Daily Archives: December 15, 2009

The Gingrich That Stole Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Just when you thought to yourselves, “where has Newt Gingrich been?”, the rascally critter has pulled his head out of the sand and exhaled. Boy, is he blowing some hot air this time. It was announced this week that the disgraced former Republican Speaker of the House will launch a…wait…wait…wait…Spanish language conservative web magazine. Yes, you read that correctly. The magazine will be titled, The Americano and will seek to preach conservatism to Spanish speaking conservatives, if there are any out there. Washingtonindependent.com informs us that the magazine will be edited by Sylvia Garcia, who moonlights as “Hispanic Outreach Director for Speaker Newt Gingrich.” It seems that even Gingrich now realizes that he has some apologizing to do with the Latino community for calling Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor a “racist” prior to her confirmation.

Gingrich has little to no hope of enticing any Spanish speaking Americans to vote for him in the event that he once again seeks elective office. Not only did he insult their legal champion, but he is also a member of the Republican Party which is certain to lose even more Latino support in light of its members’ animosity towards non-English speaking immigrants. Gingrich has other problems as well. He is no longer perceived as the voice of the conservative G.O.P. That honor falls to all three of the conservative movement’s most famous college drop-outs, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. It would appear that Gingrich’s influence in the party even falls below that of serial college transferee, Sarah Palin. The evidence of that was seen in the election for New York’s 23rd Congressional district seat last month. Gingrich endorsed the relatively moderate Republican candidate while Palin supported the uber-right-wing candidate from the Conservative Party. The polls then shifted so far in favor of Palin’s candidate that the Republican candidate withdrew from the race. Of course Democrats can celebrate this ever growing Republican Party split because the Democratic Party candidate won the election and captured a Congressional seat held by the Republicans since the Civil War.

Take it from us Newt, you’re a has-been Mr. Gingrinch.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Monday Night Christmas Music Byte

The final entry in our solo Beatles Christmas songs is Ringo Starr. I Wanna Be Santa Claus is a Christmas album and single, issued in 1999. Not only is it Starr’s first long-play holiday release, it is the first by an ex-Beatle, although John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison had each released a seasonal single in the 1970s.

Recorded throughout 1999 with Starr’s musical partner Mark Hudson and many of his collaborators on 1998′s Vertical Man, I Wanna Be Santa Claus—which is composed of well-known traditional songs and some new originals—was made in several studios in the US and UK, with their families joining in and including two notable celebrity guests, Aerosmith’s Joe Perry and former Eagles member Timothy B. Schmit.

Enjoy Ringo Starr‘s, “I Wanna Be Santa Claus.”


Released in October ahead of the Christmas season, I Wanna Be Santa Claus was not a commercial success, despite its strong reviews. It was deleted shortly thereafter and re-released in 2003 as a discounted collection entitled 20th Century Masters: The Best Of Ringo Starr/The Christmas Collection with the exact same tracklisting. After three albums in a row that failed to reach consumers in a significant way, Mercury Records dropped Starr from their roster.

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