Blog Archives

Mitt(wit) Romney Flip-Flops Yet Again!

Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has no convictions and no shame. He has been the perpetrator of more flip-flops than any cook at the International House of Pancakes. Also, it appears that he will be unable to prevent himself from continuing this trend.

The man who has changed his position on abortion (“abortion should be safe and legal” and “I will preserve and protect a woman’s right to choose”/”I am pro-life); immigration (“illegal immigrants should have a chance to obtain citizenship”/”my position is …no special pathway to citizenship”); support of Ronald Reagan (“I was an Independent during the time of Reagan-Bush. I’m not trying to return to Reagan -Bush”/ “Ronald Reagan is my hero”); gun control (I support the Brady gun control law. That’s not going to make me the hero of the NRA” and “I have a gun of my own”/”I’m after the NRA’s endorsement” and “I do not personally own a gun”); climate change (“I think the global warming debate is pretty over and recognize the need associated with providing sources which do not generate the heat that is currently provided by fossil fuels” and “I concur that climate change is beginning to have an effect on our natural resources and that now is the time to take action”/”I have to tell you with regards to global warming that that’s something, which you’re right, the scientists haven’t entirely resolved” and “Republicans should never abandon pro-growth conservative principles in an effort to embrace the ideas of Al Gore”); Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (“the first of a number of steps that will ultimately lead to gays and lesbians to serve openly and honestly in our nation’s military”/”the last 10 years have convinced me that the policy is working and there is no need to change it”); his favorite book (on 4/30/07 he said L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth”/ on 5/1/07 he said “Huckleberry Finn”); a health care law with personal mandates (He signed  the Massachusetts plan with mandates into law/ He opposes the national plan with the very same mandates); and no-tax pledges (in 2006 he referred to them as “Government by gimmickry”/in 2008 he signed a no tax pledge); has now done it again.

This week Romney has flip-flopped his position on contraception. The Maddow Blog reports that “the Obama administration’s decision to require coverage of contraception as preventive care under the Affordable Care Act is, according to the former governor, an ‘attack on religious liberty’.” Romney told voters in Colorado yesterday that “churches and the institutions they run” will “have to provide for their employees, free of charge, contraceptives, morning-after pills — in other words abortive pills and the like — at no cost.”

First of all, Romney’s assertion is just one of his many lies (See “Obama has made the economy worse”, Obama “has not created any new jobs”, “Obama’s massive defense cuts” {the defense budget has increased each year under Obama}, and when he said in a debate that Mitt is his first name). As the Maddow Blog makes clear, “The administration’s policy already exempts churches and other houses of worship and “doesn’t require any individual or employer to violate a religious belief — it simply ensures that their employees with different beliefs have the same access to birth control as all other women.”

Romney is not only lying, however. He is also flip-flopping once again because Obama’s policy is also one that Romney once supported. You see, while Romney yesterday condemned the idea of requiring religious institutions to provide emergency contraception, he once supported such a stance when he was Governor of Massachusetts. While Governor he signed into law a bill which required all Massachusetts hospitals, including Catholic hospitals, to provide emergency contraception. The Maddow Blog includes this quote from C.J. Doyle, Executive Director of the Catholic Action League of Massachusetts,

“He is very consistent at working both sides of the street on the same issue at the same time. His record on this issue has been one of very cynical and tactical manipulation.”

So there you have it. Add contraception to the very long list of Mitt(wit) Romney’s flip-flops.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more singing along with today’s topical, song parody. Please enjoy!

Flipper theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EifnM3pRLdQ

FLIP-MITT

(sung to the TV theme of “Flipper)

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, his change of mind, frightening,
That Mitt Romney;  No veracity,
And we know Flip-Mitt, just loves to steal his own thunder,
Mind gone asunder; flip-flop does he!

Everyone knows, dear ol’ Mitt Romney
Changes his mind oh, so frequently,
Changes his views to impress his peers,
Says anything to induce cheers

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, in need of enlightening,
No one you see, is impressed with he,
And we know Flip-Mitt and his cronies must all wonder,
Just how he blunders effortlessly.

More Palin Wailin’ and Complainin’

Sarah Palin has recently re-emerged in the public eye by means of announcing another season of her reality television show and by implying that she might yet enter the GOP Presidential race. Of course, when Mama Bear emerges from hibernation, the stupid is sure to follow. Lo and behold, it came today.

Palin appeared on Fox News (where else?) and criticized President Obama’s official White House holiday greeting card. In a nod to Fox News’ fictitious “War on Christmas”, she targeted the card for not emphasizing Christmas.

