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Gingrich Buys Both Bling And Tweets

Gingrich conducts Jobs Fair in El Salvador

The sinking ship known as the S.S. Gingrich Campaign continues its descent to the abyss.

The thrice-married, thrice-religion-changing former ex-disgraced Speaker of the House and present Republican candidate for President, Newt Gingrich is beginning to look as moonbat-crazy as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. First we learned that the self-described frugal conservative had run up about $ 1 million on his credit line at posh jeweler Tiffany & Co. Next, virtually his entire campaign staff up and quit on him in a matter of days. We then learned that the candidate who claims to know exactly how to get the nation out of debt has a campaign that is over $ 1 million in debt. That was followed by the revelation that the man who claims that he will bring manufacturing jobs back to the U.S. actually has his campaign t-shirts manufactured in El Salvador.

Suffice to say, Newt Gingrich has had a troubling 2011. His travails have certainly been more than most unqualified GOP Presidential candidates could withstand. And yet, it continues to get worse. What else could possibly have happened you might ask?

Well, just the other day, Gawker.com published an item “based on a former Newt Gingrich staffer’s claim that Gingrich assembled his 1.3 million Twitter followers—a number that he’s taken to bragging about—in part by buying fake Twitter followers.” The Gawker source claimed that about “80 percent of [Newt’s followers] are inactive or are dummy accounts created by various ‘follow agencies'” paid by his campaign. The social networking search firm known as PeekYou has now confirmed that allegation according to Gawker.

PeekYou conducts research on how to measure the quality of Twitter audiences, a project that included looking at politicians’ Twitter followers. And by their count, just 8% of Newt Gingrich’s followers are real people. In other words, only 92% of Gingrich’s Twitter followers are fake!

“We just started running the 2012 candidates’ numbers three weeks ago,” said Josh Mackey, PeekYou’s general manager of business and product development, “and when we saw your story, we went back to pull the Gingrich numbers. The huge majority of his followers are either completely anonymous people who have no other web presence, or they are spambots.”

Gawker.com reports that Mackey said PeekYou actually scrubbed each and every one of Gingrich’s 1.3 million followers, using 23 criteria—including name, location, and inbound and outbound links in their feed—to determine whether they were real people. “We usually find out that real people have real web identities,” he says. For the vast majority of Gingrich’s followers, that wasn’t true. They were either business accounts, private accounts, anonymous accounts that had only a user ID and no other discernible connection to the internet, or spambots. The average Twitter user, Mackey says, has a follower count that consists of anywhere from 35% to 60% real people. At 8%, Gingrich’s is the lowest PeekYou has ever seen. “When was saw it, we actually had our quality assurance people go over the numbers for two days to doublecheck,” he says.

So now, along with expensive bling, Newt Gingrich is also buying Twitter followers. Anyone surprised. Looks like the good ship Gingrich Campaign will soon be nestled right alongside the Titanic. Ahh Newt, we hardly knew ye.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Wacky Bachmann Out-Crazies Failin’ Palin And Announces Presidential Run

Bachmann and Bat-Boy Separated at Birth

How fitting that moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann will announce her presidential candidacy in Waterloo (Iowa, that is). Her campaign after all, should have about as much success as did Napoleon’s in the Waterloo which is now part of Belgium. Disaster is surely in the cards and is there anything more mesmerizing than viewing a car-wreck on the highway? Who would have thought that the wackiest Republican presidential candidate would be someone other than Sarah Palin?

Sarah Palin has long been the darling of the Tea Baggers. That was natural in that she and they shared an affinity for misspelling and the misunderstanding of such things as Medicare, the United States Constitution and a proper dress code (Naughty Monkey cork-heeled shoes or tri-cornered hat with powdered wig?). Palin truly spoke the language of the educationally-challenged and the Tea Baggers understood it.

But something funny happened on the way to Tea Party stardom. Tea Partiers (and the American population as a whole) began to lose interest in the “Quitter on Twitter”. The first sign of this was when Palin’s “favorable” ratings began to drop in poll after poll. Additionally, her second ghost-written book did not sell nearly as well as her first and the corresponding cross-country book tour was not well attended by devotees. The final straw may have been her disastrous video response to the Tucson shootings. Even her co-workers at Fox News realized that her “The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shootings Was Me!” speech did not resonate well with anyone. Consequently, they invited her to an immediate soft-ball interview with Sean Hannity in an attempt to resurrect her credibility. Unfortunately (for her), that failed also, too. Shortly thereafter, Palin was crushed by Mitt(wit) Romney in a New Hampshire straw poll heavily attended by Tea Partiers. Since then, she has not finished atop a poll of likely GOP presidential contenders even once. In short, it appears that the Tea Party has “refudiated” Sarah Palin.

