Monthly Archives: February 2011

Hannity and Malkin: A Fox News Duo of Dimwittery

By now, everyone that pays attention has heard about the brutal sexual assault in Egypt of Lara Logan, the CBS News journalist. While reporting on the celebration by Egyptian protesters which erupted when it was announced that President Hosni Mubarak was stepping down, Logan was somehow separated from her security team and thereafter was brutally sexually assaulted for a period of 20 to 30 minutes. It is assumed that the attack was carried out by some protesters. After the assault, Logan immediately returned to the United States where she received medical treatment. She has since been released from the hospital and she plans to return to work in the very near future. She suffered a terrible ordeal and most everyone hopes that she recovers both physically and emotionally.

Those are the facts. That is what has been reported on the Lara Logan situation. That being said however, the folks over at Fox News have decided to put the conservative spin on things. As usual, the network has elected to provide an unfair and unbalanced assessment of the situation. One example is the misinformation and spin by Sean Hannity and his guest Michelle Malkin on Wednesday evening.

On “Hannity”, the host briefly repeated the facts as we know them, but then he jumped right into the spin and misinformation with his guest. Hannity said, “And I read this and I was thinking about, you know – wasn’t this supposed to be the peaceful demonstration and we have one journalist after another…” First of all he was mistaken by blaming all of the journalist harassment incidents on one side. It appears at this point in time that Logan was attacked by anti-Mubarak protesters but many other journalists were attacked by pro-Mubarak supporters and officials. Indeed, just 8 days prior to her sexual assault, Lara Logan and her crew were arrested and beaten and jailed by the Egyptian police. Logan said of that incident, “We were not attacked by crazy people in Tahrir Square. We were detained by the Egyptian army. Arrested, detained, and interrogated. Blindfolded, handcuffed, taken at gunpoint, our driver beaten. It’s the regime that arrested us. They arrested [our producer] just outside of his hotel, and they took him off the road at gunpoint, threw him against the wall, handcuffed him, blindfolded him. Took him into custody like that.” Hannity however, made no distinction and failed to report the true set of circumstances. Moreover, he implied that the civilian uprising was far more violent than the mainstream media would lead us to believe despite the fact that as far as uprisings go, the Egyptian uprising was far more peaceful than most.

Michelle Malkin then jumped in and correctly stated, “It’s monstrous. Many women, in particular, will tell you this is business as usual for many parts of the Middle East.” This is true, it has been widely reported that  “gropings” and “assaults” of women have been witnessed throughout the uprising. It is no secret that women are treated as second-class citizens (and/or chattel) in many parts of the Middle Eastern world.

Yet as soon as she said that, Malkin began her conservative and baseless spin. She said, “I think that if CBS News and the rest of the mainstream media want to do right by her and right by all the other journalists who were attacked last week and over the course of the last two weeks, what they will do is finally find some spine and refuse to whitewash the truth about who these assailants were, what they were motivated by.” She then went on to continue criticizing the mainstream media (i.e. any media other than Fox News) by failing to report on “the root causes of anti-Americanism that is festering in these places in the Middle East”.

First of all, somebody at Fox should have informed Michelle Malkin that Lara Logan is not American. She is a South African (perhaps her accent should have been a clue). Secondly, Malkin failed to mention that during the attack, onlookers were reported to have been shouting “Jew, Jew, Jew”. It has been pretty well established over the years that Muslims and Jews do not always hold each other in the highest esteem. Perhaps Malkin missed that memo. In fact, it is interesting to note that when Logan and her crew were arrested by the military a week earlier, it was on suspicion that they were Israeli spies. There is nothing to suggest that Lara logan’s assault had anything to do with anti-Americanism.

It is somewhat understandable as to why Fox News always misrepresents facts and even lies to simplify a story. It is network policy to ensure that every story reinforces the radically conservative right-wing agenda. Additionally, complicated story-lines are simply beyond the grasp of the simple-minded Fox News hosts and their audience. Fox and its audience operate only on the simplest of mathematical equations:

Americans = Always good; Foreign Nations = Always bad; Republicans = Always good; Democrats = Always bad; War = Always good; Peace = Always bad

There you have it.

Inasmuch as both Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin had a starring role in today’s blog post, Lynnrockets will treat you Rocketeers to a double dose of song parody. Please enjoy.

Please remember to click on the song links below to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parodies.

