A Few Tasty Tid-Bits On Which To Chew

While awaiting the outcome of the House Republicans’ internal civil war (Tea Baggers v. Entrenched Incumbents) to see if they can pass a debt ceiling bill which is nevertheless doomed to failure in the Senate, let’s take a look at what else is going on in the world of politics and punditry.

REPUBLICAN INFIGHTING CONTINUES:  Republican Sen. John McCain on Wednesday said ultimatums issued by many in his conference, like insisting on a balanced budget amendment to the constitution that he said will not become law, are “worse than foolish.” Today, freshman Tea Party backed Rep. Joe Walsh (you know, the fiscal conservative who is so conservative that he fails to pay his own child support) said, “Folks like Sen. John McCain have been in this town for too long and they’re the ones who have gotten us into this mess year after year after year. Folks like him … have no clue as to the troubles Americans are going through right now. They don’t understand this crisis anymore.” It is so satisfying watching Republicans eat their own.

MICHELE BACHMANN CONTINUES TO BURY HER HEAD IN THE SAND:  Despite the fact that every economic expert and financial adviser warns that a failure to raise the debt ceiling will have disastrous effects on the US economy including a devaluation of the dollar, rising interest rates, an increasing national debt caused by higher interest rates and a loss of faith from other nations, Michele Bachmann continues to insist that there is no problem. Today she said, “I do not believe for one moment that we will lose the full faith and credit of the United States.” She also said she plans to vote against the latest proposal from House Speaker John Boehner that would raise the debt limit and reduce the deficit. Is anyone surprised, after all Bachmann also denies the theory of evolution.

TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY DECLARES THAT HE WILL NOT MARRY A MAN:  In an interview today with Family Research Council President Tony Perkins, the potential GOP presidential candidate said, “gay marriage is not fine with me.” OK Rick, so don’t marry a man. Does that work for you?

NEWT GINGRICH’S CAMPAIGN SUFFERS ANOTHER BLOW:  First it was Tiffany-Gate when the nation learned that the self-described frugal fiscal conservative had run up a line of credit approaching a million dollars at the posh jewelry store. Next, virtually every one of his important campaign staff abruptly quit on him. Then we learned that his presidential campaign is over $1 million in debt. And today it was revealed that the man who proclaims that he will bring manufacturing jobs back to the United States has his “Newt 2012″ t-shirts manufactured in El Salvador. Ouch! Stick a fork in Gingrich cuz he’s done.

CAPITOL HILL TEA PARTY RALLY IS A FLOP:  Tea Party Express and the American Grassroots Coalition staged a really, really big Tea Party rally on Capitol Holl this week featuring such Teapublican heroes as Presidential candidate Herman Cain, conservative Sens. Jim DeMint of South Carolina, Rand Paul of Kentucky and Mike Lee of Utah. It has been reported by Politico.com however, that virtually no Tea Baggers bothered to show up. “At the start of the rally… there were roughly 15 attendees waiting to hear the conservative lawmakers speak. By the time the senators had spoken there were still fewer than 50 tea partiers in attendance. You will also recall that the annual Tea Party Convention was also recently cancelled for lack of interest. Looks like the Tea Party’s 15 minutes are officially over.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ thigh-high boots while she winked her eyes.

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Sarah Palin Joins “Palin-Free February” Movement

Palin reacts when Piper informs her that McCain will not endorse her

Last month, Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank wrote that he would not report anything about Sarah Palin for the month of February. He admitted that he has “a Sarah Palin problem” as is evidenced by his “42 columns since Sen. John McCain picked her as his vice-presidential running mate” and the  “dozens more blog posts, Web chats, and TV and radio appearances” in which he has mentioned her. He believes that the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska is too trivial a figure to report on so frequently and therefore he has begun his boycott of all things Palin through February 28, 2011. Milbank has also called upon other members of the media to join his month-long pledge. Many have done so. Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has not because, frankly speaking, Sarah Palin is too good a source of ridicule to ignore.

Surprisingly, it appears that Sarah Palin may have also taken the pledge. As of today’s post, it has now been nine (9) days since Palin has tweeted on Twitter. What-up with that? Palin has never gone this long before without vomiting out some sort of indecipherable word-salad about something in the news. It cannot be that she is unable find something to say something stupid about. After all, during this period we have had the Egyptian uprising, the Super Bowl and husband Todd’s sore back and cramped muscles, all making headlines nationwide.

