Category Archives: Tim Pawlenty

Bachmann’s Migraines Are Now A Headache To Her Campaign

As we have said so many times in the past here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off, there is nothing more entertaining than watching Republicans eat their own. It would appear that the lovey-dovey atmosphere and unified comraderie of the GOP primary season has come to an abrupt halt. Only a month ago  a bunch of these presidential wannabes appeared at the first Republican debate and engaged in a big group hug while bashing President Obama. It seemed as if each of the candidates would have been perfectly happy to have anyone of his/her opponents win the nomination. Not anymore. That was then, this is now. The gloves are now officially off as the lackluster cast of candidates are taking pot-shots at each other.

The first unqualified candidate at the bottom of the pig pile is Michele Bachmann. Perhaps that is appropriate inasmuch as she is by far, the moonbat craziest and the weakest link in the bunch. She has absolutely no grasp of American history as proven by her statements that “the shot heard round the world” was fired from New Hampshire and that our founding fathers “fought tirelessly to end slavery.” She denies science as illustrated by her statements that global climate change “is a hoax” and “Hundreds and hundreds” of Nobel Prize winning scientists “believe in intelligent design” and not in the theory of evolution. And she is completely homophobic as revealed by her statement that judges tell children that they “must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it” and that homosexuals “are part of Satan.” Let’s face it, Michele Bachmann is nuts and her GOP opponents know it.

The first blow directed at Bachmann was from the relatively unknown former pizza shop owner, Herman Cain. When asked why voters should choose him over Bachmann last week on “Fox News Sunday”, he said

“The choice is real simple. My entire career has been problem-solving, not politics.”

This week it was revealed that the Tea Party-backed Bachmann frequently suffers from severe migraine headaches that have at least three times landed her in the hospital. The Daily Caller reported that Bachmann “suffers from stress-induced medical episodes that she has characterized as severe headaches.” It did not take long for that revelation to be used against her by another member of the GOP.

CNN reports that on the very same day that Bachmann released a doctor’s letter detailing her treatment for migraines, former Minnesota Gov. and current Presidential candidate, Tim Pawlenty took a not-so-veiled swipe at his 2012 presidential campaign rival. He refused to comment directly as to whether he believed that Bachmann’s medical condition would impede her ability to perform the duties of the Presidency. He said he would “defer to the judgment of the medical professionals.” However, Pawlenty did say

“The candidates are going to have to be able to demonstrate they can do all of the job, all of the time.”

That statement was a clear implication that he questions whether Bachmann’s migraines will prevent her from being at the top of her game all of the time as the office requires.

Who will be the next Republican candidate to attack Bachmann? Probably not Mitt Romney. The former Massachusetts Gov. and current GOP Presidential candidate actually came to Bachmann’s defense. Yeaterday he said, “There’s no question in my mind that Michele Bachmann’s health is in no way an impediment to her being able to serve as president.” But this is Mitt Romney we are talking about. The monumental flip-flopper has changed his position on so many issues so many times, that he is very likely to change his mind tomorrow and declare that Bachmann is medically unfit for the office.

All we can do in the meantime, is sit back and wait for the next punch to be thrown. The anticipation is sure to be mounting.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Michele song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvee-w0uBc

MICHELE

(Sung to the Beatles song “Michele”)

Michele, from Hell
These are words that go together well,
Weird Michelle.

Michele, do tell,
Do you even possess one brain cell
One tiny cell?

Just shut up, just shut up, just shut up
You have nothing to say
Would you just go away
And crawl back under that rock from whence you
Ca-ame yesterday.

Michele, Oh well,
You’ve been put under a right-wing spell
A sure death knell

On Fox News, on Fox News, on Fox News
That’s where you’ll always be
Republican TV
With Hannity and O’Reilly
And Coulter, the queen

We mock you…

We want you, we want you, we want you,
To leave the air-waves now
And lose your job somehow
Until you do we’re telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michele, farewell
Take with you that foul sulfuric smell
Sulfuric smell.

We will say the only words we know that
You’ll understand, “Go to Hell.”

Unimpressive GOP Presidential Candidates Lost In A Field Of Dreams

As of July 2011, the field of confirmed Republican 2012 Presidential candidates is laughable. In modern history has there ever been a more radically-conservative, unaccomplished, boring and out and out insane group to seek our nation’s highest office? At his point President Barack Obama is sitting pretty while he wonders which one of these under-achievers will ultimately square-off against him in November of next year. Let’s take a look at these GOP wannabes.

Mitt Romney: Known as Mitt(wit) in his former home of Massachusetts, Romney’s state ranked 47th (out of 50) in job creation while he was governor. That is especially embarrassing when one considers that he was governor of the Bay State during an economic boom-time. Romney is also known for his propensity to flip-flop on issues more than anyone in history. He was in favor of a woman’s right to choose before he was against it. He was in favor of strict hand-gun regulation before he was against it. He was in favor of a path to citizenship immigration policy before he was against it. Most striking of all, he was the author of the first comprehensive health care reform law which was spearheaded by a personal mandate to purchase health insurance before he was against the new national law which is a virtual clone.

