Monthly Archives: January 2010

Ouch! Dems Down In Defeat!

Scott Brown's favorite movie? Free Willy

The moral of the story? Never rest on your laurels and believe you are invincible. Massachusetts Democrats learned that lesson the hard way yesterday when Republican newcomer Scott Brown defeated Democratic machine cog Martha Coakley in the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s U.S. Senate seat. It is almost impossible to believe that a conservative, nude model and convicted shoplifter could be elected in the bluest of blue states. Nonetheless, it happened and part of the reason for Coakley’s defeat was her nonchalance at campaigning. She (and many of us) believed that merely being a member of the Democratic Party insured victory over a Republican. After all, the Republican Party has little to no presence in the Bay State and presently has the fewest elected members in state politics in its history. Coakley took the election for granted early on and when she finally realized that she was in trouble, it was too late to turn things around. She failed to make public appearances and get her message out early. She failed to inform the angry populace that their present economic woes were caused by politicians that carried out policies like those advanced by Brown. Finally, she unveiled an ignorance of the beloved Boston Red Sox.

There is hope however. Even with Brown as the 41st Republican senator, there are still 19 more Democrats in that position. To put things in perspective, George W. Bush never had nearly that much of a majority to work with and look at all the crappy legislation he pushed through. As a matter of fact, the Republicans have not had a 19 seat majority since the 1920′s when they did all that damage that led us into the Great Depression.

As for health care reform legislation, Brown has vowed to vote against it and to participate in a Republican filibuster that might kill the legislation. That is disheartening but not fatal to the cause. The House and Senate can either fast-track the  reconciliation of the bill and bring it to vote in both houses prior to Brown taking his seat in approximately two weeks. Or, alternatively the House could elect to accept the Senate version of the bill as is (as unpalatable as that may be) thereby denying Senate Republicans the opportunity to filibuster. In that case, a weaker form of health care reform legislation than most progressives desire would become law, but it would be a first step and it would prevent the denial of claims as the result of pre-existing conditions etc. The law could then be strengthened in subsequent years just as civil right laws were strengthened over a number of years in the 1960′s. Both of those choices are better than further watering down the legislation to placate Republicans who simply want to maintain the current unsustainable health care system.

The only certainty that we have is that Scott Brown will be going to Washington in the near future. For his sake, let’s hope that he keeps his clothes on. Who knows what could happen to a naked man with the likes of Larry Craig and David Vitter lurking around?

As for the Democrats? We received a wake-up call and we better heed it. It is time for the Democrats to get a spine and fight back against dangerous Republican policies and rhetoric. If we are forceful enough the people will listen. Remember, it was only two years ago when the Republicans were swept out of national office as the result of their failed policies. We must constantly remind the electorate of that if we are to continue on the path of change.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s protest song parody. Sing loud. It will make you feel better!

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKu2QaytmrM

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Breaking News: Republicans Hate Sarah Palin Also, Too !!!

OUCH !!! This is gong to leave a mark. The most recent poll regarding Sarah Palin’s chances for the presidency has been released and it ain’t pretty for Ms. Quittypants. Even her new-found Fox News audience, which Glenn Beck estimates to be in the Hundreds of Billions, does not appear to be enamored with Palin having a political future. CNN reports on the CBS News poll as follows:

Sarah Palin attracted huge crowds across the country last fall as she promoted her best-selling memoir, but a new survey suggests an overwhelming number of Americans don’t want the former Alaska governor to run for president.

According to a new CBS News poll out Tuesday, 71 percent are against the former Republican vice presidential candidate launching her own bid for the White House in two years while 21 percent are in favor of a potential run.

Broken down by party, 56 percent of Republicans are against a potential Palin presidential campaign while 30 percent are for it. Meanwhile, the vast majority of Democrats, 88 percent, are not in favor of a Palin presidential run.

The survey also finds significantly more people view Palin negatively than positively: 41 percent negative compared to 26 percent positive.

Both those numbers have increased since Palin’s high-profile book tour late last year and since becoming a Fox News contributor last week. In November, 38 percent held an unfavorable view of Palin while 23 percent held a positive view of her.

Among Republicans in the latest poll, 43 percent hold a positive view of Palin while 30 percent of independents do. Meanwhile, just under a half of conservatives view Palin favorably while only 16 percent of liberals do.

Meanwhile, a majority of conservatives, 58 percent say Palin should run for president in 2012.

If she hopes to stay employed by Fox News for any significant period of time, Sarah Palin better hope that her television audience has a longer span of attention than her political supporters did. This is good news for Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off however, because we get to republish two (yes, two for the price of one) of our favorite Sarah Palin poll result song parodies. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with each tune and to have more fun singing along to them.

