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Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted on November 30, 2009. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s lying about conducting a bus tour to promote her book Going Rogue when in fact she was traveling in a privately owned luxury jet.

Sarah Palin: The Fibber On Twitter

Palin arrives by jet, oops we mean bus, in Orlando, FL.

Thanks to our friends over at Palingates (and yes, we are aware of the updated correction), another pack of the former ex-quitting governor’s lies (or purposely misleading statements) has been exposed. Last week that blog revealed that contrary to public opinion and official Palin announcements, Sarah  Palin is not actually on a bus tour to promote sales of her ghost-written memoir. In fact, rather than traveling in a workingman’s motor coach to each of the rural hamlets where she hawks the tome, Sarah prefers the elitist comforts of a privately owned luxury jet. It appears that she takes the jet to the next city on her tour and then discreetly rides the bus only a short distance from either her hotel or the airport to the next book signing event. She is not forthright with regard to her means of travel because she wants her fan base to believe that she is one of them; hardworking and frugal in these recessionary times. She wants them to believe that she lives like them by shopping at second hand stores and by the hands-on raising of her children. This is a calculated deception however, because in reality she and her family wore $ 150,000.00 worth of  clothes that were purchased by means of campaign donations and she pays nannies to raise her children.

Sarah Palin’s deceptions continue by means of her Twitter posts. Once again, the folks at Palingates exposed the deception. On the morning of November 24, 2009, Palin posted the following message on her twitter account:

On bus to Jacksonville, FL book signing. The Southern hospitality around here is unsurpassed – thx for the encouragement!3 book events today

In fact, Palin may have been traveling by bus at that moment, but she certainly did not ride the bus from Birmingham, AL to Jacksonville, FL. The flight log (see below) of her luxury jet reveals that she arrived via plane in Jacksonville the previous evening (November 23, 2009) at 10:09 pm. Palin supporters might be tempted to say that although the plane was in Jacksonville, there is no evidence that Palin was on the plane. Problem is, the plane seems to arrive at and depart from Palin’s book signing event locations on the very day that Palin arrives and departs from those locales. Notice the arrivals and departures from Rochester, NY, Fayetteville, NC, Birmingham, AL, Jacksonville, FL, Orlando, FL and Tri-Cities, WA. That would be quite a coincidence if Palin were not on board.

Great work Palingates!

Today’s song parody is based upon Sarah Palin’s high flying lies about her means of travel. Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Leaving On A Jet Plane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hsC0nRvZM

FLYIN’ ON A JET PLANE

(sung to the John Denver song “Leaving On A Jet Plane”)

All her bags are packed, she’ll “go with the flow”
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
To raise some cash Palin takes to the sky
The “First Dude” must stay home, he’s so forlorn
Stapleton’s waiting, she’s blowing her horn
To hell with that bus, Sarah wants to fly

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Giddy that they pay her fee
She’s more famous now than Plumber Joe
She’s flyin’ on a jet plane
She’ll never ride that old bus again
She’s raking in the dough

From Fayetteville her plane leaves the ground
In Birmingham it touches down
Sarah Palin sits next to the wing
She meets her fans and signs some books too
Then back on the jet with the nice view
Sarah Palin is living like a king

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
All her fans have paid her fee
She is headed now for Jacksonville
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Her fans left standing out in the rain
They hate to see her go

In Orlando she tells the crew
We now must fly someplace new
Send that decoy bus upon its way
She knows that her fans are dumb
But her plane travel must stay mum
Or they might stop donating their pay

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Happy that they paid her fee
Thinking of the ways she’ll spend her dough
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Profiting from their lack of brains
She smiles at them below

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Happy that they paid her fee
Thinking of the ways she’ll spend her dough
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
Profiting from their lack of brains
She smiles at them below.

Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted way back on August 27, 2009. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s annoying habit of scheduling speaking engagements and then backing out of them.

Unlike George W. Bush, Sarah Palin Is Not “The Decider”

Sarah Palin decides on "blue" as the color of her cell at the Wasilla Nervous HospitalPalin decides “blue” as her cell color at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Remember when George W. Bush said, “I’m the decider” at a presser shortly before he forced Donald Rumsfeld out as Secretary of Defense? In doing so, he coined a new phrase. Sarah Palin, the quitting ex-governor of Alaska might consider doing the same. Perhaps she could say, “I’m the non-decider.”

