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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 66

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

First of all, GO PATRIOTS! De”feet” the JETS!

BREAKING NEWS: In case you have not noticed, President Barack Obama‘s approval rating has climbed steadily in recent weeks to its highest point in nearly a year. According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 53 percent of Americans surveyed said that they approve of how Obama is doing his job. Obama’s approval was last at 53 percent in early March 2010, before his health care reform bill was passed in its final form. The poll was conducted between January 5th and 10th. No doubt the rating will rise even more after the president’s recent speech in Tucson, Arizona.

THIS JUST IN: In case you are interested here is the most recent list of the 50 states as ranked by gun fatalities per 100,000 residents as provided by the Daily Beast.

#1, Mississippi Gun deaths per 100,000: 18.3 Permissive gun laws: 4th out of 50

#2, Arizona Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 1st out of 50

#3, Alaska Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 11th out of 50

#4, Arkansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 15.1 Permissive gun laws: 7th out of 50

#5, Louisiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 19.9 Permissive gun laws: 23rd out of 50

#6, New Mexico Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 6th out of 50

#7, Alabama Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 27th out of 50

#8, Nevada Gun deaths per 100,000: 16.2 Permissive gun laws: 22nd out of 50

#9, Montana Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 10th out of 50

#10, Wyoming Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 8th out of 50

#11, Kentucky Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.4 Permissive gun laws: 5th out of 50

#12, West Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.8 Permissive gun laws: 25th out of 50

#13, Tennessee Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 31st out of 50

#14, Oklahoma Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 17th out of 50

#15, Idaho Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 2nd out of 50

#16, Georgia Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.1 Permissive gun laws: 13th out of 50

#17, Missouri Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.9 Permissive gun laws: 12th out of 50

#18, South Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 20th out of 50

#19, North Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.3 Permissive gun laws: 28th out of 50

#20, Florida Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 41st out of 50

#21, Kansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.5 Permissive gun laws: 14th out of 50

#22, Indiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.6 Permissive gun laws: 21st out of 50

#23, Texas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 32nd out of 50

#24, Michigan Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.9 Permissive gun laws: 39th out of 50

#25, Maryland Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.1 Permissive gun laws: 44th out of 50

#26, Colorado Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 24rd out of 50

#27, Pennsylvania Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 40th out of 50

#28, Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 35th out of 50

#29, Utah Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.5 Permissive gun laws: 18th out of 50

#30, Vermont Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.4 Permissive gun laws: 3rd out of 50

#31, Oregon Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 30th out of 50

#32, North Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.9 Permissive gun laws: 15th out of 50

#33, Ohio Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.6 Permissive gun laws: 29th out of 50

#34, Maine Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.1 Permissive gun laws: 9th out of 50

#35, Delaware Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.2 Permissive gun laws: 33rd out of 50

#36, Wisconsin Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.7 Permissive gun laws: 34th out of 50

#37, Nebraska Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 19th out of 50

#38, South Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.5 Permissive gun laws: 16th out of 50

#39, Washington Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.5 Permissive gun laws: 37th out of 50

#40, California Gun deaths per 100,000: 9 Permissive gun laws: 50th out of 50

#41, New Hampshire Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.9 Permissive gun laws: 26th out of 50

#42, Minnesota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.6 Permissive gun laws: 36th out of 50

#43, Illinois Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 45th out of 50

#44, Iowa Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.3 Permissive gun laws: 38th out of 50

#45, New York Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.1 Permissive gun laws: 43rd out of 50

#46, New Jersey Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.2 Permissive gun laws: 49th out of 50

#47, Connecticut Gun deaths per 100,000: 4.3 Permissive gun laws: 46th out of 50

#48, Rhode Island Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.5 Permissive gun laws: 42nd out of 50

#49, Massachusetts Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.6 Permissive gun laws: 48th out of 50

