Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 79

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Newsone.com reports, “The Tea Party of Tennessee wants to remove incidents of slavery and genocide from American textbooks for fear they would besmirch the image of the Founding Fathers.” Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN:  Not only did we learn this week that Republican presidential candidate and serial philanderer Newt Gingrich owns business which failed to pay taxes in four states. It was also revealed by Politico.com that six years ago he owed between $250,000.00 and $500,000.00 to Tiffany’s jewelers. It sure takes a lot of money to keep three wives and who knows how many mistresses bathed in bling!

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some Teapublican tells you that it would be a mistake to raise the debt ceiling, remind them that in 1983 Ronald Reagan said this,

“The full consequences of a default — or even the serious prospect of default — by the United States are impossible to predict and awesome to contemplate. Denigration of the full faith and credit of the United States would have substantial effects on the domestic financial markets and the value of the dollar in exchange markets. The Nation can ill afford to allow such a result. The risks, the costs, the disruptions, and the incalculable damage lead me to but one conclusion: the Senate must pass this legislation before the Congress adjourns.”

THIS JUST IN: California may be following in the footsteps of Vermont regarding health care. The California Universal Healthcare Act was introduced by Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco. The bill would initiate single-payer universal health care for the state of California. Now that is change we can believe in!

BREAKING NEWS:  In light of the news about Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s illicit “love child”, we can now add his name to the list of philandering “family values” Republicans which includes John Ensign, John McCain, Larry Craig, David Vitter, Mark Sanford, Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, Mark Foley, Glenn Murphy, Bob Allen, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Keep doing the good Lord’s work you guys!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Jon Stewart And Why We Love This Guy” features who else but Jon Stewart of The Daily Show and Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. For a good laugh, Stewart asks us to “Google” the name “Santorum”. Go ahead. Give it a try.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Republican Hypocrisy” is brought to us by bluemassgroup.com and stars senators Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) and Johnny Isakson (R-GA). Each of these senators had pledged to never filibuster a judicial nominee. Each of these senators voted to filibuster the nomination of Goodwin Liu to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit last week.

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the week. While describing the GOP backlash against Newt Gingrich for advocating personal mandates for health insurance, Stephen Colbert said,

“They spanked Newt’s ass until it was so pink and swollen it looked like Newt’s face.”

BREAKING NEWS:  Moonbat-crazy Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul appeared on Fox News Sunday last weekend and claimed that Social Security and Medicare are unconstitutional and then he compared them to slavery. here is a bit of his interview with Mike Wallace:

WALLACE: You talk a lot about the Constitution. You say Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid are all unconstitutional.

PAUL: Technically, they are. … There’s no authority [in the Constitution]. Article I, Section 8 doesn’t say I can set up an insurance program for people. What part of the Constitution are you getting it from? The liberals are the ones who use this General Welfare Clause. … That is such an extreme liberal viewpoint that has been mistaught in our schools for so long and that’s what we have to reverse—that very notion that you’re presenting.

WALLACE: Congressman, it’s not just a liberal view. It was the decision of the Supreme Court in 1937 when they said that Social Security was constitutional under Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution.

PAUL: And the Constitution and the courts said slavery was legal to, and we had to reverse that.

A video clip is worth a thousand words, so let’s watch it, shall we?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Da Doo Ron Ron song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNiYECUd2ZU

DA DOO RON RON

 (sung to the Crystals song “Da Doo Ron Ron”)

Ron Paul was on “Fox Sunday” and I got a chill
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
About the Constitution, he knows nil
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
A fool on the Hill
With a voice so shrill
He’s a tea-bagging gnome
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Knows what he is doing when he starts to lie
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
He’s a laugh-riot yes, my oh my
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This Tea Party guy
He must be high
Wish he would just go home
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

(racist comment break)

He is sixty-seven with an addled mind
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This buffoon harbors a racist side
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Yes, he looks benign
But, Paul’s a punch-line
Son Rand is daddy’s clone
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Doo Ron Ron Ron da do Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
(repeat to fade)


Palin Tosses Another Magnificent Word Salad

I really do wish that I could stop writing about Sarah Palin and move on to some other sordid Republicans. Problem is, every time I find a new subject, Palin opens her mouth and says something so astonishingly stupid that I feel it must be revealed to the blogosphere.

Case in point. All week conservative talk radio and Fox News have been abuzz about the rapper/poet known as Common being invited to the White House as part of Michele Obama’s White House Music Series. Conservatives from coast to coast are aghast that a rapper, who in his distant past, sang a song about gun-slinging confrontations with the police and his dissatisfaction with George W. Bush as a president could ever be invited to the White House. Of course those conservatives never actually took the time to read all the lines of the poem “Letter To The Law” because if they had, they would have realized that Common was actually telling people to stop the violence and seek peace in their communities.

