Category Archives: Bristol Palin

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 62

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: As of this week the United States has been at war in Afghanistan longer than than was the Soviet Union. Ouch!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of ” Don’t Know Much About History ” features the college degree-challenged Rush Limbaugh. The drug addicted racist mischaracterized President Obama’s Thanksgiving speech by saying,

We were the invaders. The Indians are minding their own business. We were incompetent idiots. We didn’t know how to feed ourselves. So they came along and showed us how, and that’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Now, he says nothing about the Constitution in his Thanksgiving proclamation, because he’s got a problem with it … Every cliche that is wrong about Thanksgiving shows up in his proclamation.

Rush Limbaugh is ignorant of the fact that the U.S. Constitution was not drafted until some 150 years after the first Thanksgiving. What a moran!

BREAKING NEWS: The conservative majority U.S.  Supreme Court has once again cast aside an appeal that claimed that Barack Obama’s natural citizenship of the United States has not been substantiated. The case is Kerchner v. Obama (10-446). Bottom line? Crazy “Birthers” lose yet again.

THIS JUST IN: Confused Tea-Baggers do not recognize an earmark when they see one. The new Tea Party members of congress were quick to say that they would ban all legislative earmarks. Problem is, members of The Tea Party Caucus used the 111th Congress to request hundreds of earmarks that, taken cumulatively, added more than $1 billion to the federal budget. Take a look at this:

A list of Tea Party Caucus members and their earmark requests in Fiscal Year 2010, courtesy of Citizens Against Government Waste’s Pig Book:

NAME                EARMARKS        AMOUNT

Aderholt (R-AL)        69        $78,263,000
Akin (R-MO)             9        $14,709,000
Alexander (R-LA)       41        $65,395,000
Bachmann (R-MN)         0                  0
Barton (R-TX)          14        $12,269,400
Bartlett (R-MD)        19        $43,060,650
Bilirakis (R-FL)       14        $13,600,000
R. Bishop (R-UT)       47        $93,980,000
Burgess (R-TX)         15        $15,804,400
Broun (R-GA)            0                  0
Burton (R-IN)           0                  0
Carter (R-TX)          26        $42,232,000
Coble (R-NC)           19        $18,755,000
Coffman (R-CO)          0                  0
Crenshaw (R-FL)        37        $54,424,000
Culberson (R-TX)       22        $33,792,000
Fleming (R-LA)         10        $31,489,000
Franks (R-AZ)           8        $14,300,000
Gingrey (R-GA)         19        $16,100,000
Gohmert (R-TX)         15         $7,099,000
S. Graves (R-MO)       11         $8,331,000
R. Hall (R-TX)         16        $12,232,000
Harper (R-MS)          25        $80,402,000
Herger (R-CA)           5         $5,946,000
Hoekstra (R-MI)         9         $6,392,000
Jenkins (R-KS)         12        $24,628,000
S. King (R-IA)         13         $6,650,000
Lamborn (R-CO)          6        $16,020,000
Luetkemeyer (R-MO)      0                  0
Lummis (R-WY)           0                  0
Marchant (R-TX)         0                  0
McClintock (R-CA)       0                  0
Gary Miller (R-CA)     15        $19,627,500
Jerry Moran (R-KS)     22        $19,400,000
Myrick (R-NC)           0                  0
Neugebauer (R-TX)       0                  0
Pence (R-IN)            0                  0
Poe (R-TX)             12         $7,913,000
T. Price (R-GA)         0                  0
Rehberg (R-MT)         88       $100,514,200
Roe (R-TN)              0                  0
Royce (R-CA)            7         $6,545,000
Scalise (R-LA)         20        $17,388,000
P. Sessions (R-TX)      0                  0
Shadegg (R-AZ)          0                  0
Adrian Smith (R-NE)     1           $350,000
L. Smith (R-TX)        18        $14,078,000
Stearns (R-FL)         17        $15,472,000
Tiahrt (R-KS)          39        $63,400,000
Wamp (R-TN)            14        $34,544,000
Westmoreland (R-GA)     0                  0
Wilson (R-SC)          15        $23,334,000

TOTAL                 764     $1,049,783,150

Correction: This post has been updated to reflect earmarks requested by Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO). We initially attributed them to Rep. Tom Graves (R-GA), who was not in Congress during FY 2010.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “So Much For Doing What The People Want” features all 42 Republican Senators. Despite the fact that every single poll indicates that a vast majority of Americans believe that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” should be repealed, and the highly anticipated Pentagon report and poll of service members came to the same conclusion, GOP senators have all stated in a letter to Harry Reid that they will vote “No”. UPDATE: The clothing-challenged Scott Brown (R-MA) announced on Friday that he will side with the Democrats (yet again) and vote for the repeal of DADT.

