Simply Stated, Rick Perry Is Too Stupid To Be President

The Republican Presidential field of candidates is fast becoming the most unqualified and ridiculous bunch of coconuts to ever fall out of the tree. Here is what some pundits are saying. “As a Republican, I am panicking”, said Debra Saunders of the San Francisco Chronicle. Philip Klein of the WashingtonExaminer.com says the field is “incredibly weak” and the candidates are variously “uninspiring, unserious, unprepared, dishonest, unreliable, inexperienced, inconsistent or ideologically malleable,” and not one of them “seems up to the task at hand.” George Will of The Washington Post adds, “has conservatism really come so far, surmounting so many obstacles, to settle, at a moment of economic crisis, for this?”

Consider what we have witnessed even before a single primary vote has been cast. The self-described fiscal conservative Newt Gingrich was discovered to have approximately $1 million in credit charges at upscale jeweler Tiffany & Co. while his campaign is simultaneously approximately $1 million in debt. Ron Paul has advocated that people without health insurance should either rely on the charity of friends or die from lack of medical treatment. Mitt Romney continues to flip-flop by changing his positions on issues on a near daily basis and he believes that “corporations are people.” Rick Santorum believes that the certain result of same sex marriages is sex with dogs. Michele Bachmann believes that the HPV vaccination causes mental retardation and she also believes that her crop of uber-conservative GOP rivals are “frugal socialists.” Herman Cain has more sexual harassment charges levied against him than Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson combined and nobody knows who Jon Huntsman is.

The biggest joke of all however, is Rick Perry. This guy’s ten gallon hat is simply filled with ten gallons of dumb. Take for example, his bizarre stump speech antics last Friday in New Hampshire. His speech was slurred. He made crazy faces. He made odd references. Often times he made no sense at all. It appeared that he was either drunk or overly medicated. It was sad to see a potential Presidential nominee in this condition. It was even more tragic to think that a person such as this could aspire to occupy the highest office in the United States.

Things got even worse at the Republican debate which followed. Perry simply made a fool of himself in front of his GOP opponents, the moderators, the live audience and the television audience. The Texas Governor was asked a question about his tax and spending plan — but completely blew the answer by looking like a complete fool. Perry was listing the three Cabinet agencies he wants to abolish — and forgot the third one. Here is how it transpired:

• Perry:  And I will tell you it is three agencies of government when i get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see…Okay. Commerce, Education, and the —”
• Romney:  EPA?
• Perry:  EPA, there you go.
• Moderator:  Seriously, is EPA the one you are talking about?
• Perry:  No sir, no, sir. We are talking about the  – agencies of government – EPA needs to be rebuilt.
• Moderator:  You can’t – you can’t name the third one?
• Perry:  The third agency of government I would – I would do away with education, the Commerce…Commerce and, let’s see. I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.

Stick a fork in Rick Perry because, like Herman Cain, he is done!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNO72aCnVr0

RIGHT WING WORLD (DON’T KNOW MUCH)-Rick Perry Version

(sung to the Sam Cooke song “Wonderful World”)

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much ecology
Don’t know much about that climate change
Don’t know why voters think I am strange

But I do know I have no clue
And my brain cells are so very few
What a right wing world this should be

Don’t have much of an education
I know a lot about procreation
Opposition should have no voice
Pregnant women should have no choice

But i do know one thing that is true
Pilgrims came in 1492
What a right wing world this should be

Now I don’t claim to be be an “A” student
Somethings I’ll never be
But maybe my being a “D” student, baby
Lets me revise history

Don’t know much about history
Don’t believe biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Won’t give climate change a second look

But I do know my time is due
And I’ll be there in 2-0-1-2
What a right wing world this will be

(Ponzi Scheme break)

And I do know you’ll love Rick Perry
The new brain-trust of the Tea Party
What a right wing world this will be

And Then There Were Three

Although most Republicans do not believe in science, the theory of natural selection appears to be working as planned in the GOP race for the Presidential nomination. The original herd of eighteen strong has been thinned downed to only three remaining viable candidates. In a sort of reverse Darwinism, we are witnessing the survival of the un-fittest.

