Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 12

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS:  Bat-crazy Michele Bachmann, the Republican congresswoman from Minnesota apparently thinks that any health reform legislation passed this session will provide that 13 year old children can attend sex clinics (whatever that means). Here is her quote:

The bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care — is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser.

Gee, and we thought only male Republican politicians frequented sex clinics. We stand corrected.

THIS JUST IN:  You know all that crying and weeping from Fox News’ Glenn Beck as he talks about how much he loves his country. We always felt that it was phony showmanship and now it has been proved to be such. Prior to show-time, Beck simply smears a little Vicks Vapor Rub under his eyes. Watch this video clip:

BREAKING NEWS:  It is already October. Shouldn’t Fox News pundit Bill O’Reilly start dusting off his heavy artillery for the annual War Against Christmas?

THIS JUST IN:  Would somebody please throw a shoe the next time Republican John Boehner (pronounced, “boner”) stands at a podium and talks about health care reform?

BREAKING NEWS:  Florida’s freshman Democratic congressman Alan Grayson injected himself into the public discussion last week when he brazenly pointed out the uncontrovertible fact that Republicans do not want any type of health care reform and therefore condone the deaths of the uninsured. He then followed up by calling Republicans, “foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who think they can dictate policy to America by being stubborn.” I think that I am beginning to really like this guy? Anyone else?

THIS JUST IN:  Last week cry-baby Glenn Beck claimed that Vancouver lost one billion dollars when, “it had the Olympics.” Umm, Glenn, Vancouver will not host the Olympics until 2010. That’s OK though, don’t let the facts get in the way.

BREAKING NEWS:  A federal judge ruled last Thursday that the FBI must publicly reveal much of its interview with former Vice President Dick Cheney during the investigation into who leaked the identity of  CIA operative Valerie Plame. Is that a little trickle of sweat that I see running down Dick’s forehead?

THIS JUST IN:  Palin quits job! No, not Sarah Palin. This time it is her husband, Todd “The First Dude” Palin who this week quit his job with British Petroleum’s North Slope operation in Alaska. Looks like the happy loving couple have something in common after all.

BREAKING NEWS:  Last week, Steve Schmidt, the former campaign manager of John McCain’s failed run for president, had this to say about running mate Sarah Palin and her political future, “my honest view is that she would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party in 2012, and in fact, were she the nominee, we could have a catastrophic election result.” No truer words were ever spoken.

THIS JUST IN: The nation’s biggest corporation, Walmart has employees that comprise the largest block of state subsidized assistance (welfare and Medicaid) in all of Ohio. Walmart continues to reap massive profits by keeping its employees on the brink of poverty and allowing taxpayers to subsidize those employees pay and healthcare. Do not allow this continue. Boycott the Republican contributing, Chinese product purchasing retailer. Boycott Walmart.

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News hosts and conservative radio hosts such as Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck and Savage are celebrating the fact that America lost its bid for the 2016 Olympics. The next time you hear any of these outlets claiming to be “patriots” or “patriotic” or say that they love their country, do not let them get away with it. Shove the Olympic loss glee right down their throats and charge them with “rooting against America.”

THIS JUST IN: Controversial radio host Don Imus appeared on Fox News last week and said of Sarah Palin, “Sarah Palin? She’s a dope. Write a book? She can’t read a book.” I’m beginning to warm up to Don Imus.

Sounds like a good lead in to a Sarah Palin song parody doesn’t it?

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have a lot more fun singing along with the parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

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Posted on October 4, 2009, in Bill O'Reilly, Dick Cheney, Fox News, Glenn Beck, John McCain, Michele Bachmann, Republican, Sarah Palin, Songs, Television, Todd Palin, TV and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Nicely done, both the round up and the song, lynnrockets.

    • Thanks. I’m enjoying that morning tea right now. The Irish way, a little milk and a little honey.

      • My cats won’t let me have tea in the house since they are the color of black coffee, and one’s name is like a type of Italian coffee. (But I do like Earl Grey.)

        Irish mom used to have tea like that. And McCann’s oatmeal. Her son that looked like your photo at the Nixon thing didn’t like any other oatmeal (and had strong words against the other types.)

  2. I am amazed at your ability to find the time to make these songs. You must be very gifted to pop these out one after the other.

    How about something from the Stooges Be I bicky by be bo Beck…..

  3. ProChoiceGrandma

    Lynnrockets, as usual, amazing work! I especially love the chorus:
    “And your background boys were making turkey head pie” referencing the interview she did on the turkey farm and she knew what was happening in the background. She is such a dolt!

    • That turkey line was my favorite, also too.

      Somewhere I read that the video turned millions of kids into vegetarians.

      A live turkey before Thanksgiving when I was 5 so grossed me out, that I began my plot to tell my parents I didn’t want to eat animals. It took until I was 10, with the help of Irish Mom’s next door neighbor that the plan came together.

      Thanks for all you do, PCG.

  4. ProChoiceGrandma

    Rep. Alan Grayson is my idea of what every Congressman and Senator SHOULD be – telling the truth and protecting ALL citizens of the United States. He bluntly stated the fact that the Republican Party is blocking ANY attempt whatsoever to reform our abysmal health insurance in the U.S.

    I was extremely disappointed in Rachel Maddow’s thrice grilling of Rep. Grayson on the use of “holocaust” to try to get him to back down or apologize. I am glad he stood his ground. When people are suffering and dying through the willful neglect of other humans, what other definition would better describe it? When you know people are suffering and dying and you do NOTHING, that is willful neglect.

    The Republicans obstruct all health care reform and use tactics to scare people with absurd terminology such as “death panels” in the hopes of thwarting any progress, just for the sake of power. The Republicans have not come forth with any plan other than maintaining the status quo of the health insurance companies lining their pockets and the pockets of their investors.

    John Grisham wrote “The Rainmaker” in 1995 and the movie came out in 1997. I think they should have a movie day in Congress where every Republican (and some “blue-dog conservative” Democrats) should be required to sit in their seat in the House and Senate and watch that film from beginning to end. Even then, I wonder how many would be seen childishly clenching their eyes shut and plugging their ears in protest. I wouldn’t ask them to read the book, they would take 365 days (or more) to read it.

    Rep. Grayson, you were magnanimous!

  5. You don’t lie!

    Rep. Grayson- it’s good to finally see someone with some Cahouns.
    And what should he apologize for?
    Not having good “Southern manners”?

    Does the Emily Post Institute offer etiquette advice on how to be an insurance company whore? (Was that discourteous?)

  6. Told 5 friends about my Halloween costume as $P with a square pillow for a belly and they all cracked up! Can hardly wait!

  7. Michele Bachmann is a disgrace to the USA, MN, and the 6th. If you’re interested in getting rid of Bachmann, support democratic candidate Dr. Maureen Reed! You can learn more about Maureen, and donate, at:

    http://maureenreedforcongress.com/

    and

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maureen_Reed

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