Blog Archives
Hooray!!! The Sarah Palin Comedy Show Redux !!!
Hold on to your seats folks. The fun may be set to begin again. Just when you thought you had laughed at every clown in the Koch Bros. and Tea Party Flying Circus, we may have a new entertainer re-emerging. No, not Herman Cain. Nope, not Chris Christie. We are not even speaking of The Donald. We may have ourselves a genuine mental case resurfacing in the field of Republican Presidential candidates. Ladies and gentlemen please rise and put your hands together for none other than “The Alaska Disaster”, “The Queen of Quit”, Sarah Palin!
Seriously. This is not a joke. While appearing on Fox News (where else?) last night, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska said that she may enter the race despite her firm pronouncement to the contrary on October 5th. When asked by the host whether anybody else might still get involved in the presidential race, Palin said “It’s not too late for folks to jump in. Who knows what will happen in the future.”
Bloggers everywhere are now salivating. There is nothing more entertaining than watching Sarah Palin make a public fool of herself as she tries to make a point. Remember the time when she was speaking at that farm while a poor turkey was having his head chopped off right behind her? How about the time she was caught with crib-notes written on her hand during a televised interview? Who will ever forget the time that she completely botched the purpose and method of Paul Revere’s famous Midnight Ride just after she visited the Old North church in Boston? Then there was the time when she could not tell a 5th grader what the Vice president does. Most entertaining of all, of course, were her hilarious televised interviews with Katie Couric and Charles Gibson. Ahhh, those halcyon days of Palin!
This may be the best Christmas present many of us could possibly hope for.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Holiday season inspired song parody.
Winter Wonderland song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngcAuqshkqE
PALIN BLUNDERLAND (Part 2)
(sung to the Ray Conniff Singers version of “Winter Wonderland”)
Sarah P., are you listening?
Intellect, you are missing
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland
Quit your job on July third
You belong where you’re not heard
Go back to Hong Kong
Please take Todd along
Living in a Palin blunderland
You can even bring that “Plumber Joe”, man
He can fly the jet as you leave town
He’ll say, “You still married?”
You’ll say, “No, man!”
But you can have the job
When we touch ground
Later on, you’ll conspire,
To get Tina Fey fired
The price that you paid
To be renegade
Living in a Palin blunderland
Sarah P., are you listening?
What’s that sound that you’re hissing?
You are quite a sight
Your hair’s wrapped too tight
Living in a Palin blunderland
You have all the warmth of a fresh snowman
And all the smarts of a circus clown
You sold some books and made a lot of dough, man
They had no verbs but had a lot of nouns
You just love oil well drilling
And your polar bear killing
You frolic and play, the G.O.P. way
Living in a Palin blunderland
Another One Bites The Dust
It is with deep regret that we ask you to click on the song link here for a final time before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we will forever remember as “Herman’s Theme”.
First it was Tim Pawlenty. Then it was Donald Trump. Next it was Sarah Palin. Then it was Chris Christie. Now it is Herman Cain who has quit his quest for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.
Cain has announced that he is suspending his campaign because of the barrage of sexual harassment and marital infidelity claims that have been levied against him in the last few weeks. Cain made the decision after having had a long conversation with his wife and several girlfriends. Final score? Girlfriends 1, Cain 0. Cain learned that it is very difficult to profess to being a devout family man when you are accused of a life of lewd sexual behavior by several woman who are not your wife. At least Cain will not have to submit to that lie detector test which he volunteered for last month.
During his announcement, Herman Cain continued to deny any misconduct on his part. He said, “These false and untrue allegations continue to be spinned in the media, and in the court of public opinion so as to create a cloud of doubt over me and this campaign and my family. That spin hurts. It hurts my wife. It hurts my family. It hurts me. And it hurts the American people, because you are being denied solutions to our problems.” Cain then said, “I am not going to be silenced and I am not going away.” Immediately thereafter however, Herman Cain was silent and then he went away.
