GOP’s “Jobs Bills” Lies Exposed

If there is one single thing the Republican Party excels at, it is telling lies. Remember Sarah Palin’s “Death Panels”? How about George W. Bush’s “Weapons of Mass Destruction”? There was Ronald Reagan’s “The U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists”. We heard Mitt Romney say “Obama has made the economy worse.” Newt Gingrich said, “The $1.6 million I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.” Ron Paul lied about his racist newsletters and Rick Santorum said, President Obama is “driven by a phony theology – not a theology based on the Bible.” Is it any wonder that polls have shown Republican approval ratings as low as 10%?

One of the GOP’s favorite lies which is repeated by just about all of them is that they (i.e. House Republicans) have passed 30 “jobs bills” that have just been sitting in the Senate. Speaker of the House John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner) said last Sunday on Fox news (where else?), “30 jobs bills were passed over the last year in a Republican House of Representatives that are sitting in the United States Senate — thirty. Our focus over the last 12 months has been on jobs. Our focus over the course of the next 12 months is going to be on jobs.” The Republicans even have a webpage with a list of their so-called jobs bills.

Unfortunately for Mr. Boehner and the Republicans, somebody has been keeping score. Crooksandliars.com has gone so far as to point out why each of those bills is not, in fact, a jobs bill at all. Indeed, it is humorous to note that the Republicans’ web page lists only 27 (not 30) bills. There is another lie to add to the ever-growing list. The following is a brief synopsis of each alleged “jobs bill” and why it is not a “jobs bill” at all:

HR 3630 – The Middle Class Tax Relief & Job Creation Act of 2011: It cuts the 99-week maximum down to a 59-week maximum by mid-2012, allow states to drug-test UI recipients, and allow states to reduce state unemployment benefits and substitute federal funds. It also cuts funding for key provisions of the Affordable Care Act coming online. It also repeals the new timing rules for estimated corporate tax payments for companies with assets of $1 billion or more so that they can use payments of estimated taxes as a timing tool for fourth quarter profit declarations. So, where is the job creation in this bill? None of those provisions create jobs.

HR 1633 – Farm Dust Regulation Prevention Act of 2011: This bill prevents the EPA from issuing or finalizing regulations revising air quality standards under the Clean Air Act, and excepts farm dust from all references to “particulate matter.” No jobs there.

HR 10 – Regulations from the Executive in Need of Scrutiny (REINS) Act of 2011: Guts the regulation process by mandating that every regulation promulgated be approved by Congress after an onerous submission process, while exempting any Congressional finding from judicial review. Call this one the Carte Blanche For Congress To Kill All Regulatory Authority Bill.  No jobs created by this bill.

HR 3010 – Regulatory Accountability Act of 2011: This is a modified, somewhat less onerous version of HR 10, setting guidelines for whether any regulations are warranted at all even if called for under a statute. Calling an anti-regulatory statute a jobs bill is a little like calling a half-built bridge infrastructure. So again, not a jobs bill.

HR 527 – Regulatory Flexibility Improvements Act of 2011: This bill would reduce regulatory requirements on small businesses by forcing an impact study with specific focus on small business before regulation is adopted. It would limit EPA, OSHA and CFPB regulations while presumably protecting “small” closely-held Subchapter S corporations like Koch Industries. Not a jobs bill.

HR 3012 – Fairness for High-Skilled Immigrants Act of 2011: This bill would expand job immigration beyond current limits by eliminating employment-based immigrant visa caps and raising the percentage of total visas granted to 15% from 7%. For this one, I’ll say it IS a jobs bill, but not a jobs bill for American workers. It is the “Elite Immigration Jobs Bill of 2011″.

HR 3094 – Workforce Democracy and Fairness Act: This bill redefines collective bargaining units and makes significant changes to election procedures, including one intended to intimidate employees: an employer-supplied list of eligible voters with contact information provided by the employee. Not a jobs bill. A union-buster bill.

