Things We Learned About The Clampetts, Err Palins From DWTS

Bristol Palin is the Missing Link

Ding dong the witch is dead. We knew it could not go on forever. We knew that at some point Bristol Palin would be dumped from “Dancing With The Stars”. Just the same, we will miss the contestant that was a star only as the result of her status as being a former unwed pregnant teen. Bristol’s presence on the show gave the nation another point of contact with America’s most notorious reality television-based family. And we learned a number of things during her tenure such as…

  1. Sarah Palin is likely to get booed whenever she appears before an audience that has not been hand-picked and stocked full of Tea-Baggers;
  2. Bristol enjoyed publicly embarrassing “Mama Bear” by choosing songs that were thinly veiled insults at Sarah’s parenting skills (or lack thereof) and her unwed teen pregnancy (i.e. “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”);
  3. Palinbots will game the system and support the Palin family in whatever endeavor they choose to pursue regardless of talent or taste;
  4. Bristol embraced the Palin-denied “Theory of Evolution” when she donned her anthropomorphic gorilla costume;
  5. Sarah Palin’s sex-obsession regarding her children has no limits, as was evidenced by her concern that Bristol might perform a stripper’s “lap dance” on national television;
  6. Bristol does not vote;
  7. Bristol believed that if she won the contest, “it would be like giving the big middle finger to the people that hate her mother” and her;
  8. Sarah thought that husband Todd would have been a better contestant on the show because ballroom dancing is apparently within his “comfort zone” but not Bristol’s; and
  9. Sarah was correct. Bristol cannot dance.

Bristol, we hardly knew ye. But fear not loyal Lynnrockets readers, we still have one Palin related reality show in progress and one more in the production stages. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” is presently airing on TLC and consequently we will get a weekly dose of her invading the privacy of her neighbors (author/antagonist Joe McGinniss), lying about reading and researching and generally misinforming most Americans about the state of Alaska. Additionally, we can look forward to the insane antics of Levi Johnston as he runs for mayor of Wasilla before our very own television-peeping eyes. Perhaps Sarah will instruct Todd and his buddies to drill another spy hole through her fence so that she can keep track of her once and future son-in-law. Speaking of Track, how long will it be before the prodigal son gets his own reality show?

Stay tuned. Same Rocket channel! Same Rocket time!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:


(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Posted on November 24, 2010, in Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Songs, Television, Todd Palin and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. That is a great summation of this disaster. You know, the ratings on $P’s AK dropped by about half from the first week to the second. I guess people didn’t want to see TrainWreckistan AND hear the Grifter Granny’s voice.

    Great lyrics for the song, also, too.


    Not sure what happened to the other comment, but good work on the song.

  3. American Idle

    Don’t you just hate haters? “Winning this would be like a big middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.”

    Stay classy, grifters!

  4. Even the Pope fed up with Bristol: Wants his “Dancing with the Stars” back!

  5. One of my favorites … Thanks for the link to the video with lyrics.

  6. I understand that only 150 people showed up for her first day of book signing. Does anybody know anything about this?

  7. Not-to-miss video on youtube where the Palins get the Tiawanese animation treatment. It’s called “Growing Up Palin: Ex-governor and her family become celebrities” .

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