It would have been so much more dramatic if he uttered those famous words which he first voiced when he announced his candidacy…”AW, Shucky Ducky!” In any event, the “Cain Train” (as he refererd to his campaign) is now nothing more than a train wreck. Good riddance, Herman. Don’t let the Koch Brothers kick you in the rear as you exit the public stage.
Inasmuch as near every Republican candidate is imploding before even a single primary election vote has been cast, it is likely that President Obama will run unopposed in 2012.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
“Hurricane” song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngpWylqQ3A
HERMAN CAIN
(sung to the Bob Dylan song “Hurricane”)
Herman Cain shouts out to the radical right
He was doin’ pretty fine but now he will fall
His 9-9-9 plan was a resounding dud
Romney and Perry are having a ball
Here comes the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.
Herman was chosen by the Tea Party
The only black man to be brainwashed by the GOP
“I will do it” he said as they were clapping hands
“But my views do not register with all the other black men”
“They’re non-believers” he says and he stops
“There’s already a black man at the top”
“Can I keep my pizza shops?”
“Will I somehow make the scene with my liberal-bashin’
“As a black man on the right?”
Meanwhile far away in another part of town
The Koch Brothers and a couple of friends are drivin’ around
They needed somebody to don the right-wing crown
Had no idea the kind of idiots who were hangin’ around
Michele Bachmann looked like she was about to explode
Just like the time before Mitt Romney can’t stand pat
And Rick Perry is just too dumb and slow
He’s a hack… and he is destined for a big defeat
And Obama must be beat!
All these fellows prompted laugher and had no chance to reach the top
The Koch Brothers oh so sadly were just out prowling around
They said, “the other men running, they are lightweight candidates”
“They’ll look like morons when they get to the debates”
Those ol’ boys were just inclined to scratch their sore heads
Koch said, “Wait a minute boys, here’s our thoroughbred!”
He then suggested good ol’ Herman C.
And though this man had no history
They told him that he could surely be their chosen man.
Four in the morning and they called Herman in
They were downright hospitable and they calmed all his fears
Then Herman Cain looked up through his two crying eyes
Says, “I’m shedding all these tears because I’m your guy”
Yes, this is the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.
Four months later and Wall Street is inflamed
Herman tells the jobless that they are all to blame
While all those bailed-out bankers profit from their greedy games
And Cain sides with the shifty one-percent while he calls the protesters names
He went even further but he went too far
By raisin’ taxes on those workers at the bar
He showed his tax plan had a fatal flaw
Ol’ Herman Cain began to hem and haw…running in fright
Even attacked from the right.
Now all those Tea-Baggers said, “I’m really not sure”
“Raise all our taxes? Please give us a break!”
“We picked you for this cushy job but just maybe you’re not our fellow”
“Now just like flip-flopping Romney, it seems your spine’s made of Jello”
“You best modify your bad behavior”
“Or Newt Gingrich will become our newest flavor!”
“Now you best listen to us, Sir”
“Don’t wanna pin our hopes and dreams upon him”
“Our view of him is quite dim.”
Cain had to take a stand and he had a hunch
But his cigarette smoking ad proved he was out to lunch
It’s a YouTube play and it was a bad day
Now that it’s over he hopes that it just goes away
Reviews weren’t very nice
Still the next time though, he better think twice
His campaign ad an epic fail
What can Herman do next to bail out?
Cuz he’ll never be the man in the White House
All of Herman’s cards were marked in advance
His campaign was a circus, he never had a chance
He tried to cast detractors as drunkards from the slums
To the sane folks who watched he was a corporate-crony bum
He was a big dope with an ego even bigger
No one doubted he was a gold-digger
And he proved he never was “the one”
The Koch Brothers chose the wrong son.. oh yes, indeed
And all the Tea-Baggers agreed.
Cain was later identified
By two former employees who testified
Of sexual harassment of which Cain lied
And the newspapers they all went along for the ride
How can the wife of such a man
Proudly wear his stained wedding band?
While he claims that he was framed?
