Those Crazy Conservative Calendar Chicks

Last year's conservative chick calendar

Last year's conservative chick calendar

As we have said before, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. I pull my head away from the football games for just one moment and I learn that the The Clare Boothe Luce (whoever the hell she is) Policy Institute has released its fifth annual “Great American Conservative Women Calendar for 2010“. Besides the fact that the words, “Great American” and “Conservative Women” are mutually exclusive, who in the mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world of marketing ever could believe that such a thing could sell? There are going to be so many unwanted copies of this thing that they should just hang them up at the U.S Post Office next to the photos of all of those wanted felons.

Rather than list the names of the morons that will be featured in the calendar, we felt that we would simply incorporate them into tonight’s song parody. Please take note however, that even this conservative brain trust elected not to associate itself with Sarah Palin. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Please enjoy.

Calendar Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUlOyj9F5gM

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

CALENDAR GALS

(sung to the Neil Sedaka song “Calendar Girl”)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

(January) Who is Kate Obenshain?
(February) Some Claire Boothe Luce dame
(March) Ann Coulter has a mannish smile
(April) Michelle Malkin’s breath smells just like bile
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(May) Marji Ross has a gigantic bum
(June) Kelly-Anne Conway is so very dumb
(July) Michele Bachmann looks like a ‘ho
(August) Carrie Prejean must really need the dough
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(musical interlude)

Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(September) Bay Buchanan’s age is sixty-three
(October) Phyllis Schlafly’s older than a redwood tree
(November) The Cupp chick goes by the name S.E.
(December) That Star Parker keeps strange company
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

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Posted on October 4, 2009, in Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, Republican, Sarah Palin, Songs, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Good job, lynnrockets!

    I am hoping The Mudflats will have a calendar contest to desecrate these iconic images of these so-called great women, documenting the hypocrisy of the wacko wing of the Grand Old Perverts.

    Check it out, I think it might gain some traction.

  2. This is too delicious not to share with your readers:

    http://onehippiesopinion.blogspot.com/2009/10/sarah-palin-author.html

    Do you think $P’s Buy One, Get One offer for her version of a calendar will come with this book?

  3. BANZAI7 NEWS obtains advance release of Conservative Calendar Boys:

  4. Congratulations to the two women (and one man) who won the Nobel Prize in Medicine today. Nice contrast to these mentally challenged GOP’eers.

  5. Glamour girls

    Hey! The hooker-boot-wearing chick is missing! (That’s a downer). And there’s that old dame who hates feminists (even worse). There’s even a gal who looks like a dude (worse still).

    But it’s not all bad! There’s the foreign-looking (how nice!) cheer leader babe. How about the pageant nymph with the (heavenly) new boobs? The “sex clinic” Frau (too much make up?) always looks her best.

    The others do seem a bit dull-but we all know that Republicans, (behind closed doors) really do know how to have a good time!

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