#50, Hawaii Gun deaths per 100,000: 2.8 Permissive gun laws: 47th out of 50

As you will notice, 17 of the 20 states with the most gun fatalities per-capita are Red (Republican/conservative) states. Conversely, the 11 states with the fewest gun fatalities per-capita are Blue (Democratic/liberal) states. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember not too long ago when rap singers were criticized by those on the right for their violent lyrics? Those lyrics, we were told, could inspire violence. Then why are those on the right not as equally aghast at the violent rhetoric and symbolism which is fostered by Sarah Palin (Don’t retreat – RELOAD”, Sharron Angle (2nd Amendment remedies), Glenn Beck (Kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel), Ann “The Man” Coulter (Timothy McVeigh should have bombed the New York Times building) and Mike Huckabee (That’s Obama diving to the floor to avoid gunshots)? Good question?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Don’t Know Much About History” features Glenn Beck. He criticized the House Republican leadership for its decision not to read the “three fifths of a person” language of the original Constitution which was subsequently replaced through amendment. Beck said,

“Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That’s an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb. Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery.”

As is usually the case, Beck could not have been more wrong.University of Pennsylvania history professor Rick Beeman states,

“They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.”

Glenn Beck never lets the facts get in the way of a good lie.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Can’t I Get The Toothpaste Back In The Tube” features former Minnesota Governor Tim “Good &” Pawlenty. The likely Republican candidate for the 2012 presidency told anti-gay radio host Brian Fischer that he we would support reinstating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on gays in the military. This begs the question, just how could a reinstatement be accomplished? Would the gay soldiers that came out be forced to then go back into the closet? Additionally, would the military brass somehow magically be able to forget the identities of those soldiers that did come out? Please Tim, do tell.

THIS JUST IN: After having come under fire from all quarters this past week for fostering violent rhetoric, the right-wing talking heads can now turn their attention to one of their favorite whipping boards; the French. This week a brawling smoker turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight and is facing criminal charges. The man was illegally smoking in the rest room and when confronted, he started a fight. After finally being apprehended by federal air marshals the passenger continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance ‘I’m French, f*** you!’” This event will have Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity chirping for days.

BREAKING NEWS: On Friday afternoon Michael Steele stepped down from the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee. Really, was there ever any doubt about that happening? Now Steele will have all the time he needs to spend with lesbian bondage strippers.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something That Wasn’t Obvious” features former President Ronald Reagan. His youngest son Ron Reagan, Jr. revealed in his new book that he believes his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.” It is only a matter of time now before senior members of the G.O.P. and right-wing shock jocks begin undermining Reagan Jr. for having the audacity to speak truthfully about his own father.

BREAKING NEWS: Arizona state and federal law enforcement officials have conclusively proved that killer Jared Loughner is, in fact, a member of the Republican Party. A recently discovered roll of 35mm film contained a photograph of Loughner posing with a 9mm handgun while wearing a red G-string. This is incontrovertible proof that Loughner is a member of the G.O.P. because numerous members of that party have displayed an affinity for being photographed with either firearms or fetish wear. David “Diapers” Vitter and Rudolph “9/11″ Giuliani were unavailable for comment.

Rudy "9/11" Giuliani

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Are Palin And Teapublicans No Longer BFF’s ?

It appears as if there is no end in sight to all of the recent Teapublican infighting. First we witnessed the battle over earmarks between establishment GOP members of Congress and their newly elected Tea Party compatriots. Next, there was the battle between the various Tea Party factions over just which organizational branch of the movement (i.e. Tea Party Express, Tea Party Nation, Tea Party Patriots, Freedom Works etc.) is the true leader of the Tea Party. Now we have a Sarah Palin, Tea Party, Republican rift in the making.

This Monday, Tea Party Nation called upon Sarah Palin to replace the demonized Michael Steele as chairperson of the Republican National Committee (RNC). The ex-quitting former half-term governor of Alaska seemed the perfect choice for the job. She is much more popular than Steele. She has demonstrated the ability to raise large amounts of money. Her celebrity status would ensure constant media spotlighting, and most important of all, she is as crazy as a demented old cat lady. It would appear to be a match made made in some radically conservative yet illiterate version of Heaven.

Yet, something funny happened on the way to the RNC chairmanship.  Sarah Palin “refudiated” the Tea Party and insulted the RNC chairperson’s position with one curt statement. She immediately informed the Tea Party organization that she was not interested in becoming what she referred to as the GOP’s fundraiser in chief.