Herman Cain should be rightly ashamed… to be such a man
Who would deny his blame.
Now the Koch Brothers in their coats and their ties
Are glad to drink martinis and choose their next guy
There must be somebody out there that they can sell
Cuz Herman Cain he was not all that swell
That’s the story of ol’ Herman Cain
The one-time owner of a pizza chain
This guy is now dead and done
Give him a padded cell for thinkin’ he could-a been
The leader of the world.
Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 92
Lynnrockets apologizes for the lack of a post yesterday. There simply was not enough time. You see, we made our annual trek out west to Springfield, Massachusetts to take in The Big E, also known as The Eastern States Exposition. Think state fair. The Big E is not the oldest fair in the nation, that distinction belongs to the much closer (to Boston) Topsfield Fair, nor does its scope encompass all of the eastern seaboard states. It is sort of the combined fair for the six New England states (Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Maine and Vermont for those of you who might be a little rusty).
It is however, BIG. Very BIG by New England standards. It has all the usual trappings such as livestock competitions, produce contests and each state highlighting products which it believes differentiates it from the others. It has also has the more modern gimmicks such as hundreds of food concessions selling everything from whole turkey legs, to the BIG E Burger (a cheeseburger with bacon sandwiched between a sliced honeydew donut) to this year’s newest fad, fried Kool Aid (I like to think that is marketed to any attendees who may belong to the Tea Party). The Big E also has a giant midway with thrill rides which appear to have been designed with the singular purpose of forcing you to regurgitate anything you may have been foolish enough to eat.
Despite the absurdity of the whole scene. We look forward to the Big E each year as sort of the official beginning of our wonderful New England foliage-bursting autumn season. Simply stated, without the Big E, something would feel like it was missing.
That being said, let’s get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Here are a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!
BREAKING NEWS: What in the wide, wide world of sports happened to the Boston Red Sox?
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Another One Bites The Dust” features Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain‘s communications director Ellen Carmichael (and her assistant), who abruptly quit. This departure follows upon the exit of two other Cain staffers in June. When asked by CNN if the resignations signaled trouble within the Cain campaign, Carmichael responded, “No comment”. Sometimes just a few words can convey a big message.
BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of Herman Cain, did any of you happen to catch his appearance with Jay Leno last week? When asked by Leno if he stands by his assertion that he would not appoint a Muslim to his cabinet, Cain nervously backtracked and said that he never really meant what he said. He told Leno and the suspicious audience that it should have been clear that what he meant was he “would not appoint a radical Jihadist to his cabinet”. When Leno pointed out that nobody would appoint a Jihadist to his/her cabinet and asked why Cain simply didn’t use the word “Jihadist”, Cain answered that he had wanted to err on the side of safety so he included all Muslims in his statement. “Nuff said.
THIS JUST IN: After the killing of top-level al Qaeda recruiter Anwar al-Awlaki, President Barack Obama is receiving some well-deserved credit from Republican politicians. Newt Gingrich said, “We’re going to take out al Qaeda the way they just did it in Yemen, where I do give the President credit”. Mitt Romney said, “I commend the President…”. GOP Rep. Peter King, chairman of the Committee on Homeland Security said it is “a tremendous tribute to the President…” These are exactly the type of words that give acid indigestion to Teapublicans. Break out the Rolaids.
BREAKING NEWS: Stay tuned. The notorious and radically conservative billionaire Republican financiers the Koch brothers, are about to be exposed in a very unflattering light. Bloomberg Markets magazine is about to release an article which allegedly focuses on malfeasance and/or fraud and/or bad behavior by the conglomerate known as Koch Industries. There must be some truth to the report because the Koch brothers are releasing their public relations lackeys to discredit the story before it is even released. Could it be that a periodical other than the National Enquirer is poised to break an important political story? Enquiring minds want to know.
THIS JUST IN: Just wondering, but why is the allegedly liberally-biased mainstream media failing to report on the now week-long “Occupy Wall Street” protests which began in New York City and have now spread to financial centers in Boston, Washington D.C., Chicago and Los Angeles? Something tells me that if this were a Tea Party movement, there would be non-stop coverage.
