Good Grief, Scottie Brown Is A Lot Like Charlie Brown

In retrospect, the best thing that could have happened for the progressive cause might have been the surprising election of Republican nudist Scott Brown in last January’s special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate seat. Scott Brown was an entirely unknown “birther” conspiricist until the Tea-Baggers donned him their poster child for change. Out of state money flooded into Massachusetts and Brown’s momentum begin to mount. He defeated the Democratic Party nominee Martha Coakley (the incumbent Attorney General) but things have gone downhill for Brown, the Republicans and the conservative movement since that high-water mark (perhaps that was a poor analogy since Boston is presently being flooded by massive rain and historically high tides). Nevertheless, consider these facts.

In his very first Senate vote, Brown split with conservative Republicans first by breaking a G.O.P. filibuster and then by joining Democrats in voting for the passage of a jobs bill that was opposed by conservatives. Suddenly, Brown’s status as the “savior of the right” was “stripped” (pun intended) by lunatic right-wing pundits such as Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Mann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. The oft dreamed about Brown/Palin ticket for 2012 was now in question since the mindless, follow their leader “ditto-heads” and “Tea-Baggers” were angered by the nude upstart’s rejection of their marching orders.

Throughout his Senate campaign and immediately upon his election, Brown proudly declared that he “would be the 41st vote, not the 60th” in the conservative battle against the Democrats’ faltering health care reform bill. He claimed that he would be the person most solely responsible for the defeat of any such bill. He said that the American people were against massive health care reform and so was he. Unfortunately for Brown however, it was quickly revealed that while in the Massachusetts State Senate he actually voted in favor of the passage of that state’s universal health care reform bill which was far more “socialist” than the pending national plans and even included a strict “mandate” and government subsidies requiring that all state citizens  purchase health insurance. Oops.

Another thing that happened when Scott Brown “nakedly” (OK, I couldn’t help myself) threw down the gauntlet against health care reform is that the Democrats (no longer with a filibuster proof majority) were forced to grow a backbone so as to galvanize their support and the ultimate passage of legislation. First, President Barack Obama became directly involved by means of factually slapping down most every Republican contrarian talking point at the House Republican Retreat in Baltimore. The event was unscripted (i.e. there could be no teleprompter criticisms) and Obama eloquently articulated every positive feature of health care reform while the assembly of Republicans was unable to mount a credible opposition. Next, Obama exposed the Republicans as the “Party of No Ideas” at his nationally televised Health Care Reform Forum. Truth be told, Obama agreed to consider a few Republican concerns such as limited medical malpractice tort reform and further action against Medicare fraud which portrayed him in the eyes of the viewing audience as a reasonable negotiator. On the other hand, not one Republican offered anything but derailing the entire bill and starting from scratch. No bilateralism there and the American people now know it. Rather than address the substance of the Forum, Scott Brown merely characterized it as a dog and pony show which revealed that he has little grasp of the complex issues involved.

The obstructionist ways of the Republican Party were revealed to the American people at Obama’s Health Care Forum and that gave congressional Democrats the political cover to pass a bill via the reconciliation process which would frustrate any Republican attempt to filibuster. Scott Brown and the Republicans cried foul, but Obama and the Democrats retorted that 16 of the last 22 bills passed by the reconciliation process were done so by the G.O.P. Remember that adage about throwing stones in glass houses? Not to be silenced however, Scott Brown publicly criticized the President and congressional Democrats once again last week when he said they were on a “bitter, destructive and endless drive to pass health care.” He went on to say that the passage of massive health care reform is “against the will” of the American people. Unfortunately, Scott brown must have missed the most recent AP/GfK Poll which revealed that 50% of Americans believe the health care system should be changed “a great deal” and only 4% believe that the system should not be changed. It now appears that a Democratic health care reform bill will pass and it will be supported by the majority of Americans.

Consequently, the election of the clothing challenged Scott Brown had exactly the opposite of its intended effect. Scott Brown did not defeat health care reform. Since his election, the movement has gained momentum in Congress and gained support by the American people. Passage of the legislation is now imminent. Like Charlie Brown,  everything Scott Brown touches seems to backfire on him and also like Charlie Brown, all Scott Brown can say is, “Good Grief!”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s newly penned song parody.

Charlie Brown song link:


(sung to the Coasters song “Charlie Brown”)

Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum
He’s the senator that will bare his bum

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He likes to bare his bod
In those magazines
(That’s why everybody’s always pickin’ on me)

That’s him on his knees
I know that’s him
Yeah, from 7 come 11
Down in the Senate gym

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
Craig thinks that he’s hot
He hopes to steal a peek
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)

Who’s always nude at the roll call?
Who’s lurking in the men’s room stalls?
Who’s sporting his bat and balls?
Guess who? (who me?) yeah, you!

Who walks through the Senate dumb and slow?
Who calls Mitch McConnell, Daddy-O?

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s going down, next time around
His votes can be bought
Just you wait and see
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)

(musical interlude)

He is in the Party that says “No”
With his private parts swinging to and fro

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He’s showing a lot
His bum, his wee-wee
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)


Posted on March 18, 2010, in Scott Brown, Songs and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Just when I thought I was tired of the center fold photo, you torture us with the scrunchie one.

    Good work on the song, though.

  2. The naked truth

    Coakley’s loss was a blessing: it sent Lieberman scurrying away like a cockroach startled by the kitchen lights in the middle of the night.

    Brown has been quite clever. He immediately spurned the unwelcome advances of Sarah “The black widow” Palin, and shook off the teabaggers by campaigning for McCain. By voting for himself on the Jobs Bill, he’s made the Republicans his “beatches”.

    If we do have reform, it will be plain for all to see that Republicans paralyzed government, and told a pack of lies, for no good reason.

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