The card features an image of Bo, the Obama family dog, in front of a fireplace in the White House library with a poinsettia and other decorations. The text reads, “From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season.”

Palin, who criticizes every single thing the President does, told Fox News that she found it “odd” that the card emphasizes the dog instead of traditions like “family, faith and freedom.” She also said that Americans are able to appreciate “American foundational values illustrated and displayed on Christmas cards and on a Christmas tree.”

Palin however, must be unaware of the official Holiday/Christmas cards issued by such past Presidents as Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan. How else could she explain her lack of criticism at those Republican Presidents who also chose to mail cards which lacked depictions of families and Christmas trees? Nixon’s card showed George Washington overseeing the construction of the White House without depicting one single image of Christmas. Ford’s card showed a wintery snow-covered exterior scene of an old farm house and livestock. Reagan’s card was very similar to Obama’s. It too featured an image of a White House fireplace with some holiday wreaths and floral decoration, but with no Christmas tree or emphasis of family. Indeed, the Reagan card did not even feature the American icon known as “the family dog”. Where was the conservative right-wing outrage at those Presidents? Hmmm…

Nixon Holiday Card 1971

Ford Holiday Card 1975

Reagan Holiday Card 1985

Sarah Palin has proven once again that she is a shallow, uneducated and petty person who has no sense of history. Is it really any wonder that she was so confused as to believe that Paul Revere was ringing bells and warning the British of the American colonists’ stock of firearms during his famous “Midnight Ride”?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpinzLXXp14

THE TWELVE DAYS OF PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Christmas carol “The Twelve Days Of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Some hate from the Tea Party.

On the second day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the third day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fourth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fifth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the sixth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the seventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eighth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the ninth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the tenth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
“Joe the Plumber” plumbing
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

At GOP Debates, Lack Of Compassion Is The Fashion

Since Rick “Science Is For Sissies” Perry has joined the field of wacky, unqualified Republican Presidential candidates, the debates have become very entertaining. Not so much as the result of the Texan’s doubletalk and doubling-down on his radical beliefs, but rather because of the bizarre behavior of the members of the audience.

Don’t get me wrong, the seven candidates themselves are spewing plenty of venomous hate-speech and nonsensical rhetoric. These pretenders are  incapable of answering the questions asked by the moderators. They also seem to have a penchant for simply repeating ad nauseam the words “taxes”, “Ronald Reagan” and “Obamacare.” Nonetheless, it is the audience members who are  demonstrating the most disgusting behavior and revealing the ugly underbelly of the conservative movement.

For example, at last week’s MSNBC/Politico debate, a moderator asked Rick “Ponzi Scheme” Perry the following question: “…your state has executed 234 death row inmates. That’s more than any other Governor in modern times. Have you struggled to sleep at night with the idea that any one of those might have been innocent?” As soon as the moderator finished speaking the words “modern times”, the audience erupted in raucous applause. They were not cheering for Perry’s response inasmuch as he had not yet begun to elicit one. No, in fact, the audience was applauding the very fact that 234 human beings had been executed in Texas. That is correct, this audience, filled with conservative Republicans, was happy and excited that human beings were being put to death at an extremely high rate in the Lone Star State.

We then had a repeat performance of audience lack of compassion at last night’s CNN/Tea Party Express debate in Florida. The moderator posed the following hypothetical question to Ron “The Civil Rights Act Is Unconstitutional” Paul:

Moderator: “A healthy 30 year old young man has a good job, makes a good living but decides, ‘you know what? I’m not going to spend $200 or $300 a month for health insurance because I’m healthy, I don’t need it’. But something terrible happens and all of a sudden he needs it. Who is going to pay if he goes into a coma? Who pays for that?”

Ron Paul: “In a society that you accept welfarism (sic) and socialism, he expects the government to take care of him.”

Moderator: “But what do you want?”

Ron Paul: “What he should do is whatever he wants to do and accept responsibility for himself. My advice for him is to have a major medical policy…”

Moderator: “But he doesn’t have that. He doesn’t have it and he needs intensive care for 6 months. Who pays?”

Ron Paul: “That’s what freedom is all about. Taking your own risk. This whole idea that you have to prepare and take care of everybody.”

Moderator: “But Congressman, are you saying that society should just let him die?”

As soon as Paul said the words “taking your own risk”, the audience began cheering loudly.  The real disgusting development however, was when audience members began shouting “Yeah”, “Yeah” when the moderator asked if society should simply allow the hypothetical man to die.