Tea Party Nation however, did not spend a lot of time mourning its loss. By Tuesday, the organization had already chosen a successor to Palin. The organization is now throwing its support behind the little known former Michigan state GOP Chairman, Saul Anuzis. Tea Party Nation spokesperson, Judson Phillips touts Anuzis as a supporter of the Tea Party in Michigan but admits that outside the committee he is virtually unknown.

Please tune in to Fox News tomorrow for another compelling episode of “Teapublicans Eating Their Own”.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!


In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnIqLlBwzrc

THE TEA PARTY HOP

(sung to the Christmas song “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”)

Walkin’ around with Hannity
At the new Tea Party Hop
Misspelled signs everywhere you see
Every TV’s tuned to Fox

Rockin’ around their lynching tree
As the racist moonbats sing
“Let’s go hang that Obama guy”
“As we do some caroling”

They all get a sentimental feeling, when they hear
Glenn Beck singing, “Let’s be jolly”
As he drives his koo-koo trolley

Rockin’ out with the Tea Party
And their jailbird Tom Delay
Bachmann’s walking unsteadily
Cuz she’s drunk from spiked Kool-Aid

(tax break)

They all get a sentimental feeling, when they hear
“Tax cuts for the rich, By-Golly”
No need to be melancholy

Ridin’ around with Sarah P.
On her gas powered snow sleigh
Palin is so damn “mavericky”
In her Sarah Palin way!

Sarah Palin’s Californication

 

Don't cross me, Fiorina and Whitman.

 

The mean-spirited and spiteful Sarah Palin was up to her old tricks again on Saturday. The former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska spoke at a Republican National Committee (RNC) fundraiser in Anaheim but failed to mention by name either Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman. That would normally be considered surprising in that Fiorina is California’s Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and Whitman is the Republican candidate for Governor and the event was held in their state. It was not surprising however, when one considers who was speaking.

You see, Sarah Palin is a very thin-skinned individual. Recognizing that Palin is not very popular in California, both Fiorina and Whitman avoided the event so as not to turn-off any potential voters that might otherwise support them. Palin is a polarizing figure among Californians with 53 percent having an unfavorable view of her while only 33 percent report a favorable opinion. Consequently, both candidates announced sometime ago that they would be unable to attend as the result of prior scheduled commitments.

Sarah Palin did not take this slight (or any slight for that matter) lightly. Rather than try to help the party as a whole by requesting support for those two Republican candidates in their home state, Palin chose to appease her own fragile ego instead, by ignoring their names entirely. It was the typical type of petty tit-for-tat revenge that Palin all too often engages. Remember her multiple feuds with McCain staff members after her disastrous run for Vice President? The Letterman incident? Her harsh words for former sweetheart and newly elected Republican Senator, Scott Brown after he chose not to attend her Boston Tea Party rally? All standard fare for the Queen of Quit.

The RNC event was also notable for another reason. Palin’s attendance served to prove her a liar once again. You may recall a number of months ago after it was revealed that the RNC paid for some ribald revelry at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club, Palin reasoned that it would not be good for her fabricated brand as a “family values – hockey mom” to be associated any longer with that group of neanderthals. Consequently, she demanded that her name be removed from a list of invited speakers at an RNC event in New Orleans. She also publicly announced that she would no longer donate or help to raise funds for the group.

Well, something funny happened on the way to Palin’s boycott of the RNC. The feeble-minded failed politician either forgot about it, or she simply went back on her word as she has done so many times in the past. Just another example of the fact that Sarah Palin’s word cannot be trusted.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Mean Mr. Mustard song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FpMBu4Duy4

MEAN SARAH PALIN

(sung to the Beatles song “Mean Mr. Mustard”)

Mean Sarah Palin lives in the dark
Pit-Bull that barks trying to plan capers
Looks like she’s gonna explode
Loves to sport her RNC clothes
Has a ten-foot fenced-in abode
Such a mean wo-man
Such a mean wo-man