Donald Trump:  Oh wait a second, the bankrupt billionaire has already quit the race. He says that he is considering re-entering however, so let’s keep him on the list for awhile. Donald Trump, really? Say no more.

Newt Gingrich:  The former disgraced Republican Speaker of the House has already been forced out of politics once by his own party. He has been married three times and has switched religious affiliations as often. He claims to represent the interests of working-class Americans as he runs up million dollar credit card bills at posh jeweler Tiffany. Nearly his entire staff has already quit on him and his campaign is approximately $1 million in debt. Does Gingrich sound like a good candidate to lead the nation out of its economic woes?

Tim Pawlenty:  BORING!!! Pawlenty is the former Governor of Minnesota who claimed to be fiscally conservative while agreeing to spend hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to build a baseball stadium for the millionaire owner of the Minnesota Twins. His gubernatorial election wins have always been by the slimmest of margins. His approval rating among his home state Minnesotans is always less than 50%. Pawlenty also pardoned a man named Jeremy Geifer, who in 1993 spent 45 days in jail and registered as a sex offender for impregnating his 14-year-old girlfriend when he was 19. Thereafter, Geifer’s daughter, the one whose conception sparked the original conviction, accused Geifer of raping her before, during and after Pawlenty pardoned the ex-con. Think of 1988 Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis and his “Willy Horton problem”. All of this may explain why Pawlenty’s campaign has only been able to raise $4.5 million in donations.

Jon Huntsman: The former Utah Governor served in the Obama Administration as Ambassador to China. In letters to President Obama he said, “You are a remarkable leader, and it has been a great honor getting to know you”, “the graciousness and kindness you have shown me and my family – particularly your confidence in my ability to represent you in China”, “I have enormous regard for your experience, sense of history and brilliant analysis of world events” and “I must report that Sec. Clinton has won the hearts and minds of the State Dept. bureaucracy — no easy task. And after watching her in action, I can see why. She is well-read, hard working, personable and has even more charisma than her husband! It’s an honor to work with her”. When Huntsman is forced out of the Republican race, perhaps he can switch allegiances and campaign on behalf of Barack Obama.

Herman Cain:  The former pizza shop owner and lobbyist opposes abortion even in the case of incest or rape. He is a racist who dislikes Muslims. He has stated that he was “uncomfortable” when he found that the surgeon operating on his liver and colon cancer was Muslim because, “”based upon the little knowledge that I have of the Muslim religion, you know, they have an objective to convert all infidels or kill them”. When asked in asked in March 2011 if he would feel comfortable appointing a Muslim to his administration or as a Judge. Cain said “No, I will not … There’s this creeping attempt, there’s this attempt, to gradually ease Shariah Law, and the Muslim faith into our government. It does not belong in our government”. Cain has also stated that president Barack Obama was  “raised in Kenya”. In short, Cain is an unhealthy pizza with everything bad on it. Even Hitler finds Herman Cain unelectable. Watch this newly discovered secret footage:

Ron Paul:  Ron Paul is our first candidate that belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party.  He is known as “Dr. No” because of his insistence that he will “never vote for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution”. He opposes birthright citizenship. He advocates for the elimination of the Federal Reserve. He would deny women their right of freedom of choice in birth. He believes that the civil Rights act of 1964 is unconstitutional. He is worried that our nation’s gold supply might have gone missing from Fort Knox. He is also a racist who said this in his very own newsletter, “Boy, it sure burns me to have a national holiday for that pro-communist philanderer Martin Luther King. I voted against this outrage time and time again as a Congressman. What an infamy that Ronald Reagan approved it! We can thank him for our annual Hate Whitey Day.” And this, “opinion polls consistently show only about 5% of blacks have sensible political opinions”. And this, “if you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be”.

Michele Bachmann:  This Minnesota Congresswoman is absolutely the craziest bat in the GOP belfry. She too belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party. She too opposes abortion even in the case of rape or incest. She hates gays and considers them “part of Satan”. She denounces govt. subsidies and Medicaid except when she, her husband and family are recipients of same. She has said the following: “And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it”, “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design” and “[Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that”. She also believes the the famous “shot heard round the world” was fired in New Hampshire and that our founding fathers “fought tirelessly to end slavery”. Now that is a bag-full of crazy.

Rick Santorum,   Santorum is the former GOP Senator from Pennsylvania who was soundly defeated by Democrat Bob Casey, Jr. in 2006. He lost by a margin of  59% to 41% which is the largest margin of defeat for an incumbent Senator since 1980. He denies the theory of evolution and is adamantly anti-gay. He once said that gay marriage would ultimately lead to men having sex with dogs.

Gary Johnson  Never heard of him.

Fred karger,  Never heard of him.

Andy Martin:  Never heard of him.

Thaddeus McCotter:  Never heard of him.

Roy Moore: Never heard of him.

Buddy Roemer:  Never heard of him.