THIS JUST IN: For the second time in two months, a federal judge has upheld the constitutionality of the new health care law, ruling on Tuesday that the requirement that most Americans obtain medical coverage falls within Congress’s authority to regulate interstate commerce. The judge, Norman K. Moon of Federal District Court, who sits in Lynchburg, Va., issued a 54-page ruling that granted the government’s request to dismiss a lawsuit brought by Liberty University, the private Christian college founded by the Rev. Jerry Falwell. Last month, in a separate case, Judge George C. Steeh of Federal District Court in Detroit also upheld the law.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Guess Who Has A Ghostwriter Now?” features Bristol Palin and her recent Facebook rant against MSNBC‘s Keith Olbermann. Honestly, does anybody out there truly believe that the former unwed pregnant teen and high school drop-out knows the meaning or spelling of the words, “canard”, “incredulity” and of course, “abstinence”?

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of the Palins, Sarah Palin‘s new book is trailing in sales to George “Worst President In History” Bush’s new book. Ouch! That is gonna leave a mark.

BREAKING NEWS: It was nice to see the Senate Democrats grow a spine yesterday by holding votes on two bills extending tax cuts only for those earning less than $ 250,000.00 and for those earning less than $ 1,000,000.00 and thereby forcing the Republicans to prove that they only care about helping millionaires and billionaires. “There are no signs that millionaires are suffering in this economy. It’s everybody below that,” said Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-California. “You have to stand up for what you believe and you have to vote on what you believe.” They measures lost, but the GOP has now been fully exposed on the record.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.

Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE

PALIN BLUNDERLAND II

(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland

You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town

He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground

Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland

Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland

You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns

You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland

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Things We Learned About The Clampetts, Err Palins From DWTS

Bristol Palin is the Missing Link

Ding dong the witch is dead. We knew it could not go on forever. We knew that at some point Bristol Palin would be dumped from “Dancing With The Stars”. Just the same, we will miss the contestant that was a star only as the result of her status as being a former unwed pregnant teen. Bristol’s presence on the show gave the nation another point of contact with America’s most notorious reality television-based family. And we learned a number of things during her tenure such as…

  1. Sarah Palin is likely to get booed whenever she appears before an audience that has not been hand-picked and stocked full of Tea-Baggers;
  2. Bristol enjoyed publicly embarrassing “Mama Bear” by choosing songs that were thinly veiled insults at Sarah’s parenting skills (or lack thereof) and her unwed teen pregnancy (i.e. “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”);
  3. Palinbots will game the system and support the Palin family in whatever endeavor they choose to pursue regardless of talent or taste;
  4. Bristol embraced the Palin-denied “Theory of Evolution” when she donned her anthropomorphic gorilla costume;
  5. Sarah Palin’s sex-obsession regarding her children has no limits, as was evidenced by her concern that Bristol might perform a stripper’s “lap dance” on national television;
  6. Bristol does not vote;
  7. Bristol believed that if she won the contest, “it would be like giving the big middle finger to the people that hate her mother” and her;
  8. Sarah thought that husband Todd would have been a better contestant on the show because ballroom dancing is apparently within his “comfort zone” but not Bristol’s; and
  9. Sarah was correct. Bristol cannot dance.

Bristol, we hardly knew ye. But fear not loyal Lynnrockets readers, we still have one Palin related reality show in progress and one more in the production stages. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” is presently airing on TLC and consequently we will get a weekly dose of her invading the privacy of her neighbors (author/antagonist Joe McGinniss), lying about reading and researching and generally misinforming most Americans about the state of Alaska. Additionally, we can look forward to the insane antics of Levi Johnston as he runs for mayor of Wasilla before our very own television-peeping eyes. Perhaps Sarah will instruct Todd and his buddies to drill another spy hole through her fence so that she can keep track of her once and future son-in-law. Speaking of Track, how long will it be before the prodigal son gets his own reality show?

Stay tuned. Same Rocket channel! Same Rocket time!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Ready For “Sarah Palin’s Staged Alaska”?

It's all "Guns 'n Buns" on "Sarah Palin's Alaska"

Sarah Palin, “The Queen of Quit” will make her reality television debut tomorrow when Sarah Palin’s Alaska hits the airwaves. The Boston Globe tells us what we can expect to see. Here are some excerpts from the newspaper’s review:

Sarah Palin is climbing a glorious mountain in the premiere of TLC’s “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.’’ Terrified of heights, “freaking-out scared,’’ she yells to her guide and her husband, Todd, “This may flippin’ take me all day.’’ But she persists, bravely climbing upward, refusing to succumb to fear. “I didn’t want to quit,’’ she says later. “I didn’t want to quit in front of other people.’’ The long scene is about perseverance, a statement about climbing ev’ry mountain. But is the scene also an indirect response to accusations that Palin is a “quitter’’ for having left her Alaska governor’s post 18 months early?