Her husband Todd shoots off the top
He never stops, he’s an e-mailer
He’s the king while she is the queen
Craziest couple we’ve ever seen
Proud of their unwed pregnant teen
Such a dirty old man
Dirty wo-man

Independent Thoughts On Independence Day

Fireworks over Boston

First of all, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish all of you a very happy Independence Day. Now let’s get to it…

BREAKING NEWS: One has to wonder about all the doom and gloom surrounding the June 2010 employment statistics. This week the Bureau of Labor Statistics released data that indicates that the nation added 83,000 jobs last month. The mainstream pundits went apopleptic and decried the figure as being miserable because May’s numbers were so much higher (as the result of temporary government census jobs). But take a step back for a moment and remember that when George W. Bush left office, we were losing 700,000 jobs per month. In other words, the nation was bleeding uncontrollably. We are now adding jobs and I can assure you that each of those 83,000 new hires is happier with the direction the economy is headed now rather than during Bush’s term.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t Let The Facts Get In The Way Of A Good Story” features Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Michael Steele who said that Afghanistan is an unwinnable war of Obama’s choosing. Was he the guy in the film that rhetorically asked if the Americans quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “No, Actually You Heard That Correctly” features Fox News host Glenn Beck. The non-college educated, drug addict, philandering Beck has announced the creation of his very own online college to be known as Beck University. Beck’s website states:

This July, while others are relaxing poolside, head back to the classroom – from the comfort of your own home. That may sound like an oxymoron but Glenn’s new academic program is only available online.

Offered exclusively to Insider Extreme subscribers, Beck University is a unique academic experience bringing together experts in the fields of religion, American history and economics. Through captivating lectures and interactive online discussions, these experts will explore the concepts of Faith, Hope and Charity and show you how they influence America’s past, her present and most importantly her future.

The Philadelphia Daily News says, “Unlike Harvard or Yale, where Beck was a half-term (sound familiar?) student in one theology course after his ex-friend Joe Lieberman pulled some strings, Beck U. is strictly a profit deal. Only by paying Glenn Beck Inc. to become an extreme insider ($9.95 a month, or $74.95) can you enroll on Beck’s pseudo-cyber-campus. How else do you think Beck expects to sell that $4.25 million manse and move into bigger digs?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “The Truth Hurts” features Lindsey Graham. South Carolina’s Republican Senator told The New York Times this week, that “The problem with the Tea Party, I think its just unsustainable because they can never come up with a coherent vision of governing the country. It will die out.” Be careful Lindsey, you have now become the target of a multitude of misspelled signs.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Worst President Of The Modern Era” features George W. Bush. ThinkProgress.org reports, “Since 1982, the Siena Research Institute has polled presidential scholars on whom they view to be best and worst presidents in American history, based on a variety of issues from “integrity” to economic stewardship. This year’s poll of 238 scholars found that President Franklin Roosevelt was once again ranked on top, joined by Presidents Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, and Teddy Roosevelt to complete the top five. However, President George W. Bush did not fare well since the last poll was conducted in 2002. He dropped 16 places to 39th, making him the worst president since Warren Harding died in office in 1923, and one of the bottom five of all time.” Ouch. To add insult to the Republican Party’s injury, the list showed that Bill Clinton is ranked higher than Ronald Reagan. Oh, the humanity!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Is That A Potato In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy To Meet Me” features Sarah Palin and the guy in the blue shirt about 46 seconds into the video. Lynnrockets would like to thank readers nswfm and Pat in MA for bringing this to our attention.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 34

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week. Sorry about the late start today folks as well as yesterday’s lack of a post. I’ll try to be more regular (so to speak).

BREAKING NEWS:  Rumor has it that when Sarah Palin took to the witness stand in Tennessee and was asked by the court clerk if “everything you say will be the truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth; so help you God?”, the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska replied, “Ya Betcha!”.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of I Saw It On The Internet, So It Must Be True features Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. Last week, a group of gay and lesbian members of the military chained themselves to the fence surrounding the White House as a means to protest the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. However, when Steele walked by and noticed the shackled lesbians, he felt obligated to pay a cover charge and tip the girls.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of Legislate To Hate features Republican Arizona Governor Jan Brewer who signed a controversial racial profiling bill into law last week. The law requires that police stop and question drivers about their immigration status if they have a “reasonable belief” that their status is in question. In short, the newly created crime will be known as DWB (i.e. driving while brown).