Just a few short months ago the GOP field was chock-full of coconuts. There was Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Gary Johnson, Herman Cain, Fred Karger, Jon Huntsman, Andy Martin, Ron Paul, Jimmy McMillan, Rick Perry, Tom Miller, Rick Santorum, Buddy Roemer, Matt Snyder, Vern Wuensche and Thad McCotter. Shortly thereafter, Johnson, Karger, Martin, McMillan, Roemer, Snyder and Wuensche were eliminated by virtue of the fact that not a single person outside of their immediate families had ever heard of them. Then Tim Pawlenty and Thad McCotter quit. There was almost an increase in the herd after those nine were lost, when the GOP base began clamoring for Mitch Daniels, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Sarah Palin and Chris Christie. Unfortunately, the injection of new blood never came to pass as each potential contestant for the title of “The Next One” took a pass. The herd had been thinned to eight survivors.

Next we had the eliminations “for cause”. The first victim in this category was Newt Gingrich when it was revealed that the self-proclaimed fiscal conservative had run up his credit card to the tune of close to a million dollars owed to the high-end jeweler Tiffany & Co. and that his campaign was more than a million dollars in debt. The next victim was moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann. After being an early fan-favorite, Bachmann collapsed when she started playing doctor with Rick Perry by claiming that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. That statement was the “shot heard round the world” in Michele Bachmann’s “War on Facts”. Next, we witnessed Ron Paul’s self immolation during a televised debate when he implied that sick people without health insurance should either rely upon charity or simply die as the result of their illness. To prove his point, he then pointed out that one of his own staffers died as the result of having no health insurance. Rick Perry became the next casualty when, as Brit Hume so eloquently stated, he “threw up all over himself” at the debates. Perry then committed political suicide last week when he appeared to be either drunk or heavily medicated at a speaking engagement in New Hampshire, the video of which went viral. Finally, Herman Cain was eliminated when it was revealed that his 9-9-9 tax plan would actually cut taxes for the rich and raise taxes on 84% of Americans. Cain then put the exclamation point on the demise of his candidacy this week when it was revealed that he has a proclivity for inappropriate sexual behavior with women who do not happen to be his wife.

So there you have it. The Republican field for the Presidential nomination has been thinned to three candidates. Problem is, Republican voters do not like any of them. Jon Huntsman was essentially eliminated from consideration the moment he accepted a position in the Obama Administration as the Ambassador to China and said nice things about the President in a letter. Rick Santorum meanwhile is the textbook definition of an “empty suit” inasmuch as he has accomplished absolutely nothing in his political career other than suggesting that same sex marriage will lead to people having sex with their dogs. That leaves Mitt Romney. The Republican base despises this guy not only because he is a Mormon, but also because they believe he is a liberal in disguise. That is not an unfair accusation in light of the fact that he has changed his political stance on important conservative issues such as a women’s right to choose, gun regulation, climate change, illegal immigration, the auto bailouts, the flat tax and public sector unions. Romney’s biggest problem with conservatives however, is the fact that he is the architect of President Obama’s health care law and the first elected official to enforce the personal mandate to purchase health insurance.

Republicans nationwide will soon be sending out an S.O.S. distress signal for a new candidate. Somebody? Anybody?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 95

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Conservative pundit Michelle Malkin actually got it right last week when she summed up the field of Republican Presidential candidates as “Birthers, flip-floppers, Beltway moldy-oldies, Kabuki reformers. Don’t have stomach to look at GOP2012 field today.” Welcome to the real world, Michelle!

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of Republican Presidential candidates, last week Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum doubled down on his support for anti-sodomy laws in an interview with controversial preacher Bradlee Dean. In 2003, then-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) defended anti-sodomy laws in an interview with the Associated Press because “they were there for a purpose.” He added, in a quote that became infamous, “In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.” Anybody else doubting Santorum’s electability?

BREAKING NEWS:  It was nice to see Massachusetts Democrat Elizabeth Warren receive a public endorsement from Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn) in her race for the U.S. Senate seat presently held by the clothing-challenged Republican Scott Brown. Franken said,

“We’ve all seen what Elizabeth can do with her smarts — and her guts. I’ve been impressed with her tenacity for years. She took on Wall Street before anyone else would and pushed consumer protection to the top of the financial reform agenda. We know she’s tough and fiery and even funny. We know she’s got a great life story and a full career of achievements fighting for middle-class families. That’s why progressives like you and me have been fans for a long time, and why we hoped she’d be able to lead the consumer protection board she created. And now, when we imagine her voice in the Senate, well, it’s even more exciting.”

THIS JUST IN:  The non-partisan Congressional Budget Office released a report last week which revealed that, “for the 1 percent of the population with the highest income, average real after-tax household income grew by 275 percent between 1979 and 2007,” while it grew by just 18 percent for the bottom 20 percent of the income scale. “As a result of that uneven income growth, the distribution of after-tax household income in the United States was substantially more unequal in 2007 than in 1979.” Anyone surprised why the Occupy Wall Street 99% are upset?