These audience responses are revealing the honest and true feelings of the typical conservative Tea Party Republican. It is evident that they are not the Christian pro-lifers that they pretend to be. Instead, they are a selfish and heartless group of mean-spirited haters with no compassion for their fellow Americans.

The typical conservative Tea Partier Republican is not a patriotic person.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter -  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 89

Sorry about the late post but these beach days are cutting into Lynnrockets’ productivity!

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “She Said What?” features Republican presidential candidate and Tea Party darling Michele Bachmann. She appeared on a christian radio program this week and said that American citizens are telling her that one of their major concerns is the rise of the Soviet Union! Apparently Bachmann is unaware that the Soviet Union collapsed and dissolved in 1991. How do you spell “C-R-A-Z-Y”?

THIS JUST IN:  It was nice to learn (although not much of a peep from the media) that the two final Wisconsin recall elections took place last Tuesday and both Democratic Party incumbents (Jim Holperin and Bob Wirch) won convincingly.

BREAKING NEWS:  The Daily Kos reports that brand new Republican Presidential candidate Rick Perry may face a little problem having to do with pornography. “Back in 1995, when his bouffant hairdo was barely all the rage, Rick Perry invested thousands of dollars into Movie Gallery, Inc, a porn distributor company. It was the largest distributor of porn movies, and was even opposed by the conservative American Family Association, the same organization that now claims to support Rick Perry after he showed up to host their prayer rally.” How is that for another example of “Republican Family Values”?

THIS JUST IN:  Speaking of Rick Perry, was anyone surprised to see that he was not so warmly welcomed in New Hampshire as he was in Iowa? The Boston Globe reports, “Hecklers carrying signs shouted from the sidewalk, “Stop attacking middle class families, Rick Perry,” as the smiling new presidential candidate shook hands and signed autographs. Perry, who declared his candidacy Saturday, was much more warmly received at visits today to Dover and Pembroke. For every admirer in Portsmouth who commended his work, there were several detractors armed with chiding questions about climate change, Social Security, or human evolution.”

BREAKING NEWS:  Republicans, Tea Baggers and conservatives of all ilk are taking  joy in criticizing President Obama’s vacation this week in Martha’s Vineyard, MA. They complain that he should be at the White House fixing the economy. These critics fail to mention however, that the Republican-led House of Representatives is on a MONTH long vacation instead of working on the economy. They also fail to mention that at the exact same time during his first term and while the nation was facing an unemployment rate of 9.5%, Ronald Reagan not only took a 25 day vacation, but his aides also stopped relaying news events to him so as not to disturb him. How is that for a monumental double-standard?

THIS JUST IN:  Speaking of the Tea Party, did any of you notice that data collected by The New York Times reveals that the Tea Party is “less popular than much maligned groups like ‘atheists’ and ‘Muslims’”?

BREAKING NEWS: It looks like freshman U.S. Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) will face a strong Democratic Party challenger in next year’s election. The Washington Post reports “Elizabeth Warren announced that she’s starting an exploratory committee for a potential U.S. Senate run in Massachusetts. The news doesn’t come as much of a surprise. The Harvard Law professor, who recently stepped down from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau she originated, has been the subject of Senatorial speculation for months, if not longer.” The paper goes on to say, “Ironically, Warren has something Brown now doesn’t, at least to the same extent: Passion from her followers. Yes, Scott Brown may have been an early harbinger that the Tea Party movement was a force to be reckoned with, able to turn [Ted] Kennedy’s seat from blue to red in what may be the most progressive state in the county. But the Tea Party has soured on Brown since then, putting him on target lists and accusing him of throwing it under the bus for his critiques of budget cuts. Meanwhile, the fervor progressives feel for Warren is a rare thing in a Washington plagued with a 12 percent approval rating for Congress and a Democratic party that’s falling out of love with its president.” Looks like the clothing-challenged Brown may have his hands full. That is great news!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Scott Brown’s favorite birthday suit

Charlie Brown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UnPzp2lmNk

SCOTTIE BROWN

(sung to the Coasters song “Charlie Brown”)

Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum
He’s the senator that will bare his bum

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He likes to bare his bod
In those magazines
(That’s why everybody’s always pickin’ on me)

That’s him on his knees
I know that’s him
Yeah, from 7 come 11
Down in the Senate gym

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
Craig thinks that he’s hot
He hopes to steal a peek
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Who’s always nude at the roll call?
Who’s lurking in the men’s room stalls?
Who’s sporting his bat and balls?
Guess who? (who me?) yeah, you!