Saturday In The Park song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5bhBSb92LY

HANNITY IN THE DARK

(sung to the Chicago song “Saturday In The Park”)

Hannity in the dark
You’d think that he would open his eyes
Hannity in the dark
It’s rhetoric that the reich wing buys
Keeps us barfing, keeps us laughing
The man is a lame-brain
G.O.P. talking points
Ixnay on the truthiness
Do you dig it? (no, we don’t)
And he’s been at it such a long time
Sean Hannity

Hannity in the dark
You’d think that he would open his eyes
Hannity in the dark
It’s rhetoric that the reich wing buys
His tough talking, while he’s smiling
Scared of waterboarding
Chicken-hawk with gall
Olbermann exposed the fool
Can you dig it? (yes, we can)
And Alan Colmes was such a nice guy
Yesterday

Slow thinking dropout without a college degree
A bought man just can shill for the G.O.P.
Fox News execs know they’re his boss
Know they’re his boss (oh, yeah, yeah)

In a daze, in the dark
Every day’s a day full of lies
In a haze, off the mark
He’s just like Limbaugh in disguise
Embellishing and misleading
An abomination
Like the Berlin Wall
An idiot, pitching a fit
Can you dig it? (no, we can’t)
And he’s been at it such a long time
Hannity

The Monster Mash song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZftK2kO6U

THE MALKIN MASH

(sung to the Bobby “Boris” Pickett song “Monster Mash”)

She was mouthing off with gab late one night
Malkin’s strange visage, an eerie sight
My blood pressure and pulse both began to rise
What’s up with that weird lazy eye?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

She was ruminating on Obama’s speech
When her logic and her brains went to the beach
We knew she was lying by her growing nose
Inside her skull, a mighty wind blows

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Dear Malkin was having fun
Her air-time had just begun
It was quite apparent that
Michelle had come undone

The show was rockin’ with her babbling sounds
Michelle spewing sentences without nouns
There were blood-shot lines in her crazy ass eyes
One thing missing was the strait-jacket guys

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Out from the closet came the Coulter thing
He was wearing his decoder ring
Waving it round because he was pissed
Have you ever seen so much hair on anybody’s fist?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Now everything’s cool, Coulter hid his big hand
And Malkin’s diatribe was critically panned
It was one giant laugh if it was viewed
Next time we see that jerk, she is sure to be booed.

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

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Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin: “Boobs” Who Hate Healthy Children

Moonbat-crazy Michele Bachman, a Teapublican Rep. from Minnesota, is shooting off her mouth yet again. The potential (but doomed) presidential candidate appeared with radical right-wing radio host Laura Ingraham on Tuesday’s show and feigned shock that First Lady Michelle Obama would once again advocate on behalf of healthy children. Apparently, Bachmann hates healthy children.

Recently, Michelle Obama continued her efforts to reduce childhood obesity by promoting breast feeding. Additionally, the IRS has just announced that the cost of nursing supplies that aide in the practice will be tax-deductible. The First Lady explained to reporters last week, “We also want to focus on the important touch points in a child’s life. And what we’re learning now is that early intervention is key. Breastfeeding. Kids who are breastfed longer have a lower tendency to be obese.” Her spokeswoman Kristina Schake added, “Breastfeeding is a very personal choice for every woman. We are trying to make it easier for those who choose to do it.”

Sounds reasonable doesn’t it? Ms. Obama would like to encourage mothers to breastfeed their children so that they can potentially cut into the child obesity epidemic and the children can then live healthier adult lives. Furthermore, she would like to make it easier (i.e. less costly) for mothers to continue the practice by means of providing tax relief equal to the cost of the required supplies. A win-win. Healthier children and tax relief! Sounds like a plan right out of the tax-cutting, family-values Tea Party handbook.

But wait! We have a dilemma here. Another Teapublican rule is that members must oppose anything and everything promoted by the Obama administration regardless of its merit. Michele Bachmann is the Tea Party champion when it comes to obstinence. If Barack Obama suddenly switched parties and became a Republican, Bachmann would become a Democrat. How else can you explain her shocking opposition to this proposed tax relief? In her typical over-the-top and nonsensical language, Bachmann said that the Obama breastfeeding initiative amounts to a “new definition [of] the nanny state.” She told Ingraham,

“This is very consistent with where the hard left is coming from. For them, government is the answer to every problem. I’ve given birth to five babies and I breast fed every single one of these babies.To think that government has to go out and buy my breast pump for my babies? You wanna talk about the nanny state, I think you just got a new definition.”