With this group of clowns who needs Sarah Palin?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Tim Pawlenty makes me snore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

  • Boom, bam, boom
  • Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 82

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Don’t Let Facts Get In The Way Of  A Good Lie” features Republican presidential candidate Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty. This week Tim Pawlenty said,

Keep in mind, whether it be the Bush tax cuts, the Reagan tax cuts, or other tax cuts, they always produce an increase in revenue. There’s no dispute about that…

Umm Tim, yes there is a dispute about that. As this graph shows, the 1981 Reagan tax cuts and the 2001/2003 Bush tax cuts were both followed by drops in revenue:

THIS JUST IN: Oh No! It was Weiner’s weiner!

BREAKING NEWS:  Prospective GOP presidential candidate and present Texas governor, Rick Perry wants to substantially cut funding for public education in his state to the extent that it may end public education. Few Texans should be surprised that their state wants to remove more financing from public education, since it has been doing so almost every year for the past decade. However, it is a sad commentary of a state that is almost last on the list of states providing quality public education. Hey, a stupid population is sure to vote Republican.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Go Go Gophers” features Minnesota’s moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann and Tim “Good ‘n” Pawlenty. Minnesota has a distinction in this presidential cycle, with two different candidates likely in the race for the Republican nomination. But as a new survey from Public Policy Polling (D) suggests, both former Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Rep. Michele Bachmann would lose their home state to President Obama were they the GOP nominee. So much for home field advantage.

BREAKING NEWS:  Speaking of home field advantage or the lack thereof, the same poll reveals that Barack Obama would crush former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney by a landslide margin of 57%-37% in the Bay State. The Mittwit is now unpopular in both of his home states of Massachusetts and Michigan.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Hypocrisy In Action” features New Jersey’s Republican Gov. Chris Christie. The self-proclaimed belt-tightening fiscal conservative who wants to drastically cut Medicaid eligibility in his state was caught taking a state owned helicopter to his son’s little league game. He only offered to refund the immensely expensive trip after he was caught.

BREAKING NEWS: Following in the footsteps of the buyer’s remorse demonstrated by Minnesotans, voters in Michigan have now initiated recall petitions against Republican Gov. Rick Snyder and 15 Republican legislators. Michigan voters are upset about the draconian emergency manager law, school cuts, the tax on pensions and other issues.

THIS JUST IN:  Fox News Comment of the week. Fox Headline: “Tracy Morgan’s Shocking Alleged Homophobic Rant: I’ll Kill My Son If He Acts Gay”. Fox news Comment: “If he’s serious that makes him a “go” at being a good dad too many parents have failed their children over the years. I’d off mine if he turned out gay. Homosexuality is disgusting, disturbing and wrong on every level. I like his idea.” Wow! How is that for an informed Fox news fan?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Face-Slap Of The Week” features Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Gov. of Alaska told the British newspaper The Guardian,

“I am going to Sudan in July and hope to stop in England on the way. I am just hoping Mrs Thatcher is well enough to see me as I so admire her.”

In response, the paper reported that a Margaret Thatcher associate said,

“Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.”

Wow! That is sure to leave a mark!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Carefree Highway song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWM2whkVq4

WASILLA HIGHWAY

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “Carefree Highway”)

Pickin’ up the pieces of my sweet Alaskan dream
I wonder how “Joe Sixpack” is tonight
Her name was Sarah, she wore rimless glasses on her face
She was Guv and she was quite uptight
Wasilla Highway, let her slip away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues from her beehive to her shoes
Wasilla Highway, please take her away
Her away on you.

Turnin’ back the pages to the good Ol’ Palinfest
I wonder if she’ll ever be the same
During interviews she only stumbled and then lied
Now all she has is Levi left to blame
Wasilla Highway, poor old Sarah was so lame
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues induced by mainstream nightly news
Wasilla Highway, just take her away
Her away on you

Searchin’ through the fragments of a career that once was
I wonder if “Joe the Plumber” is still kind
Was it Ross, Levi, Wooten or Diana Palin’s bust
Or some other secret she wants left behind
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The mornin’ after blues will she turn to cheap-ass booze?
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away
Sneak away on you

Did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s got no-one left to blame
Wasilla Highway, left without delay
No more nightly news for the Gov with fancy shoes
Wasilla Highway, let her sneak away
Sneak away on you

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 80

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week but may have escaped your attention. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day during this unofficial first-weekend of summer!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “You Gotta Love It” features The St. Paul Pioneer Press. Tim Pawlenty‘s hometown newspaper printed the the former Minnesota Governor’s announcement to run as a Republican presidential candidate on its obituary page.

THIS JUST IN: Wisconsin state officials have scheduled the first recall elections of state Republican lawmakers for July 12. That day, voters will decide whether to recall three GOP lawmakers who supported Gov. Scott Walker’s bill to curb the collective bargaining rights of state workers.

BREAKING NEWS:  The next time that some Teapublican tells you that President Barack Obama has thrown Israel under the bus for suggesting a two state solution “based on” 1967 borders “with mutually agreed swaps”, please remind them to stifle their outrage inasmuch as President George W. Bush suggested the same thing in 2005. Where was all the shock then?