During the entire period that the former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska was basking in the national limelight, Michele Bachmann was busy building a Tea Bagging base of her own. She shared all the same misguided beliefs and encouraged all the same ill-conceived policies as Palin, but she was not in everyone’s face all the time. She did not post a Facebook comment or Twitter tweet in response to any word uttered by President Obama or the “lamestream” media. She did not appear in her own un-reality television series. And, she did not get into a war of words with every comedian that dared mention her name (i.e. David Letterman, Kathy Griffin and Bill Maher).

Bachmann’s plan to capture the Tea Party crown was more conventional than Palin’s. She was already a Washington insider inasmuch as she is a three term Representative from Minnesota. She capitalized on her elected office by forming the Congressional “Tea Party Caucus”. She is also fruitcake-nutty enough to appeal to radical Tea Baggers. You might recall that she advocated for a McCarthyesque investigation of members of Congress to determine if they are anti-American. She heartily agreed with Sarah Palin regarding her “death panel” lie. She fell hook, line and sinker for an internet rumor that President Obama’s 2010 trip to Asia cost $200 miilion per day and that he would be accompanied by 34 warships. She said that teenagers should pay their employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving the minimum wage and she said that being gay is “part of Satan”. She also displayed a complete lack of knowledge of American history when she proclaimed that the famous “Shot Heard Round the World” was fired in New Hampshire. (BTW, for you Teapublicans and Boston Herald readers, the shot was fired at the Battle of Lexington and Concord in Massachusetts).  Like Palin’s sniper-sight symbolism, Bachmann also utilizes violent rhetoric such as when she said she wanted Minnesotans “armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back.” All of that is highly digestible stuff for the Tea Party.

Nonetheless, if you have not yet been convinced that Michele Bachmann is kookoo for cocoa puffs, just take a look at some of her more memorable quotes as compiled by The Huffington Post:

  • And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
  • “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
  • “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
  • [Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
  • “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
  • “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
  • “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

There is no doubt that Michele Bachmann can match Sarah Palin in the “Tea Party Two-Step” move for move. Indeed, the Bachmann campaign even stole away Palin’s debate coach. Is that crazy enough for you? Think about that for a moment. Michele Bachmann actually wants to be coached by the person that is highly responsible for some of the all-time worst (yet laugh-out-loud hilarious) debate and interview performances in televised history. Remember when during the Vice Presidential debate, Palin was unable to provide a single policy solution for the financial crisis, the economy in general, health care or the war on terror? She gave little more than promises of reform and “maverick”-y governance. How about her “All of ‘em any of ‘em” response to the question “…what newspapers and magazines do you read…?”. Some of that must be blamed on the coach. Perhaps we will get an early indication of the prowess of her new coach if Bachmann accepts the challenge to debate one of those high-schoolers who have recently criticized her lack of history and scientific knowledge (See, “Kids vs. Bachmann. Score: Kids 2 Bachmann 0“).

Michele Bachmann’s candidacy is sure to amuse us for many months ahead. Stay tuned. Same Bat-Crazy time! Same Bat-Crazy channel!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

BACHMANN

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

Has Palin Ever Been This Silent For This Long?

Cat got her tongue?

Oh where, oh where is Sarah Palin?

Come out, come out wherever you are!

We have not heard a word from the former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska since she issued her Facebook statement of “sincere condolences” last Saturday following the tragic massacre in Tucson, Arizona. Despite the fact that Palin has come under widespread and intense public scrutiny as the result of her perceived symbolic “call to arms” via her public advertisement which placed a sniper’s rifle-sight image over victim Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ congressional district and mentioned her by name, Palin has uncharacteristically remained silent. Sure, she sent that self-serving private email to her fellow hate-speaker Glenn Beck which he promptly read on the hate-spewing Fox News network. However, “I hate violence. I hate war” is not exactly a coherent retort of any kind. Why is Sarah Palin so tongue tied?

