Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin's decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link:


(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?


Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!


Posted on January 30, 2010, in Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Songs, Tea Party, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. Historically speaking, the party of an incumbent president almost always loses in the mid-term election. The pundits are telling us that 2010 will be no exception. I wouldn’t be too sure of that. The Tea Party knuckleheads are already claiming responsibility for last week’s Massachusetts upset and have every intention charting the GOP’s future course. When the powers-that-be within the RNC deny them the ability to set the agenda, they’ll splinter off into third and fourth party uprisings.

    How can I be so sure of this? It’s quite simple, really. These people are not only crazy, they’re also dumber than doggy dung – and, thus, very easy to predict. It’s only a matter of time before their mad house of cards comes crashing down.

    The ten months between now and Election Day will only see the continued implosion of the “party of Lincoln”. Count on it.

    Tom Degan
    Goshen, NY

  2. Excellent! Loved this:
    It’s always me, me, me
    Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
    If you have a nerve attack,
    Do you agree to pay them back?

    The problem with this:
    “One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste” is that she and her idiot posse don’t know what “post haste” means.

    My vote for a new drink from the Boozers Ball in her honor is: Long Island “Abstinence” Tea–she was supposed to be looking at a place in the Hamptons, right? You know Honest Tea would never work…

  3. Brilliant!

  4. It’s too funny. In the late summer of 2008 when candidate John McCain announced his curious choice of a running mate, I immediately ran to the computer to do a google-search of the name, “Sarah Palin”. I knew next-to-nothing about the woman other than the fact that she was the governor of Alaska. The first thing in her paper-thin biography that stood out for me was the date of her birth: February 11, 1964. I remember that day – distinctly! That was the day my beloved grandma, Loretta Doran Clements, died in South Bend, Indiana at the age of sixty-eight.

    But other than that interesting coincidence there was not a heck of a lot in her biography that really stood out. Truth be told, I was more than a little puzzled as to why the GOP would think her an asset to the ticket. The moment she opened her mouth at her first campaign stop in Dayton, Ohio, I could only think of one thing:

    Sally Field as “Gidget”.

    When someone like Sarah Palin can make it as far as she has, it can mean only one thing and it’s not a particularly good sign: we are living in a culture that has been custom-tailored for idiots. When a person who can barely put two coherent sentences together without the aid of a teleprompter becomes one of the best-selling non-fiction authors of the decade, that’s usually a pretty good indicator that society is spiraling downward at a fairly decent clip. Fasten your seat belts, kiddies!

    Tom Degan

    • About this: “becomes one of the best-selling non-fiction authors of the decade”…
      Hang on a second. That “book” was fact checked and was more fiction than non. Also, corps were buying it to give away with subscriptions, etc. She doesn’t deserve the credit you are giving her. The other part of what you said has worried me for a while, however.

      • Yes, you make a good point there. Certainly there is more fiction than non in the book.

        I wonder how many of nitwits who purchased it were actually able to read it.

        Tom Degan

  5. Great pic!

    Dunno if you ever did this, but what about, “It’s Tea Party, and I’ll lie if I want to, Lie if I want to, Lie if I want to…. you would lie to if it happened to you!”

  6. But other than that interesting coincidence there was not a heck of a lot in her biography that really stood out. Truth be told, I was more than a little puzzled as to why the GOP would think her an asset to the ticket.
    I remember the FIRST thing I read about Palin that August. Someone who was close to her wrote,
    “Sarah is very much like Cheney. She has the ability to look you straight in the eye and TELL you black IS white.”.

  7. Fear and Loathing in Nashville

    As the gathering of the tribes implodes in a frenzy of greed and mistrust-with the Pitbull’s stubborn insistence (you betcha!) on collecting her appearance money-the promoter is left in a bind.

    Since Palin will insist on being paid in advance, the promoter will probably have to hang in until the last minute, before canceling the event for lack of ticket sales. Or it might be a great success!

  8. “Is she brain-dead or is it show?”

    I asked myself that very question a long time ago. Certainly, I thought, no one could be this clueless about so many things. I thought wrong. Sarah is a dumbarse, and she is an incorrigible liar. Sarah is corrupt and thinks nothing of corrupting those around her. Here she is trying to manipulate other people into lying with/for her (“Game Change”, page 410):

    “A few days later, Palin got into a fight with Schmidt when she insisted that the campaign put out a statement denying Todd’s involvement in the Alaska Independence Party. Palin contended that Todd had mistakenly registered with the party and rectified the error; she also claimed the party had nothing to do with secession. Schmidt curtly informed her that secession was the party’s reason for existence and that, according to the campaigns records, Todd had been a member for seven years.”

    Only a dumbarse would think that whopper about Todd and the AIP would fly.

  9. The congresswoman who was going to introduce Palin at the teabagger’s ball dropped dropped out, so they lined-up Andrew Breitbart to introduce her. He’s the guy the press asked right away whether he had anything to do with O’Keefe (Shreveport federal building arrests). Breitbart said, “No.” But there is a story at TPM in which Breitbart says that he had O’Keefe on the payroll.

  10. How about a “Sloe Gin Ditz”?

  11. Maybe a “Whiskey Wink”?

  12. Perhaps a “Vodka and Moose Juice”?

  13. How about a “Tea Bag and Tonic”?

    • Might have to see about getting one of those at tonight’s party. Yes, another one.

      • Well, that was inappropriate with tonight’s party cuisine, thus I propose Trig’s Tequila “Son”-Rise.

        Or a “Coronita” for $P’s little itty bitty crown as the “queen” of the teabaggers.

  14. It is expected that groups like SEIU and the lamestream media will do everything they can to throw garbage on the image of the Tea Party movement, just like the 19th century criminals were critical of vigilante movements and Town Hall meetings to throw light on what they do. I just hope that enough Americans understand how these people work in the sewers and shadows to keep them from being exposed. After all, they are the elite few who are destined to rule the many, us, and they don’t want any opposition.

  15. Hey Claymation.. it’s the “Tea BAGGER” movement. Get it right.

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