THIS JUST IN: Quote of the week: “In 2009 I had the sense if she made it to the White House and I had stayed silent, I could never forgive myself,” – Author and former Sarah Palin staffer Frank Bailey commenting to the Associated Press.

BREAKING NEWS:  Remember back during the 1988 presidential election season when Republicans seized upon furloughed criminal and recidivist Willie Horton as a means to attack Democratic nominee, Michael Dukakis? Well it looks like 2012 Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty now has his own Willie Horton to worry about. You see, two years ago Pawlenty pardoned and wiped clean the criminal record of Jeremy Geifer, who had been convicted for having sex with a 14 year old girl. Well, it turns out that Geifer sought to have his record cleared so that his wife could open a day care center. Turns out, Geifer has now been accused of molesting his own daughter.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Don’t Mess With The Medicare” features Republican candidate Jane Corwin and Tea Party candidate Jack Davis. In the heavily Republican New York 26th District, those candidates lost to Democrat Kathy Hochul as the result of their unqualified support for Republican Paul Ryan’s plan to dismantle the popular Medicare program. Going forward, it will be interesting to see how many Republican candidates attempt to distance themselves from their party’s plan. It is a “lose/lose” situation for the GOP because those politicians who run from the plan will disrupt party unity while those that continue to support it will face voter backlash. This will be fun to watch.

BREAKING NEWS:  It was nice to see the US Senate hold a vote on Republican Paul Ryan‘s Medicare Destruction Act. The final vote was 57-40 against passage of the bill, mostly along party lines. Republicans who joined the majority Democrats in opposing the measure were Scott Brown of Massachusetts, Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, Rand Paul of Kentucky, and Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine. Those GOP members that supported bill will now probably face massive voter backlash. Yipee!

THIS JUST IN:  For the sake of being, dare I say “fair and balanced”, we should note that not all vulgar hate speech comes from the right. Last week progressive talk radio and MSNBC television host Ed Schultz was rightfully suspended for referring to moonbat-crazy conservative radio host Laura Ingraham as a “right wing slut”. Schultz did the right by issuing an almost immediate apology but the fact remains that that type of language is hateful.

BREAKING NEWS:  Fox News Comment of the week. Headline: “CAIR: Bin laden More Like ‘Neo-Nazi, White Supremacist’”. Reader Comment:  “CAIR is another enemy within. All Americans need to take action against mus lims. Do not do business with them, do not hire them, do not allow them respect or equality. It is up to the people to rid ourselves of this social cancer.”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Fox On The Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MDCbIhTa_w

FOX ON THE RUN

(sung to the Sweet song “Fox On The Run”)

Why is that network insane
No one there has a brain
So easy to abhor
Each day they add a new pretty face
But they’re losing in the gene pool race
They speak like sidewalk whores

Fox on the run
They scream and everybody starts a-running
Beck, Britt Hume and big Bill O’Reilly
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

Koo-Koo, that is the Fox network brand
As “fair and balanced” as DisneyLand
So easy to ignore
News, that is so God damned lame
Should hide their heads in shame
And show their hosts the door

Fox on the run
They scream and everybody starts a-running
Beck, Britt Hume and big Bill O’Reilly
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

(musical interlude)

F-foxy, Fox is on the run
They scream and think that we’re having fun
Take a run and hide yourself away
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 66

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

First of all, GO PATRIOTS! De”feet” the JETS!

BREAKING NEWS: In case you have not noticed, President Barack Obama‘s approval rating has climbed steadily in recent weeks to its highest point in nearly a year. According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 53 percent of Americans surveyed said that they approve of how Obama is doing his job. Obama’s approval was last at 53 percent in early March 2010, before his health care reform bill was passed in its final form. The poll was conducted between January 5th and 10th. No doubt the rating will rise even more after the president’s recent speech in Tucson, Arizona.

THIS JUST IN: In case you are interested here is the most recent list of the 50 states as ranked by gun fatalities per 100,000 residents as provided by the Daily Beast.

#1, Mississippi Gun deaths per 100,000: 18.3 Permissive gun laws: 4th out of 50

#2, Arizona Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 1st out of 50

#3, Alaska Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 11th out of 50

#4, Arkansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 15.1 Permissive gun laws: 7th out of 50

#5, Louisiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 19.9 Permissive gun laws: 23rd out of 50

#6, New Mexico Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 6th out of 50

#7, Alabama Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 27th out of 50

#8, Nevada Gun deaths per 100,000: 16.2 Permissive gun laws: 22nd out of 50

#9, Montana Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 10th out of 50

#10, Wyoming Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 8th out of 50

#11, Kentucky Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.4 Permissive gun laws: 5th out of 50

#12, West Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.8 Permissive gun laws: 25th out of 50

#13, Tennessee Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 31st out of 50

#14, Oklahoma Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 17th out of 50

#15, Idaho Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 2nd out of 50

#16, Georgia Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.1 Permissive gun laws: 13th out of 50