Where are the defensive (and to many, “offensive”) Twitter tweets and Facebook retorts that always immediately materialize after Sarah Palin is criticized? When David Letterman told an offensive joke about her daughter, Palin’s response was instantaneous. When her lie about “death panels” was exposed, Palin quickly doubled down on her mentioning of the fabrication. When Arnold Schwarzenegger needled her about being able to see Russia from his plane, she hastily criticized his governing abilities. And, when a number of literate citizens pointed out that “refudiate” is not a word, she promptly compared herself to William Shakespeare. Any casual viewer of her TLC un-reality television show has noticed that Palin cannot keep her hands off her Blackberry for more than 5 consecutive minutes. So, the 64 thousand dollar question is, where is Sarah Palin’s response when she has been so broadly criticized for having fostered  a toxic environment of hate that may be partially responsible for the attempted assassination of a public official that she “targeted”? Lynnrockets would concur that Sarah Palin’s silence is generally golden, but something is askew.

This is not to say that others have not spoken on behalf of Sarah Palin. Her defenders have appeared in the “lamestream” (as they always used to call it when they ignored it) media and on countless websites and blogs where they have made every attempt to portray Palin as the actual victim of this tragedy. Some have even gone so far as to absurdly suggest that the deadly shooting was carried out by liberals in an attempt to cast blame on Palin and other members of the radical far-right. One Palin-devoted blog, C4P (Conservatives For Palin) has a contributor named Nicole Coulter who told CBS.com this summer, “We would literally walk across hot broken glass for this woman… She’s our family, and you protect your family; it’s like the mafia.” You can say that again!

The closest member of the Palin clan to publicly comment on the Giffords/Palin connection is Rebecca Mansour. She is a Palin staffer who is active in Palin’s SarahPAC political action committee website. Coincidentally (or not), it was the SarahPAC website (as well as Sarah Palin’s Facebook page) which displayed the controversial sniper-sight symbols. Mansour provides much of the narrative material which appears on the SarahPAC site and it has been alleged that she also ghost-writes many of Palin’s Twitter tweets and Facebook posts. As for the Tucson murders, Mansour said on conservative Tammy Bruce’s radio program last weekend that any attempt to connect the tragedy to Sarah Palin is “obscene” and “appalling”. She went on to say,We never ever, ever intended it to be gun sites.” When radio host Bruce then suggested, “It’s surveyor’s symbols”, Mansour agreed. She responded, “We never imagined, it never occurred to us that anybody would consider it violent.” Rather, she said, that it was simply “crosshairs that you would see on a map. There is “nothing irresponsible about our graphic.

OH, PA—LEASE!!!

Is Mansour so naive as to think that nobody noticed Sarah Palin’s “don’t retreat, instead- RELOAD!” exclamation which appeared on both her Facebook page and the SarahPAC website shortly after the gun-sight graphic was posted and linked directly back to the cross-hair laden map? Did Mansour also think that nobody noticed Palin’s admission that the symbols were bullseyes when she tweeted on November 4, 2010 as follows:

SARAH-PALIN-BULLSEYE
Additionally, if there was “nothing irresponsible’ about the graphic, then why was it suddenly scrubbed from the website on the very day of the murders? Perhaps some very real ghosts began haunting Palin and her ghost-writer after the killings.

Again we ask, when will Sarah Palin come out of hiding and say something on her own behalf?

Paging Sarah Palin! Paging Sarah Palin!

SPECIAL NOTE: Today is Lynnrockets’ birthday. I do not mention this because of some narcissistic tendency, but only because the numeric date (1/11/11) is noteworthy and I am generally unlikely to be associated with anything that is noteworthy. Consequently, the drink will flow tonight (or the earth will end or something!).

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s reader-requested song parody which describes Sarah Palin’s ghost-written books.

Ghost Riders In The Sky song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwAPa0qHmLo

GHOST-WRITER IN THE SKY

(sung to the Frankie Laine song  “Ghost Riders In The Sky”)

Yippie I ay, Yippie I oh
The Ghost-Writers in the sky

Alaska’s dope was whining ‘bout Obama one fine day,
Her patience sure was tested by that actress Tina Fey
When all at once a thousand words in her mind’s eye she saw
A sure fire way to spread her lies and keep her fans in awe

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Her words they would buy

So Palin found a buyer and she signed a big book deal
Her brain-power was tiny so her writing lacked appeal
A bolt of fear went through her as poor Sarah realized
Book writing is so friggin’ hard…but she had to spread her lies