The Huffington Post and Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show” have pointed out that the folks over at Fox News even conveniently forgot that last year they gleefully interviewed Common and the Fox host said,

“Your music is very positive and you’re known as the conscience rapper. How important is that to you and how important do you think that is to our kids?”

How is that for a network completely reversing itself? You might also recall that Fox News aired an enthusiastic Happy Birthday shout-out to “Cop Killer” rapper Ice-T. on his 52nd birthday. The network also condones the violent gun laden attacks that rocker Ted Nugent levies against Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. And where was the outrage from Fox and the conservatives when George W. Bush honored Johnny Cash despite the fact that he wrote the lyrics, “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die”? Can you sense some hypocrisy?

But what about Sarah Palin? She is of course, not only the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. She is also a Fox News host and here is what she had to say about the White House invite to Common,

“You know, the judgment, it’s just so lacking of class and decency and all that’s good about America with an invite like this.”

and,

“This rapper, we thought that we were to be united under the leader of the free world, Barack Obama, in tamping down racism and inciting violence and cop killing, certainly, and killing a former president.”

Wow, and we thought George W. Bush was the worst orator we had ever heard. What in the wide, wide world of gibberish is Palin attempting to articulate? Sarah Palin should be a chef because she tosses a mean word salad!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Turning Japanese song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEmJ-VWPDM4

LEARNING PALINESE

(sung to the Vapors song “Turning Japanese”)

She quotes from scripture
Says, “also too”
Limited world-view
Of that I knew
She was so daring to say, “thanks but no thank you”

Helen Keller
Was more profound
Poor Sarah Palin
Knows so few nouns
I reach for tissue every time that she expounds

Her book has pictures, yes lots of pictures
That’s why the worthless thing flew right off the shelf
Had a witch doctor concoct a mixture
That would drive her demons right on back to hell
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

I saw her picture, I saw her picture
And then I threw-up there all over myself
Sarah’s a talking Tea Party fixture
“Refudiating” things she just said herself
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

All sex and thugs and whining woman
All guns, dumb kin, no clue, she’s lost in the dark
She told us that “death panels” were a sure-fire danger
She speaks in tongues and babbles like a psycho ranger
Hope she runs

That’s why I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

(gibberish break)

Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Think so, think so, think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition-1

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

These are a few noteworthy news stories that have been orbiting the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of, “It Makes Your Head Spin Like Linda Blair’s” features Sarah Palin. It was just announced that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will appear as a paid guest speaker at a fund raiser for a pair of Canadian “Socialized Medicine” hospitals. Huh? The Anchorage Daily News reports, “Sarah Palin has been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to death panels.”

THIS JUST IN: In other Sarah Palin related news we have a new tidbit from her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson called into a talk radio show on December 11th and said that his client plans to reveal startling incriminating information about Sarah Palin that will shock the nation. The details will be included in a book that Johnston plans to release in March 2010. Hey Sarah, beware the Ides of March. Will there be a matching book-hawking cross-country bus/jet tour also? Enquiring minds want to know.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “The Continuing Story of Tea-Bagger Lunacy” we have the group’s December 15th demonstration plans. Rather than describe it to you, here is a portion of the official release:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

Government controlled medical facilities? Dying while waiting for treatment? Do these sophomoric morons realize that the more they exaggerate their false claims about health care reform, they more the rest of the nation ignores them?

THIS JUST IN: Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show exposed a Glenn Beck conflict of interest this week. Stewart pointed out that Beck constantly advises his television and radio audience to buy gold as a safeguard against the collapse of the U.S. Dollar which will result from the Obama Administration’s policies. Indeed, Beck has said the following:

When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

The sheer lunacy of that statement aside, Stewart revealed however, that Beck failed to disclose to his audience that he is a paid spokesman for Goldline International, a precious metals vendor. Why is it that Comedy Central does a better job of investigative journalism than the major networks? ABC, NBC, CBS and NPR should be ashamed of themselves.

BREAKING NEWS: Kudos to the television drama series Law and Order; Special Victims Unit for their honest no holds barred description of conservative right-wing pundits. in a recent episode, a character on the show said this:

Garrison, Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, all of them. They are like a cancer spreading ignorance and hate. They have convinced folks that immigrants are the problem, not corporations that failed to pay a living wage, or a broken health care system.