Poll Slide song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWa7cuM5CXA

POLL-SLIDE

(sung to the TV theme of, “Rawhide”)

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Keep movin’, movin’, movin’
People disapprovin’
Sarah’s not improvin’, Poll-Slide!
She cannot understand ‘em,
She hopes results are random,
Soon she’ll be in a double-wide.
There’s no way of definin’
Just why the polls declinin’, declinin’ like a massive
Landslide.

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Her eyeballs are ballin’
How come no-one’s callin’?
Poll-Slide!
It looks like stormy weather
And she’s light like a feather
She’ll be swept under by the tide.
She’ll be unemployed soon,
A wolf killin’ buffoon,
And all this resultin’ from her lies

Headin’ down, movin’ fast,
Losin’ ground, ship her out,
Headin’ down, movin’ fast
Poll-Slide!
Kick her out,  shoot her down,
Send her home, push her out,
Kick her butt, fallin’ fast
Poll-Slide!

Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Fallin’ Fallin’ Fallin’
Poll Slide

Poll Slider song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iffDvXTcm8&feature=related

POLL SLIDER

(sung to the War song “Low Rider”)

All my friends know the poll slider
The poll slider is a little liar

The poll slider slips a little lower
Poll slider couldn’t be much slower

Hey!

Poll Slider is facing defeat, yeah
Poll Slider is gonna be beat, yeah

Poll slider is outta gas now
The poll slider is on her ass

Better get a grip, better get a grip
She is not the one to be
Better get a grip, better get a grip
She’s shunned by the G.O.P.

Bristol Palin Hits The Tabloids (Again !!!)

FIRST OF ALL, WE IMPLORE ALL MASSACHUSETTS READERS TO GET OUT THERE AND VOTE FOR MARTHA COAKLEY TODAY!!!

Bristol Palin

On its website back in June, MSNBC posted an article which explores recent celebrities and whether they are actual “role models” to younger Americans.  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30874508/ In other words, are young people savvy enough to distinguish between true role models and hypocrytes?

MSNBC utilized Bristol Palin as in example:

Recently, Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old daughter of Alaska governor and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, set out on a campaign to urge young people to practice abstinence. “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex,” she told People Magazine. “Trust me. Nobody.” She became pregnant by former boyfriend Levi Johnston and gave birth to a son in late December.

Strangely however, the MSNBC article omitted any mention of the young Palin’s previous on-air declaration on the Fox network, to wit:

I think abstinence is … I don’t know how to put it … everyone should be abstinent or whatever, but it’s not realistic at all. (emphasis added)

Bristol’s most recent foray into the world of tabloid magazines is this week’s issue of  In Touch. The cover story features both Bristol and her mother, Sarah Palin and is titled, “We’re Glad We Chose Life”. The most curious quote of Bristol’s is,

I’m not going to have sex until I’m married. I can guarantee it.

Jeesh, talk about closing the barn door after the horse has gone!

Inasmuch as Ms. Palin is now a spokesperson (along with Britney Spears the twice divorced unwed mother) for the Candies (shoe company) Foundation and its program to prevent teen pregnancy, we thought a song parody was in order…

I Want Candy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMICD3aMZpw

SHE WEARS CANDIES

(sung to the Bow Wow Wow song “I Want Candy”)

I know a girl who’ll take some heat
Candies pays this gal to speak
She’s got a mother that is a liar
Sarah sucks like a vampire

She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Bristol’s preachin’ all over town
She should shut-up and sit down
She don’t know squat about abstinence
She’s got a big case of arrogance

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
Yeah

(musical interlude)

Bristol is a gal that should know better
She should be sporting a scarlet letter
She left school cuz she was failin’
Just like almost every Palin

She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies
She wears Candies

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey

Rush “To Judgment” Limbaugh and the Idiot Brigade

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has not commented too frequently of late on the antics of the obese and drug addled Rush Limbaugh. This however, seems to be the perfect occasion to reacquaint ourselves with Limbaugh and his “Excrement In Broadcasting” program.

Limbaugh, as you may know, is the radio personality that flunked out of Southeast Missouri State University after only two semesters and one summer session. To date, he has no college degree. As we all know, however, a lack of education has never been an impediment to advancement within right wing conservative circles. Limbaugh’s educational pedigree measures up well with those of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Joe the Plumber (we have not yet been able to determine the educational background of Joe Sixpack).