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Ghost-Writer she must find

Her face was gaunt, her eyes were blurred, her blouse was soaked with sweat
She needed a ghost-writer now, so she called Lynn Vincent
She recited made-up stories going back to junior high
The tall tales of a big fat liar… written by a paid ally

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
The Ghost-Writer on the sly

The critics were not impressed, they said her book was lame
Her fans were not dissuaded, they all bought it just the same
Sarah went on a book-signing tour, took her fans for a ride
She charged them money for her words…and those fools all complied

Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
(Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay)
The Ghost-Writers in the sky
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay
Yippie I oh, Yippie I ay

Palin Attacks The Fed As G.O.P. Attacks Palin (Again)

The midterm elections are now history (with the exception of the Alaska Senate race and a few Congressional races) and Sarah Palin has returned to her old stomping grounds. No, not Alaska, but rather the second-rate paid speakers’ circuit. In her never-ending pursuit to squeeze every last penny out of her supporters, the former ex-quitting half-term governor has once again found business conventions to be a good forum to spread her poison.  The more prestigious gatherings have previously shunned the divisive Palin, leaving her to speak at such lowly events as the Liquor Wholesalers’ Convention, the Bowling Convention and the Battery Back-Up Sump Pump Convention. Well, here she goes again. Yesterday, Palin was the keynote speaker at the Specialty Tools & Fasteners Distributors Association Convention in Phoenix, Arizona.

The subject of her ire is now Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and his newly released “quantitative easing” plan. In its latest move to jump start the sluggish recovery, the Federal Reserve announced last week it will pump billions into the economy by buying $600 billion in long-term U.S. Treasury bonds over the next eight months – policy known as quantitative easing.

It is obvious that the educationally challenged Palin has no understanding of the plan or its underlying economic theory, but you can count on her to be against any measure which takes place during the Obama administration regardless of its merit. Of course she leaked the subject of her speech by means of the sophomoric means of communication known as Twitter. She tweeted, “Will discuss Fed’s quantitative easing plan(print $ out of thin air)tmrrw@ tools trade assn speech” and “Today:trade speech;tmrw school event 2 start discussing QuantitativeEasing w kids around US so they prepare 4 Feds experiment w their future.”

Oh, good God, the lowly scholar from five different safety schools now wants to teach economics to school children? Will she charge the kids a fee? Let’s hope “No Child Left Behind” is fully funded so as to counter this educational disaster in the making. If there was ever a day to keep your children out of school, it is the day that Sarah Palin appears and tries to teach them.

But, while Sarah Palin was busy attacking the Fed, the Republican establishment continued its attacks against her. Numerous G.O.P. leaders have already voiced their opposition to Sarah Palin’s potential run for president by suggesting that she would be “crushed” by President Obama in a general election. Now another Republican critic has emerged. CNN reports that Rep. Spencer Bachus of Alabama told a local Chamber of Commerce group that the candidates backed by the Tea Party and Palin may be to blame for the Republican Party’s failure to take back control of the Senate in last week’s midterm elections.

“The Senate would be Republican today except for states (in which Palin endorsed candidates) like Christine O’Donnell in Delaware,” Bachus said, according to the Shelby County Reporter. “Sarah Palin cost us control of the Senate.”

Stay tuned to Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off for tomorrow’s thrilling episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own“.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Every Little Thing song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtD13JTU5H0

EVERY LITTLE THING

(sung to the Beatles song “Every Little Thing”)

Palin’s talking provides her
A pay-day in Kentucky
Yes, you know she’s the lucky kind
She holds onto her first dime
She’s a phony sellout girl
Can’t stop blinking and winking now

Every little thing she does
Is for a fee, yeah
And there’s not one thing she does
She’ll do for free, oooh

Sarah Palin is daffy
Don’t you know that she bugs me?
Yet the Tea Party loves her now
Still there’s one thing I’m sure of
President she’ll be, never
But her cash lust will never die

Every little thing she does
Is for a fee, yeah
And there’s not one thing she does
She’ll do for free, oooh

(grifting break)

Every little thing she does
Is for a fee, yeah
And there’s not one thing she does
She’ll do for free, oooh
Every little thing
Every little thing

Palin Must Be Destroyed

Sarah Palin’s wedding photo. 

What with the media’s breathless coverage of her every tweet, Fox News’ willingness to utilize her as a guest host on nearly all of its fictionalized prime time programs and her conservative following’s near pious devotion, one would think that Sarah Palin would be the darling of the leaderless Republican Party. Such is not the case. In fact, the G.O.P. is beginning to realize that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska may be the catalyst for the marginalization of “The Party of Lincoln”. In short, Sarah Palin may cause the demise of the Republicans.

