Levi Johnston Is Nuts

Levi now does it with protection

Levi now does it with protection

The extended Palin Clan is once again doing what it does best. To wit, injecting itself into the spotlight in embarrassing fashion. This time it is the Johnston branch of the family that assumes the starring role.

First, Levi Johnston stars in a television commercial for a brand of pistachios in which a tasteless reference to his failure to practice safe sex is the hook line. It should also be noted that the company is simultaneously airing another commercial starring Caitlin Upton, the brain dead former Miss Teen South Carolina who last year made an ass of herself while trying to explain why many Americans could not locate the United States on a map. The pistachio people sure picked a couple of nuts.

In other breaking news, we have learned that Levi Johnston will be appearing nude in Playgirl magazine. We had a hint of this development a few months ago when US magazine revealed that Johnston said he would be willing to pose nude if the price was right. I guess the price was right.

This of course brings us to today’s song parody. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Levon by Elton John song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lXOuZgm_eY

LEVI

(sung to the Elton John song “Levon”)

Levi is just like a circus clown
He just wants to please us
He should be ashamed
If he poses with his boxer shorts pulled down

Levi, Levi wants some money
He wants a lot they say
Spends his days hunting
When he’s not clubbing down in LA

He was born a pauper to his mom on the third of May
Bristol was his chum, she said, “let’s wed”
And they had a son
Tripp E. Johnston is that son today

And we still have Levi
And he is a manly man
And we still have Levi’s
Confrontations with the Palin Clan
And we still have Levi
Showing his full body tan
He shall be Levi

Levi plans to pull his whities down
He hopes his business thrives
He knows the magazines are gay
While claiming that he is not into guys

And Levi, he plans to show his penis
To anyone that will buy
Posing on a sailboat sailing
Sporting those,  hockey player thighs

He’ll be a showstopper not a bum by next Christmas day
First Dude will say, “where’s the support pay?”
And, “where is my gun?”
Levi, son, you’ll never get away

Yet we still have Levi
Sporting his full body tan
And we still have Levi
Pissin’ the Palins –off when he can
And we still have Levi
Spending time in Disney Land
He shall be Levi

And he shall be Levi
With that tattoo on his hand
And he shall be Levi
Avoiding Bristol is his new plan
And he shall be Levi
Posing for a hundred grand
He shall be Levi

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Posted on October 10, 2009, in Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. And he’s likely driving $P nuts, also, too:
    http://thefastertimes.com/famehype/2009/10/09/sarah-palin-out-to-destroy-levi-johnston-in-her-new-book-going-rogue/

    I particularly like the last line in the piece. I was given a gift when leaving NYC that will come in handy for that.

  2. Accidentally posted this in the article below…SO sorry.

    Hey, Palin has MADE Levi a pariah in his hometown…what’s he supposed to do- beg someone to risk the long arm of sarah’s wrath -even as a private citizen- so he can make a crappy wage which will NOT support himself or his offspring?

    Levi is doing the smartest thing: striking while the iron is hot. Someone offers him five figures to say one line which pokes fun of his poor choice in the sack?

    I’m sure he’s thinking about the money that will be needed in the event a forced custody filing is necessary. He’s thinking about who will pay his mom’s mortgage while she is in jail, I bet.

    Levi would be a fool to turn down tens of thousands of dollars for a tacky commercial or for showing off his moose nuggets…and Levi is no fool. I believe he is waiting for palin’s book to come out…so he can then refute (with proof) much of what she says…in his OWN book. Which I will be buying! Just as I will be purchasing my first ever issue of playgirl soon! (I admit I will probably toss it, as I have no desire to see levi’s hockey stick- but I will buy it to support him and his children)

    • I agree with almost all you said about Levi with the exception of, “and Levi is no fool.” Like the rest of the Palin clan, i believe he is a fool. A more sympathetic fool than most of the rest, but a fool nonetheless.

      • Well, I suppose he could indeed be considered a ‘fool’ in the academic sense; the reality is that his basic intelligence level IS probably lacking. However, I attribute this more to his mother being zoned on ‘coffee’ during most of his school years… Sarah urging he and Bristol to “homeschool” with no supervision or guidelines whatsoever…meaning all that was probably ‘studied’ with any kind of dedication was how to listen for approaching footfall so they could hastily scramble back into their clothes.

        But in the realm of this whole Palin thing…he is playing his hand close to the vest and waiting for her to cement her lies in posterity-preserving hardbound book form…and then I think he will strike.

        In this regard, I think Levi plays up the “f’in redneck”/bumpkin act to the hilt…I think when it’s all
        said and done, Levi will have something very well thought out and articulate to say… not to mention what else he’ll have: the last laugh.

      • I’m with you 100% on that assessment. Can we have an “amen”?

      • Amen. Hope that Hannie has some inside info and is right on all of that second post above.

  3. Show me the money

    GW Bush stated that his first goal upon leaving the presidency would be to hit the lecture circuit to “replenish the ol‘ coffers”. So far, Palin has profited more than the Decider-but she only ruined the GOP, not the whole country.

    Hoping to cash in at election time, Republicans outfitted Palin in hooker boots, bought silk underpants for her husband, and forced Levi to dress up as a “Young Republican”. Now it’s Levi’s turn. Vive la revolution!

  4. I think Levi has a whole lot more money coming his way!

  5. Levi Johnston now has his very own song.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/09/ben-folds-nick-hornby-pre_n_315950.html

    Take a listen.

    Levi Johnston’s Blues

    Woke up this morning, what do I see?
    Three thousand cameras, pointing at me,
    Dude says, You Levi?, I’m like, Yes, that’s me sir,
    Well, you’ve knocked up the VP nominee’s daughter

    So I tell him, No, you got it wrong, mister,
    Already with a girl, and her name’s Bristol
    They all laugh and say, where you been, sonny?
    Your mother-in-law’s a heartbeat from the presidency

    I say, Mother-in-law? No, we ain’t getting married
    They say you will be soon, boy, she just announced it
    I get on my dirt-bike, ride to my girl’s home
    I’m gonna lay down the law, tell her what’s going on

    CHORUS:
    I’m a fuckin’ redneck, I live to hang out with the boys
    Play some hockey, do some fishing, kill some moose
    I like to shoot the shit and do some chillin’, I guess
    Ya fuck with me and I’ll kick your ass

    So we talk and it turns out we don’t believe in abortion
    And sex outside marriage is against our religion
    And when I try to tell them I’m eighteen years old
    They say Levi, it’s too late, you gotta do as you’re told

    CHORUS
    I’m a fuckin’ redneck, I live to hang out with the boys
    Get on my snowboard, do some fishing, kill some moose
    I like to shoot the shit and do some chillin’, I guess
    Ya fuck with me and I’ll kick your ass

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