Palin and Johnston Have The Wedding Bell Blues

Wedding Bell Blues

Let us return now to those halcyon days of 21st century Wasilla, Alaska where Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are happily planning their wedding. Oh wait a second. What was that, things are not so copacetic in Wasilla these days? There’s poutin’ in Palinville? There’s sobbing in Sarahtown? There’s weeping in Weddingburgh? Please, tell us more.

OK then, here’s the skinny. Last week we learned through The National Enquirer that Levi Johnston (unwed father of Bristol Palin’s baby) may be the father of another child. It is alleged that the mother is one of his ex-girlfriends named Lanesia Garcia. To add insult to injury, it appears that Lanesia was formerly one of Bristol’s BFF’s. That would be enough to break-up most other on-again off-again wedding engagements but wait, this is the Palin Clan we’re talking about. There’s more.

A source has told E! News that the break up is, instead, over Levi’s ex-girlfriend, Briana Plum. “There was an interview with her and Bristol wasn’t happy about some of the things said,” the source tells E! News. “There was also some picture on Facebook of him and Briana, and Bristol allegedly just said, “Let’s hold off on the engagement”. The Boston Herald (Enquirer) reports that as a result of the alleged philandering, Bristol and Levi are only communicating via text messages at the moment. How very Paninesque. Perhaps this is a new strain of text-ticular cancer.

There is however, one person that must be thrilled with the break-up of the tabloid teens. It has been widely reported that Sarah Palin, the half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, is contemplating a 2012 run for the Presidency. If such is the case, she could do without the continuing saga which would be certain to follow the unification of the Palin Hillbillies and the Johnston Bunch. On the other hand, if Levi is on the outs again, there is nothing to stop him from publishing his revenge inspired tell-all tome about the Palins. Oh, the suspense is delicious.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Honky Cat song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW7H6iohAb8&feature=fvst

HOCKEY DAD

(sung to the Elton John song “Honky Cat”)

When I look back, boy I just wanna scream
Why’d we run that story in US Magazine
Levi’s a romancer, he was never all mine
Although we had some shitty fights, money made us blind

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Better get back to the woods”
“There is no pay-day with your redneck ways”
“And, Umm, umm, umm, umm”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Well we’re in mom’s books and we’re in some magazines
The world knows we were nothin’ but two pregnant teens
And all my folks back home well, know I am a fool
They said, “Oh please tell us dear Lord, why did she quit school?”

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re really no good”
“With your drunkin’ days and your cheatin’ ways”
“And, Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

(instrumental break)

I say, “Get back, hockey dad”
“Levi, you’re just sportin’ wood”
“You must think I’m crazed, livin’ in a haze”
“And, Oh, oh, oh, oh”
“Oh, the change is gonna do me good”

You gave me the bone, boy and tried to win my heart
You are just a pretty boy, that’s poking every tart
But mom thinks your gay, yes she told me so
Why when you were on top, I should have said, “NO”

“You better get back, hockey dad”
“Better start wearin’ a hood”
“Cuz it’s not a phase, all your cheatin’ ways”
“And  ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo, oh, the change is gonna do me good”

“Ya better get back, hockey dad”
“Livin’ in Wasilly ain’t where it’s at”
“You keep tryin’ to find gold in this life of mine”
“You been getting’ real frisky,     Ohh”
“With a few friends of mine”

Oh yeah…

Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh
Get back hockey dad, get back hockey dad, get back, Oooh

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Posted on August 2, 2010, in Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Songs and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Gimme an F

    Everybody knows there’s only three things to do in Alaska: Fishing, Fighting and Fornicatin’. And there’s no fishing in the winter!

    It’s easy to see why small-town Conservatives pine for the good old days so feverishly. How times have changed! When Bristol’s mother got knocked up by a high school drop-out, she had her shotgun wedding before the birth of the baby, just like God intended!

  2. Reading about Chelsea Clinton’s wedding this weekend was such a pleasant contrast to the non-ending nauseating soap opera that is all things Palin.

  3. This is great! I am currently working on how to organize my life and my new career and this is really helpful.

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