Just two short years ago almost nobody had ever heard of Sarah Palin. The G.O.P. was led by such familiar names as Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, a resurgent Newt Gingrich and the actor Fred Thompson. Then the unexpected happened. Somehow the centrist John McCain won the Republican Presidential nomination. McCain however, was trailing Democrat Barack Obama by such a wide margin that he was forced to do something drastic in order to draw some attention to his campaign. Much like the literary Dr. Frankenstein, McCain was compelled to create some life from scratch. He stitched together some uber-right-wing conservatism, some female DNA, some down-home colloquialisms, a beehive hairdo and some rimless glasses. His handmade creation was Sarah Palin.

Much like Dr. Frankentein’s monster however, the McCain creation also suffered from some fatal flaws. They both had a damaged brain. Each became stronger and more identifiable than its creator. Both wreaked havoc on society and in the end, the Frankenstein monster and Sarah Palin each turned against their respective creators.

The Palin thing was alive, ALIVE! This 21st century mindless monster quit her job and stumbled out of the wilds of Alaska on her way to the Lower 48. Unable to master the written word, the pathetic creature hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir. Unable to master the spoken word, Palin turned to Twitter and Facebook as her means of communication. Unable to appear human on television, she was forced to appear repeatedly on Fox News. The thing that became known as PALIN  sowed fear into the hearts of all uneducated conservatives with her horrific tales of “death panels”, the godless land of Russia that she could see by means of her super-human vision and of her arch enemy, the would-be monster slayer, author Joe McGinniss.

Unlike the Frankenstein monster however, the Palin thing began to amass a large and adoring following. Sure, these devotees were comprised of racist, white, uneducated homophobes from the lowest rung of the food chain, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Palin thing’s fan base became known as the Tea Party (presumably because it is believed that something was slipped into their tea). These Tea-Baggers are a mindless lot that confusingly wants no government control over their government controlled Medicare and Social Security benefits. They hate the Obama administration because of his fictitious tax increases despite the fact that over 95% of them have actually benefited from the President’s middle class tax cuts. These Tea-Baggers have crowned the Palin thing as their de facto queen.

The Palin thing’s Tea Party royalty status is the biggest problem for the creature’s former party.  Before John McCain’s monster was created, the whacko Tea-Baggers were all firmly entrenched members of the Republican Party. They voted in lockstep for every Republican they could find thereby ensuring at least some electoral success for the party. The creation of the Palin thing has changed all of that. The Tea-Baggers are now actively seeking candidates from within their own super-radical ranks. These Tea Party candidates are so out of the mainstream that they oppose meaningful portions of the Civil Rights Act (Rand Paul). They hope to privatize Social Security (Rand Paul, Sharron Angle), criminalize the consumption of alcohol (Sharron Angle), deregulate the oil industry (despite the Gulf oil spill) (Rand Paul), abolish the Dept. of Education (too many to name here), ban maturbation (Christine O’Donnell) and even remove fluoride from the nation’s water supply (Sharron Angle). This is crazy stuff that will draw votes away from Republicans in favor of unelectable radicals and the Palin thing adds to the chaos by endorsing these candidates.

Remember, it was only last November when we witnessed the damage inflicted on the Republican Party by the Palin monster. As you will recall, New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat had been held by the Republicans since the Civil War. In the most recent election the G.O.P. nominee was the popular and relatively centrist Dede Scozzafava. The Democratic Party candidate was the virtually unknown Bill Owens. The Palin thing and her minions in the Tea Party however, felt that Scozzafava was too liberal so they endorsed the conservative radical nut-job Doug Hoffman. Result? Scozzafava (R) dropped out of the race and Owens (D) easily defeated Hoffman (TB’er) and the Democrats captured a seat that they had not held for over a century. Damage done.