Fade in, the sound of crickets. Michelle Bachmann makes as much sense as Sarah Palin did when, on her reality TV show, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska criticized the First Lady for advocating a healthy diet. Bachmann, Palin and their ilk are simply imbeciles. They fail to understand that when the government promotes a healthy life-style, it is not forcing or coercing members of the public to engage in one. When Predident John F. Kennedy famously said, “ask what you can do for your country”, he was not forcing America’s youth to seek government employment. Indeed, the government’s promotion of a healthy lifestyle is no different than the government’s issuance of storm preparation procedures prior to a hurricane. In these instances the government is simply looking out for the people’s best interests by suggesting (not commanding) a plan of action.

Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin could each use a refresher course in junior-high civics.

Bonus: If you would like to read how Michele Bachmann was finally forced to admit that the Republican House has no ability to defund the new health care reform law after she lied all through election season that it could be defunded, click here.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Foxy Lady song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnkYatAT7NE

FOXY LADIES

(sung to the Jimi Hendrix song “Foxy Lady”)

Foxy
Foxy

These two, they’re a couple of smart-fakers
Foxy
But they’re just a couple of hate-mongers
Foxy

Fox makes them feel at home
Do they have any charm? No!
But they’re on all the time, prime-time
Ooh, Foxy ladies

Foxy
Foxy

Palin, she’s just so spiteful and mean
Ooh, Foxy
She makes us wanna get up and scream
Foxy
And Michele Bachmann now
Has just lost her mind
They’re both just wasting all our precious time
But Fox thinks they’re fine, so fine
Foxy Ladies
They’re so dumb

Foxy
Foxy
Foxy
Foxy

Yeah, just listen to them drone
As they sound they’re alarms, Whoa
Fox says they are so fine, prime-time
Foxy ladies

They’re just dumb ladies
We’d love to forget ya
Foxy ladies
You’re both no good
Yeah, Foxy
You’re both so dumb
Foxy
Sour lemonade
You’re spreadin’ fear. Yikes
Night and day on Foxy
Foxy
Foxy ladies
Foxy ladies

BREAKING NEWS: Nudist Teapublican Senator Scott Brown Was Buggered!

Scott Brown chuckles during his "60 Minutes" interview.

Sometimes you just have to wonder what inspires  people to reveal personal things. It was just over a year ago that the Tea Party claimed its first election victory at the federal level. In the special election to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate seat, the Sarah Palin-endorsed Scott Brown upset the heavily favored Martha Coakley and a Republican was elected in that bluest of blue states for the first time in decades.

Brown immediately became the poster child for the defeat of the Democrats’ health care reform legislation (despite the fact that he voted in favor of the passage of the very same law while he was a Massachusetts state representative just 4 years earlier). He failed. The Democrats passed the health care reform law despite Brown’s so-called “41st vote” by means of utilizing the reconciliation procedure. Brown’s status continued to decline within conservative circles when he shunned appearing with Sarah Palin at her Boston Tea Party rally. Thereafter, he really started pissing-off the Tea Baggers when he began voting with Democrats on a job creation bill and the sweeping financial regulation package. Scott Brown’s star was fading in Republican circles.

No longer was Scott Brown one of the “go-to” guys for a Fox News soundbyte. All talk of a future Republican bid for President had ceased. The Republican Senate leadership even unceremoniously evicted him from Ted Kennedy’s cushy Capitol office space and banished him to a cubby-hole in a separate building. Jeesh, what does a former Tea Party star have to do to get some attention in the Beltway?

Let’s see. He could get involved in a sex scandal like fellow Republicans David Vitter, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Mark Foley or John Boehner (pronounced “boner”). But no, that would be too predictable and stale these days. Wait a minute, he could take the opposite approach. He could play the role of a victim of a sexual predator.

And voila! Scott Brown has just injected himself back into the public spotlight by revealing in an interview with CBS‘ “60 Minutes” that he was sexually abused at the age of 10. CNN reports today that he said,

“Fortunately, nothing was ever fully consummated so to speak. It was certainly, back then, very traumatic. “He [the perpetrator] said, ‘If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you. I’ll make sure nobody believes you,'”.That’s the biggest thing. When people find people like me at that young vulnerable age that are basically lost. The thing that they have over you is that that they make you believe no one will believe you.”