HR 2930 – Entrepreneur Access to Capital Act:This bill exempts startups raising less than $1 million in venture capital from small investors from SEC registration and oversight. Not a jobs bill. An anti-regulatory bill.

HR 2940 – Access to Capital for Job Creators Act: This bill repeals prohibitions on solicitation or advertising of a securities offering. It’s a companion to HR 2930, and is intended to allow people with no relationship to a startup company to invest in it without any oversight by the SEC. Let’s call this and its evil twins HR 2930 and HR 1965 the “Ponzi Scheme Coverup Acts of 2011″

HR 1965 – Securities Laws Amendment: This bill changes the shareholder threshhold for SEC registration from 500 to 2000 shareholders. It’s not a jobs bill. It’s a “hide from the SEC” bill. Its companion, HR 1970, would exempt SEC registration of public offerings under $50 million rather than the current $5 million threshold.

Many More EPA Acts: So many they don’t deserve to be broken down individually. HR 2273 removes coal ash regulation from the EPA and hands it to the states. HR 2681 would put a legislative stay on cement manufacturing emission standards. HR 2250 would put a legislative stay on EPA boiler MACT rules. HR 2401 would require analysis of all EPA regulations relating to air, waste, water and climate change. HR 2018 would restrict EPA from issuing any revisions to existing water standards or issuing a new standard for a pollutant if the state has already adopted one or there is an existing standard in place. In other words, ignore any new scientific research after an initial standard has been set. HR 2021 amends the Clean Air Act to open oil and gas exploration off the Alaska coast. HR 910 strips the EPA of authority to regulate greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act, a direct assault on efforts to limit man-made contributions to climate change. HR 872 expands the use of pesticides, fungicides and rodent without EPA approval. Not a job created in any of these bills.

Many More Oil and Gas Drilling Acts: There is HR 1231, which would require the Administration to allow offshore oil and gas drilling and exploration in order to meet set domestic production goals, effectively forcing the moratorium on offshore drilling to be lifted to meet goals. HR 1229 requires the Energy Secretary to consider any offshore drilling permits within 30 days of receiving it and provide application denials in writing within 60 days of the application. Another “forced moratorium lift” bill. HR 1230 forces sales of oil leases in the Gulf of Mexico and Outer Continental Shelf of Virginia. It also lifts requirements for environmental impact statements and grandfathers in a 2007 document as authority for environmental impact. No new jobs created here either.

Special Interest Legislation, or Pandering to Corporate Interests

• HR 1904 proposes an exchange of land so that Resolution Copper, LLC can mine copper on what is now part of the Tonto National Forest.
• HJ Res 37 is a resolution of disapproval on net neutrality.
• HR 2587 prohibits the NLRB from restricting where an employer can locate. This is in response to the NLRB’s objection to the Boeing plant relocation to South Carolina, a right-to-work state.

These would fall under the anti-labor, anti-environment categories, but not particularly effective job creators. In fact, in Boeing’s case, the jobs lost would hurt the economy more than jobs created in a right-to-work state where employers are not obligated to adhere to industry standards on contracts, safety or other issues.

Republicans passing jobs bills? Nope. Just more GOP lies.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av2e

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Sunday Afternoon Coffee (or Tea) – 86

Sorry about the late post but these beach days are cutting into Lynnrockets’ productivity!

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: The first recall election was held in Wisconsin last week and incumbent Democratic State Senator Dave Hansen defeated his Republican challenger in a landslide in which the Democrat took more than 65% of the vote. The recall elections were spurred by a voter backlash to the union-busting efforts of newly elected Republicans. With only 3 more victories the Democrats will recapture control of the state senate. Let the Wisconsin recall elections continue!