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of Republicans Who Can’t Walk And Chew Gum At The Same Time features South Carolina Senator, Lindsey Graham. On Saturday he said Saturday he’s abandoning talks on climate change legislation because he believes Democratic efforts to bring up a separate immigration reform package is undermining the legislative process. In a letter that he released to the press, Graham said,

Moving forward on immigration – in this hurried, panicked manner – is nothing more than a cynical political ploy.

In response, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said the Democratic Party remains committed to both issues and,

I appreciate the work of Senator Graham on both of these issues and understand the tremendous pressure he is under from members of his own party not to work with us on either measure, but I will not allow him to play one issue off of another, and neither will the American people. They expect us to do both, and they will not accept the notion that trying to act on one is an excuse for not acting on the other.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of Another Birther Bites The Dust features Army Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin who last month, released a YouTube video in which he explained that he would not report for a second tour in Afghanistan until President Obama proves he is a citizen. The Army did not take kindly to his stated intentions, so formal court martial charges have been brought against  Lakin, for failing to follow orders, the military said today. Will Lakin be fortunate enough to be Tea-Bagged while in a military brink? Don’t ask, don’t tell.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of Republicans Behaving Badly features both racist Glenn Beck of Fox News and secessionist Governor Rick Perry of Texas. You might recall the time when Beck, while interviewing Perry, admitted that he would like to give him a French kiss. Well, it looks like Beck got his chance yesterday. Fox News host Glenn Beck  appeared with Texas Gov. Rick Perry, who is running on the Republican ticket for re-election at a Tea-Party style town hall meeting. Any Texas Rocketeers know if the kiss took place?

BREAKING NEWS: Remember back last October when we blogged that the The Clare Boothe Luce (whoever the hell she is) Policy Institute had released its fifth annual “Great American Conservative Women Calendar for 2010″? Besides the fact that the words, “Great American” and “Conservative Women” are mutually exclusive, who in the mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world of marketing ever could believe that such a thing could sell? Now we wonder, did they actually sell any of those calendars? Has anyone seen one?

Rather than list the names of the morons that will be featured in the calendar, we felt that we would simply incorporate them into tonight’s song parody. Please take note however, that even this conservative brain trust elected not to associate itself with Sarah Palin. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Calendar Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUlOyj9F5gM

CALENDAR GALS

(sung to the Neil Sedaka song “Calendar Girl”)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

(January) Who is Kate Obenshain?
(February) Some Claire Boothe Luce dame
(March) Ann Coulter has a mannish smile
(April) Michelle Malkin’s breath smells just like bile
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(May) Marji Ross has a gigantic bum
(June) Kelly-Anne Conway is so very dumb
(July) Michele Bachmann looks like a ‘ho
(August) Carrie Prejean must really need the dough
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(musical interlude)

Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl

Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(September) Bay Buchanan’s age is sixty-three
(October) Phyllis Schlafly’s older than a redwood tree
(November) The Cupp chick goes by the name S.E.
(December) That Star Parker keeps strange company
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 32

Just a few newsworthy events that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something We Didn’t Already Know” features the mother of the right-wing radical that threatened Nancy Pelosi. She blames Fox News for inciting her mentally imbalanced son to violently take action against Democrats. Watch this video clip of Countdown With Keith Olbermann:

THIS JUST IN:  More Nevada Republicans are calling for disgraced G.O.P. Senator John Ensign to resign. Ensign, you may recall, is the “family values” Republican that had an affair with a married staffer and then arranged to have his parents pay “shut-up” money when her husband caught on. It was later revealed that Ensign may have also arranged employment at a lobbying firm for his mistress’ husband and then approved legislation in favor of the firm’s clients. The Las Vegas Sun reports that “Nevada Republicans were upset “that Ensign seems oblivious to the collateral damage caused by his actions, and unwilling to make the matter disappear by resigning.” Johnny, we hardly knew ye.