Moreover, everybody knows that Sarah Palin cannot go more than a few days before tweeting a sarcastic response to some actual or perceived criticism of her by anyone. And she has received a lot of criticism in the last week or so. In an interview on the Christian Broadcasting Network over the weekend, Palin said the unrest in Egypt was Obama’s 3 a.m. phone call, a reference to a line then-presidential candidate Hillary Clinton used during the 2008 election against Obama. Palin said the “call went right to the answering machine.” Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) disagrees with Palin however, and claims that she is wrong. CNN reports that Graham said, “I really have no fault with the president, Obama, the way he’s handled this process. I disagree with Governor Palin over this particular issue.” How can the Queen of Quit possibly fail to respond to “them there fightin’ words?” Additionally, the Sharon K. Pacheco Foundation (to raise funds for military families and at-risk youth) announced Tuesday that it is canceling a May fundraising appearance by Palin  due to “an onslaught of negative feedback”. How dare they? Wouldn’t this be the perfect time for Palin to tweet about how the Foundation has caved to those on the left and censored her right to free speech?

Palin has also just lost her two biggest fans. Last week, former running-mate John McCain announced that he would not endorse her (or anyone else) for the 2012 presidency. Then yesterday, Bill Kristol, the influential Weekly Standard editor, gave up on her. Kristol has undeniably been Palin’s most prominent supporter for the last few years. Yet, while appearing as a guest on MSNBC‘s “Morning Joe” program Kristol said,

“I have a high regard for Sarah Palin, but I will say I’ve been disappointed since she resigned as governor,” Kristol said on “Morning Joe.” “I thought she had a real chance to take the lead on a few policy issues, do a little more in terms of framing the policy agenda. I don’t think she’s done that. But she’s a shrewd woman and I wouldn’t underestimate her.“

Sarah Palin’s tweeted response to McCain and Kristol? Nothing. Nada. Not one single misspelled or made-up word. This can only mean that Sarah Palin also, too has joined the “Palin-Free February” movement. Good for her. Let’s hope she extends it into March.

BREAKING NEWS

It has just come to the attention of Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off that Sarah Palin has not only pledged not to tweet about herself in February, but she has pledged not to write or sign anything of any kind whatsoever for an unspecified duration. Evidence of this was revealed yesterday by USA Today when it reported that her application to trademark the name “Sarah Palin” has been rejected by the federal government because the former Alaska governor did not sign the form. Palin’s writing ban will not prohibit her from releasing new books because those have each been “ghost-written”.  It remains to be determined however, whether Palin’s ban on writing will extend to palm-written crib notes to herself. Stay tuned.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with tonight’s song parody.

I’m A Believer song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfuBREMXxts

SHE’S A DECEIVER

(sung to the Monkees song “I’m A Believer”)

She tells about as much truth as fairy tails
She considers herself “mavericky”
Russia she claims to see
So say’s Sarah P.
She and Bristol were both pregnant teens

Nose grows on her face, cuz she’s a deceiver
Not a trace, of truth in her lines
Lord above, she’s a deceiver
Couldn’t believe her if I tried

She walked out the door cuz she’s a quittin’ thing
Palin up and caved when things got hot
She never stopped lyin’
Sarah sounds insane
Even though there’s sunshine, she says rain

When I see her face, I see a deceiver
Not a trace of truth in her lines
Lord above, she’s a deceiver
Couldn’t believe her if I tried

(Todd’s massage break)

Ohhh, McCain didn’t vet she
When he formed his team
Then Palin went and blew his dreams

When I see her face, I see a deceiver
Not a trace of truth in her lines
Lord above, she’s a deceiver
Couldn’t believe her if I tried

When I see her face, I see a deceiver
Not a trace of truth in her lines
She’s a deceiver
She’s a deceiver
She’s a deceiver

McCain Says, “Take That, Sarah!!!”

The bad news for Sarah Palin just keeps piling up. Palin’s series of unfortunate events seems to have been triggered by her sniper-sight symbol-laden map and the subsequent Tucson massacre. As the result of her specifically having targeted Gabrielle Giffords in that ill-conceived ad, Sarah Palin will now forever be linked to that tragedy. Since the day of the shootings, everything has gone down hill for the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska.