THIS JUST IN: The Moonie-owned Washington Times has announced that it is cutting its work force by 40% and beginning free distribution of its product. The right-wing propaganda paper is so bereft of reliable news coverage that its circulation will most likely fall even further now that the paper is free. This is so because when its  few remaining paid subscribers realize that they no longer need to feel obligated to read the rag, they probably will forget that it ever existed.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s episode of “What The Heck Took So Long?” Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina’s adulterous governor Mark Sanford, has announced that she is filing for divorce. She has been unable to successfully locate and serve divorce papers upon her husband however, because his staff believes that he is hiking somewhere on the Appalachian trail.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of “How Appropriate” we have Sarah Palin accepting an invitation to be keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America convention in Las Vegas next summer. Hmm, where to begin? Maybe she will bring a few spare copies of her book. Perhaps some of her supporters will have the chance to strike up a conversation with the unemployed social networker. Will Sarah be capable of keeping her language out of the gutter? Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS: Joke of the day. Why did Sarah Palin have a book signing in Sandpoint? Idaho, Alaska !!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Favorite Things song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0KHb_xCHTI&feature=related

MY LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

(sung to the Julie Andrews song “My Favorite Things”)

Mike is called “Moses” and Romney’s called “Mittens”
Jindal is running but can’t raise a pittance
All of those candidates want to be kings
They are some of my least favorite things

Most of them phonies with brains made of noodles
Palin’s hairstyle reminds me of a poodle’s
The G.O.P. is filled with ding-a-lings
They are some of my least favorite things

Palin will bless us with winks of her lashes
Gingrich and Rudy just sit on their asses
Huckabee’s so holy he thinks he has wings
They are some of my least favorite things

“No civil rights”,
Pawlenty sings
He is raving mad
And when Michele Bachmann speaks aloud it stings
Yes that hurts my ears real bad

They are just posers so I say, “Good riddance”
Remind me of the inbred guy in “Deliverance”
All of them have extramarital flings
They are some of my least favorite things

They have no taste just like a bland egg noodle
They should be thrown out with the kit and caboodle
All of them acting like puppets on strings
They are some of my least favorite things

G.O.P. women have life-long hot flashes
The Grand Old Party is reduced to ashes
They cannot tolerate arrows or slings
They are some of my least favorite things

They’re not bright lights
Mental weaklings
Poor behaving cads
I wish they’d all congregate down in Palm Springs
And then I would be so glad.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 18

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS: Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show which airs nightly on the Comedy Central network is a more accurate news source than Fox News. Last week the writers of the comedy program discovered that Fox’s Sean Hannity had deceived viewers of his program into believing that Michele Bachman’s Tea-Bagging protest in Washington DC was attended by many thousands more people than were actually in attendance. While commenting on the massive attendance, Hannity showed video of the teeming masses to prove his point. Problem is, Jon Stewart astutely pointed out that the video was not of Bachmann’s event at all. Rather, the video was from the September 12th protest. When the deception became public Hannity was forced to apologize on air. The apology was only half-hearted however, as Hannity said the older video footage was inadvertently inserted into the story. Sure it was Sean. That sounds plausible. No go and take your medicine.

THIS JUST IN: This week Lou Dobbs quit his broadcasting position on CNN. For months Dobbs had found himself in the cross-hairs of a Latino sponsored advertiser boycott of his show. The boycott resulted from his persistent (yet false and misleading) reporting that illegal immigrants were the cause of most, if not all, of the nation’s problems ranging from unemployment to leprosy. Dobb’s on-air explanation as to why he was quitting was as confusing and uninformative as that of the other famous quitter, Sarah Palin.

BREAKING NEWS: While still licking his wounds from the Jon Stewart smackdown, Sean Hannity invited former (dare we say, “washed-up”) movie actor/martial artist Chuck Norris on his program. When asked by Hannity if he would enter politics, Norris responded by saying that he would kill his opponents and members of Congress that he believed were dishonest. I do not think that this was the response that Hannity anticipated.

THIS JUST IN: More on the clowns at Fox News. When it was announced last week that alleged 9/11 terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed would face trial in a New York Federal District Court rather than in a military tribunal, most of the self titled Fox commentators were outraged. Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin, Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly all reported that trials in the federal court system would be too lenient and provide a stage upon which the defendant could state his beliefs. As evidence of this, O’Reilly drew attention to the four year trial of Zacarias Moussaoui. Of course he failed to mention that Moussaoui was actually convicted. Why do Fox commentators always claim that they believe in and want to protect American institutions and in the very next breath emote distrust of the cornerstone of all American institutions, the rule of law and an open court system?