BREAKING NEWS: In light of the Republican base’s dissatisfaction with their current crop of moonbat-crazy Presidential candidates, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is now the “flavor of the week”. Who is next, Mike Huckabee?
THIS JUST IN: Speaking of governors, has anybody noticed that a second one has called for a universal health care care plan in his state? Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer announced that he will be seeking a waiver to set up a universal health care system in his state modeled after the single payer Canadian system. This follows upon Vermont Gov. Peter Shumlin‘s signing into law a plan for his state to begin the process of adopting such a plan. Hopefully, this signals that momentum is growing for a national single payer plan.
BREAKING NEWS: As long as we are on the subject of governors, we might as well mention the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. Sarah Palin put the world on notice early last summer that she would make an announcement regarding whether she would seek the Presidency by September. It is now October 2nd and still no word. Looks like Sarah Palin is continuing her string of lies.
GO PACKERS!!!
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
Fins song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UruXWui1EG8
Note: a fib is a lie
FIBS
(sung to the Jimmy Buffett song “Fins”)
She came down from Mat-Su Valley
She signed some books while on her plane
Hoping to incite a riot
Sarah Palin sure loves her fame
The Mama Grizzly is in motion
And all she does is snarl and bark
This re-al-it-y TV star
Lies through morning, noon and dark
Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
You’re a scheming, lying clown
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
And soon you’ll be going down
She’s saving up all of her money
Wants to head down south in May
Maybe hold out her hand to her Tea-Bagging fans
Way down Arizona way
TV money was good this season
Now it’s time to go “reload”
Endless supply of big whopping lies
“Death Panels” paved her road with gold
Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
You tell fibs to the left, fibs to the right
You’re a scheming, lying clown
(Fox News break)
Intellect that’s meager
Sarah Palin is just a dolt
She’s been on a learning diet
And that’s a Lynnrockets’ quote
She has a box just like Pandora
She spews evil cross the land
Just behind the reek from here big white teeth
She forms lies universally panned
Can’t you feel ‘em circlin’, Sarah
As you move from town to town?
She tells fibs to the left, fibs to the right
She’s a scheming, lying clown
She tells fibs to the left, fibs to the right
And Sarah Palin’s going down
Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 82
Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Don’t Let Facts Get In The Way Of A Good Lie” features Republican presidential candidate Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty. This week Tim Pawlenty said,
Keep in mind, whether it be the Bush tax cuts, the Reagan tax cuts, or other tax cuts, they always produce an increase in revenue. There’s no dispute about that…
Umm Tim, yes there is a dispute about that. As this graph shows, the 1981 Reagan tax cuts and the 2001/2003 Bush tax cuts were both followed by drops in revenue:
THIS JUST IN: Oh No! It was Weiner’s weiner!
BREAKING NEWS: Prospective GOP presidential candidate and present Texas governor, Rick Perry wants to substantially cut funding for public education in his state to the extent that it may end public education. Few Texans should be surprised that their state wants to remove more financing from public education, since it has been doing so almost every year for the past decade. However, it is a sad commentary of a state that is almost last on the list of states providing quality public education. Hey, a stupid population is sure to vote Republican.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Go Go Gophers” features Minnesota’s moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann and Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty. Minnesota has a distinction in this presidential cycle, with two different candidates likely in the race for the Republican nomination. But as a new survey from Public Policy Polling (D) suggests, both former Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Rep. Michele Bachmann would lose their home state to President Obama were they the GOP nominee. So much for home field advantage.
BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of home field advantage or the lack thereof, the same poll reveals that Barack Obama would crush former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney by a landslide margin of 57%-37% in the Bay State. The Mittwit is now unpopular in both of his home states of Massachusetts and Michigan.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Hypocrisy In Action” features New Jersey’s Republican Gov. Chris Christie. The self-proclaimed belt-tightening fiscal conservative who wants to drastically cut Medicaid eligibility in his state was caught taking a state owned helicopter to his son’s little league game. He only offered to refund the immensely expensive trip after he was caught.