Who walks through the Senate dumb and slow?
Who calls Mitch McConnell, Daddy-O?

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s going down, next time around
His votes can be bought
Just you wait and see
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)

(musical interlude)

He is in the Party that says “No”
With his private parts swinging to and fro

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He’s showing a lot
His bum, his wee-wee
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here (Part 2)

Palin uses sign language to demonstrate what she knows about the debt ceiling.

On Wednesday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off ran the first segment of this story.

We reported that as the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wanted to have her say. Her words and advice of course, had no positive effect on debt ceiling negotiations. They only served to fan the fires of acrimony and widen the divide between Democratic and Republican negotiators.

First she attacked President Obama by saying,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She then criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

But the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska who managed to obtain a bachelor’s degree in communications with an emphasis in journalism only after attending 5 different colleges in 6 years, was not finished yet. Oh no. Palin was right back at it again yesterday. This time she directed her meritless comments at freshmen Teapublican members of Congress who signed the infamous Grover Norquist “No Tax Pledge”.  On her Facebook page (where else?) she posted, in pertinent part, this dribble,

“Republicans campaigned on a promise to rein in out-of-control government spending. These are promises that you must keep…I respectfully ask these GOP Freshman to … remember us ‘little people’ who believed in them, donated to their campaigns, spent hours tirelessly volunteering for them, and trusted them with our votes. This new wave of public servants may recall that they were sent to D.C. for such a time as this.”

Did Sarah Palin just refer to herself as a “little people”? Did she honestly spend “hours tirelessly volunteering for” all those Tea Party members? Really? Even with all those self-promoting book tours and reality television show travels and Fox News appearances on her busy schedule?  And just what in the wide, wide world of confusion was she actually telling the Tea Partiers to do? Was it intended to be an instruction from headquarters that they must reign in spending in the debt ceiling negotiations by refusing to raise the ceiling under any circumstances? The timing would suggest that. But if so, that makes no sense because the debt ceiling increase only allows our nation to pay its pre-existing debts. It does not authorize any new spending. What is this dimwit talking about?

Honestly, Ms. Palin, have you forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin we repeat, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTBpafu_DE8&feature=PlayList&p=C7BA3DA90EF5F781&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(death panel lie break)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Now tell a big lie,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Run Along Now Sarah Palin, Adults Are Trying To Have A Debt Ceiling Discussion Here.

Palin responds to question about debt ceiling.

As the August 2nd Debt Ceiling deadline looms and the President and members of Congress attempt to devise some sort of mutually acceptable legislation which will serve to increase the ceiling, cut future spending and raise revenues, America’s most famous unelected celebrity wants to have her say. As the deadline clock is ticking and our nation’s economic fate hangs in the balance, Sarah Palin wants to rattle some cages and widen divides in such a way that if anyone took her seriously (and thankfully very few do) no compromise could ever be reached and America would for the first time in history, default on its debt obligations.

While appearing last night on Fox News (where else?), the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that President Obama is simply “scaring” the American people about the negative consequences of defaulting on our obligations. CNN reports that Palin said,

“Scaring the American people is exactly what President Obama is doing. The president’s getting pretty good at this fear mongering and trying to cram down the public’s throat this idea of bigger government, more spending.”

She also criticized Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner by saying,

“The internal problem that he has is reinventing the wheel here in the 11th hour, when we already have Cut, Cap and Balance that passed the House, and we don’t need to retreat now and wave a white flag. This August 2 deadline is looming, but it’s not Armageddon, it’s not life-or-death, so Boehner and the Republicans have got to make sure that they’ve got a good plan in front of those who will be voting on this plan.”

Honestly, Sarah would you please just sit back and let the big boys and girls handle this? It is virtually universally agreed by all experts (i.e. economists and financial advisers) that a debt default would be catastrophic. It would lead to an almost instantaneous downgrade of the nation’s credit rating which would cause the dollar to sink while interest rates soar and cause our debt to increases drastically. It would imperil payments to Social Security recipients and military members and their families.

Perhaps that great liberal Ronald Reagan sized it up best in 1987 when he described the folly of not raising the debt ceiling as follows:

“Congress consistently brings the government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinksmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar.”

You see Sarah, you’re bachelor’s degree in journalism which took you 6 years and 5 colleges to earn, does not qualify you to be a voice which must be heard on this complicated subject. Have you also forgotten that inasmuch as you hold no elective office, you have no meaningful standing to inject yourself into the debate? Your voice is one that does not matter or have any positive effect.