BREAKING NEWS:  Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul appeared on NBC’s “Meet the Press” last week and announced that he wants to end all federal student loans. That should certainly help with closing the education gap between the United States and the other nations who are faring better than us. Of course, Paul is also the crackpot who believes that the gold has gone missing from Fort Knox.

THIS JUST IN: What’s up with Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain and the smoking commercial?

BREAKING NEWS: This week a Tea Party leader asked Michele Bachmann to end her quest for the Presidency. Ned Ryun, the president of American majority, a Virginia based Tea Party group has called on the former tea Party darling and founder of the House Tea Party Caucus to quit the race because, “every day the campaign flounders, it risks hurting the credibility of the movement.” He went on to say, “It is clear that the campaign has become less about reform and more about her personal effort to stay relevant and sell books; a harsh commentary, but true. It’s not about Tea Party values or championing real plans to solve real problems.’’ It would appear that the moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann has managed to squander the support of her most avid fans.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s “Quote of note comes from Vice President Joe Biden. He said, “Republicans moralizing about deficits. That’s like an arsonist moralizing about fire safety. Spot-on Joe!.

BREAKING NEWS:  The Sarah Palin hangover continues. After announcing that she would not run for President, Sarah Palin’s brainwashed supporters are at a loss. They have absolutely no idea who to worship and throw money at now. In an attempt to come up with an answer they held an online forum called “Grizzlyfest” last week. Josh Painter, who runs the blog Texans for Sarah Palin, acknowledged that many supporters he knew were still “coming out of shock” at Palin’s decision, but that Grizzlyfest was an “excellent opportunity” to assess “where we are and where we are going.” One thing that was clear by the end: real disappointment remains despite a willingness to try and stay together as a cohesive group without a leader. Ah Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

GOP Debate Erupts Into Donnybrook!

There were a lot of casualties at last night’s Republican Presidential Debate in Las Vegas.

The first victim was Jon “Who?” Huntsman because he chose to sit this one out and thereby erase his own presence from the field of nominee wannabes. Huntsman injected himself into the Nevada/New Hampshire conflict over GOP caucuses/primary dates by siding with the Granite State and he illustrated his displeasure with Nevada by refusing to participate in a debate within its borders. It remains to be seen whether Huntsman’s defection will prove helpful in the New Hampshire primary (whenever it may be held), but there is no denying that his absence from last night’s debate provided a perfect example of “out of sight/out of mind” for GOP voters.

Next, we witnessed two pots calling the kettle black when Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney and Rick “The Executioner” Perry faced off over illegal immigration. Rick Perry accused Mitt Romney of having no credibility on the issue inasmuch as Romney once hired illegal immigrants at his home. Romney then reminded the audience, that as Governor of Texas, Perry provides in-state college tuition to children of illegal immigrants. Perry also referred to himself as “an authentic conservative, not a conservative of convenience.” Romney in turn, made reference to Perry’s poor debate performances by saying, “This has been a tough couple of debates for Rick, and I understand that. And so you’re going to get testy.”

Every Republican debate of course, at some point turns to the subject of repealing our nation’s newly enacted health care reform law. Last night Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum went on the attack against Mitt Romney because the Massachusetts plan, known as “RomneyCare” was the actual blueprint for President Obama’s law. Rick Santorum said, “You just don’t have credibility. Your consultants helped craft Obamacare.” Newt “My Three Wives” Gingrich then jumped into the battle referring to Romneycare as “one more big government bureaucratic high cost system…” Romney responded to Newt Gingrich by saying, “Actually, Newt, we got the idea of an individual mandate from you.” Romney’s message was that Gingrich once supported the conservative Heritage Foundation’s idea for a personal mandate to purchase health insurance during the Clinton days when a single-payer system was being debated.

One candidate was attacked by everyone. Herman “Pizza” Cain’s “9-9-9″ tax plan was on everyone’s hit list. Santorum said Herman Cain’s plan is “not good for families.” Ron “The 14th Amendment is Unconstitutional” Paul said, “”Herman. It’s not going to fly. It’s very, very dangerous.” Romney added, “The analysis I did, person by person, return by return, is that middle-income people see higher taxes under your plan.” Perry said, “Herman, I love you, brother, but let me tell you something, you don’t need to have a big analysis to figure this thing out. Go to New Hampshire, where they don’t have a sales tax, and you’re fixing to give them one.” Even Michele “Our Founding Fathers Ended Slavery” Bachmann seemed to understand that the plan is a bad one. Michele Bachmann said, “Anytime you give the Congress a brand-new tax, it doesn’t go away.”