Seems that “Bewildered Barbie” has once again backed out of a speaking arrangement that she previously agreed to. The Alaskans For Parental Rights organization scheduled a public event for August 27, 2009 at the ChangePoint Church in Anchorage, Alaska. The printed announcement indicates that Palin will not only be present, but she will be the first person to sign the group’s petition regarding parental notification of teen abortions (see the announce ment, here). The announcement was widely distributed both electronically and in print form for weeks.

Sarah Palin’s spokesperson, Meg Stapleton said on August 26th however, that Palin will not appear at the event because she had never heard anything about it? Hmmm, does something smell a little fishy in Denmark? It should because Palin pulls these type of “I will be there” wait “No, I will not be there” stunts all of the time.

First there was the Republican Winter Meeting in D.C. when she backed out allegedly because she had official business to attend to in Alaska, but in actuality she instead attended the Alfalfa Club dinner in D.C. Next, there was the infamous CPAC Conference in which she cancelled her appearance at the last second because she claimed that she had never agreed to attend. This was followed by her “on again” “off again” keynote speaker engagement at the Republican Senate/House Fundraiser in which on two separate occasions, she agreed and then declined to be said speaker before finally being replaced by Newt Gingrich. Finally, there was her non-appearance at the Simi Valley (California) Republican Women’s Fundraiser in which she once again stated that she never agreed to attend.

Either Sarah Palin does not know how to read a calendar, or there is some truth to The Globe Magazine‘s allegation that she has suffered a nervous breakdown as the result of marital problems. Is she indecisive or is she locked away in the proverbial “nervous hospital”? Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody is a take-off on The Clash‘s 1984 hit, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It just seems so fitting.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune, but to also have more fun singing along.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO

(sung to The Clash song, Should I Stay Or Should I Go)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, we agree to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Will you agree to pay us back?
You’ll be there with “Plumber Joe”
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she comes, we’ll pay her double
But she might stay inside her bubble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Why won’t the asylum set her free?
Is she confined under lock and key?
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
Or then her nerve pills might be doubled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all the “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 84

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Independence Day weekend!

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some unregulated free-market endorsing conservative tells you that the mortgage crisis was caused by unqualified (i.e. poor) homeowners, ask them why Bank of America (and its predecessor in interest, Countrywide Home loans) agreed this week to pay a whopping $8.5 billion to settle the mortgage fraud charges leveled against it.

THIS JUST IN:  It is reported by www.otherwords.org that every person in a county in Montana has a single-payer health plan in the form of Medicare for all. After the residents of Libby were victimized by a health disaster caused by a mining company which killed hundreds and sickened thousands, a special provision was written into the new health care law to ease the pain. “Residents of Libby don’t have to be 65 years old or more. They don’t have to wait until 2014 for the state exchanges. There’s no 10-year roll out for them — it’s immediate. They don’t have to purchase a plan — this isn’t a buy-in to Medicare. It’s free. They don’t have to be disabled for two years before they apply. They don’t have to go without care for three years until Medicaid expands. They don’t have to meet income tests. They don’t have to apply for a subsidy or pay a fine for failure to buy insurance. They don’t have to hope that the market will make a plan affordable or hide their pre-existing conditions. They don’t have to find a job that provides coverage. Now, if only the rest of the nation realizes how beneficial such a plan is, maybe that is the next step in health care reform.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features moonbat-crazy GOP Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. While the wacky Teapublican has forcefully denounced the Medicaid program for swelling the “welfare rolls,” the mental health clinic run by her husband has been collecting annual Medicaid payments totaling over $137,000 for the treatment of patients since 2005, according to new figures obtained by NBC News. How is that for Tea Party hypocrisy?

THIS JUST IN:  Maria Shriver cited “irreconcilable differences” in a petition filed Friday to dissolve her 25-year marriage to former philandering Republican California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. She won’t be back!

BREAKING NEWS:  The Washington Post reports that employees of presidential candidate Newt Gingrich grew increasingly concerned in recent years about their boss’s purchases from luxury jeweler Tiffany & Co., worrying that if he followed through on plans to run for president, it could become a political liability. Gingrich’s Tiffany spending has also been questioned by his Republican opponents. He has offered few details about his relationship with the jeweler or the purchases made. He is now known as Newt Blingrich!