Her series, which premieres Sunday night at 9, is one of the most naked examples of image-crafting I’ve seen in a while. With the conventions of reality TV at her service, the former vice presidential candidate delivers a portrait of herself, her family, and her home state that’s relentless in its messages of wholesomeness and in its justifications of her past.

But every scene, no matter where it’s filmed, inevitably seems to become some kind of Palin political dispatch. She takes full advantage of a bear sighting — staged, no doubt — to recall her Mama Grizzlies platform for “common-sense conservative women,’’ as she put it in a video last summer. Watching a brown bear, she talks about how the mama bear is “protecting her cubs and saying, you know, no one’s gonna mess with my cubs, no one’s gonna mess with the future of the species.’’ Of course, this is not an interview or press conference, and no one is there to ask her how mama bears feel about putting their cubs on reality TV.

Another of the show’s many little set pieces allows Palin to remind us of a parent’s ultimate helplessness when it comes to controlling her daughter’s sex life. A male friend, Andy, is visiting teen daughter Willow. At the bottom of the stairs in the living room, a baby gate keeps toddler Trig from climbing and falling. “It’s not just for Trig,’’ Palin says, when Willow goes upstairs. “It’s for, ‘No boys go upstairs.’ ’’ Eventually, Andy jumps the gate and heads upstairs to join Willow anyway — and something out of “Modern Family’’ becomes a kind of explanation of how daughter Bristol might have evaded her mom’s gaze and gotten pregnant as an unwed teen.

We tend to think of noncompetition reality TV as a place where semi-famous people can make fools of themselves for money and fame. But it’s also a chance for someone like Palin to construct a sophisticated PR film using documentary effects — kind of like an infomercial. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska’’ promises the entertainment value of spying on the notorious Palin family in their natural habitat, but then it also forwards a series of policy stances and image reparations.

There you have it. The Boston Globe, at least, believes that Sarah Palin’s show is more a politically motivated infomercial than a travelogue revealing the beauty and wonder of the great state of Alaska. Was there ever really any doubt?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

El Paso song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SgLrFHs0Jk

WASILLA

(sung to the Marty Robbins song “El Paso”)

Up in the Alaskan town of Wasilla
They had a guv’nor that would make you hurl
She and her husband would ride snow-machina’s
But nobody ever saw her in Juneau

She was a blight and nobody was meaner,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell
Palin was all for politics of hatin’
And her beehive was slathered in hair gel

One night old Johnny McCain came in,
Reeking and stinking of gin
Cursing and swearing,
His dentures were baring
Searching for the queen of
Snowbound Wasilla

We remember he

Searched out this stranger cuz his hopes were fadin’
He did not know that she dressed like a whore
She got a new wardrobe thanks to the RNC
But prep for debating proved too much a chore

All McCain could do was stand there in silence
Knowing his election hopes were all done
Many thoughts raced through John’s mind as he stood there
And each of them involved his using a gun

She could not name the leader of Iran,
Evolution she denied
This sure was no fun,
Her brain was a wood one
Poor Johnny Mac’s
Election hopes had died

Could he send her back

Up to the Alaskan town of Wasilla
Bury her up to her neck in the snow
Sarah Palin proved to be something worthless
The “First Dude” and his wife jokes of the left
She could not name anything she was readin’
Of intelligence, Palin was bereft

Nobody liked her except “Plumber Joe”
And that guy’s brain was in “park”
Her head was hollow
Her rhetoric slimy
This Palin was worse than a
Poisonous dart

They suffered defeat

And poor Sarah was shipped back to Wasilla
But Palin disliked the Governor show
She felt Alaska was pulling her backwards
And she developed a hatred of snow

No longer enamored by northern cowboys
And denied most of her per diem dough
Shouting and shooting, “I can’t let them catch me!”
She quit her job and just “went with the flow”

Something went dreadfully wrong for that heel
Yet she kept on winking her eyes
She kept on lying
And waging her battle
Politics of fear
Yet office denied

But her love for

Tea-Baggers was strong and when they came a callin’
She wrote a fictional book to digest
The grammar was poor and the tone was spiteful
But off to Walmart they went on a quest

She signed the books and collected her bounty
Seldom in her motorcoach did she ride
She flew in a jet till bloggers did spy her
And they exposed just one more of – her lies.

Palin’s Positively Putrid Political Pals

 

I Want You...To Join My Lunatic Fringe!