Despite the near continuous vicious in-fighting, there was at least one long awkward moment of silence. This happened when Michele Bachmann announced that the United States never, ever negotiates with terrorists for hostages or anything else. Ron Paul then asked all of the candidates whether or not they denied that Ronald Reagan negotiated arms for hostages with Iran in the 1980s. You could have heard a pin drop. The candidates and the previously vocal audience were stunned into silence. Did Paul actually dare to utter a negative word about Saint Ronald?

If you missed the debate, you can see it here in 100 seconds:

Let’s see how all this develops during the three debates scheduled for next month.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

GOP Candidates’ Sanity Is Debatable

For those of you who missed the show, here is a quick summary of the highlights of last night’s Republican Primary Debate:

Herman Cain: “9 – 9 – 9″

Rick Santorum: “Newt Gingrich is my mentor”

Newt Gingrich: “I’m frankly not interested in your efforts to get Republicans fighting each other”

Ron Paul: ““You know, the governor of Texas [Perry] criticized the governor of Massachusetts [Romney] for RomneyCare. But he wrote a really fancy letter supporting HillaryCare. So we probably ought to ask him about that.” And “The drug manufacturers and air pilots can self-regulate their own products and the skies.”

Jon Huntsman: “Listen, when you [Perry and Bachmann] make comments that fly in the face of what 98 out of 100 climate scientists have said, when you call into question the science of evolution, all I’m saying is that, in order for the Republican Party to win, we can’t run from science.”

Michele Bachmann: “Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare.”

Mitt Romney: “The previous Texas Governor George Bush created more jobs than you [Perry].”

Rick Perry: “The previous Massachusetts Governor Mike Dukakis created more jobs than you [Romney] and Social Security is a Ponzi scheme.”

DEBATE WINNER: JON HUNTSMAN

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Rick Perry’s a Texan whore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

Boom, bam, boom
Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 87

Sorry about the late post but these beach days are cutting into Lynnrockets’ productivity!

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  It is OK if the House Republicans have not passed one single job creation bill since they made the promise to do so back in 2010. Who needs them? Great news this week was that 117,000 jobs were added last month and the numbers for the last 2 months were revised upwards by 56,000 jobs. These job numbers surpassed all predictions. all gains were in the private sector and unemployment is decreasing. Change we can count on.

THIS JUST IN:  The latest example of sleazy Republican tactics to reduce the Democratic vote. Americans For Prosperity (a Koch Bros. owned front) is mailing absentee ballots to Democrats in at least 2 Wisconsin state Senate recall districts with instructions to return the paperwork after the election date. This follows shortly after the GOP Gov. (facing recall) announced closing 10 voter ID issuing DMVs in Democratic districts. Why is the GOP afraid of voters?

BREAKING NEWS:  All Americans should know this. ABC News reported this week that 4 of the 8 Republicans running for President and who claim they know how to bring manufacturing jobs back to the US have their campaign t-shirts manufactured in other countries. The offenders are Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain and Ron Paul.

THIS JUST IN: Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) has summed things up pretty well. He says, “The rich are getting richer. Their effective tax rate, in recent years, has been reduced to the lowest in modern history. Nurses, teachers and firemen actually pay a higher tax rate than some billionaires. It’s no wonder the American people are angry.”

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time somebody tells you that the Tea Party is gaining momentum, inform them of this. The St Louis Tea Party had scheduled a rally on August 4, 2011 which was expected to fill the Kiener Plaza. Instead, the event received only 3, yes 3, confirmations of attendance and the rally was cancelled. This follows upon the cancellation of the Tea Party’s 2011 convention for lack of reservations and the disastrous showing of only 50 people at last week’s Capitol Hill Tea Party rally.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Tea Party Hypocrites” features Teapublican Wisconsin state senate candidate Kim Simac. She is attempting to unseat incumbent Democrat Jim Holperin. Talking Points Memo reports that it has been revealed that the uber-patriotic themed children’s books authored by Simac are published not in the USA but in China. How is that for patriotism?

BREAKING NEWS:  Sometimes when you hear an idea for the first time, it simply sounds stupid. Then, when you take the time to really ponder it, you understand that it is even more stupid than you originally thought. That is the case with Republican Fox News host Mike Huckabee and his idea that President Obama should fire Timothy Geithner and “Ask Donald Trump to be Treasury secretary.” So, in Huckabee’s opinion, the way to guide the nation out of its economic problems is to have the economy presided over by a man who has declared bankruptcy four times. Here is a better idea: Mike Huckabee should stay out of politics and continue to play the guitar!