THIS JUST IN:  Just wondering, but whatever happened to Joe the Plumber?

BREAKING NEWS:  This was an interesting report from NewsHounds: “Sean Hannity’s Great American Panel unanimously and emphatically broke ranks with Hannity last night (6/29/11) as each panelist agreed that Donald Trump’s birtherism was offensive and racist. Predictably, white-rights enthusiast Hannity argued otherwise. But as the panel continued to denounce birtherism, he said, “It never was my issue.” Hannity didn’t care to enlighten us as to the definition of “his issue,” but if repeatedly giving airtime and legitimacy to suggestions that there was something fishy about President Obama’s birth certificate – even after he had produced it – counts, then it certainly was Hannity’s issue. Of course, it’s also quite possible Hannity knew all along it was a bogus controversy but he was willing to cast aside truth, accuracy and evidence in order to hit at Obama. The fact that there was a racial angle to the whole thing probably made it all the more tantalizing.

THIS JUST IN: Fox News comment of the week. Headline: “Guard chief: Iran Can Build Longer-Rangemissiles.” Fox News comment: “An intelligent President would have already blew Iran off the map and not wait until they can pose more of a threat to other people. Nuke them.” “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS:  Lynnrockets’ idea of the week. Kill two birds with one stone and give Glenn Beck‘s former time-slot to Joe the Plumber.

THIS JUST IN:  What is the real story behind Sarah Palin and her alleged jury duty?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s pseudo-rap inspired song parody.

Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut5A_r5iiOg

SHE”S A PINHEAD, BABY

(sung to the Beck song “Loser”)

From the town of Wasilla, she’s like Godzilla
She’s lame in the brain and she endorsed Joseph Miller
With her winking eyeballs, Sarah loves those catcalls
Barbie doll shouts out to those G.I. Joes
On the far right they think she’s beautiful
Sarah Palin is a loser with no self-control
Sarah’s the Queen-O of the Tea Party
Just a bunch of dumb slouches marching to her beat
Pundits keep sayin’ she’s insane with no brain
Her daughter’s shotgun wedding was blasted into dirt
She writes crib-notes just below her sleeve
She was a Governor for awhile but she said she had to leave
She shoves her face in each race with her bark
Hates people with food stamps that live in those big trailer parks

Yo, cut it

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly

Palin is evil, thank John for this nightmare
Blasts country music in her book-signing chamber
Just a scheming weasel and she comes wrapped in a flag
Hails from the North Pole, this oil-pimping Tea-Hag
Loves her “Sixpack Joes” cuz First Dude has no job
Nothing more than Sarah’s house-husband slob
Sarah-baby pulls all of the strings
Snapped a turkey’s neck while she’s talking on that TV thing
She can’t write and she can’t debate
Stealing cash like a thief from her fans that think she’s great
Never bothers with any facts, … she’s wrong more than she’s right
While preachin’ to her minions

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She’s in the stardumb bizznizz)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(“Thanks but no thanks”)

Yo, bring her down

Soooooooooooo…
(She’s a liar, she’s a sinner, brings no hope or change, can’t you feel it?)

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She says, “also too”)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Is that her baby?)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Know what I’m sayin’?)

Bachmann/Taitz: Tea-Party For Two and Two For Tea-Party

Michele Bachmann (R) MN and Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq., Real Estate Agent – Two Koo-Koo Birds of a feather.

How do the crazies always seem to find each other? And why in the world do they always commemorate the occasion with a photo when they do? These are some of the unanswered questions that have plagued the political world for some time.

Remember the photos of Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber? How about those of Palin and Michele Bachmann? Palin and Glenn Beck? Bachmann and various Tea-Baggers? Palin and assorted Tea-Baggers? Bachmann and Michelle Malkin? And most recently, Palin and Arizona governor Jan Brewer?

Well, just look above and see the newest crackpot photo to hit the blogosphere. Yup, once again it is Minnesota’s moonbat crazy Republican Rep., Presidential candidate and member of the “Birther” movement, Michele Bachmann and the wackiest “Birther” of them all, Orly Taitz, the dentist/lawyer/real estate agent. Taitz, you might recall is the person who has filed multiple lawsuits seeking to have President Barack Obama removed from office because she alleges he was not born in the United States. Of course all of her lawsuits have been dismissed involuntarily and Taitz has been reprimanded on at least one occasion by the Court.