The Republican Party now justifiably fears that the Palin thing and her Tea-Bagger followers may cost the G.O.P. victories (and ensure Democratic victories) in any number of races in which the Tea Party fields a candidate. Consequently, it may be just the right time for the Republican faithful to pick up their pitchforks and burning torches and head to Castle Palin while shouting the mantra, “Palin Must Be Destroyed”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Rich Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG8ubKnwe08&feature=related

WITCH GIRL III

(sung to the Hall & Oates song “Rich Girl”)

You’re a witch girl, up in A-las-ka
And it’s getting worse for you every day
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You’re a stitch girl? Cuz you’re quite bizarre
So we really wish you would go away
Pray, Honey that we don’t send you too far
Send you too far

And don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s wrong to preach politics of hate
You’re so far gone, so far gone
Lil’ Miss Caribou you belong in a zoo
Todd should be in there too

‘Cause

You’re a witch girl and you’re no big star
And mascara won’t help you hide your age
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
There’s a hitch girl, you’re a has-been now
And the voters have all left and turned the page
The pitbull is a pig with lipstick now
Now say “Bow Wow”

Not too bright, a bit insane
It’s so sleazy, to damn others just because they complain
Those little fools and their ethics rules
They just get in your way and impede your payday
They will rue the day, oh…

You’re a witch girl, and you’ve gone too far
But that defense fund should help to pay your way
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You’ll be a rich girl with a brand new car
And then you’ll move your family far away
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Get you too far

And you say

You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You’re a rich girl, a witch girl
Oh, you’re a rich bitch girl yeah
Say money but it won’t get you too far
Oh, get ya too far

Sarah Palin Don’t Know Much ‘Bout Geography

Sarah “Rand McNally” Palin has exposed her geographic ignorance once again. First she told us about, “as Putin rears his head” in Alaskan airspace. She followed that doozy up with not knowing that South Africa is a country. Then she began confusing the fact as to whether her brother received medical treatment as a child in the United States or in Canada. In her ghostwritten book, Palin confused Cedarburg, Wisconsin with Cedar Rapids, Iowa. She also incorrectly stated that Kodiak Island in Alaska is “America’s largest island”.

With that sort of geographic ignorance, you would think that the former half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska would shy away from making reference to any particular place in this great nation of ours. But we are talking about Sarah Palin, the woman that has never let a fact get in the way of a good catch-phrase, Facebook posting or Twitter tweet. So, here we go again.

Yesterday, West Virginia Republican Senate candidate John Raese received an endorsement from Sarah Palin. Problem is, the GPS-challenged Palin endorsed him for the Senate seat in…Pennsylvania. CNN reports that in a now-deleted tweet, Palin wrote, “Pennsylvania:makes sense 2 send GOP 2 DC 2 avoid PA economic disaster that will occur under Obama/Pelosi Cap & Tax scheme;workers need Raese.”

Let’s hope that Pennsylvania’s Teapublican voters obey Palin’s command and vote for Raese. That should ensure a victory for Pennsylvania’s Democratic candidate for Senate, Joe Sestak (to the obvious dismay of Pennsylvanian Republican candidate, Pat Toomey).

Back in Raese’s alleged home-state of West Virginia, the Democratic opponent Gov. Joe Manchin and Party leadership were quite amused. Chairman Larry Puccio quipped,

“With John Raese, it is easy to get confused as to where he actually lives. He may be running for Senate in West Virginia, but he really could choose to run in any of the states in which he belongs to a country club. West Virginians can’t really fault Sarah Palin for getting confused – we are too.”

Actually, we can’t blame Sarah Palin for being confused because she was apparently born that way. Nevertheless, would someone please step up and “refudiate” her.

t1larg.PALINTWEET

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about geography
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I love my shoes
And I really love my beehive ‘do
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

Yes, I do practice “politics of hate”
And I love to equivocate
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim that I can see Russia
From my living room bay
And I do not star on “Thirty Rock”, baby
That’s the talented Tina Fey

Don’t know much about interviews
Don’t know many Supreme Court views
Can’t name any books that I’ve read
Sure glad Bristol and Levi aren’t wed

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

And I do know you’ll love Sarah P.
We’ll be a nation of Scientology
What a right wing world this will be

Sarah Palin: A Twittering Chronic Facebook Malcontent

The E*Trade Baby is perplexed by Palin.

In light of this week’s flurry of childlike Twitter tweets against both Alan Grayson and new White House Chief of Staff, Pete Rouse, it is painfully obvious that Sarah Palin will disagree with any Democratic Party member’s words or actions simply to provide an opposition. If a Democrat claimed that the earth is round, she would say it is not. If a Democrat said he had dinner in the evening, she would say that it was consumed in the morning. Her tactic is quite reminiscent of the “bridge to nowhere” situation when she said “thanks” before saying “thanks, but no thanks”.

