Palins Await Levi Johnston Tell-All

We have been wondering for months when Levi Johnston’s tell-all tome about Sarah Palin would emerge. Until now, all we had to go on was an interview with Johnston which appeared last year in New York Magazine. At the time, Levi said he was working on a memoir that would air the true story of the Palin household. “They’re never around each other,” Johnston said of Sarah and Todd. “It’s like they hate each other but they don’t want anyone to know it. I think they were gonna get a divorce, but then they were like, ‘Let’s not prove them right.’  I’ve never seen them sleep in the same room, he’s always on this little recliner. For years, they never really talked.” He also told the magazine that he’s not surprised Palin is cashing in. “When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit. I know everything there is to know about her,” Johnston adds. “She’s so fake. But she’s so good at it, too. She’s amazing at it. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t know the difference.”

Then, back in April of this year, it was announced that the book would be titled “Dear In The Headlights: My Life In Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs”. Johnston’s manager Tank Johnston told Radar Online, “Levi is going to talk about everybody, including Sarah Palin, and the rest of the family”. It was reported that the book would include stories about his former fiance and mother of his child, Bristol Palin as well. It was also reported that the book will include previously unreleased photos and stories of his intimate, rocky, suddenly public life with the Palins.

Soon thereafter, Bristol Palin released her own book in which she brazenly attacked Levi Johnston. Bristol said that her virginity was “stolen” by Levi one night while she was drunk on wine coolers during a camping trip (Hmm, wonder if that’s where the name Tripp came from?). She does not use the word “rape”, so we must deduce that the tryst was consensual. Nonetheless, she goes on to write, “I could tell by the evidence in the tent that all of my plans, my promises, and my moral standards had disappeared in one awful night in a series of bad decisions.” Those bad decisions continued however, because she then tells us that she was later surprised to learn that she was pregnant at 17 years old despite the fact that she “had been on birth control.”

Bristol Palin then described Johnston as a disloyal boyfriend who had “romps with other girls”. When confronted, he showered her with gifts, including Coach purses, Abercrombie clothing, and designer rain boots. In return, she forgave Johnston and started sleeping with him again with the hope that he would stop cheating. “It was part ‘thank you,’ part ‘security deposit,” she wrote. Bristol even went so far as to ridicule Levi Johnston’s intelligence. She pointedly made fun of his grammar and misspellings in notes to her. This is particularly humorous when you consider that it is being said by a high school drop-out who required the help of a co-writer for her memoir.

The Bristol Palin accusations are sure to have sharpened the pencil of Levi for his book which is due to be released in a week or two. Indeed, the Wall Street Journal reports that according to a copy of the book obtained by the Associated press, “Bristol’s teenage pregnancy was intentional and Sarah Palin wanted to adopt the couple’s child to “avoid scandal” but the young couple would not allow it.” Gossip Center reports that the book says that “Bristol was so angered by her mother, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s 2008 pregnancy with her Trig, that she actually convinced the Playgirl to get her pregnant as revenge a month before her mom’s due date.”

Will Levi truly go on the attack in his book and reveal some blockbuster Palin dirty laundry? Will he describe a true day-in-the-life of the Wasilla Hillbillies? Will he end, once and for all, Sarah Palin’s hopes for elected office? Let’s hope so. In the meantime, all we can do is wait for the book’s release.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link:


(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Is your head made of clay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Hollywood Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said , “my book is gonna be a good read”

Christ you know Levi’s teasing,
His book will earn him a fee
And he loves annoying
His mother-in-law to be

Earning every penny for a rainy day,
Starring in his book is “Baby T”,
Know what Sarah said?
“Soon he will be dead!”
But then she will be haunted by his ghost – Think!

Maybe she’ll have Levi arrested.
Palin dignity in free-fall.
Young Bristol will claim,
“He’s stealing my fame,”
“He really has no talent at all”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Posted on September 14, 2011, in Sarah Palin and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Book ’em

    It’s nice to see our Levi getting a little taste of the action. He’s probably the only character in this whole sordid saga who’s failed to cash-in in a proper and adequate manner.

    Gramps McCain didn’t exactly cash-in, but it wasn’t for lack of effort.

  2. Schadenfreude September. This looks like it’s going to be fun for a lot of us….except the Palin Family Fridge. 🙂

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