It appears that the above photo was taken on May 14, 2010 at a luncheon in Irvine, California which was attended by both of the fools. It was almost immediately posted on Taitz’s personal website.

Lynnrockets can’t wait until the Democratic Party starts asking voters to, “Take a look at who Michele Bachmann’s been palling around with?”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Foxy Lady song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnkYatAT7NE

FOXY LADIES

(sung to the Jimi Hendrix song “Foxy Lady”)

Foxy
Foxy

These two, they’re a couple of smart-fakers
Foxy
But they’re just a couple of hate-mongers
Foxy

Fox makes them feel at home
Do they have any charm? No!
But they’re on all the time, prime-time
Ooh, Foxy ladies

Foxy
Foxy

Palin, she’s just so spiteful and mean
Ooh, Foxy
She makes us wanna get up and scream
Foxy
And Michele Bachmann now
Has just lost her mind
They’re both just wasting all our precious time
But Fox thinks they’re fine, so fine
Foxy Ladies
They’re so dumb

Foxy
Foxy
Foxy
Foxy

Yeah, just listen to them drone
As they sound they’re alarms, Whoa
Fox says they are so fine, prime-time
Foxy ladies

They’re just dumb ladies
We’d love to forget ya
Foxy ladies
You’re both no good
Yeah, Foxy
You’re both so dumb
Foxy
Sour lemonade
You’re spreadin’ fear. Yikes
Night and day on Foxy
Foxy
Foxy ladies
Foxy ladies

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 73

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The Washington Post reports John Ensign (R-NV) will retire rather than seek reelection in 2012, he announced Monday afternoon. The decision brings to an end a tumultuous several years that saw him go from one of the party’s rising stars to persona non grata. The retirement decision comes in the wake of an ongoing Senate ethics committee investigation into whether Ensign acted improperly in an extramarital affair with Cynthia Hampton, who worked for Ensign’s political committees and whose husband, Doug, was a top legislative staffer for Ensign. “There are consequences to sin,” Ensign declared at a news conference in Las Vegas. He said he did not want to put his family though an “exceptionally ugly” campaign. Democrats can only hope that whack-job Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle elects to run for this seat.

THIS JUST IN: For those of you that are not current on Vermont news, take note that by the next week, the House Health Care Committee will vote on a bill that authorizes the building blocks for a future single-payer health care system. You read that correctly. Vermont is actually working toward a health care system that progressives nation-wide would love for themselves. Keep up the good fight Vermont.

BREAKING NEWS: Last week we reported about the move afoot to recall Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and several newly elected GOP state senators. This week we have learned that there is now a “Committee to Recall Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer” which has begun collecting signatures to begin the recall process. The moral of these stories? If you govern like a radical Tea-Bagger, you will not govern very long.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Family Values Republicans Acting Badly” features California State Senator Roy Ashburn (now known as “Assburn”). The radically anti-gay politician was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub. There was an unidentified man in the passenger seat of the car. (Insert appropriate hypocrite analogy here).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Who’s Wants To Be An Indicted Republican ?” stars Indiana Secretary of State Charlie White who was indicted this week on seven (7) felony counts including voter fraud, perjury and theft. White now joins other such noteworthy contestants as Tom Delay, Scooter Libby, Duke Cunningham and Roy Blunt.

THIS JUST IN: A Pro-Governor Scott Walker rally was held in Wisconsin this week. One of the featured speakers was the long-lost Joe the Plumber from McCain/Palin days. Joe apparently did not receive the memo about toning down violent rhetoric because he was ranting about “taking bullets for your children”. More interesting however, was the fact that only 600 people attended the rally. To put that paltry number in perspective. compare it to the more than 70,000 public union supporters attended the February 26th rally for that group. Who is more popular in Wisconsin?

BREAKING NEWS: President Barack Obama visited the city of Boston on Tuesday. He visited an innovative inner-city technical school known as TechBoston, mingled with the Boston Celtics and spoke at the Museum of Fine Arts. Most importantly however, he raised over $1 million for congressional Democrats.