 

One always has to wonder about the wisdom (if any) of Sarah Palin. You will remember that the laughingly under-educated former half-term ex-quitting of Governor of Alaska was incapable of naming any newspapers or magazines that she currently reads; did not know what the “Bush Doctrine” was; did not know that South Africa was a country and thought that the bank bailout was “to help those that are concerned about health care reform”. She could not name a single Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade. She also invented “death panels” which were deemed the “biggest lie of 2009” and believed that Vladimir Putin spent all his free time “rearing his head” in the “airspace of Alaska”. In simple terms, Sarah Palin has proven to be a moron.

Perhaps in an effort to redeem her public image, Sarah Palin has shied away from any substantive discussion of domestic or foreign  policy during the last year or so. Instead of potentially embarrassing herself yet again by revealing a true lack of knowledge, she has elected to spend her time endorsing Teapublican candidates for office. Her plan has failed. The radically nutty right-wing conservatives upon whom Palin has bestowed her blessing are as crazy or crazier than “Mama Grizzly”. Consider these examples.

Clint Didier: Teapublican candidate for a Washington U.S. Senate seat. Didier ran on a platform of opposing what he called “government handouts”. Apparently however he did not oppose government handouts to himself, as he received farm subsidies, for wheat and corn, [that] amounted to $103,888. Didier was defeated in the Republican primary election.

Nikki Haley: Haley is the Teapublican nominee in the South Carolina gubernatorial election. The State newspaper has raised questions about unethical behavior that led Haley to obtain an unwarranted $100,000 fundraising job and a further $42,000 from a state contractor while she was a state legislator. Before obtaining this income under questionable circumstances Haley’s personal financial situation was collapsing, with half of her family’s income paying off interest on her mortgage. After these revelations her poll numbers have decreased dramatically in recent polling. Much like the most recent Republican Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, it has been alleged that Haley has had at least two extramarital affairs.

Carly Fiorina: Fiorina is the Republican nominee for a California U.S. Senate seat. She was formerly the disgraced CEO of Hewlett-Packard Company. She was forced to resign from the company after nearly driving it into the ground in 2005. In April 2009, the business magazine web site Condé Nast Portfolio listed Fiorina as one of “The 20 Worst American CEOs of All Time”. Fiorina is hoping to garner a lot of votes this November but The Los Angeles Times research of public records indicated Fiorina had failed to vote in most every election that she has been eligible to cast a vote. This week Fiorina publicly stated that she believes that Sarah Palin is qualified to be President of the United States. ‘Nuff said.

Sharron Angle: Angle is the 2010 Teapublican nominee for the U.S. Senate seat in Nevada currently held by Democrat Harry Reid. She wants to ban all abortions even in the case of rape, wants to privatize the Veterans’ Administration, wants to abolish the Social Security and Medicare programs, wants to outlaw the sale and consumption of alcohol and remove the fluoride from our water supply. Angle also says that if candidates like her are not elected this fall, the masses should resort to their “2nd Amendment remedies” (she advocates assassinations of public officials?). Last week Angle declared that Dearborn, Michigan and the non-existent town of Frankford, Texas are governed by Sharia law. Crazy enough for you? Oh, and she has another thing in common with Sarah Palin, pulling “n0 shows” at events in which she is scheduled to speak. The most recent example of this was just yesterday when Angle failed to appear at a health care conference in Las Vegas. Angle’s no-show status is noteworthy because the candidate keeps such a low profile on the trail. Press shy Angle has unabashedly rejected the tradition of submitting to a public vetting by the press corps – or rather, the non-partisan press. She regularly grants interviews to Fox News and conservative radio. When she spoke at a reception with conservative radio host Heidi Harris last weekend, it was supposed to be open to the press, but when local television stations showed up they were told they couldn’t cover it. Sharron Angle truly is a psycho-chicken.

Joe Miller: Miller is the Teapublican candidate for one of Alaska’s U.S. Senate seats. He believes that unemployment benefits are unconstitutional. He has not however, stated whether his wife is unconstitutional inasmuch as it was revealed last week that she actually accepted unemployment benefits after having worked as her husband’s clerk in 2002 when he was a federal magistrate. Miller is an another example of  “do as I say, not as I do”.

Rand Paul: Rand Paul is the Teapublican nominee for a Kentucky U.S. Senate seat. Paul believes that private business should once again be allowed to racially  discriminate in places of public accomodation such as lunch counters and hotels, and he wants so called “anchor babies” (children born in the US with parents not legally in the country) to be stripped of their US citizenship and deported. Paul has also said that Medicaid is a form of “intergenerational warfare”. What he has not admitted to however is that 50% of his medical practice’s income is in the form of Medicare and Medicaid payments.