So Sarah Palin, please take note that adults are trying to discuss the debt ceiling and it would be best for the country if you would just run along.

By the way, we are just wondering whether you plan to run for President? Any update or is that another matter on which you have nothing significant to say?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Over My Head song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXZf833Gnxw

I’M OVER MY HEAD II

(sung to the Fleetwood Mac song “Over My Head”)

They say DC is paradise
Before going there, I better think twice
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Nothing to say when I take that mike
I’m just a clown and yet they just might, think I’m crazy,
It’s such a plight

My thoughts are like a ferris wheel
They’re spinning all the time
Sometimes I can’t help but feel
That I’m losing all of my mind

(job quitting break)

I hope I don’t just grunt and squeal
Perhaps I better mime
Why did I accept this deal
For a measly couple of dimes

They’ll be staring at my backside
I will be losing all of my pride
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Sunday Afternoon Coffee (or Tea) – 86

Sorry about the late post but these beach days are cutting into Lynnrockets’ productivity!

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The first recall election was held in Wisconsin last week and incumbent Democratic State Senator Dave Hansen defeated his Republican challenger in a landslide in which the Democrat took more than 65% of the vote. The recall elections were spurred by a voter backlash to the union-busting efforts of newly elected Republicans. With only 3 more victories the Democrats will recapture control of the state senate. Let the Wisconsin recall elections continue!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “This Week In History” features the fact that it was nearly 10 years ago that the United States began borrowing billions of dollars to pay for the bush tax cuts. http://thinkprogress.org/special/2011/07/20/273795/ten-years-ago-bush-tax-cuts/

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some crazy Republican Tea Party conservative like Michele Bachmann or Ron Paul tells you that not raising the debt ceiling will not threaten those on Social Security, show them this quote from Ronald Reagan:

“Congress consistently brings the Government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinkmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar. The United States has a special responsibility to itself and the world to meet its obligations. It means we have a well-earned reputation for reliability and credibility – two things that set us apart from much of the world.”

Was Reagan lying too?

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the Week from William Rivers Pitt, “I love the smell of Murdoch in the morning!”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “How’s This For A Surprise?…Not!” features Alabama’s Republican and very anti-homosexual Attorney General Troy King. Wonkette reports that Troy (who advocates outlawing homosexuality and sex toys) “has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed…His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University?” You just can’t make this stuff up.

THIS JUST IN: 2nd Best Quote of the Week from Larry Summers while President of Harvard University on a visit from the Winklevoss twins (who wanted his help in getting a piece of the Facebook action from Zuckerberg), “One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o’clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they’re looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an a**hole. This was the latter case.”

BREAKING NEWS:  “A new filing in the King Lincoln Bronzeville v. Blackwell case includes a copy of the Ohio Secretary of State election production system configuration that was in use in Ohio’s 2004 presidential election when there was a sudden and unexpected shift in votes for George W. Bush.” Benzinga.com reports thatSmarTech, a private company (with extensive ties to the Republican Party, Karl Rove and the Republican agenda), had the ability in the 2004 election to add or subtract votes without anyone knowing they did so. The the combination of computer hacking, ballot destruction, and the discrepancy between exit polling (which showed a big Kerry win in Ohio) and the “real” vote tabulation, all point to one answer: the Republicans stole the 2004 election. Anybody surprised?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter -  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 79

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Newsone.com reports, “The Tea Party of Tennessee wants to remove incidents of slavery and genocide from American textbooks for fear they would besmirch the image of the Founding Fathers.” Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN:  Not only did we learn this week that Republican presidential candidate and serial philanderer Newt Gingrich owns business which failed to pay taxes in four states. It was also revealed by Politico.com that six years ago he owed between $250,000.00 and $500,000.00 to Tiffany’s jewelers. It sure takes a lot of money to keep three wives and who knows how many mistresses bathed in bling!

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some Teapublican tells you that it would be a mistake to raise the debt ceiling, remind them that in 1983 Ronald Reagan said this,

“The full consequences of a default — or even the serious prospect of default — by the United States are impossible to predict and awesome to contemplate. Denigration of the full faith and credit of the United States would have substantial effects on the domestic financial markets and the value of the dollar in exchange markets. The Nation can ill afford to allow such a result. The risks, the costs, the disruptions, and the incalculable damage lead me to but one conclusion: the Senate must pass this legislation before the Congress adjourns.”

THIS JUST IN: California may be following in the footsteps of Vermont regarding health care. The California Universal Healthcare Act was introduced by Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco. The bill would initiate single-payer universal health care for the state of California. Now that is change we can believe in!

