Love And Marriage: The Bristol And Levi Story

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of their lives. You know who’s lives we are speaking of, don’t you? Why of course, it is the soap opera lifestyle of the Palins of Wasiila. Honestly, have you ever witnessed an alleged serious political figure that has a more screwed up family than Sarah Palin?

Let’s see, we had the “family values” preaching Sarah and Todd’s out of wedlock pregnancy. Sarah’s inability to obtain a college degree without taking five years and six sub-par colleges to do so. Sarah and husband Todd’s involvement with the secession seeking Alaska Independence Party. Troopergate, wherein Governor Palin attempted to use her official capacity to have her estranged brother-in-law, Mike Wooten, fired from his job as an Alaska state policeman. Todd Palin’s sister’s conviction for breaking and entering. Teen daughter Bristol’s unwed pregnancy. Son Track’s alleged drug and criminal activity. Sarah’s abrupt and unexplained resignation as governor. And the recent construction of the Fort Palin fortified fence to discourage peeping toms. Well, that is a lot more drama than most royal families go through in a dynasty.

Now we have this blockbuster. Bristol and Levi Johnston have not only reunited, but they are engaged and plan to marry in the near future. That’s right folks, US Magazine has just broken the story. This is the best quote:

“We got engaged two weeks ago,” the magazine quotes 19-year-old Bristol Palin as saying. “It felt right, even though we don’t have the approval of our parents”.

This all raises a few interesting questions. For instance, were Bristol and Levi telling the truth in court when they made all those nasty accusations against each other, or were they lying while under oath? Also, has Bristol kept her word as proselytized through her spokesperson’s position with the Candies Foundation, that she would remain abstinent until she was married? Just wondering, because Levi’s truck has been seen parked at her condo over night many times during the last two months and it has been alleged that she is presently pregnant (again). Finally, what was Sarah’s facial expression when she heard the news? Can’t you just picture one of those old television cartoons where Sarah’s face turns a blistering red before steam begins to geyser from her ears and the “Har-OOO- Ga” sound blasts from her mouth?

Tune in again tomorrow for the continuing saga that is the Palin Family.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Love And Marriage song link:


(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Love And Marriage”)

Bristol’s marriage, Bristol’s marriage
Bristol, Levi and the baby carriage
Did she tell her mother
Levi’s once again her lover

Levi’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
The two of them have a lot of baggage
Both their heads are empty
They only went to elementary

Try, try, try to educate them
Lost in confusion
My, oh my, they are so very dumb
That’s my conclusion

Bristol’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
Before they wed they’ll have a lot of shaggage
Bristol and her mother
Are all but done, there’s no more fun
The two are done with one another

(instrumental break)

Why, why were they copulatin’?
Was it collusion?
Did they try to make Bristol a mom,
Through sexy fusion?

Bristol’s marriage, Levi’s marriage
Before they wed they’ll have a lot of shaggage
Bristol and her mother
Are all but done, (are all but done)
The two are done with one another

Posted on July 15, 2010, in Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Songs, Todd Palin and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I never really liked the original song, but will be humming your version all day. Bravo! I’m guessing the new kid will be arriving in about 6 months and will look like some Wasilla hockey player named Ben, who may or may not have graduated from HS. Hope someone does the DNA tests on the little kids and “parents.” I wonder what percentage of Todd’s blood do they need to get free socialist Native health care?

  2. The Bachelor

    Bristol’s gig as a motivational speaker for horny teenagers was as successful as Levi’s modeling career, and neither one has a hope in hell of going to college. Why not spin-off the lucrative family soap opera with a well publicized shotgun wedding and, maybe, even a cable TV show?

    To paraphrase LBJ, it’s better to have both nitwits inside the tent, peeing out!

    • Gotta love the comments.

      • Yes, some were quite well written. There was also one of your songs in there–Everybody’s Talkin’…

      • Everybody’s talkin’

        Wonder how much of this will unfold as written below:

        “Anon comment at PG:

        Bristollevirealityshow [Moderator] 2 hours ago
        9 people liked this.

        Filming schedule on the reality show featuring Bristol and Levi and their newly wedded bliss is all askew right now. My media contacts were a little shocked to discover Bristol’s, um, current condition, because they were being told that they could do a whole story arc with the two of them getting back together, the wedding, and THEN a new baby. So they are trying to figure out if they can do an abbreviated, five to six mini-series called Bristol and Levi (working title) and hide her latest pregnancy. And then pick up filming the rest of it AFTER she gives birth to this one, but fudge the timelines a little. A lot of pressure being applied by the powers that be to keep this latest pregnancy a secret. Still, it’s about the worst kept secret in show business, given how Bristol is obviously a good ways along in this new photo shoot.

        Ben Barber’s new interview at Daily Beast is also throwing a good monkey wrench into the works. “People” are having a talk with him – as in, Sarah’s people. If he retracts his story and goes underground, all can proceed as planned, we have the happy young family reality show, several networks are already interested. MTV seems to be the primary one right now but that could change at any time.

        Stay tuned, folks! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

        And people think this is her 4th pregnancy (green sweater photo, black and white dress photo, Tripp and the current one). That cognitive dissonance on abstinence is gonna leave a mark.

  3. In anticipation of Missionary James being able to follow simple, twice-repeated requests:

    (BTW, the plural of baby is babies, not baby’s. And please stay out of my womb, James. I promise to stay out of yours when you can produce a child from within your body.)

  4. This James guy is nucking futs.

    • You identified it, but were too polite to say it back then:
      lynnrockets says:
      July 14, 2010 at 5:03 PM

      Yikes. You appear to be a bit unhinged.

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