He also likes to ruminate on morality and family values. And if anyone knows a lot about families through sheer personal experience, it’s Limbaugh. He has been married three times. As for morality, he used to enjoy spouting off about the necessity of drug offenders receiving stiff jail sentences. That all changed, however, in 2006 when he surrendered to Palm Beach County (Florida) officials on charges of doctor shopping as the result of his own drug addiction to oxycodone and hydrocodone. He did everything within his power to avoid just such a sentence. Speaking of stiff sentences, let’s not forget that in June of 2006 he was detained by drug enforcement officials at Palm Beach International Airport when he attempted to bring a bottle of Viagra (the prescription was in somebody else’s name, by the way) into the country.

Limbaugh’s latest misguided, non-sensicle on-air tirade was directed at guess who? You got it, President Barack Obama. Remember last month when the druggie criticized Obama for taking too long (mind you, it was only 3 days) to make a statement regarding the Underwear Bomber? Well, this week he has taken the opposite tact. He is now criticizing the President for speaking out too soon on the Haiti disaster. He said,

I want you to remember it took him three days, three days to respond to the Christmas day fruit of kaboom bomber. Three days and when he came out after those three days he was clearly irritated that he had to do it. He didn’t want to do it. He comes out here in less than twenty-four hours to speak about Haiti. (cut to sound clip pf president). This is what he lives for. He lives for serving those in misery… I don’t have the whole press conference but I wonder did he apologize for America before acknowledging we are the only people on earth that can possibly help them out down there. In any significant way.

Limbaugh is in dire need of psychological help. Does he have no sense of perspective? Does he not realize that although it was a dangerous and significant event, the attempted Christmas day bombing was luckily thwarted with no loss of life, while the Haiti earthquake killed thousands and has left millions clinging to life? Furthermore, where did he get the egocentric idea that the United States is the only country on earth that can possibly help them out?

Perhaps Roger Ebert said it best in his open letter to Limbaugh which was published on his website Rogerebert.com. Here it is:

To: Rush Limbaugh
From: Roger Ebert

You should be horse-whipped for the insult you have paid to the highest office of our nation.

Having followed President Obama’s suggestion and donated money to the Red Cross for relief in Haiti, I was offended to hear you suggest the President might be a thief capable of stealing money intended for the earthquake victims.

Here is a transcript from your program on Thursday:

Justin of Raleigh, North Carolina: “Why does Obama say if you want to donate some money, you could go to whitehouse.gov to direct you how to do so? If I wanted to donate to the Red Cross, why do I have to go to the White House page to donate?”

Limbaugh: “Exactly. Would you trust the money’s gonna go to Haiti?”

Justin: “No.”

Rush: “But would you trust that your name’s gonna end up on a mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?”

Justin: “Absolutely!”

Limbaugh: “Absolutely!”

That’s what was said.

Unlike you and Justin of Raleigh, I went to Obama’s web site, and discovered the link there leads directly to the Red Cross. I can think of a reason why anyone might want to go via the White House. That way they can be absolutely sure they’re clicking on the Red Cross and not a fake site set up to exploit the tragedy.

But let me be sure I have this right. You and Justin agree that Obama might steal money intended for the Red Cross to help the wretched of Haiti.

This conversation came 48 hours after many of us had seen pitiful sights from Port au Prince. Tens of thousands are believed still alive beneath the rubble. You twisted their suffering into an opportunity to demean the character of the President of the United States.

This cannot have been an accident. A day earlier, in a sound bite from your show, you said “this will play right into Obama’s hands. He’s humanitarian, compassionate. They’ll use this to burnish their, shall we say, ‘credibility’ with the black community — in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country. It’s made-to-order for them.”

Setting aside your riff on Harry Reid, consider what you imply. Obama will aid Haiti to please African-Americans. Haiti has lost untold thousands of lives. One third of the population has lost its homes. Countless people are still buried in the rubble. Every American president would act quickly to help our neighbor. You are so cynical and heartless as to explain Obama’s action in a way that unpleasantly suggests how your mind works.

You have a sizable listening audience. You apparently know how to please them. Anybody given a $400 million contract must know what he is doing.

That’s what offends me. You know exactly what you’re doing.