The Boston Globe reports that the perpetrator was a male camp counselor and some of the details will be provided in Brown’s autobiography which will be released on Monday. Brown said that the molestation took place on Cape Cod at a religious camp. He did not however, disclose the name of the camp in his book, or the denomination.

“I can remember how he looked, every inch of him: his long sandy, light brown hair; his long, full mustache; the beads he wore; the tie-dyed T-shirts and the cutoff jeans, which gave him the look of a hippie,” Brown writes in the book, “Against All Odds.”

The Boston Globe further reports, Brown said the abuse occurred when he went to the camp infirmary, not feeling well. The counselor followed him into the bathroom, according to Brown’s account.

“I was standing there with my pants down and he came right up next to me and asked me if I needed help, and then he reached out his hand,” Brown writes, continuing with a graphic description of the encounter.

In his book, Brown says the incident with the counselor was not the first time he faced a potential sex abuser. In an earlier episode Brown describes, when he was about 8 and living in Malden, MA, he befriended a 13-year old boy from the neighborhood. Late one winter afternoon, the friend approached Brown in the woods, threatened him with a knife, and commanded Brown to perform a sexual act, according to Brown’s account. Feeling desperate, Brown says, he hit the teenager in the face with a rock and ran away.

“To this day,” the senator writes, “I can still see the flash of that knife blade in the woods and the thirteen-year-old boy with his pants down.”

Brown claims that he had never revealed the attacks until this interview. You have to wonder if the episodes had any influence on his past nude modeling. Too bad “60 Minutes” did not enquire into that.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg&playnext=1&list=PL9B0677232540092C

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

The Madcap CPAC Recap Continues…

Pamela Geller and Ann "The Man" Coulter". "Nuff said.

Pamela Geller (Buffy the Vampire Slayer?), one of the biggest critics of the so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” held an unofficial forum during the CPAC conference last weekend. The main focus of the forum was for the preview of the film “The Ground Zero Mosque: The Second Wave of The 9/11 Attacks.” Despite the film however, it was Geller’s bizarre remarks about the CPAC conference itself which drew the most attention.

Geller proclaimed that the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has been “corrupted” and “compromised by Muslim Brotherhood activists.” Really Ms. Geller, we all understand that every single person at this annual gathering of radical right-wing nut-jobs felt compelled to say something about the recent Egyptian uprising, but to suggest that the conservative group has been infiltrated by the Muslim Brotherhood is simply over the top. She continued…

“If you look at the agenda of CPAC, look at all of the panels and then look at your daily news headlines, they’re either clueless or complicit,” Geller said. “And I’m telling you that before you throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are 12,000 people that come to this event that don’t know they’ve been completely sold out by CPAC leadership. We have to take CPAC back, you can’t create this again.”

Let’s go to the tape:

It is only a matter of time now before Pamela Geller appears on Fox News with Glenn Beck to spread this wildly sensational conspiracy theory. The chalkboards are certain to be burning with activity.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnluciYGFXg

REPUBLICAN WOMEN

(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized
Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women
I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women

Mitt “Personal Mandate” Romney Avoids “Health Reform” Topic At CPAC

The man who is the author of the nation’s new health care reform law and the creator of the “personal mandate” which requires all persons to purchase health insurance was silent on that topic at the CPAC conference last weekend. Mitt(wit) Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts and presently one of the front-runners for the GOP 2012 nomination for President, gave a lengthy speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference last weekend which was heavy in criticism of President Obama, but failed to address the rallying-cry of all conservatives – health care reform repeal. Nobody in attendance could help but notice the 8oo pound gorilla in the room.

Romney stressed the economy in his speech. He thumped his chest and said, “Let me make this very clear. If I decide to run for president, it won’t take me two years to wake up to the job crisis threatening America. And I won’t be asking Timothy Geithner how the economy works or Larry Summers how to start a business. I know.’’ He mentioned the word “organic” twice in reference to Michelle Obama’s diet initiatives and he compared the Obama administration to those of European nations. Still he failed to mention that topic that every other conservative speaker highlighted. Indeed, Tim (Good ‘n) Pawlenty mentioned the personal mandate twice in the first four minutes of his speech. Each time he received a standing ovation.