BREAKING NEWS: Following in the footsteps of the buyer’s remorse demonstrated by Minnesotans, voters in Michigan have now initiated recall petitions against Republican Gov. Rick Snyder and 15 Republican legislators. Michigan voters are upset about the draconian emergency manager law, school cuts, the tax on pensions and other issues.
THIS JUST IN: Fox News Comment of the week. Fox Headline: “Tracy Morgan’s Shocking Alleged Homophobic Rant: I’ll Kill My Son If He Acts Gay”. Fox news Comment: “If he’s serious that makes him a “go” at being a good dad too many parents have failed their children over the years. I’d off mine if he turned out gay. Homosexuality is disgusting, disturbing and wrong on every level. I like his idea.” Wow! How is that for an informed Fox news fan?
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Face-Slap Of The Week” features Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska told the British newspaper The Guardian,
“I am going to Sudan in July and hope to stop in England on the way. I am just hoping Mrs Thatcher is well enough to see me as I so admire her.”
In response, the paper reported that a Margaret Thatcher associate said,
“Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.”
Wow! That is sure to leave a mark!
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.
Carefree Highway song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWM2whkVq4
WASILLA HIGHWAY
(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “Carefree Highway”)
Pickin’ up the pieces of my sweet Alaskan dream
I wonder how “Joe Sixpack” is tonight
Her name was Sarah, she wore rimless glasses on her face
She was Guv and she was quite uptight
Wasilla Highway, let her slip away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues from her beehive to her shoes
Wasilla Highway, please take her away
Her away on you.
Turnin’ back the pages to the good Ol’ Palinfest
I wonder if she’ll ever be the same
During interviews she only stumbled and then lied
Now all she has is Levi left to blame
Wasilla Highway, poor old Sarah was so lame
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues induced by mainstream nightly news
Wasilla Highway, just take her away
Her away on you
Searchin’ through the fragments of a career that once was
I wonder if “Joe the Plumber” is still kind
Was it Ross, Levi, Wooten or Diana Palin’s bust
Or some other secret she wants left behind
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The mornin’ after blues will she turn to cheap-ass booze?
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away
Sneak away on you
Did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s got no-one left to blame
Wasilla Highway, left without delay
No more nightly news for the Gov with fancy shoes
Wasilla Highway, let her sneak away
Sneak away on you
Americans Say Palin Is Not “HOT”
If you still own one of those bumper stickers or t-shirts which proclaims: “Coldest State. Hottest Governor”, you might want to throw it away. A recent survey indicates that the saying is no longer true. We have known since she “went with the flow” like “a dead fish” back on July 3, 2009 that Sarah Palin is no longer a governor. Now we also know that she is no longer “hot”.
CNN reports that Republican New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie nabbed the “hottest politician” title among those in the GOP, according to a new national Quinnipiac University survey. Sarah Palin on the other hand, registered third from the bottom out of 23 politicians. She finished “hotter” than only Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. It is more than obvious that these results do not bode well for the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska if she intends to run for President. Heck, even former laughing-stock President George W. Bush finished higher than Palin.
The Quinnipiac University poll asked voters to rate leaders from 0 to 100 degrees on a “feeling thermometer,” with the highest numbers reflecting the warmest feelings. The mean scores and the percent who said they did not know enough about the people to rate them are:
Michelle Obama 60.1 degrees 4 percent President Clinton 59.2 2 Christopher Christie 57 55 President Obama 56.5 0 Rudolph Giuliani 52.3 13 Mike Huckabee 51.8 22 John Boehner 51.1 41 Mitt Romney 50.4 23 Tim Pawlenty 48.2 67 Jon Huntsman 47.9 84 Ron Paul 46.3 34 Michael Bloomberg 46 35 Michelle Bachman 45.6 55 Mitch McConnell 45.2 48 Mitch Daniels 45.1 78 Donald Trump 45 5 Rick Santorum 43.9 63 President George W. Bush 43.9 0 Haley Barbour 43.5 65 Newt Gingrich 42.7 17 Sarah Palin 38.2 4 Harry Reid 34.8 37 Nancy Pelosi 32.9 15
It is becoming more apparent as each day passes, that Sarah Palin is fast becoming yesterday’s news. Now that her Presidential aspirations have been quashed, she should concentrate solely on trying to hold onto that cushy and lucrative Fox News position. Inasmuch as her failure of a reality television show has been canceled, the Fox gig is all that she has left to keep her in the public’s eye.