This is a perfect example of how Limbaugh and the rest of the right-wing idiot brigade will say anything to discredit Barack Obama no matter how commendable his actions may be. And they sound stupid while doing it.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets

Finally, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish everyone a Happy Martin Luther King Day! Please do something nice for someone today.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Puff The Magic Dragon song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU&feature=related

RUSH THE TRAGIC MAGGOT

(sung to the Peter, Paul and Mary song “Puff The Magic Dragon”)

Rush the tragic maggot lives by the sea
Was born in 1951 in a state called Missouri
Limbaugh’s education went down in a flush
He made it two semesters and his family kept it hush, oh

Rush the tragic maggot had an injury
It was a pilonidal cyst in a place he could not see
Rush the magic maggot petitioned his country
Then they deemed him too unfit for the military

Therefore he did not travel off to the Ho Chi Minh Trail
Limbaugh the rabid chickenhawk was deemed to be too frail
So he became a disc jockey and pursued his fame
Alas he was a failure as his music taste was lame, oh

Rush the tragic maggot found ABC
And began his talk radio stint shilling for the G.O.P.
Rush the tragic maggot tried football on Monday
But when he showed his racist trait they canned his ass hastily

The maggot talks forever and his voice sure annoys
Calls his listeners “ditto heads” while he’s making noise
Rush thinks that he matters and is gen’rally adored
Poor Rush does not realize he’s like a mouse that roars

The mike that he speaks into bigger, than his brain
His brain-dead thoughtless audience is his gravy train
“Operation Chaos” failed in a big way
Despite all Rush’s efforts the Dems won running away, oh

Rush the tragic maggot lives happily
He doctor shops his days away and frequents pharmacies
Rush the tragic maggot loves his Oxy-C
And when he’s feeling a bit down, there’s the blue pill known as “V”

Martha Coakley Senate Campaign Update

The Martha Coakley campaign revealed today that Republican opponent Scott brown is a tax cheat. He does not pay employment taxes or provide health care coverage (as is required by Massachusetts law) to his campaign employees. Watch this video and then read this great article from Crooksandliars.com.

We already know Scott Brown’s vision of taxes and public service. Brown’s on the side of the powerful and the wealthy and the big banks, but he doesn’t mind sticking it to the little guy, to the family struggling to cover their mortgage and save a little for their kids’ college education, the patriot who rushes to people in need.

We already knew Scott Brown was looking out for his fact cat backers. Now, as we learn how he treats his own employees, we see that he’s really just out for himself.

Scott Brown’s campaign wants you to believe they don’t have employees. According to his campaign finance reports, Brown pays his staff as if they were independent contractors. He doesn’t just pay his media and other consultants that way, he pays his lowest-level staff as if they weren’t really his employees.

Campaigns often use the services of people who are accurately classified as independent contractors. But it’s impossible for any major campaign to reach the final weekend of the race and, as the Brown campaign wants people to believe, not have employees. It may be true that the Federal Elections Commission doesn’t designate how campaigns designate their staffers. But the Internal Revenue Service does have specific rules on who can and cannot be classified an independent contractor. If a worker takes direct instructions on tasks, has hours mandated by the employer, uses facilities and tools supplied by the employer, or is working exclusively for that employer, they’re not an independent contractor, they’re an employee. [Look here;(pdf) for the kinds of questions the IRS asks to determine employee status.] By any reasonable standard, at this late point in the campaign, when workers are working exclusively for the campaign, are taking direct orders from the candidate or other staff, and where they are working in campaign headquarters, spending campaign money, using campaign equipment, and representing themselves as Brown’s campaign staff, they’re undoubtedly employees.

By paying his staff as contractors instead of employees, Scott Brown avoids any responsibility to be a good employer and provide them health insurance. That alone should be enough to disqualify him in the minds of many voters. But by paying his staff as contractors, Brown has also managed to avoid his responsibility to pay their payroll taxes. Brown has pushed his tax obligation off on to his employees, which is not only selfish, it’s also probably a violation of federal law.

It’s no surprise that Brown evaded questions about paying his staff as contractors, directing people to speak to his attorneys. And it’s no surprise his attorneys wouldn’t comment on the issue, because Scott Brown is almost certainly in violation of federal tax laws.

Scott Brown: champion of bankers and special interests, and tax cheat who pushes his obligations off on to his employees.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 25 (and a Plea For Help)

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: It was announced on Friday that Republican, John Shadegg of Arizona will retire from the U.S. House of Representatives. Shadegg is the latest in a string of representatives and senators to announce that they plan to vacate their seats. It is yet to be seen whether the media will characterize Shadegg’s retirement as a severe blow to Republican election efforts in 2010. That is precisely what they said about Democrats earlier in the month however, when two Democratic senators announced their retirement. It would appear that Republicans are in the most trouble because fifteen of their House members are retiring (compared to eleven Democrats) along with six of their senators (compared to two Democrats). Final score: Republican vacancies = 21, Democratic party vacancies = 13.