BREAKING NEWS:  Democratic Congressman Bart Stupack of Michigan has announced that he will not seek re-election. Good. He was a thorn in the side of the newly enacted health care reform law because of his persistent anti-pro-choice stance. Let’s hope that the citizens of Michigan replace him with a true progressive Democrat.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “It’s About Time” features Tom Fetzer.  The North Carolina Republican Party Chariman  has called for Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele to step down from his post, becoming the first committee member to publicly seek Steele’s resignation. This is the point where you add your favorite comment about lesbian/bondage strip clubs.

BREAKING NEWS:  Alaska natives are accusing the Catholic Church of using their remote villages as a “dumping ground” for child molesting priests. This problem seems to worsen by the day.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Right Back At Ya” features president Barack Obama and the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. In response to Palin’s misguided criticism of the President’s recent nuclear weapons pact, Obama said, “I really have no response, because last I checked, Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues.” Way to go, Barry!

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s edition of “Look Who Stepped In It This Time” features former Republican candidate for President, Mike Huckabee. The creepy evangelist and current Fox News host attacked gays once again this week in an interview printed in the College of New Jersey’s magazine. He said with regard to civil unions,

You don’t go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the ideal,” he said of same-sex marriage. “That would be like saying, well, there are a lot of people who like to use drugs, so let’s go ahead and accommodate those who want who use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, so we should accommodate them.

Huckabee also insisted that same-sex couples shouldn’t be allowed to adopt or become foster parents because they’re somehow unfit to take care of children:

Children are not puppies,” he continued. “This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?

Looks like Mike may have angered a lot of people. Good luck with that next Presidential run, Mike.

Huckleberry Hound theme link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXzxuZ_0uG8

HUCKABEE HOUND

(sung to the “Huckleberry Hound” theme)

The biggest clown in town is the Huckabee Hound
And his G.O.P. pals.
He has a big bald dome and he penned a bad poem
For those guys and gals.

Mike Huckabee fun is not for everyone,
In fact he inspires frowns.
If you are pro-choice,
He’ll offer you no voice
He’s Mike Huckabee Hound.

That oh, so sucky, rubber ducky,
Mike Huckabee Hound

Sarah Palin Is A “Quit-Wit”

Anyone know Sarah Palin’s favorite sporting event? Why, the Iquitarod, of course.

The “Queen of Quit” has done it again. First, Sarah Palin quit four different safety-school colleges before finally obtaining a less than stellar Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Idaho. Thereafter, she quit her position as Chairperson of the Alaska Oil & Gas Conservation Commission. That of course, was followed by her quitting as Governor of Alaska last July after barely serving half of her first elected term. Now she has quit as a donor and speaker for the Republican National Committee (RNC).

After it was revealed last week that the RNC paid for some ribald revelry at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club, Palin reasoned that it would not be good for her fabricated brand as a “family values – hockey mom” to be associated any longer with that group of neanderthals. Consequently, she demanded that her name be removed from a list of invited speakers at an RNC event in New Orleans. She also publicly announced that she would no longer donate or help to raise funds for the group.

Palin’s disassociation with the RNC for those stated reasons is a bit puzzling, however. She continues to campaign on behalf of her former ticket-mate John McCain even though it has been widely published that he once refereed to his wife as the “C” word in public. She also campaigned for and continues to support Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown despite the fact that he posed nude for a centerfold spread after she criticized her once-and-future son-in-law, Levi Johnston for participating in “porn” when he did the same. Wasn’t she also in favor of young daughter Bristol’s association with the Candies company despite its lurid and sexually charged advertising campaigns? Finally, she continues to court and support the Tea-Baggers and their violent and racist behavior towards Democrats. Sarah palin sure has some mixed up values.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

You’re So Vain song link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3dzr8_youre-so-vain-carly-simon_music

YOU’RE  SO LAME

(sung to the Carly Simon song, “You’re So Vain”)

You’re in the G.O.P. party
You think of yourself as a big shot
Your rimless glasses in front of your two eyes
Your shoes are a polka dot
You’re a fashion disaster, like
A whore in the parking lot
And John McCain dreamed that he’d be your partner
He’d be your partner, but

You’re so lame
You probably thought you’d win the election
You’re to blame
For causing massive voter rejection
Yes you. Yes you.