Christine O’Donnell: We have saved the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) for last. Oh, where to begin? O’Donnell of course, is the Teapublican candidate for Vice President Joe Biden’s former Delaware U.S. Senate seat. Well, first we learned of her call for a masturbation ban. Next, we learned that her campaign alleged that her Republican primary opponent, Mike Castle was gay. Then we learned that she had a college degree before she did not have a college degree before she finally received her college degree three weeks ago. That was followed by the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and paid her personal expenses with campaign funds while she failed to pay wages to her campaign employees. All of that was followed by Bill Maher’s delicious video clips which show O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witch-craft”, stating that she had a “date on a satanic alter”, proclaiming that “evolution is a myth” and most recently stating that she would have been a Hare Krishna but for the fact that she is “Italian and I love meatballs.” O’Donnell then claimed to have been privy to classified information that the Chinese plan to take-over America. Then, just yesterday while appearing as a guest with Greta Van Susteren on the Fox network, O’Donnell said, “Well, I hate to say it… I’ve stopped watching the news. I’ve stopped reading the news clips.” If that isn’t mimicking Sarah Palin to the tenth degree, then what is?

When one considers the craziness of these endorsements, it can only be assumed that Sarah Palin’s master plan is to make herself appear to be relatively mainstream by means of propelling these absolutely radical nutjobs into the public arena. Or, maybe Sarah Palin really believes in these candidates, and if that is the case, she is a confirmed lunatic.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Strangers In The Night song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDA33hGFNgQ&feature=related

STRANGE ONES ON THE RIGHT

(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Strangers In The Night”)

Strange ones on the right,
What are their chances?
Not so very bright,
With our finances
This Tea Party love
Should be viewed as taboo

Palin shouting lies
And fear inciting
Rand Paul is hostile
And so damn frightening
Angle has no heart
O’Donnell has no clue

Strange ones on the right,
Abnormal people
They are strange ones on the right
Not one sane moment
They should be in a freak-show
Little do they know
It would just enhance our day
If like Bristol they’d dance away and –

On Fox every night,
They’re all together
Lovers on the right
In love forever
It’s an ugly sight
Those strange ones on the right

(witchcraft break)

Don’t look now just glance away
Here comes their idol Tom Delay

You can join their fight
And hang together
Only if you’re white
Birds of a feather
Taking their last flight
Those strange ones on the right

Bristol Dances The Palin Two-Step!

Bristol Palin shakes her money-maker.

I made a promise to myself that I was not going to devote a blog post to Bristol Palin’s undeserved spot as a celebrity participant on television’s Dancing With The Stars. Then again, this will not be the first time that I have broken a promise to myself. So, here we go.

The ill-conceived message being sent to the teens of America as the result of Bristol Palin’s appearance on this reality television show is, get pregnant out of wedlock and you too will have the opportunity to become rich and famous. Let’s face it, there is nothing unique or remarkable about Bristol Palin other than the fact that she was Sarah Palin’s unwed pregnant teen-aged daughter.

But for her mother’s celebrity status, she would just be another unfortunate, single school-aged mother. Like so many others in that category, Bristol dropped out of high-school, never made it through college and quit the only mainstream job she could get. Unlike others in that category however, she has been able to profit by means of granting interviews to tabloid newspapers and gossip magazines and now by appearing on a nationally televised reality show.

Bristol Palin may someday prove to the world that she has something special to add to society or she may prove to have some special celebrity level talent that serves to provide her with a living. I really do hope that is the case because it is sad to think that her only claim to fame is a celebrity level unwed teen pregnancy.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Dance With Me song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPoxFWv3cW8

DANCE WITH ME

(sung to the Orleans song “Dance With Me”)

Dance with me, I have no other partner
Pregnancy defines me like no other
Tripp is balling and mom is calling
Dance with me

Pregnancy can be so unforgiving
For a fee, you know that I am willing
Get my fee up and you can tee-up
Dance with me

Bristol’s room lets out no sound
Her mom Sarah is never around
You can have her if you have the dough

Bristol P. is such a willing partner
Can’t you see, she’s up for any barter
No use stalling, let’s start the balling
Bristol P.

(pregnancy test break)

Laughingstock in her hometown
Abstinence was never to be found
Pregnancy is what got her this show

Dance with B, she needs a willing partner
Pregnancy defines her like no other
Mom is falling and Levi’s calling
Dance with me

Dance with me

Dance with me

Dance with me

Palins vs. Reality (TV): Round Three – Bristol

First we had Sarah Palin, the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska dip her toe into the waters of reality television with her TLC show known as “Sarah Palin’s Alaska“. Next, we learned that Palin’s would-be son-in-law, Levi Johnston is shopping his own reality series titled “Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office” in which Johnston will follow in the Naughty Monkey steps of Sarah and run for Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Now we hear that Sarah’s daughter Bristol, the former unwed pregnant teen and current unwed twenty-something single mother, will appear as a contestant on next season’s “Dancing With The Stars“. Wow! Remember when Sarah Palin negatively alleged that President Barack Obama was a celebrity and compared him to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton during the 2008 presidential campaign? Did that ever prove to be the pot calling the kettle black (pun intended).

