Sarah Palin Declared Dead By Canadian Hospitals

The Twelve (OK, Thirteen) Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

As everybody knows, Sarah Palin is not fond of the Canadian health care system and its ability to provide free health care to all citizens regardless of pre-existing conditions or socio-economic status. Indeed, just last month while on her $ 4,000.00 per hour private luxury jet propelled book tour the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska had this to say,

Canada needs to dismantle its public health-care system and allow private enterprise to get involved and turn a profit

Consequently, it was surprising to learn last week that Palin was invited as a paid guest host to speak and raise funds for two Ontario hospitals. She accepted the gig and the $ 200,000.00 speaking fee even though those hospitals are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to “death panels”. The whole situation begged two questions. Why would these hospitals invite Palin to help raise funds? And why would Palin ever accept?

Both of those questions are now moot. As the result of a backlash of negative publicity and citizen protests, The Hamilton Health Sciences Foundation has canceled Palin’s engagement on their behalf. Jeff Valletine, vice-president of communications for Hamilton Health Sciences said,

It was a bit of mixed match with the politics of Sarah Palin matched with the needs of hospitals in Canada to raise money as publically funded institutions

Do ya think? In any event it was nice to see a group cancel Palin before she had the ability to pull one of her patented last minute no-shows.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.

Silent Night song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T4WB2zfmps

VIOLENT FIGHT

(sung to the Christmas song “Silent Night”)

Violent fight on the right
Palin is such a blight
Not a virgin, neither is child
Poor parenting with kids running wild
Fired the chief of police
Fired the chief of police

Violent fight on the right
Democrats’ pure delight
Sarah Palin is such a disgrace
Now Republicans can’t win a race
What on earth are they worth?
What on earth are they worth?

Violent fight on the right
Palin’s caused a divide
Sarah is the Tea-Baggers’ star
Newt Gingrich wants her feathered and tarred
Now the party is torn
Now the party is torn

Friday Night Christmas Music Byte

“River” is a song by Joni Mitchell, from her 1971 album Blue. Although never released as a single, it has become one of Mitchell’s most famous songs. In the song, Mitchell ruminates on the recent breakup of a romantic relationship. Christmas is nearing, and Mitchell longs to escape her emotional bonds, openly wishing “I wish I had a river / I could skate away on”, a river so long she “would teach my feet to fly.” Furthermore, Mitchell’s Canadian past is reflected upon, as her current warm (presumably Californian) climate does not offer her that ice or that chance. It is used in the 2000 film Almost Famous and an episode of Alias and an episode of ER. The downtempo lost-love lyric is never sappy and the lack of a happy ending remains rare among pop-rock Christmas songs. Listening to this record probably stops a lot of less-talented writers from doing their own original Christmas songs. It’s so good the writers of “Ally McBeal” were able to hang an entire episode on it, complete with a rendition of the song by Robert Downey Jr.

Keeping with the Christmas theme of the lyrics, the song begins with an interpolation of the traditional Christmas song “Jingle Bells”, and it figures heavily throughout the accompaniment of the song.

Rush Limbaugh’s Holiday Death Squads

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Rush Limbaugh and right-wing hate radio are inciting a new wave of holiday season violence this year. Bloomberg reports that the Chief Diversity Officer of the U.S. Federal Communications Commission (the FCC) has received death threats resulting from on-air and website criticism by Limbaugh. The FCC officer is Mark Lloyd and Limbaugh has said that he is planning to bring back the “fairness doctrine” to broadcast media through a “backdoor route”. The doctrine, which required broadcasters to air opposing political views was rescinded in 1987. Lloyd said, “The right-wing smear campaign has been, in a word, incredible, generating hate mail and death threats.” Lloyd also said he didn’t have a count of the death threats, which  came by e-mail, letter and telephone calls. The threats were referred to FCC security workers.

In a telephone interview with Glenn Beck on Fox News Channel, Limbaugh said, “The things he’s talking about doing to shut down radio are simply un-American. It’s not enough to say that it’s not constitutional.” Of the death threats to Lloyd, Limbaugh sympathetically said, “I know that guy doesn’t get near the amount of death threats that I do.”