#17, Missouri Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.9 Permissive gun laws: 12th out of 50

#18, South Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 20th out of 50

#19, North Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.3 Permissive gun laws: 28th out of 50

#20, Florida Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 41st out of 50

#21, Kansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.5 Permissive gun laws: 14th out of 50

#22, Indiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.6 Permissive gun laws: 21st out of 50

#23, Texas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 32nd out of 50

#24, Michigan Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.9 Permissive gun laws: 39th out of 50

#25, Maryland Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.1 Permissive gun laws: 44th out of 50

#26, Colorado Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 24rd out of 50

#27, Pennsylvania Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 40th out of 50

#28, Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 35th out of 50

#29, Utah Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.5 Permissive gun laws: 18th out of 50

#30, Vermont Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.4 Permissive gun laws: 3rd out of 50

#31, Oregon Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 30th out of 50

#32, North Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.9 Permissive gun laws: 15th out of 50

#33, Ohio Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.6 Permissive gun laws: 29th out of 50

#34, Maine Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.1 Permissive gun laws: 9th out of 50

#35, Delaware Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.2 Permissive gun laws: 33rd out of 50

#36, Wisconsin Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.7 Permissive gun laws: 34th out of 50

#37, Nebraska Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 19th out of 50

#38, South Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.5 Permissive gun laws: 16th out of 50

#39, Washington Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.5 Permissive gun laws: 37th out of 50

#40, California Gun deaths per 100,000: 9 Permissive gun laws: 50th out of 50

#41, New Hampshire Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.9 Permissive gun laws: 26th out of 50

#42, Minnesota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.6 Permissive gun laws: 36th out of 50

#43, Illinois Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 45th out of 50

#44, Iowa Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.3 Permissive gun laws: 38th out of 50

#45, New York Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.1 Permissive gun laws: 43rd out of 50

#46, New Jersey Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.2 Permissive gun laws: 49th out of 50

#47, Connecticut Gun deaths per 100,000: 4.3 Permissive gun laws: 46th out of 50

#48, Rhode Island Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.5 Permissive gun laws: 42nd out of 50

#49, Massachusetts Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.6 Permissive gun laws: 48th out of 50

#50, Hawaii Gun deaths per 100,000: 2.8 Permissive gun laws: 47th out of 50

As you will notice, 17 of the 20 states with the most gun fatalities per-capita are Red (Republican/conservative) states. Conversely, the 11 states with the fewest gun fatalities per-capita are Blue (Democratic/liberal) states. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember not too long ago when rap singers were criticized by those on the right for their violent lyrics? Those lyrics, we were told, could inspire violence. Then why are those on the right not as equally aghast at the violent rhetoric and symbolism which is fostered by Sarah Palin (Don’t retreat – RELOAD”, Sharron Angle (2nd Amendment remedies), Glenn Beck (Kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel), Ann “The Man” Coulter (Timothy McVeigh should have bombed the New York Times building) and Mike Huckabee (That’s Obama diving to the floor to avoid gunshots)? Good question?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Don’t Know Much About History” features Glenn Beck. He criticized the House Republican leadership for its decision not to read the “three fifths of a person” language of the original Constitution which was subsequently replaced through amendment. Beck said,

“Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That’s an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb. Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery.”

As is usually the case, Beck could not have been more wrong.University of Pennsylvania history professor Rick Beeman states,

“They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.”

Glenn Beck never lets the facts get in the way of a good lie.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Can’t I Get The Toothpaste Back In The Tube” features former Minnesota Governor Tim “Good &” Pawlenty. The likely Republican candidate for the 2012 presidency told anti-gay radio host Brian Fischer that he we would support reinstating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on gays in the military. This begs the question, just how could a reinstatement be accomplished? Would the gay soldiers that came out be forced to then go back into the closet? Additionally, would the military brass somehow magically be able to forget the identities of those soldiers that did come out? Please Tim, do tell.

THIS JUST IN: After having come under fire from all quarters this past week for fostering violent rhetoric, the right-wing talking heads can now turn their attention to one of their favorite whipping boards; the French. This week a brawling smoker turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight and is facing criminal charges. The man was illegally smoking in the rest room and when confronted, he started a fight. After finally being apprehended by federal air marshals the passenger continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance ‘I’m French, f*** you!’” This event will have Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity chirping for days.

BREAKING NEWS: On Friday afternoon Michael Steele stepped down from the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee. Really, was there ever any doubt about that happening? Now Steele will have all the time he needs to spend with lesbian bondage strippers.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something That Wasn’t Obvious” features former President Ronald Reagan. His youngest son Ron Reagan, Jr. revealed in his new book that he believes his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.” It is only a matter of time now before senior members of the G.O.P. and right-wing shock jocks begin undermining Reagan Jr. for having the audacity to speak truthfully about his own father.