THIS JUST IN: The lunatic accused of plotting to kill then Senator Barack Obama (along with several other Black Americans) in September 2008, has pleaded guilty and faces a ten year prison sentence. Paul Schlesselman of Arkansas entered a guilty plea agreement with federal prosecutors on Thursday. This serves as a reminder that racism is still alive and well in this country.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of  “And If You Believe That One, I’ve Got Some Florida Swampland I’d Like To Sell” features a Republican candidate for Governor of Ohio who has announced that he is a Tea-Bagger. In fact, John Kaisch claims to have been the very first Tea-Bagger. Last week he said,

I’ve been all over the state, including with our friends in the Tea Party movement. I think I was in the Tea Party before there was a Tea Party.

Yikes! He is willing to admit to that? Upon closer inspection however, it appears that Kaisch is simply pulling the wool over the eyes of the ever-ignorant Tea-Baggers. Indeed, he is a former Lehman Brothers investment banker and the investment bankers are a target of the Tea-Baggers because of the bank bailouts. Looks like we have a real match made in Heaven.

THIS JUST IN: Republican Newt “The Beaute” Gingrich has announced that he might seek the presidency in 2012. He said, “I think I’m probably on a list of seven or eight possible candidates at this stage”. CNN reports,

Gingrich’s comments come days after organizers of The Southern Republican Leadership Conference – a high-profile gathering of party activists considered to be an initial venue for potential GOP presidential candidates – announced the former House Speaker will be among the list of Republican speakers. Palin and Pawlenty are also expected to attend the event.

Gingrich also recently filed government paperwork to form a political action committee, named American Solutions PAC, according to Federal Election Commission records. The forming of a political action committee will allow Gingrich to raise cash and donate the money to federal and state candidates across the country. It could also be a sign that Gingrich is serious about running for the White House in 2012.

The last time we heard from the disgraced former House Speaker was when he announced last December that he would launch a Spanish language conservative web magazine to bring Latinos within the conservative Republican fold. So far, that stunt has not been successful for obvious reasons. Gingrich is a wife-cheating, anti-immigration racist. Let’s hope his presidential bid is just as unsuccessful.

BREAKING NEWS: This past week’s blockbuster television moment did not appear on the season premiere of the Republican pornshow known as Jack Bauer’s 24.  It happened on the Glenn Beck Show and should have been titled, Couric: The Sequel. It was riveting television when guest Sarah Palin was asked by Glenn Beck who her favorite founding father was and Palin drew a blank just as she had when Couric asked her what newspapers she read. It was just as obvious on Beck’s show as it was with Couric, that Palin simply had no idea what to answer. She could not name a newspaper or magazine for Couric and she could not name a founding father for Beck. After much stammering, she finally came up with George Washington (probably only because Beck had mentioned him 1 minute earlier) although he had little to no effect on the formation of our nation’s principles or system of government. here is a transcript of the embarrassing conversation:

PALIN: That is because we have a fallen world. And mankind is fallen and we can never put — I don’t believe that we were created to be able to put our faith wholly, solely except for our spouse in another person. Certainly not in a politician. I don’t believe that except, you know, looking back on our founding fathers and seeing the sincerity there and the genuine love that they had of the country, I don’t think in recent days we can find too many of those politicians.

BECK: That’s why we got to stop looking and start taking from the barrel and start picking from the tree. Who is your favorite founder?

PALIN: You know, well, all of them (editor’s note: Gee, sound familiar?) because they came collectively together with so much diverse .

BECK: Bull crap. Who is your favorite?

PALIN: So much diverse opinion and so much diversity in terms of belief, but collectively they came together to form this union.

(CROSSTALK)

PALIN: No, and they were led by, of course, George Washington, so he’s got to rise to the top. Washington was the consummate statesman. He serves, he returned power to the people. He didn’t want to be a king. He returned power to the people. Then he went back to Mount Vernon, he went back to his farm. He was almost reluctant to serve as president, too. And that is who you need to find to serve in government, in a bureaucracy.

Those who you know will serve for the right reasons because they’re reluctant to get out there and seek a limelight and seek power. They’re doing it for people. That was George Washington.

Quite simply, Sarah Palin is an uneducated buffoon.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Right-Wing Conservatives Who Deserve To Burn In Hell” features Pat Robertson and c0-stars Rush Limbaugh. Robertson said that Haiti was struck by an earthquake that killed thousands and left millions to clinging to existence because the victims’ forefathers had made a pact with the Devil. Rush Limbaugh in turn, actually discouraged his listeners from contributing to relief for Haiti and pounded Obama for exploiting the tragedy in order to present himself as a humanitarian. Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Absolutely, Unbelievably Stupid Blog Reader Comments” comes courtesy of The Political Carnival. In response to a post about the Haitian earthquake tragedy, a reader said this,

Anonymous said…
I pay taxes to run my government, not to “AID” other countries.