What is it with the Palin clan and their obsession with celebrity status? Really, how many normal families would aspire to have three members star in their own reality television series? Talk about low expectations. This group simply should have stuck together as one unit and promoted a joint sitcom possible titled “The Wasilla Hillbillies“. Heck, even the Gosselin family managed to keep nine out of their ten members on just one TV show.

What is next for the Palins? More reality shows? Maybe “Hey First Dude, Where’s My Car?” wherein Todd Palin will steal and then hide the automobiles of unsuspecting Wasilla residents. Or perhaps, the ever elusive Track might star in “Tracking Track“. Can you folks come up with any other suggestions?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Will she make it to Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 49

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day, but be careful of those eggs!

BREAKING NEWS: Lest we forget, there was another rally in Washington D.C. on Saturday. Thousands of people gathered to commemorate the anniversary of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.’s March on Washington in 1963. The event, billed as “Reclaim the Dream,” included a five-mile march that culminated at the Mall, where conservative talk show host Glenn Beck had organized the simultaneous “Restoring Honor” rally. Avis Jones DeWeever, executive director of the National Council of Negro Women, drew thunderous roars when she challenged those gathered to stand up for their place. “Don’t let anyone tell you that they have the right to take their country back,” she said. “It’s our country, too. We will reclaim the dream. It was ours from the beginning.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Don’t Know Much About History” features Minnesota’s moonbat crazy Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann. The newly crowned Fox News Constitutional Law Expert appeared on “Judge” Napolitano’s program and stated that there are 3 major founding documents: the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. In fact, the Bill of Rights are the first 10 amendments to the US Constitution. But Bachmann does not know that.

BREAKING NEWS: In an interview with a conservative talk show host yesterday, Sharron Angle was given two clear chances to disavow the claim that there are “domestic enemies” within Congress, an assertion she previously expressed unequivocal agreement with. Both times, Angle refused. If she knows of the existence of such “domestic enemies” in Congress should she not be compelled to name them? Angle, you might recall is the Sarah Palin endorsed Tea Party sweetheart running for the Nevada Senate seat presently occupied by Democrat, Harry Reid.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Where Are All The Black People At?” features Glenn Beck‘s “Restoring Honor” rally in Washington D.C.  Take a look at this Washington Post pictorial slide-show of the event and count the African Americans.

BREAKING NEWS: Is anybody really surprised that Sarah Palin endorsed Tea Party darling Joe Miller referred to his Republican opponent, Lisa Murkowski as a prostitute?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Wow, I Never Saw That Coming?” (sarcasm intended) stars former Republican National Committee Chairman, Ken Melman who announced that he is gay. Perhaps he now regrets the virulent anti-gay campaigns that he led on behalf of Republicans. Does G.O.P. hypocrisy never end?

BREAKING NEWS: This week on his radio program, Glenn Beck informed his uneducated audience that he dislikes the “Purple Heart” because it rewards people for being victims, which is Beckspeak for being wounded in the line of duty. Why is Glenn Beck, who abused drugs instead of serving in the military, smearing the “Purple Heart” and its worthy recipients?

THIS JUST IN: Why has uber-conservative pundit Michelle Malkin been so silent on the far- right’s recent plot to repeal the 14th Amendment’s grant of citizenship to children born in this country of parents that are not citizens of this country? Oh yeah, that’s right, Michelle Malkin is an “Anchor Baby” herself. Hmm, maybe the wacky rightwing is on to something.

BREAKING NEWS: Republican Sen. David “Diapers” Vitter and Democratic Rep. Charlie Melancon easily coasted to victory Saturday in the Louisiana Senate primary, setting up a November race between the conservative senator and the Blue Dog Democrat congressman. For the sake of entertainment, let’s hope that Vitter’s diaper-wearing prostitute-buying scandals become part of the general election debate.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of  “ All In The Family” stars Sarah Palin’s daughter and former unwed pregnant teen, Bristol Palin. It was announced this week that the now unwed twenty-something mother that happens to be famous only because of that dubious status, will appear on this season’s “Dancing With The Stars“. How long will it be before Todd the “First Dude” and Track Palin join Sarah, Bristol and Levi in the world of reality television shows?