BREAKING NEWS: Arizona state and federal law enforcement officials have conclusively proved that killer Jared Loughner is, in fact, a member of the Republican Party. A recently discovered roll of 35mm film contained a photograph of Loughner posing with a 9mm handgun while wearing a red G-string. This is incontrovertible proof that Loughner is a member of the G.O.P. because numerous members of that party have displayed an affinity for being photographed with either firearms or fetish wear. David “Diapers” Vitter and Rudolph “9/11″ Giuliani were unavailable for comment.

Rudy "9/11" Giuliani

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

A Noun, A Verb and 9/11 in 2012?

Mr. 9/11

Add another crackpot to the 2012 Republican list of potential Presidential candidates. Despite his disastrous attempt at running for our nation’s highest office in 2008, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani says he hasn’t ruled out a second try in 2012. Yikes, we can possibly add him to a list of crazies that may include Mitt(wit) Romney, Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty, Bobby Jindel(Bells), Sarah “Death Panels” Palin, Newt “The Serial Philanderer” Gingrich and Mike Huckabee(Hound). What a bunch of rotten bananas.

“The door’s not closed,” Giuliani told Politico on Monday night when asked point-blank if he still has his eyes set on the White House.

This begs the question however, What will Giuliani talk about in the 2012 campaign season? Remember when during the 2008 race, then Delaware Sen. Joe Biden drew laughter and applause when he ridiculed the former New York City mayor during the debate at Drexel University? In response to Giuliani’s comments that no Democratic candidate has enough executive experience to lead, Biden called Giuliani “the most under-qualified man since George W. Bush to seek the presidency”? How about when Biden followed that up with, “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, and a verb and 9/11″? Ahh, those halcyon days of Rudy Giuliani and 9/11.

His Presidential run was a joke, but as the saying goes, “you can throw away the poop but not the stink”. Actually, we are not sure if that is truly a saying, but if it isn’t, it should be. Honestly though, Giuliani seems to pop up more than the pesky rodent in the “Whack-a-Mole” carnival midway game. Let’s hope he runs again, if for no other reason than for the laughs.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That’s Amore song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69O4PXzAQ5Y

GIULIANI

(sung to the Dean Martin song “That’s Amoré”)

In New York Town on the air-waves
Rudy does have a lot to say

He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani!!!
He appears in prime-time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani!!!
He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller

As he speaks watch the drool, that Rudy is a fool
Giuliani!!!
All his friends on Wall Street think that he can’t be beat
Lord above
He is a cliché machine all of the time he is
Scheming, signore
Scuzza me, but you see, he’s from the G.O.P.
Giuliani!!!

(He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He appears in prime time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella) Go to Hell, cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller) Sorry fella

Rudy’s angry and cruel and stubborn like a mule
GiulianI!!! (Giuliani)
He is doomed to repeat Presidential defeat
Sure enough
He tells us of his dreams but his words have no
Meaning, signore
Scuzza me, Rudy G., but we hardly knew ye
Cuz you’re boring (so boring)
See, we’re snoring

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 50

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Labor Day Weekend, but be careful of those eggs!

BREAKING NEWS: Minnesota Governor Tim (Good ‘n) Pawlenty is in hot water with his own contituants. According to the new survey from Minnesota Public Radio and the Humphrey Institute, 54 percent of Minnesotans aren’t too keen on the governor’s frequent out of state trips, which usually include visits to important presidential nominating states. Only 31 percent of voters approve of his busy travel schedule. In even worse news for Pawlenty, the poll indicates Minnesota Republicans apparently would prefer Mitt Romney as their presidential choice than their own governor. Stacked up against Romney, Pawlently loses 45-32 percent. In a matchup against Sarah Palin, Pawlenty comes out on top 59-24 percent. Bad news for Pawlenty, but does Palin ever, ever, ever come out on top in any poll?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Making Unexpected Comparisons” features Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour. When asked last week if his southern accent might be a hindrance to a candidate running a national race dependent on support from the northeast and coasts, Barbour cited the examples of former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. Wait a minute! Did a Republican just make a positive reference and self comparison to Jimmy Carter? This is the end of the world as we know it.

BREAKING NEWS: New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu weighed in on the contentious race for Senate in Nevada on Wednesday, criticizing Republican candidate Sharron Angle for saying in 2005 that she would have voted against funding for Katrina relief efforts. Landrieu said Angle “is simply too extreme and dangerous to serve in the United States Senate.” Truer words were never spoken.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself” features former British Prime Minister Tony Blair who wrote in his recently released memoirs, that he hails former President George W. Bush’s “immense Simplicity”. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of Sarah Palin and recent polls, Politico.com reports,

Even after watching her preferred candidate surprisingly triumph in Alaska’s Senate race, Sarah Palin’s home state is no sure thing for the former governor as she trails former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in a hypothetical 2012 matchup, according to a new poll. Only 17 percent of the 805 Alaska Republicans surveyed by Public Policy Polling said they would back Palin in a 2012 GOP primary, the same percentage who voiced support for former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt(wit) Romney led the field, garnering 20 percent.