BREAKING NEWS:  In light of the news about Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s illicit “love child”, we can now add his name to the list of philandering “family values” Republicans which includes John Ensign, John McCain, Larry Craig, David Vitter, Mark Sanford, Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, Mark Foley, Glenn Murphy, Bob Allen, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Keep doing the good Lord’s work you guys!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Jon Stewart And Why We Love This Guy” features who else but Jon Stewart of The Daily Show and Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. For a good laugh, Stewart asks us to “Google” the name “Santorum”. Go ahead. Give it a try.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Republican Hypocrisy” is brought to us by bluemassgroup.com and stars senators Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) and Johnny Isakson (R-GA). Each of these senators had pledged to never filibuster a judicial nominee. Each of these senators voted to filibuster the nomination of Goodwin Liu to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit last week.

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the week. While describing the GOP backlash against Newt Gingrich for advocating personal mandates for health insurance, Stephen Colbert said,

“They spanked Newt’s ass until it was so pink and swollen it looked like Newt’s face.”

BREAKING NEWS:  Moonbat-crazy Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul appeared on Fox News Sunday last weekend and claimed that Social Security and Medicare are unconstitutional and then he compared them to slavery. here is a bit of his interview with Mike Wallace:

WALLACE: You talk a lot about the Constitution. You say Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid are all unconstitutional.

PAUL: Technically, they are. … There’s no authority [in the Constitution]. Article I, Section 8 doesn’t say I can set up an insurance program for people. What part of the Constitution are you getting it from? The liberals are the ones who use this General Welfare Clause. … That is such an extreme liberal viewpoint that has been mistaught in our schools for so long and that’s what we have to reverse—that very notion that you’re presenting.

WALLACE: Congressman, it’s not just a liberal view. It was the decision of the Supreme Court in 1937 when they said that Social Security was constitutional under Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution.

PAUL: And the Constitution and the courts said slavery was legal to, and we had to reverse that.

A video clip is worth a thousand words, so let’s watch it, shall we?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Da Doo Ron Ron song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNiYECUd2ZU

DA DOO RON RON

 (sung to the Crystals song “Da Doo Ron Ron”)

Ron Paul was on “Fox Sunday” and I got a chill
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
About the Constitution, he knows nil
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
A fool on the Hill
With a voice so shrill
He’s a tea-bagging gnome
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Knows what he is doing when he starts to lie
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
He’s a laugh-riot yes, my oh my
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This Tea Party guy
He must be high
Wish he would just go home
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

(racist comment break)

He is sixty-seven with an addled mind
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This buffoon harbors a racist side
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Yes, he looks benign
But, Paul’s a punch-line
Son Rand is daddy’s clone
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Doo Ron Ron Ron da do Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
(repeat to fade)


Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 67

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The family of Christina Taylor Green, the nine-year-old girl killed when a gunman opened fire on Rep. Gabrielle Giffords at a “Congress on Your Corner” event, has donated some of her organs, and they are already saving another child’s life. Some of her organs were transplanted to a little girl from Boston.

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of transplants, it has been reported that former Vice President and Torturer in Chief, Dick Cheney may require a heart transplant. Is anyone else out there surprised to learn that he had one in the first place?

BREAKING NEWS:  Joe Lieberman, the sometimes Democrat, sometimes Republican Senator from Connecticut has announced that he will retire at the end of his term. At least this way his dismissal from the Senate will be on his own terms and not those of the Connecticut voters. Hey Joe, don’t let the door hit you in one of your two faces on the way out!

THIS JUST IN: North Dakota’s Blue-Dog Democratic Senator Kent Conrad has also announced that he will not seek re-election. Conrad was one of the Democrats who helped sink the public option during the health care reform debates. Hey Kent, please take note of what we had to say to fellow traitor Joe Lieberman just above!

BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of health care reform, the state of Vermont may be moving towards a single payer system. The Bennington Banner reports that Vermont’s congressional delegation joined Governor Peter Shumlin Tuesday to announce legislation that would allow states to seek federal health care waivers in 2014, and the flexibility to craft their own state-level health care plans. Landmark health care reform legislation signed into law last year by President Barack Obama provides states the option of seeking a federal waiver to opt out of some requirements of the bill as long as certain standards are maintained. That provision was sought by U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, a Vermont independent. Shumlin, a Democrat sworn in to office earlier this month, promised during the campaign that he would seek a single-payer health care system for the state. Let’s hear it for the progressive state of Vermont!

