Daily Archives: June 24, 2009

Mark Sanford (and Son)! (Updated)

Republican South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford tries to remember whether he went to Appalachian Trail or Argentina

Republican South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford tries to remember whether he went to Appalachian Trail or Argentina

Republicans, the gift that keeps on giving. Now batting, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Where do we begin? Sanford disappears for six days and neither his family nor his staff have any idea as to his whereabouts. The press catches on to the case of the missing governor and so his staff makes up a story that Sanford needed to clear his head by means of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

That fabrication unravels, however when an unidentified South Carolina law enforcement official informs CNN that Sanford’s vehicle has been parked at the airport for several days. Next, airport officials confirm that Sanford has just re-entered the United States from Argentina. What up with that? Finally, we learn today that Sanford has lately been borrowing law enforcement vehicles in the middle of the night for sojourns to parts unknown. Sounds like a little head shrinking may be in order. Or, perhaps he just has a girlfriend like so many other of the “Family Values” Republicans. In any event, this example of irrational behavior should put an end to any Presidential aspirations that Sanford may have harbored for 2012.

UPDATE

Suspicions confirmed. Mark Sanford was traveling with his mistress. We can now update our list of Republican “Family Values” adulterers.

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe) and Mark Sanford.

Batting next for the Republicans, Mittwit Romney.

Please click on the song link below so as to have more fun singing along.

Sweet Caroline song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmV_YJm5jAc

SOUTH CAROLINE

(sung to the Neil Diamond song “Sweet Caroline”)

Where he began, we can’t begin to know where
But we do know that something’s wrong
Does Sanford drink?
Is this guy dumb or dumber?
Will Mark next fly off to Hong Kong?

Vans, minivans, roams about
Losing me, losing you
South Caroline
Why did Sanford leave the hood?
He should resign, that would do your state some good

Why, oh why?
Is he all-right, is the guv’nor so lonely?
Where will he next wander off to?
Maybe Frankfurt?
Frankfurt or maybe Boulder?
Not Pennsylvania Avenue

Done, he’s now done, petered out
He should be, in the zoo
South Caroline
Is Sanford misunderstood?
He should resign, that would do your state some good

(musical interlude)

South Caroline
Why did Sanford leave the hood?

South Caroline
Is Sanford misunderstood?

South Caroline

Mann Coulter

Ann CoulterAdam Bush

AnnCoulterIsAMan

There have been rumors circulating on the internets tubes for some time now which advance the proposition that uber-conservative columnist Ann Coulter is actually a male. Most of these articles focus on a few missing years during her adolescence when she presumably left the country to have a sex change operation overseas. The articles also often draw attention to her pronounced Adam’s Apple and masculine looking hands. Additionally, it is frequently pointed out that she has never been married or had children.

Here at Blast-Off, we have no idea as to the credibility of the Mann Coulter rumors. We do, however hope said rumors are true because of the wealth of satirical material which such a situation would spawn. As you can guess, we really do not like Ann Coulter or anything he has to say. So, without further adieu, let’s have a song…


Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRopmfinsWk

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

Well I’m not the world’s most perceptive bloke
But she is a lady that I wouldn’t dare poke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well she sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on her eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox she was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women when they don’t have dinks like Ann Coulter’s
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
She says that her wisdom sells her books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t her good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I’m never gonna take it right up the can
From no Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

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