Lloyd maintains that Limbaugh and other right-wing pundits distort the facts and misinform their audience. He says that his plans for the FCC are to develop a national plan to increase use of high-speed Internet, which is due to be addressed by Congress in February. He went on to say, “I am not at the FCC to restore the fairness doctrine through the front door or the back door, or to carry out a secret plot funded by George Soros to get rid of Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck or any other conservative talk show host.”

If Limbaugh, Beck, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, Bill OReilly and Boston’s Jay Severin and Michael Graham do not temper their on-air hate filled rhetoric, they will all have blood on their hands when someone is maimed or killed by an impressionable member of their audience. That then might become exactly the impetus to re-institute the “fairness doctrine”. If that happens, the right-wing Bloviators in Chief will have nobody to blame but themselves.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.

Hark The Herald Angels Sing song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbdvo019mgM

HARK, THE DITTO-HEADS DO SING

(sung to the Amy Grant version of “Hark The Herald Angels Sing”)

Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”
On the left he is reviled
Cuz he behaves like a child
On those islands where he flies
With Viagra he does rise
His tired old act is just a game
Intended to bring him fame
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

When Rush speaks he only lies
Unlike Beck he does not cry
Rush has an expansive girth
He is shaped like planet earth
Former wives have numbered three
He prefers his Oxy-C
Right-wing drivel he does sell
From his brainless empty shell
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

(musical interlude)

He calls his show the E.I.B.
It’s all about me, me, me
Of his fame, he often sings
While taking credit for all things
Yet, by most he is ignored
Like a little mouse that roared
With nothing beneath his dome
He emits a rabid foam
Hark, the ditto-heads do sing
“Glory to Limbaugh our King!”

Welcome To Planet Palin

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Today’s post consists of a few noteworthy events and observances from the wild, wild world of Sarah Palin.

First of all the book tour has finally concluded. Sarah Palin may have decorated a bus for her travel but she sure piled up a bunch of frequent flier miles on that $ 4,000.00 per hour luxury jet. The last leg of the tour was particularly eventful. At the Mall of America in Minnesota, a spectator hurled a tomato or two at the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. The occurrance was oddly reminiscent of the George W. Bush shoe throwing incident.  Thereafter, at her appearance at a Costco in Salt Lake City, Utah, all of the tomatoes were removed from the store’s shelves during the time that Palin was in the building. Apparently the Costco brass felt that the tomato throwing might become a popular fad.

Next, we had Palin’s return to her home state of Alaska after more than a month. Her Twitter tweets would give you the impression that she looked forward to getting home and spending the holidays there with her family. Here they are:

…this yr;wanting kids (especially!) 2remember true Reason 4 the Season.This is most beautiful time of yr n Alaska&reminds how blessed we r 11:48 AM Dec 13th from TwitterBerry

Waiting to get on military base…thinking of obligatory Christmas prep still undone,desiring less materialistic/more meaningful season(more 11:44 AM Dec 13th from TwitterBerry

So what did Little Miss Lies Alot do when she got back to Alaska? She held two book signings then promptly flew off in a non-materialistic way to Hawaii for a vacation. It looks like she will be missing some of that “most beautiful time of yr n Alaska”.

While frolicking in the Hawaiian surf with husband Todd, daughter Piper and son (?) Trig, Palin was photographed sporting a nice blue visor. Upon closer inspection however, it was revealed that the visor had once been emblazoned with the name of her former running mate, John McCain, but the name had been redacted with a black marker. Was Palin sending a message to McCain? If not, then why didn’t she simply buy a new visor with her recently acquired $ millions? How about her classy “If You Don’t like America Then Get The Hell Out” tee-shirt. Also, just wondering, but does Piper ever attend school?

How about the dust up between the Governator and the Former-Ex-Quitting-Non-Governator! Arnold Schwarzenegger said that everything that Sarah Palin says about global warming must be taken with a grain of salt and Palin called Schwarzenegger “greener than thou”. Sticks and stones may break their bones but…

Boy, we cannot wait for next week’s assorted Palin hijinks.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.