THIS JUST IN: The polar opposite of Vermont of course, is the backward state of Alabama. Speaking on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in the very church where Dr. King once pastored, new Alabama Governor Robert Bentley gave a speech in which he said that those who have not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior are not his “brothers.” How is that for an all inclusive Republican umbrella?

BREAKING NEWS: The Reagan boys may be bickering as to whether or not their father, Ronald Reagan had lost his mind while in office, but former CBS reporter Leslie Stahl knows the truth. In the book she published in 2000, Reporting Live, Stahl recounts a disturbing encounter she had with Reagan in the summer of 1986. Stahl was finishing up a stint as CBS News’ White House correspondent, and she was awarded the customary farewell audience with the president. She wrote,

“…Reagan didn’t seem to know who I was. He gave me a distant look with those milky eyes and shook my hand weakly. Oh, my, he’s gonzo, I thought. I have to go out on the lawn tonight and tell my countrymen that the president of the United States is a doddering space cadet. My heart began to hammer with the import…I was aware of the delicacy with which I would have to write my script. But I was quite sure of my diagnosis.”

THIS JUST IN: We are happy to report that both Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity had their nationally syndicated radio shows dropped from WPHT in Philadelphia, which is the second radio station to drop both of the conservative commentators. A few weeks ago Beck was dropped from station WOR in New York, and Hannity was dropped from KSL Radio in Utah. Speculation is that poor ratings and an industry-wide advertiser desire to distance itself from the rhetoric spouted by hate radio may have been the catalyst for the cancellations.

BREAKING NEWS: The most recent Washington Post/ABC poll reveals that 52% of Americans now hold unfavorable views of the Tea Party which is a new high. Only 35% like the Tea Baggers which is the same percentage that hold favorable views of Saudi Arabia. Shockingly, more Americans favor Russia (47%) and socialism (36%) over the Tea Party.

THIS JUST IN: Lynnrockets is by no means a fan of Howard Stern, but he uttered one of the more memorable lines about Sarah Palin this week. No, we are not referring to his expletive-laced diatribe against the Queen of Quit. We liked this one simple sentence: “This woman is a vomit.” Short and to the point.

GO PACKERS!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 66

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

First of all, GO PATRIOTS! De”feet” the JETS!

BREAKING NEWS: In case you have not noticed, President Barack Obama‘s approval rating has climbed steadily in recent weeks to its highest point in nearly a year. According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 53 percent of Americans surveyed said that they approve of how Obama is doing his job. Obama’s approval was last at 53 percent in early March 2010, before his health care reform bill was passed in its final form. The poll was conducted between January 5th and 10th. No doubt the rating will rise even more after the president’s recent speech in Tucson, Arizona.

THIS JUST IN: In case you are interested here is the most recent list of the 50 states as ranked by gun fatalities per 100,000 residents as provided by the Daily Beast.

#1, Mississippi Gun deaths per 100,000: 18.3 Permissive gun laws: 4th out of 50

#2, Arizona Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 1st out of 50

#3, Alaska Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 11th out of 50

#4, Arkansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 15.1 Permissive gun laws: 7th out of 50

#5, Louisiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 19.9 Permissive gun laws: 23rd out of 50

#6, New Mexico Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 6th out of 50

#7, Alabama Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 27th out of 50

#8, Nevada Gun deaths per 100,000: 16.2 Permissive gun laws: 22nd out of 50

#9, Montana Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 10th out of 50

#10, Wyoming Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 8th out of 50

#11, Kentucky Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.4 Permissive gun laws: 5th out of 50

#12, West Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.8 Permissive gun laws: 25th out of 50

#13, Tennessee Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 31st out of 50

#14, Oklahoma Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 17th out of 50

#15, Idaho Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 2nd out of 50

#16, Georgia Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.1 Permissive gun laws: 13th out of 50

#17, Missouri Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.9 Permissive gun laws: 12th out of 50

#18, South Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 20th out of 50

#19, North Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.3 Permissive gun laws: 28th out of 50

#20, Florida Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 41st out of 50

#21, Kansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.5 Permissive gun laws: 14th out of 50

#22, Indiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.6 Permissive gun laws: 21st out of 50

#23, Texas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 32nd out of 50

#24, Michigan Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.9 Permissive gun laws: 39th out of 50

#25, Maryland Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.1 Permissive gun laws: 44th out of 50

#26, Colorado Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 24rd out of 50

#27, Pennsylvania Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 40th out of 50

#28, Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 35th out of 50

#29, Utah Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.5 Permissive gun laws: 18th out of 50

#30, Vermont Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.4 Permissive gun laws: 3rd out of 50

