Daily Archives: November 12, 2010

Sarah Palin’s Cash Grabbing Book Tour Redux

Watch your mouth, young lady!

Here we go again. The Sarah Palin Travelling Book Tour and Money Grab is preparing for its next junket. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has announced that she will travel to 13 states in 11 days, including Iowa and South Carolina, sites of early presidential battles, according to a schedule provided to CNN by the book’s publisher, Harper Collins. Palin needs to raise money by means of these book signings because rumor has it that her private library was destroyed by fire last week and both books were lost before she could even finish coloring them.

Palin’s new book will be unleashed upon the unsuspecting public on November 23, 2010. This time however, there will be no question as to who actually wrote the book. You might recall that the educationally limited Palin was forced to employ a ghost-writer to pen her last tome. Palin has elected this time to dispense with the subterfuge (and criticism of the use of a ghost-writer) and simply release a book filled with the written works of others.

That’s right, in America By Heart, the former half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Fox News consultant and Reality TV host will reveal the sacred and personal nature of her love for our nation by simply pasting together a buffet of sermons, poems, speeches and essays which were authored by other people. Palin claims that these written pieces are the ones that “have moved her”. As HarperCollins puts it, the book will include…

“the nation’s founding documents, to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.” (Favorite songs? Do you think she might include any of the Lynnrockets parodies?).

Seriously, would Sarah Palin ever dare to honestly reveal to the world the readings, sermons, songs and movies that inspired her? For example, will she tell us about the sermon that inspired her to have the witches driven from her body in that Youtube clip that everyone has seen? Will she reveal that the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off inspired her to skip so many classes that it took her over 6 years to earn a mere bachelor’s degree from a series of second rate colleges? Will she actually admit that she was inspired by the little known book, Sarah, Plain and Stupid? Will she explain how the “founding fathers” of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party (the AIP) inspired her to promote the party when she was Governor (and inspired “First Dude” Todd to actually register with the Party)? Would she ever dare to fess-up to the fact that her post-governorship career was inspired by the song, “Barbie Girl” (if you are not familiar with this song, click here)? Good grief!

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believes that it is our civic duty to warn the citizens of America as to when the Sarah Palin train wreck may be headed their way. To that end, here is her travel itinerary:

Nov. 23: Phoenix, Arizona
Nov. 26: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Nov. 27: Norfolk, Nebraska
Nov. 27: Des Moines, Iowa
Nov. 28: Andover, Kansas
Nov. 28: Dallas, Texas
Nov. 29: Houston, Texas
Nov. 29: New Orleans, Louisiana
Nov. 30: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Nov. 30: Little Rock, Arkansas
Dec. 1: Brentwood, Tennessee
Dec. 1: Lexington, Kentucky
Dec. 2: Spirit Lake, Iowa
Dec. 2. Carmel, Indiana
Dec. 3: Cincinnati, Ohio
Dec. 3: Columbia, South Carolina

You have now been forewarned. If you want to avoid Sarah Palin and her hypnotized, brain-dead, zombie-like worshippers, mark your calendars now so that you can “get out of Dodge”. Perhaps the sane residents of each of these cities and towns can take a page from our famous “forefathers” that Palin likes to reference so often and appoint a reliable Paul Revere-like patriot who can race through town shouting, “The Palins are coming! The Palins are coming!” At the very least, the air-raid sirens should be utilized.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

On The Road Again song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU


(sung to the Willie Nelson song “On The Road Again”)

On the road again –
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again –
Goin’ places that she’s never been
Palin thinks that she’s campaigning once again
So she’s stealing dough from all her brain-dead friends

On the road again –
Like a band of gypsies, Palins ride the highways
Grifting never ends
Persisting like a plague that’s coming our way, yes our way

On the road again –
She says its great to just “reload” again
Good Lord above will Palin’s grifting never end?
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again

(Fox News love-in break)

On the road again –
Just those Palin pip-squeaks always talking sideways
Every word offends
Insisting that the world keep turning their way, yes their way

She’s on the road again –
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
And she can’t wait to get on the road again
And she can’t wait to get on the road again