“Fortunately for Sarah Palin, Alaska decides few convention delegates, and coming more than a month after Super Tuesday, she may not survive the race to be embarrassed on her home turf,” said Dean Debnam, president of Public Policy Polling.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Queen of the Guillotine” features Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer. You might remember last June when her state’s racial profiling immigration law was all the rage, Brewer defended it by alleging that there had been beheadings in the Arizona desert as a result of rampant illegal immigration. Problem is, she lied. Medical examiners from six of Arizona’s counties, several of which boarder Mexico, later told the Arizona Guardian that they had never witnessed victims who had been beheaded. For four months Brewer has been asked to provide evidence of beheadings in her state yet she did not comply. Finally, she took back her words and provided something like an apology to the Associated Press. She said, “That was an error, if I said that.” No, Ms. Brewer it was an error when (not “if”) you said it. In fact why don’t you just come clean and say that it was a premeditated lie when you said it?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Sarah Palin: Show Me The Money

As always, third place is for losers. Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, that is exactly the position she is in when compared to other potential G.O.P. presidential contenders in terms of fund raising. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska raised $2.1 million ($1.4 million in the last 6 months) through her political action committee (SarahPAC) in 2009. A good number but Mitt Romney, the former ex-quitting governor of Massachusetts raised $2.9 million and Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty raised $1.3 million in just three months (a projected 6 month total of over $2.6 million). Pawlenty’s take is particularly startling because he has not even quit his job yet.

In typical non-specific Palin-speak, SarahPAC spokeswoman Meg Stapleton said:

We are thrilled. Common sense Americans know the direction we need to take this country and that Sarah Palin will be instrumental in taking us there this year. We look forward to the journey ahead!

We are thrilled with scamming money from undereducated dolts and we look forward to conning them into giving more this year.
The transparency of Sarah Palin’s self profit motive is astounding. Think about this for a moment. Every time we hear a news story about Palin since she quit on the people of Alaska, it involves the mention of money.The unjustified money she collected from Alaskan taxpayers for her children’s travel and lodging. The money her fictional novel generated. The money she charged her fans for photos at book signings. The money that Fox News will pay her as a guest host. The money she will charge for speaking at the National Tea Bagging Convention. The money she and Bristol are paid for tabloid magazine stories. Honestly, what is next?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Life’s Been Good song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXWvKDSwvls

LIFE’S BEEN GOOD

(sung to the Joe Walsh song “Life’s Been Good”)

She built a mansion, who knows the price?
It clashes with all the snow and the ice
But she loves hotels and room service calls
She has SarahPAC pay for it all

That Palin’s crazy but she has a good time
She has nothing to do but scheme for her next dime
Life’s been good to she so far

Her snow-machine does 125
But if it crashes she won’t survive
We never see her eldest son, Track
She seems to care more for “Joe Sixpack”

She’s signing books and her fans they can’t wait
To read about her politics of hate
So she takes all the money from her fans one and all
Those fools line-up and wait in the hall

Sarah is insane and she has not a clue
She is a fool (a fool)
She has no brains because of safety schools
Life’s been good to she so far

(long but fun musical interlude)

Biden used Palin to mop up the floor
He and Obama showed Sarah the door
Shortly thereafter, she turned on McCain
Claimed that it was his fault though she was to blame

That Palin’s crazy but she has a good time
We say, “Oh, yeah” (oh, yeah)
Sarah’s “death panels’ were the year’s biggest lie
Life’s been good to she so far

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(long musical fade to end)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition-1

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

These are a few noteworthy news stories that have been orbiting the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of, “It Makes Your Head Spin Like Linda Blair’s” features Sarah Palin. It was just announced that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will appear as a paid guest speaker at a fund raiser for a pair of Canadian “Socialized Medicine” hospitals. Huh? The Anchorage Daily News reports, “Sarah Palin has been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to death panels.”

THIS JUST IN: In other Sarah Palin related news we have a new tidbit from her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson called into a talk radio show on December 11th and said that his client plans to reveal startling incriminating information about Sarah Palin that will shock the nation. The details will be included in a book that Johnston plans to release in March 2010. Hey Sarah, beware the Ides of March. Will there be a matching book-hawking cross-country bus/jet tour also? Enquiring minds want to know.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “The Continuing Story of Tea-Bagger Lunacy” we have the group’s December 15th demonstration plans. Rather than describe it to you, here is a portion of the official release:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

Government controlled medical facilities? Dying while waiting for treatment? Do these sophomoric morons realize that the more they exaggerate their false claims about health care reform, they more the rest of the nation ignores them?

THIS JUST IN: Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show exposed a Glenn Beck conflict of interest this week. Stewart pointed out that Beck constantly advises his television and radio audience to buy gold as a safeguard against the collapse of the U.S. Dollar which will result from the Obama Administration’s policies. Indeed, Beck has said the following:

When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

The sheer lunacy of that statement aside, Stewart revealed however, that Beck failed to disclose to his audience that he is a paid spokesman for Goldline International, a precious metals vendor. Why is it that Comedy Central does a better job of investigative journalism than the major networks? ABC, NBC, CBS and NPR should be ashamed of themselves.