#31, Oregon Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 30th out of 50

#32, North Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.9 Permissive gun laws: 15th out of 50

#33, Ohio Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.6 Permissive gun laws: 29th out of 50

#34, Maine Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.1 Permissive gun laws: 9th out of 50

#35, Delaware Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.2 Permissive gun laws: 33rd out of 50

#36, Wisconsin Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.7 Permissive gun laws: 34th out of 50

#37, Nebraska Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 19th out of 50

#38, South Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.5 Permissive gun laws: 16th out of 50

#39, Washington Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.5 Permissive gun laws: 37th out of 50

#40, California Gun deaths per 100,000: 9 Permissive gun laws: 50th out of 50

#41, New Hampshire Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.9 Permissive gun laws: 26th out of 50

#42, Minnesota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.6 Permissive gun laws: 36th out of 50

#43, Illinois Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 45th out of 50

#44, Iowa Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.3 Permissive gun laws: 38th out of 50

#45, New York Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.1 Permissive gun laws: 43rd out of 50

#46, New Jersey Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.2 Permissive gun laws: 49th out of 50

#47, Connecticut Gun deaths per 100,000: 4.3 Permissive gun laws: 46th out of 50

#48, Rhode Island Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.5 Permissive gun laws: 42nd out of 50

#49, Massachusetts Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.6 Permissive gun laws: 48th out of 50

#50, Hawaii Gun deaths per 100,000: 2.8 Permissive gun laws: 47th out of 50

As you will notice, 17 of the 20 states with the most gun fatalities per-capita are Red (Republican/conservative) states. Conversely, the 11 states with the fewest gun fatalities per-capita are Blue (Democratic/liberal) states. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember not too long ago when rap singers were criticized by those on the right for their violent lyrics? Those lyrics, we were told, could inspire violence. Then why are those on the right not as equally aghast at the violent rhetoric and symbolism which is fostered by Sarah Palin (Don’t retreat – RELOAD”, Sharron Angle (2nd Amendment remedies), Glenn Beck (Kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel), Ann “The Man” Coulter (Timothy McVeigh should have bombed the New York Times building) and Mike Huckabee (That’s Obama diving to the floor to avoid gunshots)? Good question?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Don’t Know Much About History” features Glenn Beck. He criticized the House Republican leadership for its decision not to read the “three fifths of a person” language of the original Constitution which was subsequently replaced through amendment. Beck said,

“Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That’s an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb. Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery.”

As is usually the case, Beck could not have been more wrong.University of Pennsylvania history professor Rick Beeman states,

“They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.”

Glenn Beck never lets the facts get in the way of a good lie.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Can’t I Get The Toothpaste Back In The Tube” features former Minnesota Governor Tim “Good &” Pawlenty. The likely Republican candidate for the 2012 presidency told anti-gay radio host Brian Fischer that he we would support reinstating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on gays in the military. This begs the question, just how could a reinstatement be accomplished? Would the gay soldiers that came out be forced to then go back into the closet? Additionally, would the military brass somehow magically be able to forget the identities of those soldiers that did come out? Please Tim, do tell.

THIS JUST IN: After having come under fire from all quarters this past week for fostering violent rhetoric, the right-wing talking heads can now turn their attention to one of their favorite whipping boards; the French. This week a brawling smoker turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight and is facing criminal charges. The man was illegally smoking in the rest room and when confronted, he started a fight. After finally being apprehended by federal air marshals the passenger continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance ‘I’m French, f*** you!’” This event will have Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity chirping for days.

BREAKING NEWS: On Friday afternoon Michael Steele stepped down from the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee. Really, was there ever any doubt about that happening? Now Steele will have all the time he needs to spend with lesbian bondage strippers.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something That Wasn’t Obvious” features former President Ronald Reagan. His youngest son Ron Reagan, Jr. revealed in his new book that he believes his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.” It is only a matter of time now before senior members of the G.O.P. and right-wing shock jocks begin undermining Reagan Jr. for having the audacity to speak truthfully about his own father.

BREAKING NEWS: Arizona state and federal law enforcement officials have conclusively proved that killer Jared Loughner is, in fact, a member of the Republican Party. A recently discovered roll of 35mm film contained a photograph of Loughner posing with a 9mm handgun while wearing a red G-string. This is incontrovertible proof that Loughner is a member of the G.O.P. because numerous members of that party have displayed an affinity for being photographed with either firearms or fetish wear. David “Diapers” Vitter and Rudolph “9/11″ Giuliani were unavailable for comment.

Rudy "9/11" Giuliani

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 111 other followers