It is not surprising however, that the former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska only utilizes the sophomoric forms of communication known as Twitter and Facebook and the comfy confines of Fox News to distribute her anti-Democrat invectives. After all, the entire nation witnessed her inability to handle interviews with unscripted questions during the 2008 campaign when she was publicly humiliated by her inability to field questions from Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. perhaps Alan Grayson said it best however, in his retort to the Queen of Quit,

“What is it about Sarah Palin and Twitter? Is Palin fond of tweeting because she can draft a tweet on her palm? Is it that 140 characters represents the maximum length of Sarah Palin’s attention span?”

Way to go, Alan. Let her have it with both barrels.

Finally, you must ask yourself, “why is Sarah Palin such a big fan of Facebook”? After all, the medium was the invention of one of those elitist Ivy League students hailing from the elitist of elite East Coast Ivy League institutions known as Harvard? Then again, the uninformed Palin is probably not aware of that.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Things We Said Today song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwokRK8P6D4&feature=related

THINGS SHE SAID TODAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Things We Said Today”)

Thinking of Sarah P.
Up there in the snow
Thinking she’s “mavericky”
Little does she know

Somedays when I’m lonely
Pining for old Tina Fey
Then I will remember
Things she said today

She’s not a refined girl
Disgraced in prime time
And she’s not a kind girl
She wallows in the slime

Her words have no meaning
But she sure has a lot to say
It’s fun to remember
Things she said today

She has such a simple mind
With nothing to say that isn’t fluff
Nonetheless she is inclined
To just have her way by talking tough

Yet she’s a blind girl
She’s a phony one
Despised and maligned girl
She will soon be gone

Ego that needs weaning
Lacking in the skill of word play
She cannot remember
Things she said today

She had lots of books to sign
What were her supporters thinking of?
Did they feel left behind
When she went away and had enough

Of being kind, girl
She said she was done
Let them wait in line girl
Take your cash and run

Someday when she’s scheming
Hand in glove of her next pay-day
Will Palin remember
Things she said today?

Christine O’Donnell’s Political Piggies

Who could have ever predicted that a “Baby Grizzly” would out-crazy the “Mama Grizzly” for a full month? It is true. While Sarah Palin has been quietly plummeting in the polls and eliciting booing audiences on “Dancing With The Stars”, Christine “Bewitched” O’Donnell (the Tea Party/Republican candidate for a Delaware U.S. Senate seat) has captured the full attention of the moon-bat chasing crowd.

Every day now, O’Donnell gives us another glimpse into her twisted mind and lifestyle. First we had her call for a masturbation ban. Next, her campaign alleged that her Republican primary opponent, Mike Castle was gay. Then we learned that she had a college degree before she did not have a college degree before she finally received her college degree three weeks ago. That was followed by the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and paid her personal expenses with campaign funds while she failed to pay wages to her campaign employees. All of that was followed by Bill Mahar’s delicious video clips which show O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witch-craft” and proclaiming that “evolution is a myth”. Best of all, Mahar claims that he will continue to release more embarrassing video clips each week leading up to the election.

But wait. That is not all. O’Donnell has stepped in it yet again. This week she joined “the Twitter”. The Palin-prodigy can now join her BFF in authoring absolutely indecipherable messages to the masses. And O’Donnell wasted no time. Her first tweet was as follows:

OK, then. Any idea just what in the wide, wide world of witch-craft O’Donnell is talking about? No? Me either, but let’s hope she keeps it up. The Twitter could be an endless supply of future Lynnrockets song parodies. Maybe her next tweet could be a little more lucid however, like, “Stop masturbating and vote!” or, “Evolution-Schmevolution!”

Keep up the good work, Christine. We are watching you.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Piggies song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXdKlpBOvs0

PORKERS

(sung to the Beatles song “Piggies”)

Have you seen G.O.P. porkers
Dishing out the dirt?
And for those G.O.P. porkers
Life is getting worse
Chris O’Donnell’s curse is angry sounding

Have you seen the bigot porkers
In their mini-skirts?
Christine and Sarah’s “twitting” fingers
Tweet until it hurts
Tweeting out new blurts so insane sounding

(Twitter break)

They’re senile and clearly cracking
They don’t care what goes on around
In their eyes there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking

(Facebook break)

Best beware, G.O.P. porkers
Of O’Donnell’s lies
She is on a hunt for sinners
With Tea Party guys
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

Palin Popularity Plummets (Again)

It's Time To Reload Not Retreat

For those of you that missed the results of the most recent Politico poll, never fear. Lynnrockets is here to dissect and analyze and the diagnosis is not promising for a Sarah Palin Presidential bid in 2012. Buried deep in the aforementioned poll was this:

Thinking one last time about Sarah Palin…
As you may already know, Sarah Palin has been the Governor of Alaska and was the Republican nominee for Vice President in 208. She resigned from her position as Governor in 2009 and currently runs a political action committee and works as a news commentator for Fox News.