Joy To The World song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91brmsKeqcQ&feature=related

JOY TO THE WORLD (THE BOOK TOUR’S DONE)

(sung to the Anne Murray version of “Joy To The World”)

Joy to the world, the book tour’s done!
Palin has earned her bling;
Now she can fly off
On her new broom
And resume her nature thing,
And resume her nature thing,
And search Lake Lucille for her wedding ring

Joy to the world, no more jet planes
The snow-machine’s her toy
“Arctic Cat” duds,
And reindeer games
Palin is unemployed
Palin is unemployed
Sarah Palin is unemployed

Sarah’s a girl who is two-faced
She is our nation’s fool
No brains above
For her highness
Preaching hate, not love
Preaching hate, not love
She best beware the Lord above

Wednesday Night Christmas Music Byte

The Chieftains are a Grammy-winning Irish musical group founded in 1962, best known for being one of the first bands to make Irish traditional music popular around the world. The group have won six Grammy Awards and have been nominated eighteen times. They have also won an Emmy and a Genie and contributed a couple of tracks, including their highly-praised version of the song Women of Ireland, to Leonard Rosenman’s Oscar-winning score for Stanley Kubrick’s 1975 film Barry Lyndon. In 2002 they were given a Lifetime Achievement Award by the UK’s BBC Radio 2. Two of their singles have been minor hits. Have I Told You Lately (credited to The Chieftains with Van Morrison) reached number 71 in 1995. I Know My Love (credited to The Chieftains featuring The Corrs) reached number 37 in 2002.

The Bells of Dublin is an album of Christmas songs and traditional carols by the Irish band The Chieftains. The album features guest performances by various artists, including Elvis Costello, Jackson Browne, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Marianne Faithfull, Nanci Griffith, Rickie Lee Jones and the actor Burgess Meredith.

Rickie Lee Jones (born November 8, 1954) is an American vocalist, musician, songwriter, and producer from the United States. Over the course of a three-decade career, Jones has recorded in various musical styles including rock, R&B, blues, pop, soul, and jazz standards.

Please enjoy this Chieftains/Rickie Lee Jones version of “Oh, Holy Night.”

Have Yourself A Sarah Palin Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Last week, Sarah Palin once again stated the obvious. After faintly praising President Barack Obama’s Nobel Prize acceptance speech, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska then said that she would like to see Obama act more like George W. Bush. Of course she would. Anybody planning to run for president would hope that her opponent acted like the worst president in the history of the United States. Actually, here are her exact words:

We’ve learned our lesson from 9/11. George Bush did a great job of reminding Americans every single day that he was in office what that lesson is. And, by the way, I’d like to see President Obama follow more closely in the footsteps of George Bush and [Bush's] passion keeping the homeland safe, his passion for respecting – honoring our troops.

Is Palin implying that Obama does not have a passion for keeping the homeland safe or that he does not respect or honor our troops? You betcha that is what she is implying. As we just witnessed with her remarks regarding Mike Huckabee’s commutation of Maurice Clemmons’ prison sentence, the woman cannot say a kind word about anybody without thereafter criticizing them. This is all well and good however, because Palin will soon be harshly reminded that most every vile thing that she says is recorded and will come back to haunt her should she ever seek elective office again. Little Miss “Thanks But No Thanks” should have learned that lesson already.

Even funnier, Sarah Palin implied that President Barack Obama either plagiarized her in his Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, or that he and she think and communicate in like fashion (as if Obama could speak in Pig Latin). She went so far as to compare one section of the President’s speech regarding the topic of war to a passage in her fictional ghostwritten memoir, Going Rogue. Palin said,

I liked what he said. In fact, I thumbed through my book quickly this morning, saying, ‘Wow, that really sounded familiar,’ I talked in my book, too, about the fallen nature of man and why war is necessary at times, and history’s lessons when it comes to knowing when it is when we engage in warfare. A lot of Americans right now are getting to read my take on when war is necessary.