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “This Week In History” features the fact that it was nearly 10 years ago that the United States began borrowing billions of dollars to pay for the bush tax cuts. http://thinkprogress.org/special/2011/07/20/273795/ten-years-ago-bush-tax-cuts/

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time some crazy Republican Tea Party conservative like Michele Bachmann or Ron Paul tells you that not raising the debt ceiling will not threaten those on Social Security, show them this quote from Ronald Reagan:

“Congress consistently brings the Government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinkmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar. The United States has a special responsibility to itself and the world to meet its obligations. It means we have a well-earned reputation for reliability and credibility – two things that set us apart from much of the world.”

Was Reagan lying too?

THIS JUST IN:  Quote of the Week from William Rivers Pitt, “I love the smell of Murdoch in the morning!”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “How’s This For A Surprise?…Not!” features Alabama’s Republican and very anti-homosexual Attorney General Troy King. Wonkette reports that Troy (who advocates outlawing homosexuality and sex toys) “has apparently been caught having homosexual sex intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant. Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed…His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University. What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University?” You just can’t make this stuff up.

THIS JUST IN: 2nd Best Quote of the Week from Larry Summers while President of Harvard University on a visit from the Winklevoss twins (who wanted his help in getting a piece of the Facebook action from Zuckerberg), “One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o’clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they’re looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an a**hole. This was the latter case.”

BREAKING NEWS:  “A new filing in the King Lincoln Bronzeville v. Blackwell case includes a copy of the Ohio Secretary of State election production system configuration that was in use in Ohio’s 2004 presidential election when there was a sudden and unexpected shift in votes for George W. Bush.” Benzinga.com reports thatSmarTech, a private company (with extensive ties to the Republican Party, Karl Rove and the Republican agenda), had the ability in the 2004 election to add or subtract votes without anyone knowing they did so. The the combination of computer hacking, ballot destruction, and the discrepancy between exit polling (which showed a big Kerry win in Ohio) and the “real” vote tabulation, all point to one answer: the Republicans stole the 2004 election. Anybody surprised?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter -  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Obama Made Eradicating Osama A Top Priority. Bush, Not So Much.

President Barack Obama kept his promise to the American people that he would capture or kill terrorist Osama bin Laden. In 2008 he made a campaign promise during a presidential debate moderated by Tom Brokaw and Katie Couric. Barack Obama said,

“And we have a difficult situation in Pakistan. I believe that part of the reason we have a difficult situation is because we made a bad judgment going into Iraq in the first place when we hadn’t finished the job of hunting down bin Laden and crushing al-Qaida.

So what happened was we got distracted, we diverted resources, and ultimately bin Laden escaped, set up base camps in the mountains of Pakistan in the northwest provinces there.

They are now raiding our troops in Afghanistan, destabilizing the situation. They’re stronger now than at any time since 2001. And that’s why I think it’s so important for us to reverse course because that’s the central front on terrorism. They are plotting to kill Americans right now. As Secretary Gates, the Defense secretary, said, the war against terrorism began in that region, and that’s where it will end.

So part of the reason I think it’s so important for us to end the war in Iraq is to be able to get more troops into Afghanistan, put more pressure on the Afghan government to do what it needs to do, eliminate some of the drug trafficking that’s funding terrorism.

But I do believe that we have to change our policies with Pakistan. We can’t coddle, as we did, a dictator, give him billions of dollars, and then he’s making peace treaties with the Taliban and militants. What I have said is we’re going encourage democracy in Pakistan, expand our non-military aid to Pakistan so that they have more of a stake in working with us, but insisting that they go after these militants.

And if we have Osama bin Laden in our sights and the Pakistani government is unable or unwilling to take them out, then I think that we have to act, and we will take them out.

We will kill bin Laden. We will crush al-Qaida. That has to be our biggest national security priority.“

Later, as politico.com reminds us, “On June 2, 2009, just over four months into his presidency, Obama had signed a memo to CIA Director Leon Panetta stating,

“in order to ensure that we have expanded every effort, I direct you to provide me within 30 days a detailed operation plan for locating and bringing to justice’ bin Laden.“

Then in September of 2010, during a White House news conference, President Obama reiterated his commitment to “capturing or killing” Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahiri.

