tricking Bristol into marrying,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“My mom is to blame,”
“She always has her henchmen on call”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Will Palin Condemn Beck?

Remember back in February when Sarah Palin went all “smoke-monster” about White House Chief of Staff’ Rahm Emmanuel’s describing liberal activists as “retards”? Do you also remember however, that a few days later Palin defended conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh’s use of the same term a number of times on his radio show? That was hypocrisy at its best.

Well, as we all know, history has a way of repeating itself. Sarah Palin has a long history of claiming that the media unfairly targets her children. She claims that all children should be exempt from negative coverage regarding their parents. First there was the Trig Photoshop outrage. Next there was her allegation that David Letterman joked about a possible statutory rape of daughter Willow. And just this week Palin alleged that investigative reporter Joe McGinniss would be peeping in daughter Piper’s bedroom window.

This week however, Glenn Beck violated the Palin rule of disparaging children. On his radio show, Beck spent a full four minutes mocking and making fun of 11 year-old Malia Obama.  Beck and his co-host mocked the young daughter and questioned her “level of education.”  At one point, Beck even brought race into the equation by mocking Malia Obama’s voice while she asks her dad why he “hates black people.”

How will Sarah Palin respond to actions of her Fox News associate? Will she condemn Glenn Beck as she did Rahm Emmanuel or will she attempt to explain away his transgression as she did for Rush Limbaugh? Well Sarah, which will it be? Enquiring minds want to know.

This post deserves a song parody about both Palin and Beck don’t you agree?

Please remember to click on the song links for both songs so as to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along with both of today’s song parodies.

That Smell song clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8

BECK’S SMELL

(sung to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “That Smell”)

Whiskey bottles and drug filled jars
Those were Glenn Beck’s best days
Way too much coke and too much smoke
How does Fox News take pride in you?

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Yeah,

Angel of darkness is in our view
He’s a weasel doing harm (you fool, you)
The bloviating bloke, has a show that just blows
Have a drink, fool, you clown, you (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Righties call Beck prince charming
They take his word as the gospel truth
Yet Glenn Beck’s logic is hollow, and
Fox News just might learn he has no clue (no, clue)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

(musical interlude)

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s a fear-mongering bore

(musical interlude)

Beck has his own little Waterloo

It’s a monkey on his back
Sponsors have split from his racist schticks
One hell of a price and Beck’s show might get nixed (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s just a fool, just a fool, just a fool.

Sexy Sadie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYck2B_0-DI

SEXY SARAH

(sung to the Beatles song “Sexy Sadie”)

Sexy Sarah what have you done
You’re now a fool to everyone
You’re now a fool to everyone
Sexy Sarah, ooh your day is done

Sexy Sarah with your own rules
You only speak if there’s a fee
You only speak if there’s a fee
Sexy Sarah, oooh your fans are fools

There was a day when you were just a lousy mother
Then John McCain came looking for someone
Sexy Sarah the lamest of them all

Sexy Sarah became the show
Although she didn’t have a clue
Although she didn’t have a clue
Sexy Sarah, oooh “went with the flow’

Sexy Sarah you’ll get yours yet
However big you think you are
However big you think you are
Sexy Sarah, oooh you’ll get yours yet

They gave her everything they owned just to sit at her table
Maybe she would let them kiss her ring
Sexy Sarah was the latest and the greatest of them all

She’s now a fool to everyone
Sexy Sarah,

However big you think you are
Sexy Sarah.

Sarah Palin And The Paperback Writer

"Say it ain't so, Joe."

We just cannot let this Sarah Palin/Joe McGinniss feud fade away without another post on the subject. In fact, this potential Hatfield/McCoy standoff is likely to provide enough juicy material for many more posts (not to mention a Saturday Night Live skit or two). What could be better than an investigative journalist actually living right next door to the subject of his next book?