Give us a break, Sarah. The highly educated and eloquent President has no need to plagiarize you. Do you really think that he has taken the time to read your meaningless book? Don’t flatter yourself. Furthermore, his thought process and yours could not be more different if you were raised on separate planets. By the way Sarah, can you see Earth from your house?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPAOBN4Pt-Y

(sung to the Christmas song “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”)

Sarah Palin is far away
She’s out making some cash
This is Sarah Palin’s pay day
Just how long will it last?

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Wink and blink your eyes
Leave the bus
And fly your jet up in the skies

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Sign books to get paid
Take that dough
From people that you have betrayed

These are not like the olden days
These are golden days for sure
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

(These are not like the olden days)
(These are golden days for sure)
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

Tuesday Night Christmas Music Byte

Wikipedia informs us that “I Believe In Father Christmas” is a song by Greg Lake (most famously a member of King Crimson and Emerson, Lake & Palmer). Although it is often categorised as a Christmas song this was not Lake’s intention. Lake wrote the song in protest at the commercialisation of Christmas.

The song is often misinterpreted as an anti-religious song and, because of this, Lake was surprised at its success. As he stated in a Mojo magazine interview:

“I find it appalling when people say it’s politically incorrect to talk about Christmas, you’ve got to talk about ‘The Holiday Season.’ Christmas was a time of family warmth and love. There was a feeling of forgiveness, acceptance. And I do believe in Father Christmas.”

The song was recorded by Lake in 1974 and released separately from ELP in 1975, becoming the Christmas number two in the UK charts. It is currently his only hit solo release. A second recording done by the full trio, with a more stripped-down arrangement, was included on the 1977 album Works Volume II. It was recorded a third time in 1993, for the ELP box set The Return of the Manticore. The song has also appeared on several other ELP and Christmas compilation albums. Mostly notable of these re-releases is the 1995 album titled I Believe in Father Christmas, which includes Lake’s original single as well as the Works Volume II version.

The video for this song, the bulk of which was shot in Palestine and Jordan, contains shots of the Vietnam War, which has led to complaints from some that it should not be shown with light-hearted Christmas songs. These images of rocket barrages, air strikes, and mobile artillery are a violent backdrop to a peaceful-sounding song and create a hard-hitting message.

The instrumental riff between verses comes from the “Troika” portion of Sergei Prokofiev’s Lieutenant Kijé Suite written for a 1934 Soviet film, Poruchik Kizhe.

The Gingrich That Stole Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Just when you thought to yourselves, “where has Newt Gingrich been?”, the rascally critter has pulled his head out of the sand and exhaled. Boy, is he blowing some hot air this time. It was announced this week that the disgraced former Republican Speaker of the House will launch a…wait…wait…wait…Spanish language conservative web magazine. Yes, you read that correctly. The magazine will be titled, The Americano and will seek to preach conservatism to Spanish speaking conservatives, if there are any out there. Washingtonindependent.com informs us that the magazine will be edited by Sylvia Garcia, who moonlights as “Hispanic Outreach Director for Speaker Newt Gingrich.” It seems that even Gingrich now realizes that he has some apologizing to do with the Latino community for calling Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor a “racist” prior to her confirmation.

Gingrich has little to no hope of enticing any Spanish speaking Americans to vote for him in the event that he once again seeks elective office. Not only did he insult their legal champion, but he is also a member of the Republican Party which is certain to lose even more Latino support in light of its members’ animosity towards non-English speaking immigrants. Gingrich has other problems as well. He is no longer perceived as the voice of the conservative G.O.P. That honor falls to all three of the conservative movement’s most famous college drop-outs, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. It would appear that Gingrich’s influence in the party even falls below that of serial college transferee, Sarah Palin. The evidence of that was seen in the election for New York’s 23rd Congressional district seat last month. Gingrich endorsed the relatively moderate Republican candidate while Palin supported the uber-right-wing candidate from the Conservative Party. The polls then shifted so far in favor of Palin’s candidate that the Republican candidate withdrew from the race. Of course Democrats can celebrate this ever growing Republican Party split because the Democratic Party candidate won the election and captured a Congressional seat held by the Republicans since the Civil War.