“I think capturing or killing [them] would be extremely important to our national security,” he said. “Doesn’t solve all our problems, but it remains a high priority of this administration.”

The Hill http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/118067-obama-capturing-…

On May 1, 2011 President Obama delivered on his promise when Osama bin Laden was shot and killed during a Navy SEAL ambush of his hideout in Pakistan.

In stark contrast to the priority of President Obama, former President George W. Bush’s commitment to finding and capturing or killing bin Laden waned with the passage of time and his inability to locate the madman.

Two days after the 9/11 attacks, Bush said,

“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.”

Shortly thereafter on September 17, 2001 Bush upped the ante and said,

“I want justice…There’s an old poster out West, as I recall, that said, ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive,’”

As Bush’s search for bin Laden was proving fruitless with the passege of time however, he began to change his tune.  On March 13, 2002 he said,

“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.”

That same day Bush added,

“I am truly not that concerned about him.”

George W. Bush was not lying in 2002. From that point onward until the 2008 election he seldom ever mentioned the name of Osama bin Laden again.

OK then, now that we’re finished with that, let’s have some fun with a song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

F Troop theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/F_Troop.html

BUSH TROOP

(sung to the television theme of “F Troop”)

The dawn of the Iraq War was near
When coincidentally
Cheney and Bush got the limits pushed
And commenced torturous brutality.

The methods employed often maimed and killed
Which pleased Cheney’s vicious group.
The waterboard trick both chilled and thrilled
Nobody was appalled they were called Bush Troop.

With testicle bites and really bright lights
Their victims sure took a lickin’
From draft dodging war hawks
Who are just chickens.

When killing and maiming get them down
They know their morale can’t droop.
As long as they own old D.C. Town
They are sure to resume with a bang and a boom
Bush Troop.

A Victory For Obama And Our Nation

The next time your hear some brain-dead conservative proclaim that George W. Bush also deserves credit for the apprehension of Osama bin Laden, simply show them this:

Welcome to your second term, Barack Obama!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 70

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  Tea-Baggers will be heading to Wisconsin to stage a counter-protest to the state and local union members who are protesting the Republican governor’s attempt to disenfranchise them of their collective bargaining rights. Lynnrockets cannot wait to see the misspelled signs and incomprehensible slogans.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Take That!” features the Obama Administration which rescinded most of a federal regulation designed to protect health workers who refuse to provide care they find objectionable on personal or religious grounds. The Health and Human Services Department eliminated nearly the entire rule put into effect by the administration of President George W. Bush during his final days in office that was widely interpreted as allowing such workers to opt out of a broad range of medical services, such as providing the emergency contraceptive Plan B, treating gay men and lesbians and prescribing birth control to single women.

BREAKING NEWS: Ya gotta love the Green Bay Packers. No, not because the are the current Super Bowl champions and have the most championships of any team in the NFL, but because the publicly owned franchise’s players have signed a letter in support of the AFL-CIO’s efforts to derail Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s plan to cut union bargaining rights. Now that is a professional team you can believe in!

THIS JUST IN: Unfortunately, former whack-job Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle has announced that she will not seek the GOP presidential nomination in 2012. With that announcement, Angle has denied many bloggers the opportunity to laugh out loud as they wrote about her campaign. Oh well, we still have Michele Bachmann for the time being.

BREAKING NEWS:  Fox News online comment of the week. Headline:  Facebook Add Support for Same Sex Civil Unions. Comment:  “Eww…It’s disgusting! Im glad I don’t have facebook. Facebook has turn into Sodom and Gomorrah. Facebook praise gays, now. Puke!” How erudite.