SPECIAL NOTE ONE:  It was great to see the Boston Red Sox turn things around yesterday at Fenway Park and wallop the New York Yankees while regaining sole possession of first in the American League East standings. Here’s hoping the trend continues in Game 3 of the series tonight.

SPECIAL NOTE TWO:  The J, Geils Band concert last night at the Pavilion in Boston was terrific. Here is a portion of the review from the Boston Herald:  “Seeing the Boston Whammer Jammers at a sold-out Bank of America Pavilion on a fine summer Saturday night … was great. During that old, brilliant warhorse “Must of Got Lost,” it was damn near transcendent. Last night, Wolf was the consummate showman — still as scrawny, screwy and fun as he always was. And he held court all night long, leading the boys through rock ’n’ roll ser-mons including “Homework” and “Night Time.” Guitarist J. Geils proved why he’s the namesake, with his burn-down-the-house-slowly solo on “One Last Kiss” and the churning Chicago blues of “Detroit Breakdown.” Then there was harmonica maestro Magic Dick —the dude is killer (monster moment: the dirty groove harp on “Sanctuary”). And I didn’t even get to their secret-weapon organist Seth Justman or guest guitarist Duke Levine. The diehards dug it when Geils and Co. reached into their back pages with the bar-band favorites that conquered every honky-tonk and gin joint from here to the Motor City.

There is not yet any video of available from last night’s show. So, in the meantime please enjoy this clip of Peter Wolf joing Elvis Costello and The Imposters on stage at Boston’s Wang Theatre last May:

Tepid Tea-Baggers Cancel Convention

Remember all that talk last year about the massive grassroots Tea Party movement? Now it appears to have been all smoke and mirrors.

Dick Armey and all those corporate sponsors insisted that the Tea Party was a populist movement of the people, for the people and by the people. They told us that there was no orchestrated big-business and lobbyist backing.The movement would continue to grow exponentially, they told us, because of the sheer attractiveness of its message of small government and little regulation. The Tea Party was, in essence, the movement of the future which would shape American politics.

Flash forward to the present. It has now been established that the Tea Party movement has been funded by big-business and DC lobbyists. All of those older, white Medicare-loving Tea-Baggers were recruited, fed and bussed to Tea Party rallies all over the nation by corporate sponsors and wealthy right-wing PACs. These pawns were not driven by a well informed desire to change the face of American politics. They were driven by corporate-owned bus chauffeurs and the opportunity for a free meal. In short, the Tea-Baggers were duped.

Now they have rebelled. How? They simply stopped believing in their false cause and have begun to fade into the mists of history. It is now a truly rare occasion to see some poor soul dressed like George Washington and carrying a misspelled sign. Tea-Baggers are no longer a feature on the nightly news. Not even on the Teapublican propaganda network known as Fox News. You would have been hard pressed to find a single Tea-Bagger at any congressional town hall meetings this summer. The Tea-Baggers have taken their tri-corn hats and gone home.

But that is not all. Now the Tea Party has cancelled its annual convention. The Minnesota Independent reports as follows:

“Organizers for the Freedom Jamboree, billed as the national tea party straw poll convention, announced on Wednesday that the event has been canceled due to low attendance. The conference had pulled in two of Minnesota most controversial figures, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann and rightwing preacher Bradlee Dean. It was also being organized by Iowa’s Bob Vander Plaats, whose organization, The Family Leader, sparked an uproar in the state after it released a presidential pledge on marriage.

“Everything was set up,” said William Temple, one of the organizers, told the Kansas City Star. “It was just the tea parties themselves weren’t prepared to spend the money to travel and bring their families.”

Roll Call notes that the organizers also had subpar fundraising in addition to low attendance, and it’s the second tea party convention in two years to be canceled because of low attendance.

Along with Bachmann and Dean, presidential candidate Rick Santorum had also accepted an invitation to the jamboree, which was scheduled for the last weekend in September.”

So, the Tea-Baggers “weren’t prepared to spend the money to travel and bring their families”. They were happy to travel and bring their families when Dick Armey and co. were footing the bill. What gives? Here’s what: The Tea-Baggers are a bunch of freeloading bargain-hunters that have virtually no commitment to their alleged cause.