You see, Mitt Romney has a lot of ‘splainin’ to do with conservatives when it comes to health care reform and he is not prepared for it. He was the nation’s biggest supporter of the personal mandate when he signed it into law as the Governor of Massachusetts back in 2006. Let’s watch him applaud its virtues shortly after it became law:

Let’s watch Romney defend the personal mandate once again while running for President in 2008:

Salon.com summed things up nicely when they said:

When it comes to healthcare, his hypocrisy is particularly galling. Romney is actually the only governor in American history ever to impose an individual health insurance mandate on his citizens. And an individual mandate, of course, is at the heart of Obama’s reform package. Nor is the mandate the only common ground between RomneyCare and ObamaCare; the Massachusetts plan that Romney signed into law in 2006 is essentially the blueprint for Obama’s plan. Both rely on the same basic formula: a requirement that everyone purchase insurance and government assistance for those who can’t afford it.

Indeed, Romney often went so far as to suggest that the Massachusetts health reform law with personal mandate should be the model for a nationwide health reform law. That is however, before he flip-flopped and changed his mind as he has on almost every issue he has ever campaigned on. Now that President Obama has enacted just such a law (which is the mirror image of the Massachusetts law), Romney claims that it is “an unconscionable abuse of power”. He claims such a law is good for the states, but not for the nation. Yet, he offers no support for such a contention. In fact, inasmuch as the federal government actually pays half the costs incurred by the Massachusetts law, it appears that Romney’s new take is that Romney/Obama/Care is great at the state level so long as the federal government pays for it. His is a foolish argument in favor of the sanctity of state’s rights and conservatives are not likely to drink Romney’s Kool-Aid.

Mitt Romney will continue to be a front-runner for the GOP nomination for President in 2012 until the primary debate season. At that time the other Republican candidates, in an attempt to ride the Tea Party wave, will hammer him on the issue of health care. Romney will be forced to either defend his Massachusetts law and alienate conservatives or embrace health care repeal and reinforce the argument that he is a flip-flopper on important issues. Neither choice is very attractive.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more singing along with today’s topical, song parody. Please enjoy!

Flipper theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH48uuofr60

FLIP-MITT

(sung to the TV theme of “Flipper)

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, his change of mind, frightening,
That Mitt Romney;  No veracity,
And we know Flip-Mitt, just loves to steal his own thunder,
Mind gone asunder; flip-flop does he!

Everyone knows, dear ol’ Mitt Romney
Changes his mind oh, so frequently,
Changes his views to impress his peers,
Says anything to induce cheers

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, in need of enlightening,
No one you see, is impressed with he,
And we know Flip-Mitt and his cronies must all wonder,
Just how he blunders effortlessly.

Ann Coulter Confirms He Is A Crazy-Man At CPAC

First off, Lynnrockets would like to wish a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all you Rocketeers. Now let’s get to the news…

Ann Coulter is one strange man. This guy has been hanging around the political world for far too long and at this point he should simply be ignored. He has lately been relegated to the back bench of conservative politics and for good reason. His columns have been dropped from many newspapers and the only place he can be found on television is the propaganda network known as Fox News. He is now pretty much irrelevant to any serious political discussion.. If it were not for CPAC, he would no longer have any audience at all.

No serious Republican or conservative cares the least what Coulter has to say any longer. He is merely a man of yesterday. He bullies his way with his big adams apple and big hands into conservative circles but even those neanderthals are too embarrassed to have him hang around for too long. Honestly, let’s look at his recent history. He is the guy that said that Jews need to be perfected. He also said that the Canadians fought along-side us in Viet Nam. Remember the time that he called John Edwards a faggot? Yikes, talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Ever watch him prance around on Fox News wearing his tight fitting dresses? This guy is so embarrassing that I am guessing that there is a couple somewhere in Connecticut that wishes that they exercised there freedom of choice and aborted this guy before he could incite all the hatred that he has brought on this country.

His CPAC appearance last weekend was just more of the same. It is all over-the-top rhetoric with no substantive basis. For instance he said, “Here’s a lesson of history: Do not allow Democrats anywhere near foreign policy. Not even to keep them away from domestic policy. It’s a mistake to ask those who don’t even like democracy to defend it.” On what basis can he support the ridiculous statement that Democrats do not like democracy? None. He then revised history by claiming, “Liberals could not have been less interested in democracy when we were taking out the guy who gassed his neighbors…when we went to take out Saddam Hussein.” Notice how he failed to mention that the Bush administration’s justification for invading Iraq was to find those non-existent weapons of mass destruction and not to nation build.