THIS JUST IN: Don’t you love it when Barney Frank (D MA) lectures the Republicans on governance? On Thursday, Frank referred to the House Republicans’ draconian budget cuts as an “orgy of self-congratulation”. Let’s watch:

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Bushwacked” features who else but former President and torturer in chief, George W. Bush. Bush canceled a trip to Switzerland last week citing security concerns, but international human rights groups were prepared to have him indicted for torture while in the country. The groups maintain that Bush could be indicted if he travels to any of 147 countries that have signed the Convention Against Torture. Looks like Dubya will be trapped like an animal in the cage of the U.S. for some time.

THIS JUST IN: Boston Globe columnist Joan Vennochi brings up an interesting point in this morning’s edition of the newspaper.  She wrote, ” Senator Scott Brown’s {R-MA} revelations about a childhood that included sexual assault by a summer camp counselor are genuinely sympathy-inducing. But, they also make you wonder: in light of this searing experience when he was 10, how could Brown endorse Jeff Perry, the Republican congressional candidate, who, in 1991, allegedly stood by as a 14-year-old girl was sexually assaulted by a fellow police officer? The victim, Lisa Allen, came forward during the race that Perry ultimately lost and said that Perry “had to hear my screaming and crying. Instead of helping me, Jeff Perry denied anything happened.’’’ The other officer however entered a guilty plea and was convicted. Let’s get this straight, the Tea Party favorite Brown suffered at the hands of at least two sexual abusers, yet he still chose political party loyalty over morality when he endorsed a Republican candidate who, despite being a police officer, allegedly stood by and did nothing when a young girl was being sexually molested by his partner. Is that change you can believe in? BTW, Brown will be featured on “60 Minutes” this evening.

BREAKING NEWS: It would not be a complete weekly recap without some mention of Sarah Palin. Thankfully a book written by a former aid of the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has been leaked. The author, Frank Bailey alleges therein that Palin hated being governor, festered with petty grievances and broke election laws by coordinating with the Republican Governors Association during her 2006 campaign for governor. The clock is now ticking with regard to how long it will take Palin to respond via either Facebook, Twitter or on Fox News.

THIS JUST IN: On Friday the Republican controlled House voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Do not worry however, because the Senate will never let that fly. Nevertheless, it was the perfect opportunity for Fox News‘ Glenn Beck to go on a meritless rant against the organization. Beck spent his entire show yesterday railing against the non-profit. He so far to claim that the organization assists in sex trafficking operations involving underage girls. Honestly, at this point why doesn’t the wacky lunatic blame the Egyptian uprising on Planned parenthood also?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That Smell song clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8

BECK’S SMELL

(sung to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “That Smell”)

Whiskey bottles and drug filled jars
Those were Glenn Beck’s best days
Way too much coke and too much smoke
How does Fox News take pride in you?

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Yeah,

Angel of darkness is in our view
He’s a weasel doing harm (you fool, you)
The bloviating bloke, has a show that just blows
Have a drink, fool, you clown, you (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Righties call Beck prince charming
They take his word as the gospel truth
Yet Glenn Beck’s logic is hollow, and
Fox News just might learn he has no clue (no, clue)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

(crying break)

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s a fear-mongering bore

(Nazi reference break)

Beck has his own little Waterloo

It’s a monkey on his back
Sponsors have split from his racist schticks
One hell of a price and Beck’s show might get nixed (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s just a fool, just a fool, just a fool.

Independent Thoughts On Independence Day

Fireworks over Boston

First of all, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish all of you a very happy Independence Day. Now let’s get to it…

BREAKING NEWS: One has to wonder about all the doom and gloom surrounding the June 2010 employment statistics. This week the Bureau of Labor Statistics released data that indicates that the nation added 83,000 jobs last month. The mainstream pundits went apopleptic and decried the figure as being miserable because May’s numbers were so much higher (as the result of temporary government census jobs). But take a step back for a moment and remember that when George W. Bush left office, we were losing 700,000 jobs per month. In other words, the nation was bleeding uncontrollably. We are now adding jobs and I can assure you that each of those 83,000 new hires is happier with the direction the economy is headed now rather than during Bush’s term.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t Let The Facts Get In The Way Of A Good Story” features Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Michael Steele who said that Afghanistan is an unwinnable war of Obama’s choosing. Was he the guy in the film that rhetorically asked if the Americans quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “No, Actually You Heard That Correctly” features Fox News host Glenn Beck. The non-college educated, drug addict, philandering Beck has announced the creation of his very own online college to be known as Beck University. Beck’s website states:

This July, while others are relaxing poolside, head back to the classroom – from the comfort of your own home. That may sound like an oxymoron but Glenn’s new academic program is only available online.