Ahh, Tea Party we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“Nothin’ But A House Party” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SPQ_vBcwr4

TEA PARTY

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “House Party”)

They’re staring at the ceilin’
They’re droolin’ on the floor
Baggers everywhere comin’ through the door
They don’t have a clue what’s goin’ on
Scott Brown shedding his pants before long
They love when Glenn Beck cries
Like a baby, tears flowin’ from his eyes
They all watch him on the tube
He’s their favorite Fox News boob

They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
Tea-Baggers love a Tea Party!

Palin’s crazy and she has no soul
Spitting bile right from her pie-hole
With no clue, she’s koo-koo
Should have gone to better schools
She was a pregnant bride
Then that lady quit her job last July
She broke water on the move
That’s a birth that she can’t prove

They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party

Tea-Baggers love a Tea Party!

(misspelled sign-making break)

They go on a bus ride
Guys and ladies congregate outside
Tea-Baggers are on the move
A bunch of slime with something to prove

They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
Tea-Baggers love a Tea Party!

They just move it, groove it
Baby, then they lose it
They just roll it, stroll it
They just can’t control it

They’re just lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
Tea-Baggers love a Tea Party!

Babies!
Babies tell me!
C’mon babies!
Find me baby!

They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
Yeah, they’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
They scream “No” at the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
AHHHHHHHHH!
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
Yeah tell me ‘bout their party1
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
They all have lost their way, baby
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
Now we know about Tea Parties, now
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party
I got to find that Tea Bag party now
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
They’re lovin’ the Tea Party
It’s a party

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 79

• 

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Newsone.com reports, “The Tea Party of Tennessee wants to remove incidents of slavery and genocide from American textbooks for fear they would besmirch the image of the Founding Fathers.” Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN:  Not only did we learn this week that Republican presidential candidate and serial philanderer Newt Gingrich owns business which failed to pay taxes in four states. It was also revealed by Politico.com that six years ago he owed between $250,000.00 and $500,000.00 to Tiffany’s jewelers. It sure takes a lot of money to keep three wives and who knows how many mistresses bathed in bling!

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some Teapublican tells you that it would be a mistake to raise the debt ceiling, remind them that in 1983 Ronald Reagan said this,

“The full consequences of a default — or even the serious prospect of default — by the United States are impossible to predict and awesome to contemplate. Denigration of the full faith and credit of the United States would have substantial effects on the domestic financial markets and the value of the dollar in exchange markets. The Nation can ill afford to allow such a result. The risks, the costs, the disruptions, and the incalculable damage lead me to but one conclusion: the Senate must pass this legislation before the Congress adjourns.”

THIS JUST IN: California may be following in the footsteps of Vermont regarding health care. The California Universal Healthcare Act was introduced by Sen. Mark Leno, D-San Francisco. The bill would initiate single-payer universal health care for the state of California. Now that is change we can believe in!

BREAKING NEWS:  In light of the news about Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s illicit “love child”, we can now add his name to the list of philandering “family values” Republicans which includes John Ensign, John McCain, Larry Craig, David Vitter, Mark Sanford, Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani, Mark Foley, Glenn Murphy, Bob Allen, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Keep doing the good Lord’s work you guys!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Jon Stewart And Why We Love This Guy” features who else but Jon Stewart of The Daily Show and Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. For a good laugh, Stewart asks us to “Google” the name “Santorum”. Go ahead. Give it a try.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Republican Hypocrisy” is brought to us by bluemassgroup.com and stars senators Lamar Alexander (R-TN), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) and Johnny Isakson (R-GA). Each of these senators had pledged to never filibuster a judicial nominee. Each of these senators voted to filibuster the nomination of Goodwin Liu to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit last week.

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the week. While describing the GOP backlash against Newt Gingrich for advocating personal mandates for health insurance, Stephen Colbert said,

“They spanked Newt’s ass until it was so pink and swollen it looked like Newt’s face.”

BREAKING NEWS:  Moonbat-crazy Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul appeared on Fox News Sunday last weekend and claimed that Social Security and Medicare are unconstitutional and then he compared them to slavery. here is a bit of his interview with Mike Wallace:

WALLACE: You talk a lot about the Constitution. You say Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid are all unconstitutional.

PAUL: Technically, they are. … There’s no authority [in the Constitution]. Article I, Section 8 doesn’t say I can set up an insurance program for people. What part of the Constitution are you getting it from? The liberals are the ones who use this General Welfare Clause. … That is such an extreme liberal viewpoint that has been mistaught in our schools for so long and that’s what we have to reverse—that very notion that you’re presenting.

