Daily Archives: September 2, 2010

Sarah Palin Is The Godzilla Of Wasilla

Sarah Palin appears at Wasilla's Peking Chinese Restaurant

Just like that giant but ridiculous looking beast that was born of a disaster before terrorizing its homeland of Tokyo, Sarah Palin is the Godzilla of Wasilla. The former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska was born of the disaster known as the 2008 McCain/Palin Presidential Ticket. Like the Japanese monster, she is angry and unable to control her actions or emotions and consequently blazes a path of destruction of both person and property wherever she wanders. Unfortunately for the citizens of Wasilla, Alaska, she lives and wanders there most.

For the last two years the blogosphere has been chock-filled with insider stories detailing the inner world of the Palin-Beast. Investigative blogs have exposed her voluminous double-talk (“I never knew a special needs child before Trig/My nephew was a special needs child”, “My children decided if I should run for Vice President/A McCain staffer informed my family that I would run for Vice President” and “My brother burned his foot and got treatment in Juneau/My brother burned his foot and got treatment in Canada”). They also revealed Palin’s obsession with alleging that her children have been the subjects of sexual misconduct (the portion of her book where she alleged that two of her daughters had been threatened with gang rape but the incidents were never reported to authorities, or when she accused author Joe McGinniss of peering into daughter Piper’s bedroom). These bloggers have also exposed the fact that Todd Palin (and possibly Sarah) was registered as a member of a political party (Alaska Independence Party) which seeks secession from the United States and that Sarah Palin attended religious services in which demons were driven from her body. All of this is juicy stuff but unfortunately it was not widely circulated.

But now The Secrets of the House of Palin (sounds like a good title for a horror movie) have finally been exposed by a widely circulated mainstream media publication. Vanity Fair magazine has taken off the gloves and delivered a bare-knuckled blow to Sarah Palin’s closely guarded image. It is a truly fascinating article which can (and should) be read in its entirety, here. In short, the article will leave another permanent scar on the visage of the former failed beauty queen.

At this time, we will delve into the article’s revelations of the fear-based choke-hold that Sarah Palin continues to clamp on her hometown of Wasilla. In the portion of the article subtitled “City of Fear”,  Vanity Fair reports that when Wasilla residents are asked to comment about their former mayor,

a palpable unease creeps in. Some people clam up. Others whisper invitations to call later—but on this number, not that one, and not before this hour or after that one. So many people answer “Off the record?” to my initial questions that it almost seems the whole town has had media training.

The author states that the “real concern is with Palin herself—they don’t want her to find out they have talked with a reporter, because of a suspicion that bad things will happen to them if she does.” For example,  “the salty, seen-it-all bartender at one of the town’s best restaurants says, “I wish you luck—but I like my job.”

What the heck is going on here? How has an under-educated, gibberish spewing, Bible thumping, political office quitting, fashion disaster such as Sarah Palin instilled so much fear in the people of Wasilla that they are afraid to comment about her? The imagery is overwhelmingly reminiscent of those 1930’s and 1940’s Universal vampire films where the town-folk cowered in local pubs that had shuttered blinds and wolfbane and garlic nailed to the walls but publicly denied the existence of the undead blood-sucking Count. In those films, the ignorant traveling stranger is always secretly warned about the malevolent monster by the caring innkeeper or waitress. In the Vanity Fair article, that role is played by Wasilla matriarch Colleen Cottle. She says,

She and her husband, Rodney, will pay a price for speaking candidly about Palin. Their son is one of Todd Palin’s best friends. “But it is time for people to start telling the truth,” Colleen says. She describes the frustrations of trying to do city business with a mayor who “had no attention span—with Sarah it was always ‘What’s the flavor of the day?’ ”; who was unable to take part meaningfully in conversations about budgets because she “does not understand math or accounting—she only knows buzzwords, like ‘balanced budget’ ”; and who clocked out after four hours on most days, delegating her duties to an aide—“but he’ll never talk to you, because he has a state job and doesn’t want to lose it.” This type of conversation is repeated so often that Wasilla starts to feel like something from The Twilight Zone or a Shirley Jackson short story—a place populated entirely by abuse survivors.

So, just as the citizens of Tokyo paid false respect to Godzilla in the hope that the monster would refrain from inflicting any more carnage on the city, the citizens of Wasilla are tight lipped when it comes to discussing Sarah Palin. These timid people need to watch a few more Frankenstein films and emulate the fed-up village folk that always gather their courage, pitch-forks and torches before storming the castle. Perhaps Wasillians could star in a reality television show of their own, titled Fall of the House of Palin!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Okie From Muskogee song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UZUJQ5i8gk

GODZILLA FROM WASILLA

(sung to the Merle Haggard song “Okie From Muskogee”)

Palin’s the prima-dona from Wasilla;
She just yaps her lips for the G.O.P.
That nasty word “retard’s” banned on Main Street;
But she spews the “n-word” out with glee.

Children springin’ muffins from the oven;
Workin’ on their tans while skippin’ school;
And their Mama-Bear is so damn wacky,
Like those Tea-Baggers, she hasn’t got a clue.

And she’s proud to be Godzilla from Wasilla,
Her threats of retribution scare them all.
A fence of three stories surrounding her house,
And noose-tightenin’s still her biggest thrill of all.

Those thigh high boots are just her style for proper footwear;
Greed and juicy scandals are her scene.
She was barely ever seen on campus,
And she never even met a college dean!

Palin’s proud to be Godzilla from Wasilla,
I swear her bee-hived hair is three feet tall.
Loves to tell false stories down at the courthouse,
And if they dare to cross her, she will kill them all.

And if they dare to cross her, she will kill them all.

The Alaskans just hope she will go away!

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