Then for some reason he started talking about gay conservatives. He said, “I would like gays to be part of conservatism just the way women are without there being a special designation for it, that’s what I’d prefer.” Then he said, “The left is trying to co-opt gays and I don’t think we should let them, they should be on our side.” He concluded by saying that he and gays have a lot “a lot in common”. He added, “We like the same music, we like the same cocktails, and we like a lot of the same men.” Maybe there is even another reason that he is not so comfortable talking about. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVXmMMSo47s

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

Well I’m not the world’s most perceptive bloke
But she is a lady that I wouldn’t dare poke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well she sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on her eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox she was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women when they don’t have dinks like Ann Coulter’s
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
She says that her wisdom sells her books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t her good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I’m never gonna take it right up the can
From no Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Ann Coulter is a disease that needs to be cured.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 69

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Remember last Tuesday when The Sharon K. Pacheco Foundation announced that it had rescinded its invitation to Sarah Palin to be a speaker at its May event because of threats to Palin? Well, Talking Points Memo reports that no Colorado law enforcement entities were advised of any such threats. The site wrote, “In addition to the Glendale police, the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office, the Denver Police Department and the Colorado Bureau of Investigation also told the Denver Post they hadn’t received reports of any threats related to the Palin appearance. Meanwhile, the foundation’s website has been shut down for “revision,” and all comments have been deleted from its Facebook page. The posts announcing Palin’s appearance, as well as the one announcing the cancellation, also appear to have been removed from the group’s Facebook wall. Hmm, does something smell fishy in Glendale?

THIS JUST IN: In what appears to be a massive blow to Glenn Beck‘s wildly hallucinatory conspiracy theory that the Muslim Brotherhood will take control of Egypt and convert it to an Iran-style Islamic state, the opposition party has demonstrably stated that such is not the case. On Wednesday, the party issued a statement which reads, “The MB regards the revolution as the Egyptian People’s Revolution not an Islamic Revolution. The Egyptian People’s Revolution includes Muslims, Christians, from all sects and political parties.” Well, for Beck it is back to the drawing er, black-board.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Been There, Done That” features Senator Ron Paul (R-TX) who says that he is strongly considering another unsuccessful run for the Presidency in 2012.

THIS JUST IN: Just thinking out loud here, but when Google executive Wael Ghonim went missing in Egypt last week, couldn’t they just have “Googled” him to find his whereabouts?

BREAKING NEWS: One person was killed and eleven others were injured last week at a Youngstown (Ohio) State University frat party when two men fired shots into the crowd. QUESTION: How long will it be before someone on Fox News ponders aloud as to whether the shooters were either Muslims or Democrats or both?

THIS JUST IN: Rumor has it that inasmuch as the Tea Party is tired of the way the “lamestream” media treats them, they have elected to publish their own magazine titled “Tea Party Review”. The Week reports, that the magazine  “will hit the stands at the Conservative Political Action Conference to be held in Washington this weekend. For $34.95 a year, subscribers can steep themselves in articles on Obamacare repeal and prominent black conservatives, and a comic strip about a Tea Party congressman taking on the “Red Chinese.” Just imagine some of the potential articles such as “Creative New Ways To Make Posters And Spell”, or “Let’s Tea-Bag With Gay Republicans!”. The possibilities are endless.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Timing Is Everything” features the State of Utah which is considering a bill that recognizes the semiautomatic Browning M1911 handgun as an official state symbol. The idea itself is crazy but the timing is even worse inasmuch as a similar firearm was used in the recent Tucson, Arizona massacre. What’s next, the official state polygamist?

THIS JUST IN: Lynnrockets would like to extend warm wishes  and good luck to Keith Olbermann, the former MSNBC host who will now host a prime time program for Current TV, the cable channel co-founded by Al Gore. We also hope that his potential audience can somehow locate the chanel on which Current TV is broadcast. It won’t be easy.