Offered exclusively to Insider Extreme subscribers, Beck University is a unique academic experience bringing together experts in the fields of religion, American history and economics. Through captivating lectures and interactive online discussions, these experts will explore the concepts of Faith, Hope and Charity and show you how they influence America’s past, her present and most importantly her future.

The Philadelphia Daily News says, “Unlike Harvard or Yale, where Beck was a half-term (sound familiar?) student in one theology course after his ex-friend Joe Lieberman pulled some strings, Beck U. is strictly a profit deal. Only by paying Glenn Beck Inc. to become an extreme insider ($9.95 a month, or $74.95) can you enroll on Beck’s pseudo-cyber-campus. How else do you think Beck expects to sell that $4.25 million manse and move into bigger digs?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “The Truth Hurts” features Lindsey Graham. South Carolina’s Republican Senator told The New York Times this week, that “The problem with the Tea Party, I think its just unsustainable because they can never come up with a coherent vision of governing the country. It will die out.” Be careful Lindsey, you have now become the target of a multitude of misspelled signs.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Worst President Of The Modern Era” features George W. Bush. ThinkProgress.org reports, “Since 1982, the Siena Research Institute has polled presidential scholars on whom they view to be best and worst presidents in American history, based on a variety of issues from “integrity” to economic stewardship. This year’s poll of 238 scholars found that President Franklin Roosevelt was once again ranked on top, joined by Presidents Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, and Teddy Roosevelt to complete the top five. However, President George W. Bush did not fare well since the last poll was conducted in 2002. He dropped 16 places to 39th, making him the worst president since Warren Harding died in office in 1923, and one of the bottom five of all time.” Ouch. To add insult to the Republican Party’s injury, the list showed that Bill Clinton is ranked higher than Ronald Reagan. Oh, the humanity!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Is That A Potato In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy To Meet Me” features Sarah Palin and the guy in the blue shirt about 46 seconds into the video. Lynnrockets would like to thank readers nswfm and Pat in MA for bringing this to our attention.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Scott Brown Shuts The G.O.P. Down … Again

Remember back in January when Republicans and Tea-Baggers were giddy over the election of Scott Brown to Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate seat? Well something funny happened on the way to the 2012 Republican nomination for President. Scott Brown has demonstrated that he is not the dependable conservative rubber stamp that the G.O.P. and Tea Party thought they had elected. First, he never had the opportunity to cast his promised 41st vote against Health Care Reform legislation. In fact, his first Senate vote was in favor of a Democratic Party jobs bill that was bitterly opposed by Republicans. On Thursday, the clothing challenged Scott Brown broke from the Republicans once again and voted in favor of cloture on the Democratic Party’s Financial Reform bill which stymied the G.O.P.’s filibuster efforts and virtually assured the bill’s passage into law. Brown’s was the decisive 60th vote. A huge victory for the Democrats and another betrayal of the Republicans. As George W. Bush would say, “Brownie…you’re doing a heck of a job!”

Scott Brown is now certain to be summoned to Mitch McConnell’s office for some corporal punishment. But who will deliver the blows? Larry “Men’s Room” Craig? David “Diapers” Vitter? Michele “Birther” Bachmann? Don’t worry, we will know soon enough. Photos are sure to leak!