In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody also, too!
“I Am Woman” song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D5KMUIqV-4
I AM PALIN
(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)
I am Palin that’s for sure
I can’t wait for my next book tour
And you know that “Joe the Plumber” is my friend
Yes, I’ve heard it all before
I dress and act just like a whore
And I’m sure to be a DC Town has-been
Oh yes, I’m unwise
And I border on insane
All my words are lies,
Whenever I campaign
If I have to,
I will do anything
Always wrong (wrong)
And I am miserable (she’s miserable)
I am Palin
Todd my husband might forsake me
He’s been getting rubdowns lately
That ass Frank Bailey has turned into a mole
Bristol loves me now no longer
Arizona’s where she wanders
And I’m sinking ever-lower in the polls
Oh yes, I’m unwise
And I border on insane
All my words are lies,
Whenever I campaign
If I have to,
I will do anything
Always wrong (wrong)
And I am miserable (she’s miserable)
I am Palin
I once had a TV show
Was the Queen of Eskimos
I displayed my ignorance across the land
Fighting for those embryos
The right to choose, I do oppose
I know that cuz I wrote it on my hand
Oh yes, I’m unwise
And I border on insane
All my words are lies,
Whenever I campaign
If I have to,
I will do anything
Always wrong (wrong)
And I am miserable (she’s miserable)
I am Palin
Oh, I am Palin
I’m always visible
A ding-dong
I am Palin
I’m always visible
A ding-dong
I am Palin
Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 71
Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!
BREAKING NEWS: Lynnrockets was glad to hear that somebody else agrees that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) is like a caricature of some sort of “Sopranos“-like television politician. Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley (D) criticized Christie’s confrontational and headline-grabbing governing style, calling it a “stand-up routine”. He also accused Christie of being “abusive towards public employees.” Furthermore, he called Christie a hypocrite over his tough budget talk for skipping a $3 billion payment into the state’s pension fund and allowing New Jersey property taxes to increase. Be careful Governor O’Malley because Christie may send “Paulie Walnuts” after you!
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own” features Tea-Baggers and conservative Republican Rep. Joe Barton. The Texas Republican is remembered most as being the out-of-order loudmouth who shouted “You lie!” on the House floor as President Obama was explaining that the health care reform law did not cover illegal immigrants. He also dismissed the $20 billion BP victims’ escrow fund as a “shakedown” on the part of the Obama administration. You would think that this whack-job would be a darling of the Tea Party, what with their warped sense of politics. Yet, this week at the Tea Party Patriots sponsored American Policy Summit, Barton was booed by the faithful. Apparently acknowledging public debate over a possible government shutdown, Barton told the audience about the legislative action – called a continuing resolution – recently passed in the House that temporarily funds the government in lieu of an actual budget. The measure would fund the government for the rest of fiscal year 2011, which ends September 30, and cuts $61 billion from current spending levels. The Tea-Bagger response? Wild shouts of “Boo, boo!, More, more!”. The uncouth Barton and the misguided Tea-Baggers deserve each other.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Not Everybody Learns From History” stars Newt Gingrich. In an editorial published today in the Washington Post, the disgraced former Republican House Speaker and serial wife-cheater writes of a possible government shutdown caused by Republicans, “Those who claim that the shutdown was politically disastrous for Republicans ignore the fact that our House seat losses in 1996 were in the single digits.” Someone should remind Gingrich that during the last government shutdown at the end of 1995 – a three-week event that has since been attributed to rocketing President Bill Clinton back into political favor among the electorate after a bruising midterm election defeat for the Democrats in 1994 – Republicans ultimately compromised with a newly-energized Clinton after the public backlash suggested the GOP was taking a huge political hit. The shutdown also precipitated Gingrich’s ultimate embarrassing resignation from Congress. Here’s hoping history repeats itself once again.