25. Based on what you know, would you say that Sarah Palin’s efforts since resigning as Governor in 2009 have made you more likely or less likely to support her if she runs for President?
______________________
IF CHOICE IS MADE, ASK:

More likely/strongly…………………………………………17%
And is that strongly or More likely/somewhat………………………………………14%
somewhat (more likely/ UNSURE (DNR)………………………………………………5%
less likely)? NO DIFFERENCE (DNR)…………………………………7%
Less likely/somewhat……………………………………….13%
Less likely/strongly………………………………………….45%

Do the math and you will see that since the half-term former Governor of Alaska quit her elected position in July of 2009, a whopping 58% of people are less likely to vote for her as President.

This means that despite the fact that Palin has elevated her status as a celebrity via her Facebook and Twitter rantings, and has captured the throne as Queen of the Tea Party movement, she has actually decreased her own chances of a future electoral victory. In short, Sarah Palin has fudged it up again.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Pump It Up song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpprOGsLWUo

FUDGE IT UP

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Pump It Up”)

Palin’s losing her looks
She’s into banning books
Time to face the music
Shilling for “Arctic Cat”
She’s a moonbat
Blew the race for Johnny Mac
Was the Guv but then she quit
And left the state fast

Fudge it up. Too bad she couldn’t see it.
Fudge it up. Now she can’t conceal it.

She’s so far right of center
Hell bent, not Heaven sent
Listen to her propaganda
Listen to her latest slander
Palin don’t understand
All her moves are underhand

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Hey!

She is a dumb girl
She makes us wanna hurl
Like Lorena Bobbitt
Sarah’s psychotic
When she’s on a book tour
She dresses like a whore
In those clothes Mac bought for her
A tea-bagging gal for sure

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

In the “Party of No”
Palin will never win
Soon they will kick her out
With all her inbred kin
Her “Death Panel” mission
Beat into submission
Her conical hat is made out of tin

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Fudge it up. Now she has revealed it.
Fudge it up. A wound but she can’t heal it.

Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it
Palin should beat it.

Racist Palin Blasts Anti-Semite Thomas But Gives Anti-Semite Coulter A Pass

Palin/Coulter Hybrid

That crazy racist Sarah Palin just cannot seem to keep her foot out of her mouth. When reporter Helen Thomas exposed her anti-Semitic feelings last week by saying Jews should “get the hell out” of Israel and “go home” to countries such as Poland and Germany, Palin was quick to go on the offensive to criticize (deservedly) Thomas. She quickly tweeted on Twitter,

Helen Thomas press pals condone racist rant? heaven forbid “esteemed” press corps represent society’s enlightened elite;Rest of us choose truth

Now aside from the fact that her tweet is another example of incomprehensible Palineese, isn’t it interesting that Palin is appalled by racist rants from liberals but not from conservatives. As you might remember, Palin’s silence was deafening when conservative Ann “the Man” Coulter said we should just throw Judaism away and they should become Christians. Where was Palin’s outrage at the anti-Semitic remark from that conservative guy?

Then again, this is just another example of Palin’s modus operandi. Remember her screaming fit when Rahm Emmanuel referred to certain activist liberals as “retards” and her dismissive defense of Rush Limbaugh for repeatedly using the same term?

What else could we expect from an uneducated, confused racist like Sarah Palin. Remember, Palin is the person who said, “So Sambo beat the bitch!” when she heard that Barack Obama defeated Hillary Clinton for the Democratic Party presidential nomination. For those of you that are not familiar with this particular episode in Sarah “Plain and Stupid’s” life, pour youselves a stiff drink and read this story (here).

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRopmfinsWk

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

Well I’m not the world’s most perceptive bloke
But she is a lady that I wouldn’t dare poke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well she sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on her eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox she was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women when they don’t have dinks like Ann Coulter’s
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
She says that her wisdom sells her books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t her good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I’m never gonna take it right up the can
From no Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

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