And I don’t recall when a poor country actually provided the U.S with anything when disaster struck the U.S

January 14, 2010 2:45 PM

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “The Lying Liar That Keeps On Lying” features Sarah Palin. While continuing to make the rounds as a Fox News guest host last week, she appeared on Hannity and defended her “death panels” lie to the point of stating that they still exist in health care reform legislation. here is the transcript:

Hannity: You stand by those comments because you think it still exists in the bill.

Palin: I do. It’s a commission, it’s bureaucracy, it’s bureaucrats who will ration care if the bill goes through as Obama wants it to go through. Yes — it’s modeled, in essence, after a British system that does have people to decide whether, based on your quality of life, your age, whether you’re gonna deserve health-care coverage or not — that’s what’s gonna happen in America if this health-care bill isn’t stopped, and it needs to be stopped soon, and that’s why the people of this land can’t give up in demanding that their voice be heard, demanding that the White House understand that this is a representative form of government, we do expect that the will of the people is listened to and adhered to and implemented via our representatives, who we elect.

Stupid is as stupid does.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Matches Made In Heaven” features Sarah Palin and the NASCAR crowd. Conservatives4Palin announced yesterday that plans are in the works for the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska to appear in some unspecified capacity at the Daytona 500 in February. Palin has already purchased her supply of chewing tobacco and Busch beer. Perhaps she will be baring her breasts while filming one of those Danica Patrick GoDaddy.com ads.

THIS JUST IN: The camaigning for the Massachusetts special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s senate seat is coming down to the wire. Yesterday, former President Bill Clinton came first to Boston and then to the central part of the state to stump for the Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley. He also recorded a robo-call for wide distribution which goes like this:

Hello, this is Bill Clinton.

I’m calling to urge you to get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday January 19.

This election is critical, not just for Massachusetts but for our entire country. The Republicans are spending millions of dollars to win Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat and they’re telling you that they’ve got a better economic plan, when all they want is to bring back President Bush’s economic policies. They’re telling you they’ve got a health care plan, when all they want is to leave the health insurance companies in control of America’s health care and bankrupt the country.

So please, get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday Jan 19. I know her, she’s a good person, she’ll be a good senator.

The caring and concerned citizens of Massachusetts thank you, Mr. Clinton. Today is a lso a big campaign day however, as President Barack Obama comes to Boston for the same purpose.

BREAKING NEWS: Martha Coakley exposed the fact that her Republican opponent for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat fails to provide health insurance for his staff workers while the Democrat does provide those benefits. The Boston Globe reports that Coakley is saying the following in recent campaign stops:

We already knew that Scott Brown didn’t want to make health insurance more affordable for Massachusetts families and businesses. Now we learn that he won’t even make health insurance available for his own staff. If he won’t stand up for the people he employs, how could we ever trust him to stand up for us?

Tell it like it is, Martha. Tell it like it is.

THIS JUST IN: Watch Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown suggest that President Barack Obama was born out of wedlock.

Scott Brown is just another Birther-like conspiracy theorist that appears to have confused the Obamas with the Palins.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Guys That Belong In The Senate” features Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown. Yes folks, this is the guy that is running against Democrat Martha Coakley for the Ted Kennedy seat. He posed for this photo some years ago in Cosmopolitan magazine. Honestly, would he ever be taken seriously? I wonder why Sarah Palin does not characterize this photo as “porn”? Clearly, this is an example of, the emperor wears no clothes.

I can see my clothes from my house!

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets

Ok, so on to today’s song parody. This is one of our favorite scathing Republican bashing tunes and explains why this blog exists. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs


Saturday Night Music Byte

The Ramones were an American rock band often regarded as the first punk rock group. The group was formed in Forest Hills, Queens, New York in 1974. All of the band members adopted pseudonyms ending with the surname “Ramone”, though none of them were actually related. They performed 2,263 concerts, touring virtually nonstop for 22 years. In 1996, after a tour with the Lollapalooza music festival, the band played a farewell show and disbanded. By a little more than eight years after the breakup, the band’s three founding members—lead singer Joey Ramone, guitarist Johnny Ramone, and bassist Dee Dee Ramone—had all died.