WALLACE: Congressman, it’s not just a liberal view. It was the decision of the Supreme Court in 1937 when they said that Social Security was constitutional under Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution.

PAUL: And the Constitution and the courts said slavery was legal to, and we had to reverse that.

A video clip is worth a thousand words, so let’s watch it, shall we?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Da Doo Ron Ron song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNiYECUd2ZU

DA DOO RON RON

 (sung to the Crystals song “Da Doo Ron Ron”)

Ron Paul was on “Fox Sunday” and I got a chill
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
About the Constitution, he knows nil
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
A fool on the Hill
With a voice so shrill
He’s a tea-bagging gnome
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Knows what he is doing when he starts to lie
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
He’s a laugh-riot yes, my oh my
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This Tea Party guy
He must be high
Wish he would just go home
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

(racist comment break)

He is sixty-seven with an addled mind
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
This buffoon harbors a racist side
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Yes, he looks benign
But, Paul’s a punch-line
Son Rand is daddy’s clone
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron

Doo Ron Ron Ron da do Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
Da doo Ron Ron Ron da doo Ron Ron
(repeat to fade)

Revisionist Right-Wingers Fail To Mention Obama

If you were to believe the quotes of so many conservative right-wingers, you would think that President Barack Obama had absolutely nothing to do with the May 1, 2011 eradication of 9/11 mastermind terrorist Osama bin Laden. Many members of the GOP, including a good number of presidential hopefuls, have performed amazing acts of linguistic contortion so as to avoid mentioning the fact that President Obama is responsible for ordering the successful mission in which bin Laden was killed. Conservative political pundits have taken the same approach in an attempt to avoid that 800 pond gorilla in the room. These folks somehow praise everybody without even mentioning the current president. With all this revisionism, one might think that the conservatives are a little jealous that a Democratic Party president achieved in 2.5 years what Republican war-hawk George W. Bush could not achieve in over 7 years. Here are some examples of how they are ignoring Barack Obama’s role as Commander in Chief:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN):  “I want to express my deepest gratitude to the men and women of the U.S. military and intelligence community. Their persistence and dedicated service has yielded success in a mission that has gripped our nation since the terrible events of 9/11. Tonight’s news does not bring back the lives of the thousands of innocent people who were killed that day by Osama bin Laden’s horrific plan, and it does not end the threat posed by terrorists, but it is my hope that this is the beginning of the end of Sharia-compliant terrorism.”

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum:  “This is extraordinary news for all freedom loving people of the world, and I commend all those involved for this historic triumph. Americans have waited nearly ten years for the news of Osama bin Laden’s death. And while this is a very significant objective that cannot be minimized, the threat from Jihadism does not die with bin Laden. As we were vigilant in taking him out we need to demonstrate we will continue to be vigilant until the enemy has been subdued.”

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus:  “Today is a tremendous day for our nation and the world, but most importantly those who lost loved ones on that horrific day,” said Priebus. “Justice was delivered to a ruthless terrorist courtesy of men and women of the United States military. For nearly a decade, literally thousands of American service members, intelligence officers and civilians have made it their mission to capture or kill the mastermind of September 11th. Tonight we honor their work and congratulate them on a job well done.”

Failed 2008 Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee:  “It has taken a long time for this monster to be brought to justice. Welcome to hell, bin Laden. Let us all hope that his demise will serve notice to Islamic radicals the world over that the United States will be relentless in tracking down and terminating those who would inflict terror, mayhem and death on any of our citizens.”

Failed 2008 Candidate For Vice President and Quitting Half-Term Gov. of Alsaka, Sarah Palin:  “Yesterday was a testament to the military’s dedication in relentlessly hunting down an enemy through many years of war, and we thank our president. … We thank President Bush for having made the right calls to set up this victory.”

Radio Host and Drug Addicted Racist Rush Limbaugh: (Sarcastically said) “President Obama – not a single intelligence adviser, not a single national security adviser, not a single military adviser came up with the idea of using Seal Team Six or any of the Special Forces. Our military wanted to go in there and just scorch the Earth leaving no evidence of anything after the mission. But President Obama single-handedly understood what was at stake here. He alone understood the need to get DNA. To prove the death, Obama alone understood the aftermath, alone understood that there would be doubting Thomases if the place was just obliterated and no evidence was to be found.”

Fox News: The Republican propaganda network broadcasted the following headline, “Obama Bin Laden Dead”.

