And Then There Were Three

Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum

Although most Republicans do not believe in science, the theory of natural selection appears to be working as planned in the GOP race for the Presidential nomination. The original herd of eighteen strong has been thinned downed to only three remaining viable candidates. In a sort of reverse Darwinism, we are witnessing the survival of the un-fittest.

Just a few short months ago the GOP field was chock-full of coconuts. There was Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Gary Johnson, Herman Cain, Fred Karger, Jon Huntsman, Andy Martin, Ron Paul, Jimmy McMillan, Rick Perry, Tom Miller, Rick Santorum, Buddy Roemer, Matt Snyder, Vern Wuensche and Thad McCotter. Shortly thereafter, Johnson, Karger, Martin, McMillan, Roemer, Snyder and Wuensche were eliminated by virtue of the fact that not a single person outside of their immediate families had ever heard of them. Then Tim Pawlenty and Thad McCotter quit. There was almost an increase in the herd after those nine were lost, when the GOP base began clamoring for Mitch Daniels, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Sarah Palin and Chris Christie. Unfortunately, the injection of new blood never came to pass as each potential contestant for the title of “The Next One” took a pass. The herd had been thinned to eight survivors.

Next we had the eliminations “for cause”. The first victim in this category was Newt Gingrich when it was revealed that the self-proclaimed fiscal conservative had run up his credit card to the tune of close to a million dollars owed to the high-end jeweler Tiffany & Co. and that his campaign was more than a million dollars in debt. The next victim was moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann. After being an early fan-favorite, Bachmann collapsed when she started playing doctor with Rick Perry by claiming that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. That statement was the “shot heard round the world” in Michele Bachmann’s “War on Facts”. Next, we witnessed Ron Paul’s self immolation during a televised debate when he implied that sick people without health insurance should either rely upon charity or simply die as the result of their illness. To prove his point, he then pointed out that one of his own staffers died as the result of having no health insurance. Rick Perry became the next casualty when, as Brit Hume so eloquently stated, he “threw up all over himself” at the debates. Perry then committed political suicide last week when he appeared to be either drunk or heavily medicated at a speaking engagement in New Hampshire, the video of which went viral. Finally, Herman Cain was eliminated when it was revealed that his 9-9-9 tax plan would actually cut taxes for the rich and raise taxes on 84% of Americans. Cain then put the exclamation point on the demise of his candidacy this week when it was revealed that he has a proclivity for inappropriate sexual behavior with women who do not happen to be his wife.

So there you have it. The Republican field for the Presidential nomination has been thinned to three candidates. Problem is, Republican voters do not like any of them. Jon Huntsman was essentially eliminated from consideration the moment he accepted a position in the Obama Administration as the Ambassador to China and said nice things about the President in a letter. Rick Santorum meanwhile is the textbook definition of an “empty suit” inasmuch as he has accomplished absolutely nothing in his political career other than suggesting that same sex marriage will lead to people having sex with their dogs. That leaves Mitt Romney. The Republican base despises this guy not only because he is a Mormon, but also because they believe he is a liberal in disguise. That is not an unfair accusation in light of the fact that he has changed his political stance on important conservative issues such as a women’s right to choose, gun regulation, climate change, illegal immigration, the auto bailouts, the flat tax and public sector unions. Romney’s biggest problem with conservatives however, is the fact that he is the architect of President Obama’s health care law and the first elected official to enforce the personal mandate to purchase health insurance.

Republicans nationwide will soon be sending out an S.O.S. distress signal for a new candidate. Somebody? Anybody?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

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Posted on November 4, 2011, in Republican and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Pennies from Heaven

    The Evangelical candidates seem to be the most obsessed with money and certainly the most dishonest. The Catholic one seems the most psychotic in a gay-spanish-inquisition kind of way. That leaves the less popular cultish Mormons as the most educated and least embarrassing.

    Tough choice.

  2. Maybe the GOP will just concede and save the country a lot of money, wasted time, and lying ads about the President. They certainly have no idea how to fix the economy, nor anything else except declare war on women, the middle class, the poor, and children. Now, I know kids don’t vote, but women do, and it really isn’t a good idea to tell us that not only will they end abortion, but they will end contraception and health care for women. Right. Now there’s a way to create jobs! Meanwhile, they have made it clear that they don’t care for education, school lunches, food stamps, creating jobs, fighting homelessness, or anything else that a real Christian, not to mention anyone who claims to know God, takes for granted as important jobs of the state. This bunch of rich white morons are not only terrified of Barack Obama, they are terrified that women are now smarter, more numerous, and more likely to vote against them. Go figure.

  3. To quote a friend about Fox, “What a bunch of inbred retards.” It applies below as well.
    http://www.politicususa.com/en/gop-bizarro-herman-cain/

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