By the way, what’s up with Sarah Palin’s sick obsession with the sexual violation of her daughters? First we learned on the campaign trail that unwed teen daughter Bristol was pregnant despite all that “abstinence only” training she received from her formerly unwed pregnant mother. Next, Palin accused David Letterman of soliciting the statutory rape of daughter, Willow. Then we learned from reading her ghostwritten memoir, that both daughters Willow and Bristol were threatened with gang rape from schoolmates,

In that first year, I was alerted to threats against Willow by students at her Juneau school, one particularly disturbing. Someone posted a note on an Internet site threatening to gang-rape her at school. I never felt safe for her after that. Later, the same thing happened to Bristol.

Of course “Mama Bear” never reported the alleged threats to school officials or law enforcement at the time. Now we have Palin alleging that writer Joe McGinniss is some sort of perverted peeping tom. In a recent Facebook entry, Palin wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

It is clear that Sarah Palin has some weird sexual hangups involving minors.

Greater Wasilla (Alaska) better get ready for a long hot summer with plenty of fireworks on display in and around the Palin/McGinniss compound. We can imagine screaming tantrums from Palin, mocking waves from McGinniss and the Wasilla police setting up a temporary station on their street. Will the Palins’ spite fence grow taller and taller? The new neighbors’ backyards will be filled with cold stares, hot glares and sneak peeks. All in all though, what did Palin expect? She cozied up to Joe Sixpack and Joe The Plumber, so how could Joe The Writer be expected to know that he would be unwelcome in Palinland?

Palin's spite fence.

Let’s all hope for a summer full of comedic altercations. In the meantime please enjoy this re-working of a previous re-working of the Beatles’ song “Paperback Writer”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

PAPERBACK WRITER II

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Todd and Sarah, will you read my book?
It took me months to write while I had a look
All of those things that I could see and hear
I put them in my book and I’m gonna be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Its a dirty story of a dirty clan
Led by Sarah Palin and her “First Dude” man
I learned so much by reading through their mail
They’re a seedy mob but its fun to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s a thousand pages give or take a few,
It has some photos I took from my scenic view.
I must admit the Palins never do smile
They just sulked around in plain site of this paperback writer,
Paperback writer

I loved all the fighting I could hear at night
It wafted through the fence despite its massive height.
You’ll learn all about them so please have no fear,
They will quiver and quake but I’m gonna be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

2009: For Sarah Palin, It Was A Very Bad Year

For the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, it was a very bad year. Let’s take a look at some of Caribou Barbie’s lowlights from the last twelve months:

1.)  In January and February of 2009 Sarah Palin began vocally blaming John McCain’s staff for her poor showing in televised interviews during the duo’s embarrassingly failed presidential campaign. As if the staff could have predicted that Palin would be unable to name a single book or periodical that she regularly reads;

2.)  She got into a tit-for-tat tabloid worthy feud with her grandson’s teenaged father almost immediately after Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin ended their relationship;

3.)  She got into a tit-for-tat tabloid worthy feud with television comedian David Letterman over jokes that he made about Palin and her family;

4.)  On July 3rd she abruptly and unexpectedly quit her job as governor of Alaska and in her incoherent and rambling resignation speech, she managed to disparage quitters. Remember when she said, “It would be apathetic to just sort of hunker down and go with the flow. We’re fishermen and we know that only dead fish go with the flow. And though it may be tempting and more comfortable to just kind of keep your head down and plod along and appease those that are just sort of demanding, hey just “sit down and shut up” that’s a worthless easy task out. That’s a quitter’s way out.”?  So let’s get this straight, if someone tells you to “sit down and shut up” and then you quit your job, that is “a quitter’s way out”, but if you simply unexpectedly quit the job of governor without warning or explanation, that is not “a quitters way out”? Ok then;

5.)  Later in the summer, Palin announced that she would write a memoir but that she would not be the author. It would be ghostwritten. What a means of demonstrating that linguistic acumen that she cultivated over 6 years at 5 different less than Ivy League colleges;

6.)  Did we mention “death panels” yet?