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin was punished for skipping the CPAC conference for the fourth year in a row. In the annual straw poll for the attendees’ preference for President, Sarah Palin came in a measly 9th place, with only 3% of the votes. This was a terrible showing for someone who fancies herself a champion of conservative and who just this week hired a high profile chief of staff. Some unknown named Gary Johnson finished ahead of the Queen of Quit. Ouch, this is going to leave a mark.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Family Values Republicans Gone Bad” features Rep. Christopher Lee (No, not the actor from those Hammer horror films) of New York. He abruptly resigned Wednesday after it was revealed that the married congressman had tried to meet a woman on Craigslist and posted a topless photo of himself for that purpose. Lee now joins Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., Mark Sanford and John Ensign as Republican family values adulterers. Lynnrockets’ guess is that John Boehner (pronounced “boner” and for good reason) will be next.

Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) on Craigslist.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Walk Like An Egyptian song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc5jjHhD9BY

WALK WITH AN ERECTION

(sung to the Bangles song “Walk Like An Egyptian”)

All the G.O.P.s in bedrooms
They do the sex dance with their hoes
They’re getting their kicks (oh whey oh)
They think that their wives will never know

There sat Larry Craig with a smile
Hoping to score a tete-a-tete
He set for awhile (oh whey oh)
On the airport Men’s Room toilet

Cleans his pipe with a Handy Wipe play
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection

Mark Sanford goes missing for days
In South America for a score
He’s got the moves (oh whey oh)
But he’s a fink and his gal’s a whore

John Ensign met his while at work
Along with her son and her husband
He paid them like kings (oh whey oh)
No talking of his erection

All the guys in the G.O.P. say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection

(marital affair break)

Newt Gingrich left his wife with no tact
In the cancer ward on her back
Life is hard you know (oh whey oh)
He even took her new Cadillac

Mark Vitter pulled out all the stops
His escorts charged him the very tops
They sing and dance (oh whey oh)
Spent his way right into hawk

Then there’s Mark Foley with his men
He says he won’t do it again
But those heinies know (oh whey oh)
He works with a big erection

All the boys in the G.O.P. say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection
Walk with an erection

Late Saturday/Early Sunday Music Byte

It was 1978-79 and it was Boston. the cars were it.  A Boston band we loved. Here is what we were listening to…

Palin Says Santorum Is A “Knuckle-Dragging Neanderthal” – Priceless!

Palin vs. Santorum

As we have said so many times in the past, there is nothing more entertaining than watching Republicans eat their young. This week we were treated to a battle-royale between former Republican Senator Rick Santorum and former reality television star Sarah Palin. Both are potential G.O.P. candidates for the 2012 Presidential election.

The first punch was thrown by Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum who is primarily known for once comparing homosexuality with having sex with a dog. While being interviewed on television last week, Santorum was asked why Sarah Palin turned down the keynote speaking role at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) for the 4th consecutive year. CPAC is the premier annual conference of national conservatives which takes place every February. Santorum responded, “I don’t know, I have the feeling she has a lot of demands on her time and a lot of them have a financial benefit.” He was then asked if he would have turned it down and he said, “No, but then I don’t live in Alaska.”

There is no doubt that Santorum implied that Palin believes that making money is more important to her than promoting the conservative cause (there is no speaking fee paid by CPAC). Would Palin take the bait? Let’s put it this way, does the earth revolve around the sun?

You guessed it. Palin appeared on “Hannity” on Fox News (where else?) a few nights later and called Santorum a “knuckle-dragging neanderthal”. A picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the tape:

For Sarah palin, the punches from Republicans and establishment conservatives just keep on comin’. Karl Rove, Barbara Bush, Lindsey Graham, Bill Kristol, Newt Gingrich and now Rick Santorum have all jabbed Palin. Who will be next.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topicalsong parody.

Kung Fu Fighting song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0

KUNG FU FIGHTING

(sung to the Carl Douglas song “Kung Fu Fighting”)

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Sarah Palin was kung fu fighting
Her words were crude and biting
In fact she is a little bit frightening
And she has the worst of timing

One day funky Santorum put Sarah Palin down
He was chopping her up and he was talking her down
His words gave Sarah a start and then she tore Ricky apart
She was shooting from the hip; when she gave Ricky some lip

Rick and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were tear-inciting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the worst of timing

She said, “knuckle dragging Rick, you better bite your tongue”
He said “I am the big boss, you best be gone”
She said, “this crib-note on my hand says I’m worth one-hundred grand”
He said, “you missed the CPAC trip, so you could fill your money clip”

Rick and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the worst of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…

Rick and Sarah were kung fu fighting
Their words were crude and biting
We wish they had put them in writing
Boy, they had the worst of timing

Oh – oh – oh – oh…
Keep on fighting
Those cats are frightening

Oh – oh – oh – oh…(to fade)

Sarah Palin The Birthday-Girl Wants Your Money

It was a day that will live in infamy. On this very same date exactly 47 years ago in the small town of Standpoint, Idaho, a menace was born.  Charles R. “Chuck” Heath and his wife Sally were cursed with a third child who they named Sarah. From day one the Sarah thing brought ridicule upon the Heaths, and the villagers of Standpoint drove them out of Idaho on a potato truck after only a few months. In no uncertain terms the Heaths were told to take the Sarah thing out of the Lower 48 and to never return.