All of this simply proves that there are some really strange ones on the right.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Strangers In The Night song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDA33hGFNgQ&feature=related

STRANGE ONES ON THE RIGHT

(sung to the Frank Sinatra song “Strangers In The Night”)

Strange ones on the right,
Fox News romancers
Not so very bright,
With our finances
This Tea Party love
Should be viewed as taboo

Palin shouting lies
And fear inciting
Rand Paul is hostile
And so damn frightening
Boehner has no heart
McConnell has no clue

Strange ones on the right,
Abnormal people
They are strange ones on the right
Not one sane moment
They should be in a freak-show
Little do they know
It would just enhance our day
If like Bristol they’d dance away and –

On Fox every night,
They’re all together
Lovers on the right
In love forever
It’s an ugly sight
Those strange ones on the right

(witchcraft break)

Don’t look now just glance away
Here comes their jailbird Tom Delay

You can join their fight
And hang together
Only if you’re white
Birds of a feather
Taking their last flight
Those strange ones on the right

Will Voters Tell The Donald, “You’re Fired”?

Trump Is A Gas-Bag

Each passing day Donald Trump appears to be inching closer to announcing that he will run as a Republican candidate in 2012 for the office of President of the United States. It only makes sense inasmuch as the potential field of GOP candidates is already chock-full of certified lunatics like Sarah “Queen of Quit” Palin, Michele “Light-Bulb Loving” Bachmann, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, Haley “Boss Hog” Barbour, Newt “Resign in Disgrace” Gingrich and Rudy “A Noun, A Verb and 9/11″ Giuliani. Adding Donald Trump to the mix is akin to stuffing an extra clown in the Volkswagen Beetle at the circus. Entertaining, yet harmless fun for the viewing audience.

Earlier this week The Donald announced that he will be headed to Iowa in June. While there, he will headline the state Republican Party’s annual Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines. Iowa of course, plays an important role in the presidential election because its caucuses are the first in the nation. Trump has also declared that he will speak in New Hampshire in June. That state is also considered to be critically important to any presidential candidate because it holds the nation’s first primary election. It should also be noted that Trump spoke at February’s CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) which is a “who’s who” of potential GOP presidential candidates. Trump maintains that he will formally announce his presidential intentions in June.

Donald Trump is a perfect fit for the Republican nomination because he shares so many traits with other Republican politicians. The thrice married “family values” Trump is a serial philanderer like Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich. He is a reality television series host like Sarah Palin. The former enthusiastic proponent of universal health care has now flip-flopped on the issue just like Mitt “Personal Mandates are Good” Romney. Trump is also a “Birther” like Michele Bachmann, who doubts that President Barack Obama was born in the United States. When you consider that The Donald has also filed for bankruptcy on at least 4 occasions, it begs the question, “who would be more suited to lead our nation out of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression?”

So, buy a box of popcorn and a horn of cotton candy, take your seat and enjoy this election cycle’s version of the Republican Bros. Flying Circus.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Big Bad John song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKGhwwVgKY

BIG DUMB DON

(sung to the Johnny Cash song “Big Bad John”)

Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Every Tuesday at nine, you will see him arrive
He stands 6 foot 5, weighs 289
A reality show host who’s not very hip
He fires contestants if they should give him any lip, he’s Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

He wears a toupee atop his big dome
Donald Trump acts like a clown, still he seeks the throne
A dim-witted putz, he’s not a bright guy
Claims he robbed Quadafi but that’s a lie – Dumb Don
The nit-wit hails from the borough called Queens
And he has managed to file too many bankruptcies
Filed so many you can’t count them on one hand
Yet Trump still thinks he’ll lead the country to the promised land – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Head made of clay and he loses every dime
He owned a football team that lost all the time
Built a casino, it did not last
Then the taxpayers bailed out his sorry ass – Dumb Don
Through the dust and the smoke as his empire fell
Crawled this maggot of a man that will soon rot in hell
Called a willing banker and he begged for a loan
But when asked for collateral he said “it’s all been blown” – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

And now Donald Trump thinks that the Lord up above
Will stroke his election dreams with a velvet glove
Yet little does he know that he can’t be saved
Donald’s campaign is headed to the grave – Dumb Don
Don Trump won’t earn his seat in DC Town
Let’s all watch his big smile turn to a frown
And as The Donald learns life is unkind
All of us just knew it was the end of the line, for Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Let’s hope that we are done with this worthless twit
Even Tea-Baggers know Trump’s an idiot
If only the future could be planned
We would love to say, “You’re Fired!” to this shell of a man – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don