7.)  Palin’s much publicized cross-country, blue-collar bus tour of village-like hamlets to promote her book was exposed as a fraud when it was discovered that she was actually traveling on a private luxury jet at the cost of $ 4,000.00 per hour;

8.)  Her book, Going Rogue was critically panned as the result of a slew of factual inaccuracies. Members of the McCain staff called it, “a pack of lies” and “a work of fiction”. Consequently, the book’s publisher felt compelled to admit that it did not subject the tome to any fact checking. Strangest of all however, was Palin’s description therein of two threatened gang rapes of her daughters which compelled “Mama Bear” to take her children out of school, but which she never reported to school or law enforcement authorities;

9.)  She broke from the Republican Party and endorsed a third party candidate in the election for New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat. The Republican vote was thereby divided and a Democratic Party candidate won the seat for the first time since the Civil War;

10.) And finally, her “death panels” remark was deemed the “Biggest Lie of 2009″ by PolitiFact.com.

Wow, will Sarah Palin ever be able to top herself in 2010?

SPECIAL MESSAGE

Before we send you along to today’s song parody, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to thank all of you Rocketeers for stopping by the blog this year. Your comments and suggestions have not only been helpful in supplying subject matter for the songs, but they have also provided the incentive to carry on with this time consuming blogging experiment which started on May 13, 2009. We owe a special debt of gratitude to the folks over at The Mudflats (themudflats.net) because they not only initially suggested that we start this blog, but they also helped this technology challenged novice to get it up and running. Once again, thanks to all of you and we hope that you and your families and friends have a happy and healthy new year.

Now let’s get back to the fun!!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYIvwnbbZXU

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the Chad and Jeremy version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

Sarah Palin’s Year Of Unfortunate Events

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

For those of us not lucky enough to be from the Great State of Alaska, it is hard to imagine that prior to last year, we had no idea who Sarah Palin was. It now seems that not a day can go by without the subject of Caribou Barbie popping up on television, radio or in print media. She is both cheered and jeered, but not in equal amounts. She has a small but loyal following of uneducated, religiously intolerant, white, racist homophobes that dote over every one of her incoherent Twitter tweets. Those out-of-touch fanatics however, are vastly outnumbered by the scores of civilized Americans that view her as an imbecilic light-weight worthy only of the status of  the target of comedic barbs. Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s trajectory over the last year has been like that of a shooting star: attention grabbing but short lived prior to burning out.

Indeed, the last twelve months have not been kind to the quitting ex-governor of Alaska. Shall we take an itemized look at some of the unfortunate events that have engulfed Sarah Palin over that period?

- She was revealed by Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain to be his running-mate. The American population responded with a resounding, “Who?”;

- It was revealed that the pedigree of her educational background consisted of attending 5 different mediocre colleges in 6 years before managing to attain only a bachelors dgree;

- It was discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian politician had been impregnated prior to her marriage to the “First Dude.”

- It had been discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian mother had an unwed pregnant teenaged daughter;

- She had those disastrous unscripted televised interviews with Charles Gibson and Katie Couric in which she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads and failed to be able to name any Supreme Court decision other than Roe v. Wade;

- She could not accurately describe to a fifth grader the role of the Vice President of the United States;

- She was mercilessly lampooned by television comics, the most notable being Tina Fey;

- It was revealed that the “Country First” Sarah Palin’s spouse had been a card carrying member of the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP) who’s main agenda is to have the state secede from the United States;

- It was revealed that Sarah Palin, in her capacity as Governor of Alaska, had possibly attended AIP conventions and definitely provided official videotaped supportive messages to at least one of their conventions;

- Her sister-in=law and the mother-in-law to be of her pregnant daughter were both arrested;

- It was revealed that she actually said, “Thanks” before saying, “Thanks, but no thanks” regarding that “bridge to nowhere”;

- Subsequent to learning that Palin unsuccessfully tried to pressure Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan to fire her own brother-in-law (Mike Wooten), the Branchflower investigative report stated, “that Palin abused her power as governor and violated the state’s Executive Branch Ethics Act when her office pressured Monegan to fire Wooten.” The report also stated that “Governor Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates to advance a personal agenda, to wit: to get Trooper Michael Wooten fired.” The report also said that Palin “permitted Todd Palin to use the Governor’s office [...] to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get Trooper Wooten fired.” from the state police;