First, she made things worse for herself when she unsuccessfully attempted to rehabilitate her image by means of a self-produced video which is now known as her “I Was The Real Victim Of The Tucson Shooting” speech. That was quickly followed by the release of a CBS/New York Times poll of registered voters which revealed that Palin now has only a 19% “favorable” rating. Then she was crushed by Mitt Romney in the New Hampshire straw poll despite the fact that it was heavily attended by Tea Partiers. She suffered further Tea Party disgrace when moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann was chosen to present the “official” Tea Party response to the President’s State of the Union Address. In an attempt to reclaim some Tea Bagger street cred, Palin then gave her own response to the SOTUA but made a fool of herself by misstating Soviet history and further embarrassed herself with her oft-repeated “WTF” quip. Next, her reality television show was canceled. She then suffered the indignity of having the National Enquirer reveal that her husband cheated on her with an Alaskan prostitute. Immediately thereafter, she was reduced to a sex object when actor Tracy Morgan referred to her as “good masturbation material’.

Well, that is certainly more than most educationally-challenged, violent rhetoric-spewing, death-panel fabricating, mid-term quitting politicians could handle. Fate however, was not through with raining more bad luck down upon Sarah Palin. Her former running mate, John McCain announced yesterday that he will not endorse Sarah Palin should she choose to run for President in 2012. Politico reports that when asked about a 2012 endorsement in the Republican primary, McCain said, “I think I’m staying out of this for the first time in many years.” The non-vote of confidence is not all that surprising in that McCain is fully aware of all the negative things Palin has had to say about the 2008 McCain campaign. He is also sure to remember that Palin tried to steal his moment on election night in 2008 by attempting to give her own concession speech. Nonetheless, if any potential candidate was relying on McCain’s endorsement, it was the Queen of Quit. After all, it was McCain who almost placed her in the position of being merely a heartbeat away from the presidency three years ago. Perhaps then, this is McCain’s way of apologizing to America.

GO PACK, GO !!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s Sarah Palin song parody.

It’s All Over Now song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1xR8PYDqMg

IT’S ALL OVER NOW

(sung to the Rolling Stones version of the song “It’s All Over Now”)

Well, Palin was around way too long
She winked those eyes, went to Hong Kong
But her heart’s now broken, that’s no lie
Tables turn and now it’s her turn to cry

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Well, she thought that she’d be crowned a queen in D.C. Town
She’d spend book deal money to buy herself some fame
She has no clout, that must be a blow to her pride
Tables turn and now it’s Sarah who cries

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

(musical interlude)

Well, on Meet The Press Sunday morning, did you hear what they said?
“Palin’s political future is all but dead”
Brooks, Dionne and Murphy really smacked Palin down
Now the whole world knows that she is just a clown

Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now
Some crackpots used to love her, but it’s all over now

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 63

BREAKING NEWS: The controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) military policy law which discriminated against gays was overwhelmingly repealed by the U.S. Senate yesterday. Eight Republicans joined the Democrats in the repeal effort. John McCain, not surprisingly, was not one of them. His words? “Today is a very sad day”. John McCaine has now officially become the Republican dinosaur that was the last man to defend sexual preference discrimination. Not an admirable title.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Biting The Hand That Feeds You” features the entire Republican Senate caucus that has filibustered the bill to fund health care for 9/11 first responders. The Republicans, you might remember, attempted to use 9/11 to their advantage whenever they could. For example, they justified the initiation of two wars on the event. They justified the civil rights limiting Patriot Attack on the event and they even justified the illegal use of torture on the event. Indeed, as Vice President Joe Biden said in 2008 of Rudy Giuliani, “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There’s nothing else! There’s nothing else!” It is perplexing to all that the G.O.P. has now turned its back on the 9/11 responders after having been carried by them for years.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember way back in 2009 when PolitiFact.com deemed Sarah Palin’s “death panels” as the biggest lie of the year? Well, the entity has deemed the entire G.O.P.’s use of the term “a government takeover of health care” as 2010′s biggest lie of the year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  ”The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ ” Those lying Republicans and their continued lying has been rewarded once again.