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Are Family song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBpYgpF1bqQ

WE ARE FAMILY

(sung to the Sister Sledge song “We Are Family”)

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Ev’ryone can see that we are crazy
As we walk on by
(HIGH!) And we don’t work because we are lazy
Diana is high
(ALL) All of the moonbats in our clan these days
Like the First Dude, Todd
Just let me state for the record
We think that Levi kid is odd

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

Abstinence is fun, OK that’s a pun
We get knocked-up before wedding bells
(HIGH) High hopes we have for the future
If our books can sell
(WE) Oh we dress for success
Here’s what we call our golden rule
No condoms for you, and no pills too
You won’t go wrong
Protect the Family Jewels

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Chorus)
Palin family
Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig
Palin family
Let’s put lipstick on a pig!

(Repeat Chorus To Fade)

Palin vs. Levi IV: The Battle For Tripp’s Rattle

Is there anything more entertaining than pure unadulterated hypocrisy? Thankfully, when the subject is Sarah Palin, we are never denied a heaping helping. Sarah Palin is to hypocrisy, what a cesspool is to human waste. She is full of it!

This week’s thrilling episode of “How Dare You!” co-stars those wondrous whiners of Wasilla, Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston. Yes, they are at it again. Honestly, those two would-be relatives are at each others’ throats more than Michael Vick’s family of friendly pit-bulls.

This time, they are fighting over who has the authority to exploit Baby Tripp and by what method. Grandmama Sarah and Mommy Bristol are teaming up in an attempt to stop Levi Johnston from using his son in his new reality show (you know, the one wherein he tries to exploit the political system for personal gain by running for Mayor of Wasilla just like his would-be mother-in-law). metroWNY.com reports that a source says, “Sarah can’t stand Levi and it’s gotten worse. She is absolutely opposed to it. Sarah hates Levi. She thinks his desperate grasp at fame is pathetic and doesn’t want him involving Bristol or Tripp in anything he does to try and get famous.” Wow, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?

Let’s just reverse the names in that sentence and see if it might also ring true, shall we? “Levi can’t stand Sarah and it’s gotten worse. He is absolutely opposed to it. Levi hates Sarah. He thinks her desperate grasp at fame is pathetic and doesn’t want her involving Tripp in anything she does to try and get famous.” Hmm, seems to work just fine in light of Sarah Palin’s history of exploiting her children for personal gain.

Perhaps Washington Post writer, Sally Quinn put it best in 2009 when she said, “Well, clearly, she has not put her family first…And these children have, it seems publicly, to have been exploited by her in a, I think, really unfortunate way. You know, she brings them all to the convention, including Trig, the baby. She brings the pregnant daughter with the boyfriend who clearly didn’t want to be there. She then travels around with the children, using them as sort of photo ops…she brings the children up when she needs them to shore up her own image.” Ouch! The truth can really hurt.

Now that the tables have turned and Levi wants to tap the kiddie tree however, Sarah Palin claims to be the unselfish protector of her grandson’s privacy. But what, if anything, can she do to prevent the child from appearing on television with his father just as her own children did and continue to do with her? Levi and Bristol have joint custody of Tripp so it seems that if he wants to have his son on his reality show then he is within his rights to do so.

As metroWNY so aptly reports, “If Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin were so against Levi from using Tripp then they should have had that written into the custody agreement. By the look of things it seems that Levi has gotten the final laugh on Sarah Palin and Bristol. He gets to exploit his son, rub it in the face of Sarah Palin and use the fact that he dated her daughter as a way to make himself famous and make money and there is not a thing Palin can do about it. As powerful as Sarah Palin is she must feel so useless and powerless right now. Levi Johnston has got her right where he wants her on this one.”

As the saying goes however, “It is always the children that suffer”. It is unfortunate that the entire Palin/Johnston clan have proven to be ignorant of that.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI (PART III)

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said that, “soon I’ll be starring on TV”

Christ you know he loves TV,
His show should earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Starring in his show is “Baby T”,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“He’s stealing my fame,”
“He really has no talent at all”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Levi Johnston Seeks Bully Pulpit

The mayor wears no clothes

Inasmuch as the final results of the numerous primary elections held Tuesday have not been released yet, Lynnrockets thought it might be fun to comment on another less heralded election bid. I’m sure that most of you have already heard that Sarah Palin’s once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston has announced his candidacy for Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. It would appear that Johnston would like to follow closely in the footsteps of  the former half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska and former Mayor of Wasilla. Not only is Johnston planning to run for mayor, but he is shopping a reality television series of his campaign at the same time. Even Sarah Palin never attempted such a blatant effort at cross-marketing and showboating. Palin’s reality television career did not take flight until well after she was embarrassingly defeated in the 2008 election.

If Johnston is elected, just imagine how proud the citizens of Wasilla will be to have yet another under-educated dolt running their city. What books might Levi choose to ban? Will Johnston have those same negotiating skills required to push through the construction of a tax-sucking civic building while at the same time having the developer secretly build him a house? Will he wear a three piece suit or his birthday suit? Perhaps we will learn the answers to these questions and more as Johnston’s campaign gets underway.