- She uttered political hate speech by repeatedly claiming at political rallies that Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama had been “palling around with terrorists”;

- John McCain and she were soundly defeated in the 2008 Presidential election;

- It was revealed that she accepted over $ 150,000.00 dollars worth of clothing for herself and her family from the Republican National Committee at a time when most working class Americans were suffering through an economic recession;

- She was found to have breached ethics and tax rules for failing to report as income, certain unreimbursed travel expenses and per diem housing allowances while acting as Governor of Alaska;

- With more than two years remaining in her term, she quit the office of Governor of Alaska;

- Despite her degree in journalism, she elected to have her memoir written by a ghost-writer;

- While opposing health care reform legislation, she fictitiously claimed that the reform would contain “death panels” to shorten the lives of senior citizens; and

- Her husband, Todd quit his job with oil giant British Petroleum.

And that my friends (as John McCain would say) is only a partial list of the series of unfortunate events that have surrounded Sarah Palin in the last year. Will there be more in the upcoming year? “Ya Betcha !!!”

Before proceeding to today’s song parody, please take a little time to enjoy the following video clip of actor William Shatner reading, verbatim, Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from last July.

If you enjoyed William Shatner in the video clip, you will also enjoy him performing his rendition of the song, It Was A Very Good Year which is today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link to familiarize yourselves with Shatner’s rendition of this tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0GAjK64VZg

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the William Shatner version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

Letterman Goes “Rogue” On Palin – Again!

palinletterman2

Just a quick post this morning for those of you that might have missed David Letterman last night. Once again, the target of his lampooning was the ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. His “Top Ten” list was the tips Sarah Palin could give about writing a book. It is hilarious. Do you think Palin now realizes that it may have been a mistake to publicly attack Letterman a few months ago? Was she not aware of the fact that he has a nightly television audience in the millions and he now has every reason to skewer her every chance he gets? Poor Sarah, will she never learn? Enjoy the clip.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Oh My My song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1C6rFWfYMg

OH MY MY

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “Oh My My”)

She called up John Ziegler to see what’s the matter
He said, “come on over”
“And wear your tin hat, dear”
Her knees started shakin’, her head started achin’
When John Ziegler said to she:

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

Let’s give Dave a screwin’, then we’ll get Jay Leno
Then let’s can O’Brien, if we are able
Then Sarah was squealin’ “you betta believe I’ll…”
“Stay away from Tina Fey”

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked my eye
Oh my my, oh my my, I can fire him, if I lie
Oh my my, if I try, it’s guaranteed to keep me alive

(musical interlude)

Now if Dave should back down and take back his joke now
Remember your daughter, make it even hotter
It’s you he was dissin’, so don’t even listen
Don’t accept his apology

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

(repeat to end)

The Palin Posse Parties Like It’s 1999!!!

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

The Palin Posse has pushed its way into the papers again. just when you thought it was safe to read the news again, you learn that Levi Johnston and Willow Palin are making headlines. It makes us Lower 48ers (why aren’t we Lower 49ers by the way?) wonder if the Palin extended family was always this public about things (with the exception of quasi-public/private emails that is).

Today we learned via a photograph published by the tabloid The Star, that 15 year old Willow Palin enjoys to quench her thirst with an Absolut and Mountain Dew. We also learned via US Magazine, that Levi Johnston is willing to pose nude if the price is right. Do these Palin attention seekers have no shame?