THIS JUST IN: In an act that Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) said “brought shame to Capitol Hill” on Thursday, the House Republican leadership banded together at the last minute, and on purely specious grounds, to defeat a piece of legislation six years in the making aimed at preventing child marriage worldwide. Yes, you read that correctly, the “family values” G.O.P. refused to pass a bill to introduce the International Protecting Girls by Preventing Child Marriage Act, requiring the U.S. government to develop an integrated, strategic approach to combating child marriage by ensuring more effective us of existing resources. The bill also seeks to promote the educational, health, economic, social, and legal empowerment of women and girls. There you have it, another example of Republicans just saying, “NO!”.

BREAKING NEWS: ThinkProgress reported Thursday on a study conducted by World Public Opinion — a project managed by the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland — which found that “greater exposure” to Fox News during the run-up to the mid-term elections this year “increased” daily viewers’ misinformation about specific issues. It is now official, the network really should be called “Faux News”.

THIS JUST IN: Paradox of the week? Minnesota’s Republican, moonbat-crazy House Rep. Michele Bachmann to serve on the …wait…wait…Intelligence Committee. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

BREAKING NEWS: Can you believe it? Yet another poll was released yesterday with more devastating news for Sarah Palin. Lynnrockets has already commented on three previous polls from this week which show Palin trailing Barack Obama in a head-to-head match-up for the presidency by as much as 22 points. Now, an ABC News/Washington Post poll released yesterday indicates that nearly six in ten Americans say they wouldn’t even consider voting for Palin if she runs. As the saying goes, “When it rains, it pours”.

THIS JUST IN: Only Five Shopping Days Left Until Christmas. We just had to say that because it seems everyone else does.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

Joy To The World song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91brmsKeqcQ&feature=related

JOY TO THE WORLD (THE BOOK TOUR’S DONE)

(sung to the Anne Murray version of “Joy To The World”)

Joy to the world, the book tour’s done!
Palin has earned her bling;
Now she can fly off
On her new broom
And resume her nature thing,
And resume her nature thing,
And search Lake Lucille for her wedding ring

Joy to the world, no more jet planes
The snow-machine’s her toy
“Arctic Cat” duds,
And reindeer games
Palin is unemployed
Palin is unemployed
Sarah Palin is unemployed

Sarah’s a girl who is two-faced
She is our nation’s fool
No brains above
For her highness
Preaching hate, not love
Preaching hate, not love
She best beware the Lord above

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 60

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Senate Democrats are confident they have at least 60 votes for a Defense Department authorization measure that includes a repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) has threatened to filibuster the policy, which bans openly gay people from serving in the military, but his threat is toothless if more than 60 votes are in favor of the repeal. John McCain’s staunch defense of the discriminating policy has assured that he will be remembered throughout history like George Wallace when he was the final defender of racial segregation. A bigoted dinosaur.

THIS JUST IN: After meeting with President Barack Obama Thursday, Democratic leaders in Congress said they plan to hold a series of politically charged votes to extend middle-class tax cuts while letting tax cuts for the wealthy expire. The Democrats are finally showing that they do,in fact, have a backbone. Such a vote will force Republicans to vote against a middle class tax cut which will prove to the nation that they care more for the wealthy than the working class.

BREAKING NEWS: Another example of  Republican lack of concern for the working class took place Thursday when the G.O.P. blocked an effort to maintain federal unemployment insurance (UI) benefits, making a lapse in benefits all but certain when they expire at the end of the month. Consequently, on November 30th 800,000 people unable to  find work in an economy with five job hunters for every one job will lose this critical help that keeps a roof over their heads and food on the table. By the end of the year, 2 million jobless will be without help and another 1 million a month will lose their benefits beginning next year.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Telling The Truth Only When Out Of Office” features recently defeated Rep. Bob Inglis of South Carolina. Inglis is now blasting the GOP for using “racism” to whip voters into a frenzy, for “following those personalities [such as Fox News host Glenn Beck] and not leading,” and for deceiving voters with conspiracy theories about death panels and “preying on their fears.” At a House subcommittee hearing on climate change this Thursday, Inglis mocked his Republican colleagues for refusing to acknowledge the truth and danger of global warming, saying, “They slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night, and they’re experts on climate change. They substitute their judgment for people who have Ph.D.s and work tirelessly [on climate change].” Watch this:

BREAKING NEWS: We posted this clip earlier in the week, but anytime that a Fox News host describes Sarah Palin as “self defecating” is worth repeating. Please enjoy Gretchen Carlson accidentally speaking the truth.