You hurried back to Alaska
Where you were still known as the Guv
You showed your disdain for the Legislature
You thought you could push and shove
But they taught you a thing or two
When they shot down Wayne Ross
Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection

Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

Well, I hear you flew down to NYC
And took little Bristol along
You need to mend some fences with the G.O.P.
While Bristol sings her abstinence song
With the Fox News folks you’ll wine and dine
And take a photo or two
Then you’ll return to Alaska as a disaster
As a disaster, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

Michael Steele Takes His Seat At The Back Of The G.O.P. Bus

It now appears that the Republican Party/Michael Steele mixed marriage is officially on the rocks. Just wondering, but was it the Massachusetts Gay Marriage Law that threatened the sanctity of their nuptials? Not this time, according to the parties in question.

High ranking G.O.P. members and donors are upset at Steele because he has once again tarnished the image of the “family values” political party. After it was revealed last week that the Republican National Committee funded some ribald revelry which took place at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club known as Voyeur West Hollywood, the G.O.P. needed a scapegoat to take the blame for their bad behavior. Who better than RNC Chairman Michael Steele?

After all, wasn’t Steele also the guy that responded to a citizen speaking at a town hall meeting about how her mother died as the result of not being able to afford chemotherapy, by telling her that her histrionics were sure to land her a spot on local television that night and that she should enjoy her moment in the spotlight? Wasn’t Steele also the guy that lied by saying that during a debate, he was pelted with Oreo cookies as a symbol that he was “Black on the outside but White on the inside”? All good reasons for disliking Steele mind you, but isn’t the true reason why Republicans dislike him, the fact that they put a Black person in charge of the party to lure more African Americans and not only did that mission fail, but during Steele’s reign the G.O.P. was resoundingly voted out of the White House and out of majority status in both houses of Congress? This lesbian/bondage thing is just the icing on the cake.

Michael Steele however, has also fallen out of love with the Republican Party. He now deems the Party of Lincoln to be racist. Yesterday on ABC’s Good Morning America, he said that he was being singled out by his party because he is black. When asked by the host if he has a slimmer margin of error because he is African American, Steele responded:

The honest answer is, ‘yes’, Barack Obama has a slimmer margin. A lot of folks do. It’s a different role for me to play and others to play and that’s just the reality of it. But you take that as part of the nature of it. My view on politics is much more grassroots oriented, it’s not old boy network oriented, so I tend to, you know, come at it a little bit stronger, a little bit more street-wise, if you will. That’s rubbed some feathers the wrong way.

It looks like the G.O.P./Steele marriage may soon be divorced as the result of some irreconcilable differences.

As for the Democratic Party response to the Republican public airing of the family laundry, White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs said,

I think Michael Steele’s problem isn’t the race card, it’s the credit card.

Let’s face it, any day that you can mention the Republican Party and lesbian/bondage/strip-clubs in the same sentence, is a good day for the Democrats. Ahh, Michael we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsYJyVEUaC4

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
He talks just like Gomer Pyle

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do


Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 20

Just a few noteworthy news stories that have been careening around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  You have to love MSNBC‘s Andrea Mitchell. On her television program, Andrea Mitchell Reports last week she had Republican National Committee Chairman, Michael Steele as a guest. The topic was Sarah Palin and whether she has the political acumen to run for national office. When Steele answered in the affirmative and stated that she was a “successful governor”, Mitchell stopped him in his tracks and reminded him that she quit that position halfway through her first term. Good for you, Ms. Mitchell.

THIS JUST IN:  From the “Only In Massachusetts” category we have Charlie Baker, one of two Republican candidates for governor announcing this week that he has selected an openly gay Republican running mate. You see, in the Bay State even the conservatives are liberal.