BREAKING NEWS: Kudos to the television drama series Law and Order; Special Victims Unit for their honest no holds barred description of conservative right-wing pundits. in a recent episode, a character on the show said this:

Garrison, Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, all of them. They are like a cancer spreading ignorance and hate. They have convinced folks that immigrants are the problem, not corporations that failed to pay a living wage, or a broken health care system.

THIS JUST IN: The Moonie-owned Washington Times has announced that it is cutting its work force by 40% and beginning free distribution of its product. The right-wing propaganda paper is so bereft of reliable news coverage that its circulation will most likely fall even further now that the paper is free. This is so because when its  few remaining paid subscribers realize that they no longer need to feel obligated to read the rag, they probably will forget that it ever existed.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s episode of “What The Heck Took So Long?” Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina’s adulterous governor Mark Sanford, has announced that she is filing for divorce. She has been unable to successfully locate and serve divorce papers upon her husband however, because his staff believes that he is hiking somewhere on the Appalachian trail.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of “How Appropriate” we have Sarah Palin accepting an invitation to be keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America convention in Las Vegas next summer. Hmm, where to begin? Maybe she will bring a few spare copies of her book. Perhaps some of her supporters will have the chance to strike up a conversation with the unemployed social networker. Will Sarah be capable of keeping her language out of the gutter? Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS: Joke of the day. Why did Sarah Palin have a book signing in Sandpoint? Idaho, Alaska !!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Favorite Things song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0KHb_xCHTI&feature=related

MY LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

(sung to the Julie Andrews song “My Favorite Things”)

Mike is called “Moses” and Romney’s called “Mittens”
Jindal is running but can’t raise a pittance
All of those candidates want to be kings
They are some of my least favorite things

Most of them phonies with brains made of noodles
Palin’s hairstyle reminds me of a poodle’s
The G.O.P. is filled with ding-a-lings
They are some of my least favorite things

Palin will bless us with winks of her lashes
Gingrich and Rudy just sit on their asses
Huckabee’s so holy he thinks he has wings
They are some of my least favorite things

“No civil rights”,
Pawlenty sings
He is raving mad
And when Michele Bachmann speaks aloud it stings
Yes that hurts my ears real bad

They are just posers so I say, “Good riddance”
Remind me of the inbred guy in “Deliverance”
All of them have extramarital flings
They are some of my least favorite things

They have no taste just like a bland egg noodle
They should be thrown out with the kit and caboodle
All of them acting like puppets on strings
They are some of my least favorite things

G.O.P. women have life-long hot flashes
The Grand Old Party is reduced to ashes
They cannot tolerate arrows or slings
They are some of my least favorite things

They’re not bright lights
Mental weaklings
Poor behaving cads
I wish they’d all congregate down in Palm Springs
And then I would be so glad.

Mark Sanford (and Son)! (Updated)

Republican South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford tries to remember whether he went to Appalachian Trail or Argentina

Republican South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford tries to remember whether he went to Appalachian Trail or Argentina

Republicans, the gift that keeps on giving. Now batting, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Where do we begin? Sanford disappears for six days and neither his family nor his staff have any idea as to his whereabouts. The press catches on to the case of the missing governor and so his staff makes up a story that Sanford needed to clear his head by means of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

That fabrication unravels, however when an unidentified South Carolina law enforcement official informs CNN that Sanford’s vehicle has been parked at the airport for several days. Next, airport officials confirm that Sanford has just re-entered the United States from Argentina. What up with that? Finally, we learn today that Sanford has lately been borrowing law enforcement vehicles in the middle of the night for sojourns to parts unknown. Sounds like a little head shrinking may be in order. Or, perhaps he just has a girlfriend like so many other of the “Family Values” Republicans. In any event, this example of irrational behavior should put an end to any Presidential aspirations that Sanford may have harbored for 2012.

UPDATE

Suspicions confirmed. Mark Sanford was traveling with his mistress. We can now update our list of Republican “Family Values” adulterers.

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe) and Mark Sanford.

Batting next for the Republicans, Mittwit Romney.

Please click on the song link below so as to have more fun singing along.

Sweet Caroline song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmV_YJm5jAc

SOUTH CAROLINE

(sung to the Neil Diamond song “Sweet Caroline”)

Where he began, we can’t begin to know where
But we do know that something’s wrong
Does Sanford drink?
Is this guy dumb or dumber?
Will Mark next fly off to Hong Kong?

Vans, minivans, roams about
Losing me, losing you
South Caroline
Why did Sanford leave the hood?
He should resign, that would do your state some good

Why, oh why?
Is he all-right, is the guv’nor so lonely?
Where will he next wander off to?
Maybe Frankfurt?
Frankfurt or maybe Boulder?
Not Pennsylvania Avenue

Done, he’s now done, petered out
He should be, in the zoo
South Caroline
Is Sanford misunderstood?
He should resign, that would do your state some good

(musical interlude)

South Caroline
Why did Sanford leave the hood?

South Caroline
Is Sanford misunderstood?

South Caroline

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 114 other followers