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska is calling for the waterboarding of a blogger that leaked excerpts of her yet to be released book. Yes, “waterboarding”. Palin authored the following Twitter tweet and then quickly removed it (but not before it was captured here). Imagine how the trigger-happy Palin would overreact with that little red button if she were ever Commander in Chief!

BREAKING NEWS: As long as we are on the subject of Sarah Palin, this week’s episode of “Hypocrite Of The Week” features you know who. This week Palin criticized Republican Rep. Spencer Bachus of Alabama, saying that because Bachus supported “the Bachus bigger government agenda,” it was “no wonder he’s not thrilled with people like me.” She cited Bachus’ votes for the Wall Street bailout and the cash-for-clunkers program as proof he was no “commonsense conservative.” However, in the two years since Palin was the Republican vice presidential candidate, the former Alaska governor has pulled a 180 regarding her position on the Wall Street bailout enacted by President George W. Bush. In the midst of the 2008 financial crisis, Palin held that now infamous interview with CBS News‘ Katie Couric, and she endorsed the bailout. The exchange was odd because Palin provided a confusing reply, inexplicably tying the bank bailout to health care reform, but it was clear she favored the bailout (as did Sen. John McCain). Shall we watch it and laugh?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Bush-Whacked” co-stars former First lady Barbara Bush and Sarah Palin. The former appeared on Larry King’s television program this week and said of the latter, “I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful. And she’s very happy in Alaska, and I hope she’ll stay there.”

BREAKING NEWS: Massachusetts’ women voters will be particularly interested in learning that their newly elected Republican Senator and nudist Scott Brown voted this week to block the Paycheck Fairness Act. The law would have amended the portion of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 (FLSA) known as the Equal Pay Act so that women would receive equal pay for equal work. It appears that Scott Brown believes sex discrimination is good for business.

Scott Brown in his Senate office.

GO PACKERS!!!

Centerfold song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNhnThb8gEw

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ‘em any of ‘em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

Sarah Palin’s Californication

 

Don't cross me, Fiorina and Whitman.

 

The mean-spirited and spiteful Sarah Palin was up to her old tricks again on Saturday. The former half-term ex-quitting Governor of Alaska spoke at a Republican National Committee (RNC) fundraiser in Anaheim but failed to mention by name either Carly Fiorina or Meg Whitman. That would normally be considered surprising in that Fiorina is California’s Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and Whitman is the Republican candidate for Governor and the event was held in their state. It was not surprising however, when one considers who was speaking.

You see, Sarah Palin is a very thin-skinned individual. Recognizing that Palin is not very popular in California, both Fiorina and Whitman avoided the event so as not to turn-off any potential voters that might otherwise support them. Palin is a polarizing figure among Californians with 53 percent having an unfavorable view of her while only 33 percent report a favorable opinion. Consequently, both candidates announced sometime ago that they would be unable to attend as the result of prior scheduled commitments.

Sarah Palin did not take this slight (or any slight for that matter) lightly. Rather than try to help the party as a whole by requesting support for those two Republican candidates in their home state, Palin chose to appease her own fragile ego instead, by ignoring their names entirely. It was the typical type of petty tit-for-tat revenge that Palin all too often engages. Remember her multiple feuds with McCain staff members after her disastrous run for Vice President? The Letterman incident? Her harsh words for former sweetheart and newly elected Republican Senator, Scott Brown after he chose not to attend her Boston Tea Party rally? All standard fare for the Queen of Quit.

The RNC event was also notable for another reason. Palin’s attendance served to prove her a liar once again. You may recall a number of months ago after it was revealed that the RNC paid for some ribald revelry at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club, Palin reasoned that it would not be good for her fabricated brand as a “family values – hockey mom” to be associated any longer with that group of neanderthals. Consequently, she demanded that her name be removed from a list of invited speakers at an RNC event in New Orleans. She also publicly announced that she would no longer donate or help to raise funds for the group.