But what of the reality television series? It is tentatively titled “Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor’s Office”. After failing in all of his previous attempts to land a series for himself, might this finally be Levi’s golden egg? Don’t count on it. “I’m just incredibly uninterested,” said one network’s executive in charge of unscripted programing. “We’ve seen him naked. We’ve heard him bash the Palins. What more is there that we need to know? He’s a cute kid but not the most interesting person to watch.” Another executive said, “I don’t think he’s a reality TV star. He just doesn’t pop; he’s not an interesting character. He doesn’t have a lot to say, no matter what his name is.” Ouch! If his show does get picked up by some obscure cable network (maybe Fox?), we can be sure that it will not be TLC, because as another TV executive has said, “They already picked their Palin.”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Levon by Elton John song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lXOuZgm_eY

LEVI

(sung to the Elton John song “Levon”)

Levi is just like a circus clown
He just wants to please us
He should be ashamed
If he poses with his boxer shorts pulled down

Levi, Levi wants some money
He wants a lot they say
Spends his days hunting
When he’s not clubbing down in LA

He was born a pauper to his mom on the third of May
Bristol was his chum, she said, “let’s wed”
And they had a son
Tripp E. Johnston is that son today

And we still have Levi
And he is a manly man
And we still have Levi’s
Confrontations with the Palin Clan
And we still have Levi
Showing his full body tan
He shall be Levi

Levi plans to pull his whities down
He hopes his business thrives
He knows the magazines are gay
While claiming that he is not into guys

And Levi, he plans to show his penis
To anyone that will buy
Posing on a sailboat sailing
Sporting those,  hockey player thighs

He’ll be a showstopper not a bum by next Christmas day
First Dude will say, “where’s the support pay?”
And, “where is my gun?”
Levi, son, you’ll never get away

Yet we still have Levi
Sporting his full body tan
And we still have Levi
Pissin’ the Palins –off when he can
And we still have Levi
Spending time in Disney Land
He shall be Levi

And he shall be Levi
With that tattoo on his hand
And he shall be Levi
Avoiding Bristol is his new plan
And he shall be Levi
Posing for a hundred grand
He shall be Levi

The Palin/Johnston Half Hour Comedy Hour

Could we please have a "do over"?

It is now official. The Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston Half Hour Comedy Hour has been canceled. The on-again off-again engagement of the unwed pregnant former teens is off again (for now anyways). These two knuckleheads have now quit their relationship more often than mother Sarah Palin has quit a government position. The announcement was made by Bristol in typical Palin fashion via an interview with the tabloid People magazine. She said, “It’s over. I broke up with him”.  Wonder what she was paid for that quote?

Last week the story broke that the ill fated lovers’ engagement was on the rocks. It was speculated that either Levi impregnated one of Bristol’s friends or that he was still romantically involved with another of Bristol’s friends. Either of those scenarios would be enough to end most marriage plans but this is the crazy Palins that we are talking about. Bristol did not name either of those illicit transgressions as the cause of the break up. Rather, she said,

“The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.”

The music video referred to is one in which Levi will portray a young man driven away from his love interest by the young woman’s mother. Gee, that sounds rather autobiographical doesn’t it?

There is one person that must be thrilled with the break-up of the tabloid teens. It has been widely reported that Sarah Palin, the half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, is contemplating a 2012 run for the Presidency. If such is the case, she could do without the continuing saga which would be certain to follow the unification of the Palin Hillbillies and the Johnston Bunch. On the other hand, if Levi is on the outs again, there is nothing to stop him from publishing his revenge inspired tell-all tome about the Palins. Oh, the suspense is delicious.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCU-XV77b64

BREAKING UP’S NOT HARD TO DO

(sung to the Neil Sedaka song “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”)

Breaking up’s not hard to do

Please drive your truck away from me
You made both of us look damn silly
What’s a poor Palin to do?
Cuz breaking up’s not hard to do

We told the world that we were tight
We even planned our big wedding night
But my friends you had to screw
Breaking up’s not hard to do

They say that breaking up is hard to do
But with Levi, that’s just not true
This time I swear it’s the end
I’d like to pick him up and shove a hockey stick up his rear end

My dad, First Dude, would surely die
If I give Levi another try
And mom, Sarah, would blow a fuse
I’m breaking up again with you

I’ll say that breaking up is hard to do
When I’m asked to be on The View
I’ll say my heart’s on the mend
Then I’ll tell Elisabeth just how Levi knocked up my friend

To Baby Tripp, just say goodbye
I’ll tell him his dad’s another guy
His overnights with you are through
Our breaking up’s not hard to do