Today’s song parody harkens back to the days of David Letterman and Sarah Palin’s “slutty flight attendant” look.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Slit Skirts song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0C-8hyn4TI&feature=fvw

SLIT SKIRTS

(sung to the Pete Townsend song “Slit Skirts”)

She is just forty-five years old and she is still wandering in a haze
It’s no wondering why everyone I meet is laughing about those Palin days

I don’t know why she thought she should have some kind of divine right to the news
It’s apathy not cheers that she needs when she voices her warped views

Her incense burned away and her stench began to rise
And Sarah is so strange with those fetching wink-blinking eyes

The mis-haps of her children make her blood begin to boil
The hat atop her beehive should be covered with tinfoil
She had to quit Alaska cause of bridges that she burned
From all this you’d imagine that there must be something learned

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants

Let me tell you some more about herself, you know she’s starting to roam just now
Her days as governor are long passed and there’s no need for her to hang around
She’s number one on the drone team and still says, “Drill Baby Drill”
A silent voice in her broken heart knows her dreams will go unfilled

Just guess who will her next husband be, and will he be like HIM?
Will Sarah P. start to work off her frustrations in the gym?

Recriminations fester and the past can never change
And Palin’s expectations run from odd to outright strange

A careless and untrained mother and her best friend Meg
Put their brains together and it looks like scrambled eggs

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Palin’s always wearing those slit skirts, slit skirts
Practically bare in those slit skirts, slit skirts
She looks obscene in those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 7

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BREAKING NEWS: This week Justice Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as a justice of the United States Supreme Court. She is the first Latina ever appointed to the high court. Thirty-one (out of 40) Republican Senators voted against her confirmation. Inasmuch as the Latino population is the fastest growing in the U.S., this should do wonders for Republican efforts to capture some of that vote and re-enter the world of relevant political parties.

THIS JUST IN: The stock market has risen 45% since the election of President Barack Obama. For comparison, under George W. Bush, the market lost 6000 points or 43% of its value.

BREAKING NEWS: The Federal Government’s “Cash For Clunkers Program” was such a rousing success that the program has now been doubled in size of funding and the eligibility period has been extended. Rush Limbaugh, while living in some sort of an alternative universe, has declared the program a failure.

THIS JUST IN: In other Rush Limbaugh news, the Boston Globe reveals that the radio comedian  has compared democrats to Nazi’s on his program (listen here) and put a Nazi symbol next to the Obama logo on his website (view it here). Is this drug addicted clown sick?

BREAKING NEWS: Just wondering, would you be more willing to let David Letterman or Dick Morris babysit your children? Seems obvious, huh?

THIS JUST IN: While visiting New York City (again!!!) this week, quitter Sarah Palin was seen entering the offices of Fox News. If her visit was in anticipation of a television spot for the ex governor, would Palin be required to stop criticizing the media inasmuch as she would then be a part of it?

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin posted a Facebook message yesterday to her loyal followers in which she alleged that the Democratic Health Care Reform Bill will provide for “death panels.” This woman is koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs.

THIS JUST IN: Ben Stein has been fired by the New York Times as the result of ethics violations. The biggest ethics violation of all was hiring him in the first place.

BREAKING NEWS: As the result of Glenn Beck’s recent television tirade in which he called President Obama a racist, three advertisers, Lawyers.com, Procter & Gamble and Progressive Insurance have pulled advertising from his show. This is a good start. Who will be next?

Please feel free to discuss these topics amongst yourselves in the comment section.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along to this Sarah Palin inspired song parody.

Lovely Rita Meter Maid song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l87Vvb7JcDU

LOVELY SARAH

(sung to The Beatles song “Lovely Rita”)

Aaaahhh…

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Lovely Sarah Twitter babe

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Nothing can come between us
When it gets dark you tweet my heart away
I was riding on my Harley
When I saw Caribou Barbie
Texting out a message on her little cell phone
Standin’ there winkin’ and blinkin’
She’s not one for real deep thinkin’

Couldn’t even conversate with Chuckie Gibson

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
May I inquire discreetly (Lovely Sarah)
When are you free to send a tweet to me? (Lovely Sarah, babe, Aaaahhh)

Sarah!

Took her out and tried to feed her
She called me her little Tweeter
Told her that she acted like a teenager kid
She told me she loves to tweet it
I told her, “I think I’ll beat it”
So she said she’d settle for good old Uncle Ted

Oh, lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Where would Todd be without you
Is Russia still within your line of view
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)

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