Well, something funny happened on the way to Palin’s boycott of the RNC. The feeble-minded failed politician either forgot about it, or she simply went back on her word as she has done so many times in the past. Just another example of the fact that Sarah Palin’s word cannot be trusted.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Mean Mr. Mustard song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FpMBu4Duy4

MEAN SARAH PALIN

(sung to the Beatles song “Mean Mr. Mustard”)

Mean Sarah Palin lives in the dark
Pit-Bull that barks trying to plan capers
Looks like she’s gonna explode
Loves to sport her RNC clothes
Has a ten-foot fenced-in abode
Such a mean wo-man
Such a mean wo-man

Her husband Todd shoots off the top
He never stops, he’s an e-mailer
He’s the king while she is the queen
Craziest couple we’ve ever seen
Proud of their unwed pregnant teen
Such a dirty old man
Dirty wo-man

Sarah Palin = “Stress, Drama, Complications, Panic and Loads of Uncertainty”

This week’s episode of Republicans Eating Their Own features Meghan McCain and Sarah Palin. McCain, you might recall is the gritty and abrasive daughter of 2008 Republican presidential nominee, John McCain. Palin of course, is the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska and 2008 Republican vice-presidential nominee. You know, John McCain’s former ill-chosen BFF.

Meghan McCain and Sarah Palin are not friends. In fact, daughter McCain (in true Palin fashion) has just authored a book in which she devotes substantial time to the ill-fated McCain/Palin presidential campaign. The book is titled, “Dirty Sexy Politics” and Meghan pulls few punches. Of Palin she says,

She was not just an overnight success or even a political Cinderella story, she was a sudden, freakishly huge, full-fledged phenomenon. It seemed too much. And it seemed too easy. In my heart of hearts, I’d always hoped my father would pick Senator Joe Lieberman as his running mate.

McCain went on to say that she predicted problems on the campaign trail even before Palin joined the team and that her predictions came true to the extent that Palin was more poisonous than she could have ever predicted.

Drama was inevitable on a campaign and created almost out of thin air. Tempers were always flying, and feelings were always being hurt. There was no question that a running mate would add to the confusion and upset, but I couldn’t have predicted just how serious it was going to get. Katie Couric’s interview with her before the vice presidential debate had been disastrous. Unhappy with her performance, Palin seemed to blame the interview on the campaign. And she continued to blame other poor interviews and snafus on the campaign too. Sarah Palin. She was turning out to be somebody who leaves a wake of confusion and chaos – to the point of dizziness – wherever she went.

McCain also describes the Diva-like self-importance of Sarah Palin and her family. She discloses feelings bordering on pettiness regarding interactions with the Palin family. “I felt a joke in the air, but it was on me” McCain said in summarizing an encounter in a Republican convention makeup room.

All the chairs were taken. The stylists were busy with the Palin kids, as well as Levi. ‘Can you make time for me?’ I asked. “‘You’ll have to wait,’ the makeup artist replied. Levi, Bristol, Willow, and Piper, who was seven, needed to be styled first … ‘They’ll be getting more airtime.

McCain believes that Palin’s brand of hate-filled fear-inflicting politics will not be successful for the Republican Party. She provides the following advice for the 2010 election: “The bedrock of the Republican Party is freedom of the individual … Not hatred … A hyper-conservative candidate has no chance of winning against President Obama … the Republican party has to start being open to new people, new blood, and new ideas. “

In her book, Meghan McCain has identified Sarah Palin as being a major reason why her ticket lost the 2008 election and she has also predicted that the Palin approach to politics (uber-conservatism, hate and fear mongering) will cause her to lose future elections. In short, she is calling Sarah Palin a loser. Ouch! Take that, Sarah Palin!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Pretty Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rlB_q6lJ5A

PETTY WOMAN

(sung to the Roy Orbison song “Pretty Woman”)

Petty woman, cannot take the heat
Petty woman, with her Twitter tweets
Petty Woman, I don’t believe you
Can tell the truth
No other crook’s as good as you
Mercy

Petty woman, that’s our Sarah P.
Petty woman, and her Glenn Beck buddy
Petty woman, and her other pal, Hannity
They all work for Fox TV

Petty woman, winks and smiles
Slutty flight attendant style
Petty woman thinks she’s “mav’ricky”
Petty woman will not say
What convention speeches pay
Petty woman speaks in Palineese

We will read you
FaceBook tonight
“Drill Baby-Baby”
You’re not too bright

Petty woman and “First Dude” guy
Built a fence that is, ten feet high
Petty woman, just go away
OK

Joe McGinniss can still see your ways
He sees your rabid foam of hate
You’re such a sorry sight
But wait, Joe now can see
Sarah Palin’s on TV
Yeah, she’s there on Fox TV
O-oh
Petty Woman

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 48

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day, but be careful of those eggs!