THIS JUST IN: GOP operative Roger Stone, who is currently an informal adviser to Donald Trump said this week that Trump is likely to take a page out of other recent billionaire political aspirant’s playbooks and cut himself a check to the tune of $200 million to finance a run for the presidency. In light of the fact that Trump has filed for bankruptcy protection on at least four occasions, it is surprising that he has $200 million. Just what a country with an ailing economy needs, a President who has gone bankrupt multiple times.
BREAKING NEWS: The New York Times reported last week that after Judith Regan was fired by HarperCollins in 2006, she claimed that a senior executive at its parent company, News Corporation, had encouraged her to lie two years earlier to federal investigators who were vetting Bernard B. Kerik for the job of homeland security secretary. The News Corporation executive, whom she did not name, wanted to protect Rudolph Giuliani and conceal Regan’s affair with Kerik, she said. It has now been revealed that the person urging her to lie was none other than Roger E. Ailes, the powerful chairman of Fox News and a longtime friend of Mr. Giuliani. Anyone surprised?
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Your Tea Party At Work” features the Montana Tea-Baggers. The AP reports that, “with each new bill they file, newly elected Tea Party lawmakers are offering Montanans a vision of the future. Their state would be a place where officials can ignore U.S. laws, force FBI agents to get a sheriff’s OK before arresting anyone, ban abortions, limit sex education in schools and create armed citizen militias.” How’s that for change you can believe in?
BREAKING NEWS: You may have missed it, but last Wednesday somebody over at Fox News spoke the truth. Host Shepard Smith said that there is no longer a budget crisis in Wisconsin and that the battle in the state is all about politics and union-busting. Specifically he said, “to pretend this is about a fiscal crisis in the state of Wisconsin is malarkey.” What are the chances that Smith is rewarded for his candor by receiving a pink slip this week?
THIS JUST IN: Speaking of Wisconsin, Republican Governor Scott Walker attempted to divide the unions by proposing to restrict the collective bargaining rights of some unions but not others. His labor-busting bill will exempt the police and fire unions who endorsed his candidacy. His divide-and-conquer plan has unexpectedly failed. Blogger Ryan Harvey reported, “Hundreds of cops have just marched into the Wisconsin state capitol building to protest the anti-Union bill, to massive applause. They now join up to 600 people who are inside. Police have just announced to the crowds inside the occupied State Capitol of Wisconsin: ‘We have been ordered by the legislature to kick you all out at 4:00 today. But we know what’s right from wrong. We will not be kicking anyone out, in fact, we will be sleeping here with you!”‘. OK Walker, what is Plan B?
BREAKING NEWS: We are still waiting for Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown to either identify the child sex offender that he claims molested him at a summer camp or to admit that he embellished the story to sell books. Despite the fact that law enforcement agencies have requested that Brown identify the sexual deviant, Brown has refused to do so. In the meantime, Brown’s inaction allows a child molester to remain on the loose and free to strike again. This story is not going away.
THIS JUST IN: It would not be a complete weekly news wrap-up without a Sarah Palin story. Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver called Sarah Palin a “Froot Loop” for criticising the Obama administration’s healthy eating initiatives, and said getting healthy foods to kids is a civil rights issue. Apparently the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska and failed reality television personality is now being targeted by other reality television stars. You just have to love it!
BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of “Froot Loops”, did anyone see Joe Scarborough question Glenn Beck‘s sanity this week? His criticism of the Fox News host was simply scathing. Scarborough said, “This guy is losing it before our eyes. He’s bad for the conservative movement. He’s bad for the Republican Party. He’s bad for Fox News…even guys over at Fox News have to start thinking, this can’t last. He’s out of control.” But as we always say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the tape…
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!
LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE
(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)
Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.
Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.
Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)
New Poll Reveals Americans Want Palin “To Sit Down and Shut Up”
Palin is the Poll Slider
Despite her intention to do the opposite which she expressed last night during her interview with Sean Hannity, a majority of Americans want Sarah Palin “to sit down and shut up.” According to the most recent USA TODAY/Gallup survey, Sarah Palin’s favorable rating has dipped to its lowest level since she joined the 2008 Republican presidential ticket and became a household name. CNN reports that it has dropped to a stunningly low 38 percent while her unfavorable rating has risen to 53 percent. Gallup reports the 38 percent is a new low when it comes to the percentage of Americans who give the former Alaska governor a thumbs up. The 53 percent who dislike Palin is also a new high in Gallup polling. A similar poll in July found 44 percent of Americans viewed her favorably while 47 percent did not. The poll was conducted on January 8th through the 10th.
In contrast, a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Tuesday reveals that President Barack Obama’s approval rating is up five points since December as a growing number of Americans consider him a strong leader who is tough enough to handle a crisis. Fifty-three percent of people questioned in the poll approve of how Obama’s handling his duties in the White House, up from 48 percent in a CNN poll that was conducted last month. Obama’s approval rating among independents has grown from 41 percent in December to 56 percent now. The survey also indicates that 59 percent of the public now thinks the president is tough enough to handle a crisis – up six points from last year – and 57 percent now consider him a strong and decisive leader – a four-point gain.
As for Sarah Palin, during her televised interview with Fox News‘ Hannity, she said, “I am not ready to make an announcement about what my political future is going to be. But I will tell you … I am not going to sit down. I am not going to shut up,” Well, the Queen of Quit may not yet be ready to make an announcement but the American people have done so in a loud and clear manner. Their message? “Sarah Palin has no political future.”
Palin has also just received some sobering advice from other influential Republicans. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich says the former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska should “slow down.” While on ABC‘s “Good Morning America” Tuesday, Gingrich said a string of Palin’s recent statements indicate she needs to “be more careful and think through what she’s saying and how she’s saying it.” He also said, “There’s no question that she has become more controversial.”
Gingich’e remarks follow closely on the heels of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who told the New York Times Palin needs to engage with the media and voters in settings less staged than those she currently utilizes (i.e Fox News, Facebook and Twitter).
Is that the proverbial “fat lady” that we can hear singing? If so, stick a fork in Sarah Palin because she is toast.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.
Low Rider song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro4yhp9L6Ok
POLL SLIDER
(sung to the War song “Low Rider”)
All my friends know the poll slider
The poll slider is a little liar
The poll slider slips a little lower
Poll slider couldn’t be much slower
Hey!
Poll Slider is facing defeat, yeah
Poll Slider is gonna be beat, yeah
Poll slider is outta gas now
The poll slider is on her ass
Better get a grip, better get a grip
She is not the one to be
Better get a grip, better get a grip
She’s shunned by the G.O.P.
SPECIAL NOTICE:
Making a Difference in Anchorage
Alaskans are the people who seem to know Sarah Palin best, and object to her most. Democrats, Independents, and Republicans are each susceptible to PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome). Hope is coming to Alaska. Malia Litman, blogger at malialitman.wordpress.com and author of The Ignorance Virtues of Sarah Palin: A Humorous Refudiation of the Half-Term Ex-Governor will be at Borders at 1100 E. Dimond Blvd, Anchorage on Sat. Jan. 22nd at 2:00. Malia will give a presentation and sign books, guaranteed to provide much needed relief for PDS. If you are one of the unfortunate Americans afflicted with this disability condition, come to Borders on Saturday. Together we can find comfort and therapeutic relief for our ailment. Please join Malia.