What will Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Ann “The Man” Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Bill O’Reilly and all those moonbat crazy Tea-Baggers have to say about their once and future favorite nudist now? Is there anything more beautiful than watching conservatives eat their own? Stay tuned. The fireworks will begin long before Independence day this year.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Charlie Brown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UnPzp2lmNk

SCOTTIE BROWN

(sung to the Coasters song “Charlie Brown”)

Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum
He’s the senator that will bare his bum

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He likes to bare his bod
In those magazines
(That’s why everybody’s always pickin’ on me)

That’s him on his knees
I know that’s him
Yeah, from 7 come 11
Down in the Senate gym

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
Craig thinks that he’s hot
He hopes to steal a peek
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Who’s always nude at the roll call?
Who’s lurking in the men’s room stalls?
Who’s sporting his bat and balls?
Guess who? (who me?) yeah, you!

Who walks through the Senate dumb and slow?
Who calls Mitch McConnell, Daddy-O?

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s going down, next time around
His votes can be bought
Just you wait and see
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)

(musical interlude)

He is in the Party that says “No”
With his private parts swinging to and fro

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He’s showing a lot
His bum, his wee-wee
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Sarah Palin Gets Bush-Whacked

Bush's fist greets Palin's face.

Is there anything more enjoyable to watch than Republicans eating their own? The Angry Party is now angry with itself. Matt Latimer’s soon to be released book, Speech-Less: Tales of a White House Survivor will have passages excerpted in the next issue of GQ Magazine and they are spicy hot. In the book, former worst president in history, George W. Bush takes a few not so subtle jabs at former worst governor in history and former worst vice presidential nominee in history, Sarah Palin.

When he was informed that John McCain had chosen Palin as his running mate, the book states that Bush reacted as follows:

“I’m trying to remember if I’ve met her before. I’m sure I must have.” His eyes twinkled, then he asked, “What is she, the governor of Guam?”

Everyone in the room seemed to look at him in horror, their mouths agape. When Ed told him that conservatives were greeting the choice enthusiastically, he replied, “Look, I’m a team player, I’m on board.” He thought about it for a minute. “She’s interesting,” he said again. “You know, just wait a few days until the bloom is off the rose.” Then he made a very smart assessment.

“This woman is being put into a position she is not even remotely prepared for,” he said. “She hasn’t spent one day on the national level. Neither has her family. Let’s wait and see how she looks five days out.” It was a rare dose of reality in a White House that liked to believe every decision was great, every Republican was a genius, and McCain was the hope of the world because, well, because he chose to be a member of our party.

Ouch! That’s gonna leave a mark. What will Little Miss Thin Skin do next? I can hear her now, “In honor of the troops, I must now give a shout out to my former Commander in Chief and inform him that he will soon sleep with the fishes and go with the flow also, too.”

As we have said so many times before, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. Today’s song parody will expound upon the last Republican two term president’s assertion that Palin is not “remotely prepared for” politics on a national level.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Say Goodbye To Hollywood song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEoDLUJr8J8&feature=related

SAY GOODBYE TO WASHINGTON

(sung to the Billy Joel song “Say Goodbye To Hollywood”)

Sarah’s driving through Wasilla tonight
With her sights
On a hot new cowboy bar
She joins her lover who came on snow machine
Found her ring somewhere out in their backyard

Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady
Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady

Toddy’s taking care of things for awhile
That’s his style to act like he’s governor
Sarah’s going off to Hong Kong on a tour
Cuz she can’t get a gig here anymore

Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady
Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady

Movin’ on is a chance she’ll take for two dimes
That she can rub – together
Whoa oh oh oh
Palin spoke out of line
And George Bush now says her future is gone
Forever
Forever

So now she faces an outsider‘s dull life
And she’ll grasp
For attention now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again

Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady
Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady

She’s out of the big dance and for good this time
It’s sure to be – forever
Whoa oh oh oh
She used her last life-line
Now she’ll find that the friends she had are gone
Forever
Forever

There’ll be no traces of her once famous life
They won’t last
They are all long gone again
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again

Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady
Say goodbye to Washington
Say goodbye old lady