BREAKING NEWS:  The former ex-quitting CNN talk host Lou Dobbs announced on former senator Fred Thompson’s radio show last Monday that he is strongly considering running for President. Our question to Mr. Dobbs is, “President of what? Maybe the He-Man Immigrant Hating Club?” Seriously though, we really hope that he does run as a third party candidate for no other reason than to further splinter the ever dwindling Republican Party.

THIS JUST IN: Liz Cheney took a big slapdown this week. The daughter of the former Vice President and Face Shooter in Chief, Dick Cheney runs a group known as “Keep America Safe.” She released a short documentary film in which she profiles a few residents of Standish, Michigan that claim that they are against any Guantanamo Bay prisoners being held in the maximum security prison in their town. Problem is, Standish city manager Michael Moran says that the community is strongly in favor of housing the detainees so as to repopulate the prison and bring jobs back to the city. He dismissed Cheney’s efforts as, “fearmongering.” Gee, anyone surprised that a Cheney might be involved in fearmongering?

BREAKING NEWS:  Fox News was once again caught using a little fuzzy math this week. The Fox Chicago television station displayed a graph which shows that 193% of persons polled believe that Huckabee, Romney and Palin should be president. You read that correctly, 193%.

THIS JUST IN: Sherry Johnston, the mother of Levi Johnston (the once and future son-in-law of Sarah Palin) was sentenced to three years in prison as the result of her conviction for dealing Oxy-Contin. The sentence seems a little harsh. Couldn’t they just have arranged for Alaskan state trooper Mike Wooten (estranged brother-in-law of Sarah Palin) to tazer her?

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News‘ Greta Van Sasquatch had Karl Rove as a guest on her show this week. The topic of discussion was Sarah Palin’s book and both of them were gushing over the wonderful writing contained therein. Van Sasquatch then asked Rove how Palin should deal with crazy rumors like the ones surrounding the birth of baby Trigg. They both agreed that Palin handles such rumors in the best way possible which is to ignore them. That statement should lead everyone to doubt that either of them has even read the book that they were praising. Did neither Rove nor Van Sasquatch realize that Palin did not ignore the Trigg story but rather dedicated lengthy passages in her book to just that subject. Van Sasquatch then said that Barack Obama was lucky that he did not have to face such unwarranted rumors. Does Greta live on another planet? Does she not remember the Birthers and those others that claimed the President is a secret Muslim? Fox News and its commentators simply have no credibility.

THIS JUST IN:  It was revealed this week that Republican John Boehner’s (pronounced, “boner”) PAC spent 83 thousand dollars for his golf outings last year. I wonder how the fiscally conservative Republicans’ unemployed constituents feel about that lavish lifestyle of the rich and famous?

BREAKING NEWS:  This week the Anti Defamation League named Fox News‘ Glenn Beck as the nation’s ‘Fearmongerer In Chief.” Were there any other candidates?

Yes indeed, the reich-wing Republican world is a scary place. So scary in fact, that it inspired today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Welcome To My Nightmare song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OGM4FdpJFc

WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE

(sung to the Alice Cooper song “Welcome To My Nightmare”)

Welcome to my nightmare
You ain’t seen nothin’ like it
I think you’re gonna feel
Something’s wrong

A cerebral vacation
Republicans need sedation
Their mouths will be filled with foam
Before too long

Welcome to my nightmare, ohh

Welcome to my breakdown
Does Sarah Palin scare you?
That’s just the way they are
In Red State towns

They sweat and laugh and scream there
Mann Coulter’s their wet dream there
He really makes them feel
Right at home, there

Welcome to my breakdown, ohh
You’re welcome to my nightmare, yeah

(musical interlude)

Welcome to my nightmare
You know I just don’t like it
G.O.P. makes me feel
I don’t belong

They lie and shout and scream there
And Palin is their queen there
They all giggle and squeal
At her throne, there

Welcome to my nightmare, ohh
Welcome to my breakdown
Yeah!

(great instrumental fade out)

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