The Ramones were a major influence on the punk rock movement both in the United States and the United Kingdom, though they achieved only minor commercial success. Their only record with enough U.S. sales to be certified gold was the compilation album Ramones Mania. Recognition of the band’s importance built over the years, and they are now cited in many assessments of all-time great rock music, such as the Rolling Stone lists of the 50 Greatest Artists of All Time and VH1′s 100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock. In 2002, the Ramones were ranked the second-greatest band of all time by Spin magazine, trailing only The Beatles. On March 18, 2002, the Ramones—including the three founders and drummers Marky and Tommy Ramone—were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Please enjoy this video clip of the Ramones performing “Blitzkrieg Bop”.


Sarah Palin: The Tabloid Schizoid

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?


Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In  Vanity Fair magazine there was an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it was not flattering. The article was titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and included a segment in which Johnston explained the erstwhile journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail or it may come back to haunt you…again.

Luckily for us, this week the tabloids have focused on Palin and her family again. this time it is the National Enquirer that shines the unflattering spotlight on the Alaska Disastah. The title of the article is Palin’s Boozy Wild Child and here are some excerpts:

Sarah Palin’s got another Wasilla wild child on her hands  – 15-year-old daughter Willow who’s running with the “wrong crowd”.

Big sister Bristol made headlines with her out-of-wedlock pregnancy, and now Willow has been named as a participant in a teenage booze bash that got out of hand, say sources.

“Willow has been running with the wrong crowd,” confides a friend. “They are a popular high school clique known as the Colony Girls, who are well known as hard partiers and are regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope.”

In July 2009, Willow was photographed slamming back a bottle of vodka at a Juneau house party. “Sarah was fuming when that photo of Willow was published,” said the friend.

Her older sister Bristol scandalized her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, as a dope-smoking underage drinker and party girl. At 17, she announced she was pregnant – by hunky Levi Johnston whose mother was later sent to jail for pushing drugs.

Bristol,  who gave birth to baby Tripp in December 2008, later organized an much ballyhooed advocacy group to prevent teen pregnancy.

Track, meanwhile, has had drug problems in the past, and was addicted to the painkiller OxyContin before shipping off to Iraq.

The former Alaska governor – who ran for vice president on a family values platform – is upset that Willow’s wild behavior could cause her embarrassment as she promotes her new gig as Fox News commentator.

“Right now, Sarah’s trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug,” the source said.

Juicy stuff.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets


Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

The Parallel Universe Of Sarah Palin Supporters

We thought that it might be interesting to see how Sarah Palin supporters (i.e. nutcases) reacted to the bloodbath that was Sunday night’s 60 Minutes expose´ on the failed Vice Presidential nominee. Accordingly, please find below, an assortment of comments posted on the Conservatives4Palin blog. It will not be necessary for us to provide any in depth commentary, only the occasional anecdotal note because the spelling, grammar and content of these comments are entertaining on their own. Please enjoy:

panchita
the though of schmidt and cooper staring lovingly into each others eyes is too much for me to bear.

go back to sleep panchita, its a nightmare

(Huh, ???)

palintologist
The reason for this interview isn’t the ’08 election.  It was just another plum of a chance to make Sarah look bad, since the dems HAVE to take her out as the unofficial leader of conservatives in this country (and a few others, for that matter).

So, A) Either McCain asked Schmidt to zip it and was ignored or B) McCain said nothing and Schmidt just reverted to form.  I’m going with “B.”  If McCain had any real regard for Sarah he would have demanded that this garbage stop.  And, if Schmidt had any respect for McLame, he would’ve listened.  Makes you wonder if he wants to continue in the same line of work or he knows that all potential clients feel the same way he does and his behavior is condoned.

(I never realized that Steve Schmidt was a Democrat. Who knew?)

kcnut
Steve Schmidt is a pondscum loser who should be glad sarah treated him nicely cause if i was sarah i’d show him my boot that lackey

(When did Sarah treat him nicely? Not in her fictional book.)

Sheya
Palin is rising so the LSM will do whatever it takes to bring her down. I have four words to describe this interview.

Same Shmit Different Day!

(Umm, that would be”Schmidt”)

i will be interested to see how much attention schmidt comments get at this point.  the rift between him and the governor are well known and palin covers many of this in her book-  there is no real news on palin to discuss.  i expect that we will not hear anymore on this book from Palin unless it contians some personal “revelations” about the state of the Palin marrieage or the kids that she feels  need to be corrected. certainly right now the info on Reid and the Clintons and Elzabeth Edwards are getting the most buzz.

(Love the spelling)

Uffida I enjoyed you post on the book, I wrote a bit about it on thepalination, i am not as good as most of you, but i think i got the facts in the post…as I told you last night I hit my head pretty hard there is a soft spot there now my doctor want to look at it to make sure it not a blood clot..go see about that later this afternoon.