THIS JUST IN: Magnitude 8.9 earthquake and tsunami hit Japan killing thousands. No further details.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “The Twilight Zone” features former Republican Massachusetts Governor, failed Republican 2008 Presidential candidate and likely 2012 Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Boston area Republican political analyst Todd Domke wrote an editorial which appeared in yesterday’s Boston Globe. This was the most entertaining passage:

Rod Serling sets the stage:“Massachusetts is not just a state; it’s a state of mind. This is where pilgrims landed, taxpayers revolted, and witches burned. But what burns in one politician is ambition — ambition to leave his state and move into a big white house in Washington, D.C. For Mr. Mitt Romney, this state has become a nightmare. He wants to pack his political baggage and exit stage right, but he can’t leave because this state is his . . . Twilight Zone.’’

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbpU5vBYnfU&feature=related

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now


Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ‘em any of ‘em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

Bristol and Levi Say, “Let’s Get Real”

Bristol Palin shooting the pilot episode of "Tripp Knows Best"

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off hopes that all of you regular readers had a happy and healthy weekend. Now, let’s get back back to the fun and juicy stuff, shall we?

A number of media outlets including the Toronto Star, E Online and Scify.com are confirming the rumor that the reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have been trying to shop a reality television series about themselves just like media hog Sarah Palin did. TMZ.com reports that the couple plans to use baby Tripp as an integral part of the show. Gee, using your minor children as publicity props, where did Bristol and Levi ever come up with that novel idea?

Finding a network to air the show might be a problem for the on-again, off-again, on-again lovers, however. The New York post quoted one network executive as saying, “Don’t think we should do it. Neither of them have personalities.” Joy Behar of The View said, “It’s like Romeo and Juliet in Wasilla.”

Even the late night talk show hosts have taken notice of the born again virgin’s reconciliation with the high school drop-out. Jay Leno said,

This week Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston reveal exclusively to Us Weekly – my bible – that they are getting married. Sarah Palin, allegedly, is not happy about this because she feels they barely know each other and they are making a big committment – kind of like when John McCain picked her for vice president. I understand it’s not going to be a traditional wedding. Rumor is that Bristol has asked Levi to wear his camouflage hunting vest – which would be the closest he’s ever come to wearing protection of any kind.

David Letterman quipped,

You guys remember Levi Johnston? He’ll be arriving in at the church tied to Sarah Palin’s pickup.

We can’t wait to hear what Craig Ferguson has to say on the subject.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Reunited song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZOhm7qS-AI

REUNITED

(sung to the Peaches and Herb song “Reunited”)

(Levi’s verse)
Let’s pool our dough and buy a double-wide
When I get home I’ll give you quite a ride
I want you so bad cuz it makes Sarah so mad
I realize I like you when you’re on your back, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I have my very own Plumber-Joe
Let’s do it with Rush on the radio
If I start to gush we can get help from the Dutch
I know now that I love you though you don’t know much, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, right here on the hood
Reunited, Levi’s sporting wood
First Dude don’t like it and Sarah’s pitching a fit
We’ll both be extradited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

(Levi’s verse)
I got so tired of my blow-up doll
And all the fellas in the men’s room stall
They said I’d go blind if I pulled on what was mine
I did whatever I could just to earn a dime, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I took a beatin’ honey, every day
Cuz that’s the Sarah Palin lovin’ way
Her voice is a hiss, she has a venomous kiss
Her skin looks like old leather from some deep abyss, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, off to Hollywood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
We hope she gets indicted, we would be excited, hey-hey

(Levi and Bristol’s verse)
Oh,
Holy Mother, we’re so much in love
And Sarah Palin blames the Lord above
We are not gay and we are both white
So we don’t understand why she says its not right, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, we’re misunderstood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
The world is so excited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

Sarah Palin And The Paperback Writer

"Say it ain't so, Joe."

We just cannot let this Sarah Palin/Joe McGinniss feud fade away without another post on the subject. In fact, this potential Hatfield/McCoy standoff is likely to provide enough juicy material for many more posts (not to mention a Saturday Night Live skit or two). What could be better than an investigative journalist actually living right next door to the subject of his next book?

By the way, what’s up with Sarah Palin’s sick obsession with the sexual violation of her daughters? First we learned on the campaign trail that unwed teen daughter Bristol was pregnant despite all that “abstinence only” training she received from her formerly unwed pregnant mother. Next, Palin accused David Letterman of soliciting the statutory rape of daughter, Willow. Then we learned from reading her ghostwritten memoir, that both daughters Willow and Bristol were threatened with gang rape from schoolmates,

In that first year, I was alerted to threats against Willow by students at her Juneau school, one particularly disturbing. Someone posted a note on an Internet site threatening to gang-rape her at school. I never felt safe for her after that. Later, the same thing happened to Bristol.