The disgraced family migrated to the town of Skagway, Alaska where they hid the Sarah thing for almost five years before she was discovered by a dung-heap digger and the family was once again banished by the locals. In the dead of night they surreptitiously made their way to the town of Eagle River, Alaska. For three years they deceived the town folk there into believing that the Sarah thing was some sort of exotic family pet but when the local veterinarian refused to neuter her on the grounds that he did not recognize her species, the gig was up. The Heaths were driven from yet another town and wandered aimlessly until they stumbled upon the lazy hamlet of Wasiila. Chuck quickly deduced that Wasilla was the methamphetamine capital of Alaska and that the dazed and confused citizens were unlikely to pay any attention to their hated spawn. He was correct. Nobody noticed the new addle-minded resident until she was mistakenly elected Mayor on April Fools day in 1996 at the age of 32 (that is 224 in dog years).

Nothing of note happened to the Sarah thing after that other than her election as Governor of Alaska and her nomination as the Republican candidate for Vice President of the United States. Luckily for all involved, she was clobbered in the national election and shortly thereafter she quit the position of Governor after having served only half a term. The world was saved. The Sarah thing would surely fade into obscurity now that she had officially been deemed a quitting loser.

Not so fast! As it turned out, the reports of the Sarah thing’s demise had been greatly exaggerated as the result of the emergence of the villainous Tea Party. That group of under-educated, spelling-challenged, racist, gun-toting, Bible-thumpers found one of their own of the opposite sex to coronate as queen. She even shared their habit of dressing up in funny clothes from a different era. This was a virtual match made in heaven er, hell.

The Sarah Palin thing was revived just like the Frankenstein monster in so many of those movie sequels. She “refudiated’ her critics and commenced a new career; begging for money and selling stuff to her brain-washed fans. She even started her own political action committee so that her supporters could easily finance her lavish lifestyle on a 24/7 basis.

And this brings us full circle to today. Sarah Palin’s birthday. It is impolite to personally ask for cash as a birthday present, but mere social impropriety is no impediment to Sarah Palin. To achieve her goal of grabbing even more money from her Tea-Bagging supporters she has utilized SarahPAC. Palin’s PAC sent a letter to supporters pleading for cash donations in honor of her birthday. It reads, “help me plan a special surprise for Governor Sarah Palin in honor of her birthday on Friday by giving a gift to SarahPAC today.” In an attempt to once again compare herself to Ronald Reagan, the money solicitation contiues with, “Just like Ronald Reagan before her, Governor Palin is despised by the Left because she freely admits her faith in God, is unabashedly proud of America, and fights to limit the long arm of the federal government when it comes to our freedoms and our families.”

This blatant cash-grab is clearly another one of Sarah Palin’s “WTF” moments.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song’s video link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with tonight’s song parody.

Birthday video link: 

BIRTHDAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Birthday”)

It’s Sarah P’s birthday
A big birthday fool, yeah
It won’t be the first day
She’ll be on Fox in prime-time
It’s Sarah P’s birthday
Here’s a birthday “screw you”!

($1, $2, $3, $4, $5, $6, $7, $8)

Yes she’s gonna throw a big Tea Party
Yes she’s gonna throw a big Tea Party
Yes she’s gonna throw a big Tea Party

There is more than a chance – birthday
Todd will pull down his pants – birthday
With his masseuse he’ll dance – birthday
Da-a-a-a-a-nce!

(Reagan comparison break)

Do you think there’s a chance – birthday
Bristol’s learned how to dance? – birthday
Sarah P’s in a trance – birthday
Whooo – Trance – yeah!

It’s Sarah P’s birthday
She’s a birthday fool, yeah
It’s let’s fill her purse day
She’s counting every last dime
A SarahPAC birthday
She’s sniffing the glue tube!