BREAKING NEWS: John “I’m a Maverick, I’m not a Maverick” McCain apparently missed the memo that Republican candidates are not to align themselves with failed President George W. Bush during the upcoming election season. After President Obama finally extricated the U.S. from the ill conceived Iraq War,  John McCain said,

“Last American combat troops leave Iraq. I think President George W. Bush deserves some credit for victory.”

To paraphrase Ann Richards at the 1988 Democratic National convention, “Poor John. He can’t help it. He was born with his foot in his mouth!”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Conservative Republicans Who Actually Have A Clue” features Ted Olson, former George W. Bush solicitor general. He is also the attorney behind the case against California’s gay marriage ban, and husband of a woman who died aboard the plane that crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11. Last week he said that President Obama was right about his analysis of the “Ground Zero Mosque” as a constitutional right protected by the First Amendment.

“I do believe that people of all religions have a right to build edifices, or structures, or places of religious worship or study where the community allows them to do it under zoning laws and that sort of thing, and that we don’t want to turn an act of hate against us by extremists into an act of intolerance for people of religious faith. And I don’t think it should be a political issue. It shouldn’t be a Republican or Democratic issue, either. I believe Gov. Christie from New Jersey said it well, that this should not be in that political, partisan marketplace.”

BREAKING NEWS: Nevada’s Republican candidate for U.S. Senate, Sharron Angle is a crazy, disturbed religious zealot. This member of Sarah Palin’s “Mama Grizzlies” in 1992 campaigned against a high school football team donning black jerseys on the religious grounds that black as a color was thoroughly evil, invoking the supernatural and especially the devil . ‘Nuff said.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “The Conservative Supreme Court Finally Gets One Right” stars Orly Taitz. The famed dentist/realtor/lawyer/Birther’s  $20,000 fine for filing frivolous lawsuits attempting to establish that President Barack Obama was not born in the U.S. was just upheld by the Supreme Court. Can we finally put the Birthers out to pasture?

BREAKING NEWS: In case you missed it, Newscorp, the parent company of Fox News donated $ 1 million to the Republican Governors Association. In comparison, it gave $ 48,000.00 to Democrats. Now if that is not “Fair and Balanced”, then what is?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of ” Do Unto Others…” features the ironically named Dove World Church — whose pastor, Terry Jones, has written a book called “Islam Is Of The Devil,” which is also emblazoned on a sign outside the institution. The radically conservative church is planning to host “International Burn A Quran Day” on September 11th in Gainesville, Florida. How is that for tolerance? Gee, I wonder what their position is concerning the planned New York City mosque?

BREAKING NEWS: Americans United For Change has gone on the attack against conservative Republicans John Boehner (pronounced BO-ner), Paul Ryan and moonbat crazy Michele Bachmann. They have released a video ad which exposes the trio’s plan to privatize Social Security. The privatization of Social security is plain stupid on many counts. First of all, how are retired working class individuals supposed to suddenly gain the investment skills required to fund their retirements at a point in their lives when their mental acuity is slowing? Secondly, how do you think most people’s Social Security accounts would have fared as the result of the recent stock crashes? we could go on and on, but let’s watch the ad…

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Did I Just Defend My Enemy?” co-stars Sarah Palin and Laura Schlessinger. Last week Sarah Palin defended the now disgraced and unemployed Dr. Laura after the radio host was forced to abandon her show as the result of broadcasting the “n-word” 11 times in 5 minutes. Palin lauded Schlessinger and applauded her conduct. But did the former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska know that Dr. Laura said this about her in 2008?

“I’m stunned — couldn’t the Republican Party find one competent female with adult children to run for Vice President with McCain? I realize his advisers probably didn’t want a “mature” woman, as the Democrats keep harping on his age. But really, what kind of role model is a woman whose fifth child was recently born with a serious issue, Down syndrome, and then goes back to the job of governor within days of the birth?”