Take it from us Newt, you’re a has-been Mr. Gingrinch.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Monday Night Christmas Music Byte

The final entry in our solo Beatles Christmas songs is Ringo Starr. I Wanna Be Santa Claus is a Christmas album and single, issued in 1999. Not only is it Starr’s first long-play holiday release, it is the first by an ex-Beatle, although John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison had each released a seasonal single in the 1970s.

Recorded throughout 1999 with Starr’s musical partner Mark Hudson and many of his collaborators on 1998′s Vertical Man, I Wanna Be Santa Claus—which is composed of well-known traditional songs and some new originals—was made in several studios in the US and UK, with their families joining in and including two notable celebrity guests, Aerosmith’s Joe Perry and former Eagles member Timothy B. Schmit.

Enjoy Ringo Starr‘s, “I Wanna Be Santa Claus.”

Released in October ahead of the Christmas season, I Wanna Be Santa Claus was not a commercial success, despite its strong reviews. It was deleted shortly thereafter and re-released in 2003 as a discounted collection entitled 20th Century Masters: The Best Of Ringo Starr/The Christmas Collection with the exact same tracklisting. After three albums in a row that failed to reach consumers in a significant way, Mercury Records dropped Starr from their roster.

Sarah Palin’s Coming To Town !!!

The Twelve Days Of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Thank goodness The Sarah Palin Cross-Country Book Tour and Revival has finally come to a merciful end. The freak show meandered through 24 states for about a month before concluding back in her home state of Alaska. The venues for book signings were as follows: Cincinnati, OH; Columbus, OH; Washington, PA; Rochester, NY; Roanoke, VA; Fort Bragg, NC; Birmingham, AL; Jacksonville, FL; The Villages, FL (by the way, what kind of a town name is “The Villages”?);  Orlando, FL (home of “Goofy”, that seems appropriate); Springfield, MO; Fayetteville, AZ; Flagstaff, AZ; Dallas, TX, Sioux City, IA; Sioux Falls, SD; Bloomington, MN (also included, was a tomato dodging exhibition); Coeur d’Alene, Province of Quebec, oops, we mean ID; Albuquerque, NM; Round Rock, TX; Norman, OK; Vendenberg Air Force Base; Billings, MT; someplace in Washington state; and the Eielson Air Force Base and Elmendorf Air Force Base, AK.

Where were the New Yorks, Bostons, Philadelphias, Baltimores, Miamis, Los Angeleses, San Franciscos and Detroits? You know, the places where people can actually read books. Really, take an honest look at Palin’s book tour list and try to convince yourselves that it is not the exact same list of venues featured on last year’s Blue Collar Comedy Tour? But what will poor Palin do for an encore now that the private luxury jet that she used for transportation has been returned to its owner?

Don’t you worry your little heads about Caribou Barbie. She has already accepted a host of paid speaking engagements. Our star of stars has been booked as keynote speaker at the exclusive Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America Convention in 2010. The Anchorage Daily News has also informed us that Alaska’s former ex-quitting governor has “been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to “death panels”. That should be interesting. Palin might also want to apply for a speaking engagement with the Tomato Throwers Association of America in light of the near pelting which took place at her Bloomington, MN book signing.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4wu58XTr4

(sung to the Patti Page version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Get your wallet out
Wink and blink your eyes
Holler and shout
At protesting guys
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

She’ll fleece you while your sleeping
Your money she will take
She’ll force you to purchase her book
Although the story’s fake

Oh, get your money out
So that you can buy
Can’t be without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

Your town’s on her list
So you must play nice
And listen to Sarah P.’s advice
Sarah Palin’s coming to town

The crap she serves is heaping
The truth she does forsake
The writing is so bad it’s good
For a laugh you should partake

Oh, don’t make Sarah pout
Don’t make Sarah cry
Don’t go without
Her book full of lies
Sarah Palin’s coming to town