BREAKING NEWS: Finally, the week would not be complete without more news from the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. Her ghost-written memoir, Going Rogue will be released for sale this week but advance copies of it have been released to the press. Needless to say, many who have seen it believe that it is chock-full of lies. The most vocal of critics thus far have been former John McCain campaign officials. One of them, Nicolle Wallace, the former White House Communications Director for George W. Bush, says that Palin’s description of the events surrounding the disastrous Katie Couric interview are completely false. Also too, McCain’s former presidential campaign manager, Steve Schmidt says that the portions of the book that describe his interactions with Palin are, “total fiction.” Ouch !!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 9

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS: San Francisco radio station 910 KNEW, the flagship station of reich-wing uber-conservative radio commentator, Michael Savage, has dropped his program known as “The Savage Nation.” Now that he is unemployed, will he be able to obtain replacement health insurance coverage despite his pre-existing condition of clinical insanity?

THIS JUST IN: Republican Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina burst into the public consciousness last week when he called President Obama a “liar” during the President’s nationally televised speech before both houses of Congress. Every single major media source reported the man’s abominable behavior for the next number of days. We have learned that Wilson has been in Congress for almost eight years. Our question to you readers is, have you ever even heard of this loser before he made a fool of himself?

BREAKING NEWS: In our next installment of “Republicans Behaving Badly” we have California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. The traditional “family values” proponent was forced to resign last week as the result of the release of an audio tape during which he describes his bondage sessions with mistresses that do not happen to be his wife. It also turns out that one of his “bad girls” works as a lobbyist at a San Diego energy firm that Duvall had oversight of. Your punishment, Mr. Duvall? Fifty-four spankings!

THIS JUST IN: As a counter-punch to the mayor of Mt. Vernon, WA presenting the “Town Key” to Fox News commentator Glenn Beck, the Bellingham, WA mayor has offered his “City’s Key” to The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart. Take that, Mt. Vernon!

BREAKING NEWS: Conservative radio entertainer Rush Limbaugh says, “I wish Wilson hadn’t apologized” in reference to the aforementioned, Joe “You Lie” Wilson outburst. This is not surprising. In his apology to the President “Shouting Joe” said that he was  compelled to utter his insult. A compulsion is much like an addiction in that the person that has it cannot control their behavior. Rush Limbaugh, the self admitted drug addict, must share some sort of brotherly feelings with Wilson. Perhaps they can refer to themselves as “Friends of Glenn.”

THIS JUST IN: We have another episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly.”  CNN reports that “Bob McDonnell, the normally-disciplined Republican candidate for governor in Virginia, mistakenly blurted out the F-bomb during a live radio interview on Friday… Appearing on Washington-area radio station WTOP, McDonnell was sparring with host Mark Plotkin on the topic of transportation funding. Plotkin asked if McDonnell would consider an increase in the state gasoline tax to help fund the transportation budget. McDonnell said no, and uttered the expletive during his response.” To wit,

“I’m going to find other ways to be able to fund transportation. I’ve outlined twleve f—ing funding mechanisms that are creative, that are entrepreneurial.”

BREAKING NEWS: Actress Tina Fey has deservedly won an Emmy Award for her hilariously realistic portrayal of Alaska’s quitting ex-governor, Sarah Palin. In her acceptance speech, Fey once again took a jab at Palin by saying:

“Mrs. Palin is an inspiration to working mothers everywhere because she bailed on her job right before Fourth of July weekend … You are living my dream. Thank you, Mrs. Palin!”

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

The No No Song song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zx8DGD-Kn0&feature=related

THE HO HO SONG

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “The No No Song”)

A doctor that I know just came from the pharmacy
He smiled at Rush and opened up his hand
Then he held out some oxycontin tablets
He said they were the finest in the land

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My back is feeling really damn sore
If I say please
Can I have more of these
My habit has become really hardcore

A friend of Rush Limbo who wears a hat made of tin
Came on the show and opened up his hand
When he revealed twelve tablets of vicodin
Rush was so happy he performed handstands

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
I always come to you for a score
Without more of these
I’m in a cold-turkey freeze
And ditto-heads need someone to adore

A ditto-head I know said he could make organs grow
He smiled and said Rush would not need his hand
Then he gave him some blue viagra pills, Oh
And said that things will rise upon command

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My love life has become such a chore
Please, pretty please
I’m flying overseas
The boys there like it when it hits the floor

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