(That soft spot might explain your incoherent comment.)

BetseyRoss
All the trials and tribulations for Sarah have been God’s Plan.  He knows it makes her stronger and us, too.

Sarah’s book debunks all of what Schmidt is saying.  She barely mentions his name.  If he was part of “Headquarters” she pretty much found a way to expose his idiocy and disingenuousness without naming him.  Judging by the way he is acting now I think she stuck in the knife and gave it a little twist.
If you recall in her book the chapter when she first meets everyone at the AZ ranch, she lets us know that she knew that she was in for a wild ride.  Since we knew the outcome she let us in on what her thought processes were.  This was totally familiar territory for her as she ecounterd the same thing in all of her dealings with polititians.  And the final nail for Schmidt and his merry band of infantiles is that she didn’t include an index.  They had to read the whole book.  Look how long it has taken them to respond, again.

(If it was “God’s plan” to have Palin chosen as the VP nominee, was it “God’s practical joke” to have her fail so miserably?)

section9
Look, CBS knows it will never, ever get Sarah Palin on 60 Minutes, so they will trash her.

By the way, who let the troll in? Nuke the bastard.

(Of course Palin will never appear on 60 Minutes. She will never appear on any true news program with unscripted questions.)

Basil
The know Sarah is a player and they must destroy her (or try) at all cost!

(Frankenstein must be destroyed!)

gardunne63
If it’s any consequence, the extended playoff game between Arizona and Green Bay probably took away many viewers from CBS’s audience.

(At least some people won’t learn the truth.)

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you may be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets


In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVekysgeLXQ&feature=related

SARAH PALIN’S CRAZY BRAIN-DEAD CLAN

(sung to the Beatles song “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”)

About twenty years ago or so,
Sarah Palin married Todd her beau
They’ve been trying to enhance her style
With rimless glasses and a great big smile
So may I introduce to you
The folks you’ve known for all these years,
Sarah Palin’s crazy brain-dead clan.

We’re Sarah Palin’s crazy brain-dead clan,
The folks that you’ve all come to know
We’re Sarah Palin’s crazy brain-dead clan,
You wouldn’t want to be our foe.

Sarah Palin’s crazy, Sarah Palin’s crazy,
Sarah Palin’s crazy brain-dead clan.

There’s Bristol and there’s Levi
Good Ole Mike Wooten too
And don’t forget our pal Wayne Ross,
We’d love to take him home with us,
We’d love to take him home.

We don’t really want to end this song,
But Todd’s sister just fired up the bong
And the travel agent’s on the phone,
Seems Sarah’s flying off to Rome

So let us bid adieu, to you
And we’ll see you in about two years
We’re Sarah Palin’s Crazy Brain-Dead Clan.

Hoping “What Goes To Vegas, Stays In Vegas”

Sarah Palin and her college beau, Jack Daniels

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo in June. You read that correctly, the bowling convention. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

All in all, let’s just hope that “What Goes To Vegas, Stays In Vegas” !!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody. This one was a joy to write!

Viva Las Vegas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPuKoqu6kMk

QUEEN OF LAS VEGAS

(sung to the Elvis Presley song “Viva Las Vegas”)

Bright light city now she’s on a roll
Palin’s glad that she retired
There’s a whole lot of money that she’s fixin’ to earn
Speaking fees for a liar
A hundred thousand clams and she’ll fix up her hair
Slap on some heels with makeup to spare
They say she’s a dimwit but she don’t care
She’s off to Vegas, She’s off to Vegas

She can’t wait for her next score
In just twenty-four hours she’ll be paid
Sarah will dress up just like a whore
Cuz no one cares what she has to say
Oh, there’s bowlers and boozers with money to steal
Her fortune won’t be lost on either deal
Palin can’t wait to ride that big ferris wheel
She’s off to Vegas, She’s off to Vegas

Queen of Las Vegas with her earrings flashin’
And her health care reform bashin’
Shows that she has no brain
Queen of Las Vegas quit her job at the right time
Livin’ small off the state dime
If she said it once
She’ll just have to say it again

If she wants to have some fun
She might just pull out her gun
She’s not worried cuz she has Van Flein
If they think she’s a joke, oh well
Sarah will remember that she did not spend a dime
Oh, she’s gonna charge them boys an awful lot
Nuthin’ to say, but she sure looks hot
Memorized that speech but then she forgot
Queen of Las Vegas, Queen of Las Vegas
Queen of Las Vegas

Queen of…
Queen of Las Vegas

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