Of course “Mama Bear” never reported the alleged threats to school officials or law enforcement at the time. Now we have Palin alleging that writer Joe McGinniss is some sort of perverted peeping tom. In a recent Facebook entry, Palin wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

It is clear that Sarah Palin has some weird sexual hangups involving minors.

Greater Wasilla (Alaska) better get ready for a long hot summer with plenty of fireworks on display in and around the Palin/McGinniss compound. We can imagine screaming tantrums from Palin, mocking waves from McGinniss and the Wasilla police setting up a temporary station on their street. Will the Palins’ spite fence grow taller and taller? The new neighbors’ backyards will be filled with cold stares, hot glares and sneak peeks. All in all though, what did Palin expect? She cozied up to Joe Sixpack and Joe The Plumber, so how could Joe The Writer be expected to know that he would be unwelcome in Palinland?

Palin's spite fence.

Let’s all hope for a summer full of comedic altercations. In the meantime please enjoy this re-working of a previous re-working of the Beatles’ song “Paperback Writer”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

PAPERBACK WRITER II

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Todd and Sarah, will you read my book?
It took me months to write while I had a look
All of those things that I could see and hear
I put them in my book and I’m gonna be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Its a dirty story of a dirty clan
Led by Sarah Palin and her “First Dude” man
I learned so much by reading through their mail
They’re a seedy mob but its fun to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s a thousand pages give or take a few,
It has some photos I took from my scenic view.
I must admit the Palins never do smile
They just sulked around in plain site of this paperback writer,
Paperback writer

I loved all the fighting I could hear at night
It wafted through the fence despite its massive height.
You’ll learn all about them so please have no fear,
They will quiver and quake but I’m gonna be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

Bachmann/Taitz: Tea-Party For Two and Two For Tea-Party

Michele Bachmann (R) MN and Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq.,Real Estate Agent - Two Koo-Koo Birds of a feather.

How do the crazies always seem to find each other? And why in the world do they always commemorate the occasion with a photo when they do? These are some of the unanswered questions that have plagued the political world for some time.

Remember the photos of Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber? How about those of Palin and Michele Bachmann? Palin and Glenn Beck? Bachmann and various Tea-Baggers? Palin and assorted Tea-Baggers? Bachmann and Michelle Malkin? And most recently, Palin and Arizona governor Jan Brewer? Well, just look above and see the newest crackpot photo to hit the blogosphere. Yup, once again it is Minnesota’s moonbat crazy Republican Senator and member of the “Birther” movement, Michele Bachmann and the wackiest “Birther” of them all, Orly Taitz, the dentist/lawyer/real estate agent. Taitz, you might recall is the person who has filed multiple lawsuits seeking to have President Barack Obama removed from office because she alleges he was not born in the United States. Of course all of her lawsuits have been dismissed involuntarily and Taitz has been reprimanded on at least one occasion by the Court.

It appears that the above photo was taken on May 14, 2010 at a luncheon in Irvine, California which was attended by both of the fools. It was almost immediately posted on Taitz’s personal website.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hByFDVwiQq8

BACHMANN

(sung to the theme song for television’s “The Flintstones“)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

Sump Pumps And Sarah Palin Both Suck

First she appeared before the Bowling League Convention. Next it was the Liquor Wholesalers’ Convention and Wednesday Sarah Palin spoke at an event sponsored by a firm that specializes in the manufacture of battery backup sump pump systems. Really, can it get any better than this? What is next, the Toilet Scrubber Convention?

We will not even get into the content of her speech. Suffice to say it included the words, “rogue”, “hope-y change-y”, “clinging to guns and religion”, “socialism”, “Obama Care” and a completely inane diatribe having something to do with a girls’ high school basketball team and the new Arizona racist immigrant law. You know, the usual Palin word salad.

This is a beautiful Saturday here in Boston, so let’s just pull out one of our old Sarah Palin television theme parodies.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song.

Gilligan’s Island theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Gilligans_Island.html

SARAH’S ISLAND

(Sung to the theme of tv’s “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Senile
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

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