Ouch! That should have left a mark. I guess Palin is just too stupid to conduct any research.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Big Shot song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFvlF2CirP0&feature=related

BIG SHOT

(sung to the Billy Joel song “Big Shot”)

Well, you went off campaigning with ol’ John McCain
With your new G.O.P. purchased clothes
You had that beehive hairstyle on your head
And high heels for your toes
Ooh,, and when you woke up in the mornin’
With your bub-ble burst
And tears pouring out of your eyes
We know “Thanks But No Thanks” was just
Another one of your lies

Because you had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
Now your smile’s become a pout
You talked a lot of Reverend Wright
But all you did was scream and shout
You showed us that you’re way too uptight
You tried to be a big shot that night (Ooh oh)

And no one was impressed with your wolf hide dress
Just because you shot the wolves from a plane
And nobody could have really cared less
That you can see the Ukraine
But now you just don’t remember
The dumb things you said
And I’m damn sure you don’t want to know
I’ll give you one hint, Barbie
I think you got plumbed by Joe!

Yes, yes, you had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had the SarahPac girls wowed
Your nose was running pig-snot, oh ya
Hockey mom without a doubt
Your interviews were such a sad sight
You’re so much fun to be around
You had to have the front page, bold type
Upstaging McCain most every night, (Ooh oh)

Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa who-oo-oo-oo-ah,
Oh Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa.

Well, it’s no big sin to stick your two cents in
If you’re talking to someone that’s grown
But you’re attacking Levi
Because he was on the Tyra Banks Show
No, no, no, no, no, no

You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
You had to badmouth that young boy
You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha
Just because you were annoyed
You had to have the last word, that’s right
You know what everything’s about
But still we know that Levi spent nights
Sleeping at your house within your sight, Oh oh

Oh Oh whoa whoa oh, Oh Oh whoa
Big shot…Big shot… Big shot…Mmmm…Big shot…Whoa whoa
Big shot…

G.O.P. Religious Zealot Gingrich Zinged By G.O.P. Religious Zealot Buchanan

Isn’t it entertaining to watch Republicans eat their own? That is what makes the G.O.P. presidential primary debates so fun. Remember in 2008 when Rudolph “9/11″ Giuliani accused Mitt(wit) Romney of having a “sanctuary mansion” for having illegal immigrants cut his lawn? How about when Fred “I’m In It Till I Quit It” Thompson accused Giuliani of making NYC a sanctuary city when he said Giuliani had gone to court seeking to overturn a bill designed to ban sanctuary cities. “I helped pass a bill outlawing sanctuary cities,” Thompson said. “The mayor went to court to overturn it. So, if it wasn’t a sanctuary city, I’d call that a frivolous lawsuit.” There was also the instance when John “I’m For Amnesty But I’m Against Amnesty” McCain ripped Romney for refusing to state whether waterboarding constituted torture by stating he was “astonished” that Romney would think the practice might not be torture and that failing to speak in specifics on the issue meant, “you would have to advocate that we withdraw from the Geneva Conventions.” Ahhh, the halcyon days of Republican infighting.

But do not pine for the days of yore so soon. The 2012 campaign has not even kicked off yet but the Republicans are already beginning to snipe at each other. This week’s example was Pat Buchanan vs. Newt Gingrich. On national television, Buchanan claimed that Gingrich is a “political opportunist” who is using the so-called “Ground Zero mosque” issue to position himself for a run at the Republican presidential nomination in 2012.

Gingrich on Monday accused President Obama of “pandering to radical Islam” by expressing support for building an Islamic cultural center which includes a mosque two blocks from the site of the Sept. 11 attacks, adding:

“Nazis don’t have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington. We would never accept the Japanese putting up a sight next to Pearl Harbor. There’s no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center.”

Buchanan responded that Gingrich is “trying to get out and be more flamboyant and more charismatic if you will, and more controversial than Sarah Palin, who is his primary challenger if he gets into Iowa and New Hampshire.” He also said,

“How do you get more attention than Sarah Palin, who’s very good at this, is to go two steps further. I mean, I think bringing the Nazis into the argument is always absurd in American politics because there is no valid comparison there. And secondly, you know you bring that in and that’s all we start talking about.”

But as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the moving picture show shall we?

Isn’t it great when Republicans come right out of the gate and start accusing people of being Nazis? This should get Fox News’ Glenn Beck and radio’s Rush Limbaugh all ginned up in the coming weeks. Stay tuned, the Hitler analogies are sure to be fast and furious.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top